When did you become an adult?

[qofcc]

Right before I turned 18. I graduated at 17 and headed off to college in August. First semester state college tuition was the last support I received from my Dad and my mom had been out of my life since I moved in with my Dad when I was 12. Found 2 jobs right away, then the week I turned 18, I bought a car and moved out of the dorm into an apartment. I've been responsible for taking care of myself and the men and kids in my life from the day I left my parents house. Had no choice but to figure it out and just keep clawing my way forward. It would be really nice to have someone be responsible for having to figure everything out and take care of me and feel like a kid again.

[InsertCoolName]

When I was 16. Kicked out of mom's house. I found a cheap ass trailer to rent and worked at Diary Queen. And then at a grocery store. Getting my GED on my own at 17. Having my first baby at 18. Going to work at a factory working 60-70 hours a week to pay the rent and day care and food. I was able to do that on $7/hr. without any help from baby daddy or welfare. But it fucking sucked. One of these days I might just get a chance to be a teenager/young adult. Maybe in my 40's cause my 30's are flying by at a high rate and I'm pretty sure I will have to look through pictures to really reflect on them.

[moxie]

Ohhhhh...

[moxie]

Omg...reading back here...

[moxie]

"When I was a kid, occasionally I'd be up early enough on a weekend morning to catch my dad eating key lime pie for breakfast."

I LOVE your Dad!

[moxie]

"thankfully, Dad's free and clear now, and has been for 10 years now." ;D

[movingforward]

May 24, 2012 17:20:19 GMT -5 InsertCoolName said:

When I was 16. Kicked out of mom's house. I found a cheap ass trailer to rent and worked at Diary Queen. And then at a grocery store. Getting my GED on my own at 17. Having my first baby at 18. Going to work at a factory working 60-70 hours a week to pay the rent and day care and food. I was able to do that on $7/hr. without any help from baby daddy or welfare. But it fucking sucked. One of these days I might just get a chance to be a teenager/young adult. Maybe in my 40's cause my 30's are flying by at a high rate and I'm pretty sure I will have to look through pictures to really reflect on them.

[moxie]

amishgal: "When I was pregnant with #3 and we had to suck it up and buy a (shudder) mini-van."


CHEATER!! I thought you Amish peeps couldn't drive cars...did they ex-communicate you?

[quince]

Sort of in college at 18 when listening to two co-workers in their 40s be petty and gossipy and very...high schoolish in behavior. I realized that people DON'T "grow-up"- they just get older. No cut-off point.

Definitely felt like an adult by the time I was out of college at 21- completely self-supporting.

It's better in the past couple of years or so- realizing that you can be all grown up and still rely on people- that was missing from the past decade, and it's nice to put it back into my life.

[busymom]

I'm not sure when I became an adult, but plenty of times when I felt like one. (The rest of the time, it's more fun being a kid!)

1. When DH & I got married & were renting our first apartment together.

2. Buying our first house. (Didn't sleep well that night thinking about getting a mortgage.)

3. When our first child was born.

4. Losing my Dad, and more recently having to put my Mom in a nursing home.

[Peace Of Mind]

I had to be grown up really young. So I've been an adult forever although I don't like to act like one when I'm having fun. Now I'm thinking of becoming a murderer if my two brothers don't fly right! Talk about never growing the E up! God! No wonder I never had kids!!

Nancy You need to find some alone time and get it out so you don't get sick. Send your DH to the store and read cards from her and look at pictures - or whatever you have that makes you think of her the most - and let it all out.

[moxie]

"Talk about never growing the E up! God!"

Yep.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm 60, never married, no kids. Both of my parents are still living.

There are times when I feel like an adult, but times when it's like "what the h do I do now?"

My parents are no longer people I can call for advice. They are no longer able to give it and that hurts.

I moved 700 miles to attend graduate school when I was 24 and stayed there 35 years. Along the way, I rented apartments, bought houses, had a successful career, retired, etc.

Yet sometimes I feel like I have not a clue as to what to do about things.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so I can't be an adult.

When I realize the responsibility I have when I am babysitting my great niece and nephew, I do feel like an adult. I am amazed people let me babysit with infants when I was 12.

[Deleted]

I think part of being an adult is being able to admit that you don't have all the answers and understanding that you don't have to have all the answers, you just have to try to do what's right. If what you thought was right turns out to be wrong, you take responsibility for your part, do what you can to fix it, learn from it and move on.

I think most kids don't fully understand how all of that works. I've met some adults that don't get it either.

[Jaguar]

I had levels of entering into adulthood.

The first level was when I was 15 years old and had full control over my medical health given to me. I had to make tough decisions and face tough situations at a very early age.

The second level was when my mom died. I had been living with her and caring for her, but when I was by my self it took 4 years for me to financially grow up.

That was 8 years ago and I can say that in my own situation and life that I've come a long way.

[muttleynfelix]

May 24, 2012 21:31:20 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I think part of being an adult is being able to admit that you don't have all the answers and understanding that you don't have to have all the answers, you just have to try to do what's right. If what you thought was right turns out to be wrong, you take responsibility for your part, do what you can to fix it, learn from it and move on.

I think most kids don't fully understand how all of that works. I've met some adults that don't get it either.

I think that is why I feel like I've grown the most when dh has had surgery. It is so scary to know that you are helpless to help your spouse. The night before his first surgery I went for a walk and just cried my eyes out. It isn't like it was life threatening (orthescopic surgery), but it was a very scary realization that this was one of those "for worse" parts of our vow. The second time he had surgery I handled it better, but out was the first time I had spent the night alone at our house. The third time ds was a baby and mil loved in town and my parents came down to babysit and it was very different having the three of them around.

[simser]

When I moved by myself after grad school. The first time I moved I moved with my husband and he set up the house for me (him. it was really for him). The second time, he didn't move with me but I had someone every day who was checking up on me. But after grad school, when I was divorced and living 700 miles from the closest person I knew and was reliant on myself to set up my own house, find everything, set up all the little things (car, drivers license, internet, furniture) and still had to work every day, was when I felt like an adult.

Of course it was also less than 3 months after my divorce, thesis writing, and final defense for my doctorate. I had a lot of change in those 3 months that contributed.

[Sum Dum Gai]

In a weird way probably the most adult I've ever felt was coming too in the back of an ambulance after an incident at work. I was only lucid for a little bit. Telling the EMT to call my wife, and he let me know that I'd already told them that like five times. He started asking if I knew where I was, who I was, etc, and I faded out again although I was conscious the whole time. I don't have another clear memory until I was in a hospital bed and they'd already run an MRI or something. I was 25, so on some level I knew that I wasn't actually immortal, but I'd never really felt it until that point.

Laying in that stupid bed, strapped to a back board, wearing a neck brace that barely let me turn my head enough to see all the machines and crap I was hooked too, that's when it hit me that I'm like a real adult, have real responsibilities, and am capable of leaving behind a devastated wife and kids if I do anything stupid. At the time I couldn't tell you how I got hurt, what day it was, where I was, who the president was, or even how old I was, but I knew my wife and kids were probably worried sick.

[aliciar6]

i'd probably say it was after basic training, i was 20...what a wake up call....

i figure i was still grown up compared to a lot of kids i knew and went to school with at 16 but, that new sense of responsibility and dedication made me grow up a lot more

[spartan7886]

I agree with the others that there is no one point. There are days I still don't feel like an adult - when I'm screwing around on the computer and DH is working in the yard. In other ways, I was a mini-adult all throughout my childhood. Not sure what to pin that on, or if it was just how I was wired. I think in some ways you grow up a lot the first time someone you know dies young. Unfortunately for me, my first memory is my first brother. He was born when I was 4, I think, and only lived about 2 hours.

[giramomma]

May 25, 2012 7:36:14 GMT -5 spartan7886 said:

I agree with the others that there is no one point. There are days I still don't feel like an adult - when I'm screwing around on the computer and DH is working in the yard. In other ways, I was a mini-adult all throughout my childhood. Not sure what to pin that on, or if it was just how I was wired. I think in some ways you grow up a lot the first time someone you know dies young. Unfortunately for me, my first memory is my first brother. He was born when I was 4, I think, and only lived about 2 hours.

This is the same for me. While I didn't have a sibling die, all of my grandparents died by the time I was 8. Two died very close together when I was 6. Toss in some bad family dynamics, and well, I was treated like a mini adult before I hit double digits in age. I knew much more about "adult" topics than my peers did.

I also think being grown up is related to a mindset rather than age or how much responsibility one assumes (with marriage, buying a house, having kids.). I think an adult should make appropriate decisions, willingly accept the consequences of poor decision making without blaming others, try to fix his/her mistake(s) and then learn from those mistakes.

[Deleted]

Twas a gradual thing, with no realization point, but I was young 16/17 years old. Was out on my own before I turned 19.

[TheOtherMe]

I well remember watching my mother collapse in to the arms of my dad and one of her brother's at her mother's funeral. I was maybe 7 and I didn't understand why. My parents or somebody had been smart enough to have us little ones sitting with older cousins.

[Deleted]

I'd say age 15.

[cottoncandyclouds]

I started to feel like I was more like an adult when my mother started going through the change. Dad,and I think she had an emotional break down and reverted back to being a child, so I had a lot of responsibilities laid upon me that shouldn't have been. I don't regret having to help my dad decide on a few things because those responsibilities helped shape me into the person I am today. I'm glad to say that my mom has bounced back from what ever it is she was suffering through,but she isn't the same person she was before. *Sigh* , I miss the old her.

[NastyWoman]

July 8, 1987 when my mother died. By that time I had long since left home, gotten married, had two kids and lived abroad several times with (now) xH. But when mom died I lost the safety net that I had always known was there. And even though I had never needed I had subconsciously relied on it being there for me for all those years I was off living my life...

[Deleted]

I moved out at 18 and felt all grown up. I had my own apartment, worked full time for $4.30/hr, and went to college. I also partied a lot, went on spur of the moment trips to Florida with my friends...etc. I thought that I was all grown up.

Real grow up moment for me was when I was 20 and 5 months pregnant. My baby's father decided he didn't want to be a father and walked out on me. I didn't know what the F I was going to do. I gave myself some time to cry. I cried like I was going to die of a broken heart. Then I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, packed up the apartment, and moved to another town where I had family that could help me out (gave me a free place to live while I worked and went to college). It was most definitely the hardest months of my life. I was scared to death that someone was seriously going to hand me a baby to take home and take care of....but I knew that I had to do it. I knew that my baby needed me more than I needed my carefree lifestyle back. I knew I had to act like the adult.

Although...that baby is now 15 and when I am singing and dancing around the house he tells me that I don't act like an adult. Or when I crack a "that is what she said" joke...he rolls his eyes and says..."and you are the adult in the house?"

My DH is more adult like than I am now that we are getting old.

[findingdeadbeats]

I felt like a true adult the day we bought our house and had our kids.

But, the true test of adulthood was giving my permission, over the prevailing complaining from DH's family, that I was in agreement that stopping his dialysis was a humane thing to do, in order to stop the suffering and allow his body to finish dying.

Ultimately, it didn't matter as he died well before he was scheduled to have treatment again, but I made the decision when asked and felt okay in making it. And, my kids 100% supported it, so I think that is all that really mattered.

The other "adult" time was waiting for the kids to come home from school and tell them that their father had died. We knew it was coming, but not that fast.


{Public Service Announcement!

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE talk to your family, share your thoughts with them on end of life issues. Talk to your doctor about it next time you see them. Tell them what you want and don't want to ever have done to you. Please. PLEASE!

Over the years, DH and I had many conversations about this topic and both of our kids know as well what we wanted if something were to happen. This made things easier on both myself and the kids.

However, DH's mother was unwilling to ever hear a hint of the word "death" or "sick" and so she wasn't ever in on those conversations and was pushing at the end to have anything and everything possible done to DH to keep him on the earth... It was very detrimental to the process and caused a lot of hurt and anger.

The problem with "waiting till you get around to it" is that you could get sick, hit by a bus, whatever and then your brain function isn't clear enough to tell people what you want and don't want. The medical profession will do everything possible to keep you breathing and your heart beating, unless you give them some idea of what is okay with you and when it is time to let nature do its thing.

Public Services Announcement over....}

[Works4me]

Shasta - VERY VERY good point. If I may add: everyone, please complete a Durable Power of Attorney For Health Care form. It is available on-line or at office supply stores. This form appoints someone to make your health care decisions for you and also can discuss your personal wishes. Also, many hospitals require them for admission.

Personal example: I hold Health Care DPA's for my father and one of my dearest friends. My father, lapsed Catholic since age 18, wants everything done, all heroic measures taken. My friend wants nothing done beyond basic health care, no heroic measures, just let him go. I am more middle of the ground - what I want done depends on diagnosis and prognosis. Each of us has specific desires and have communicated them on paper to help insure that our medical care and eventual death is as we wish.

[Works4me]

I became an adult at 21 - DF had surgery for what was thought to be scar adhesions but turned out to be cancer. Almost 30 years ago but still remember that conversation with the surgeon and the feeliong of being hit in the gut. Wanted to collapse but that was not an option.