When did you become an adult?

[zibazinski]

[mandyms]

I agree about having kids. I have been on my own, paying my own way since 18; but Jenny has an excellent point that you can eek by on certain responsibilities b/c it's just you. Those first 2 weeks after I brought home DD was a kick in the head.

[Deleted]

May 24, 2012 13:57:13 GMT -5 dividend said:

When I was a kid, occasionally I'd be up early enough on a weekend morning to catch my dad eating key lime pie for breakfast. I used to say, "Dad! You're can't eat PIE for BREAKFAST!" He'd smile and say, "I'm an adult. One of the perks is being able to eat pie for breakfast if I want!"

The very first time I remember thinking, "I might be a grown up," I was home visiting for winter break my freshman year of college, and Dad offered me a piece of pie for breakfast.

Cute story, dividen!

[shanendoah]

Am I supposed to feel like an adult?
I'm 36. Been married and had a mortgage for 9 years.
I have an MBA and am in a managerial role at work.
My step-father passed in 2004.
I'm the sole earner for our family, and pay all the bills.
We had the MIL live with us for 16 months, and then were still responsible for her even after she moved out of our house, for the next 2 years, until she passed earlier this year.
We're currently prepping to get our foster care license and adopt a child.

I know very well how to act like an adult, and I'm pretty good at it. Doesn't mean I feel like an adult.

The times I've felt most like an adult were also the times I felt the most hopeless and powerless. I guess those were the times I wanted someone else to have to make the decision, and there wasn't someone else to do it- it was DH and I and no one else. Those were the moments we had to make the decisions to put our dogs down. And it sucked.

Given that, I don't mind acting like an adult, but I'd rather not feel like one.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 24, 2012 13:12:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I got my period on March 6th, 1981. That is when I flowered into a woman.

OMG!!!!

[chiver78]

May 24, 2012 13:57:13 GMT -5 dividend said:

When I was a kid, occasionally I'd be up early enough on a weekend morning to catch my dad eating key lime pie for breakfast. I used to say, "Dad! You're can't eat PIE for BREAKFAST!" He'd smile and say, "I'm an adult. One of the perks is being able to eat pie for breakfast if I want!"

The very first time I remember thinking, "I might be a grown up," I was home visiting for winter break my freshman year of college, and Dad offered me a piece of pie for breakfast.

cue Bill Cosby and the chocolate cake breakfast.

for me, I felt pretty adult when I handed my paycheck from my part-time job during my freshman year in college over to my mom so that she could pay the rest of the bills while my dad was undergoing chemo. they had gone from working about 150-175 hrs/wk between the pair pre-cancer diagnosis down to about 30 hrs/wk for the pair during treatment. as this happened while they were rebuilding their savings from the previous emergency (dad getting laid off in the early 90s from the construction industry) this was a surprise they weren't equipped to handle.

thankfully, Dad's free and clear now, and has been for 10 years now. ;D

[Deleted]

May 24, 2012 14:02:01 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

The times I've felt most like an adult were also the times I felt the most hopeless and powerless. I guess those were the times I wanted someone else to have to make the decision, and there wasn't someone else to do it- it was DH and I and no one else.

I like this definition.

[Taxman10]

May 24, 2012 14:02:55 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

May 24, 2012 13:12:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I got my period on March 6th, 1981. That is when I flowered into a woman.

OMG!!!!

[shanendoah]

Beer: It's the definition of being an adult for me, but I'll admit- it's a sucky definition. With that definition, no one would want to ever be an adult. I think getting to eat pie for breakfast at least makes being an adult seem like there might be some fun involved.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 24, 2012 14:06:29 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Beer: It's the definition of being an adult for me, but I'll admit- it's a sucky definition. With that definition, no one would want to ever be an adult. I think getting to eat pie for breakfast at least makes being an adult seem like there might be some fun involved.

ITA with both definitions.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 24, 2012 13:57:13 GMT -5 dividend said:

When I was a kid, occasionally I'd be up early enough on a weekend morning to catch my dad eating key lime pie for breakfast. I used to say, "Dad! You're can't eat PIE for BREAKFAST!" He'd smile and say, "I'm an adult. One of the perks is being able to eat pie for breakfast if I want!"

The very first time I remember thinking, "I might be a grown up," I was home visiting for winter break my freshman year of college, and Dad offered me a piece of pie for breakfast.

Really cute story. Thanks for the smile. Karma when I recharge.

[Deleted]

good things about being an adult:

you can have pie/cake/pizza/ice cream/whatever for any meal you want
you don't have to wait for school to let out before you take a vacation
you have money!

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 24, 2012 14:03:42 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

May 24, 2012 13:57:13 GMT -5 dividend said:

When I was a kid, occasionally I'd be up early enough on a weekend morning to catch my dad eating key lime pie for breakfast. I used to say, "Dad! You're can't eat PIE for BREAKFAST!" He'd smile and say, "I'm an adult. One of the perks is being able to eat pie for breakfast if I want!"

The very first time I remember thinking, "I might be a grown up," I was home visiting for winter break my freshman year of college, and Dad offered me a piece of pie for breakfast.

cue Bill Cosby and the chocolate cake breakfast.

for me, I felt pretty adult when I handed my paycheck from my part-time job during my freshman year in college over to my mom so that she could pay the rest of the bills while my dad was undergoing chemo. they had gone from working about 150-175 hrs/wk between the pair pre-cancer diagnosis down to about 30 hrs/wk for the pair during treatment. as this happened while they were rebuilding their savings from the previous emergency (dad getting laid off in the early 90s from the construction industry) this was a surprise they weren't equipped to handle.

thankfully, Dad's free and clear now, and has been for 10 years now. ;D

Wow, Chiver. No easing into it for you, huh?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

May 24, 2012 13:16:04 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I think there are degrees of adulthood.

When I came out to my parents at 17 knowing that it was possible that I would leave the house with nothing but the clothes on my back and had a plan to deal with that--in many ways I was an adult. I was certainly ready to (and mostly already did) take care of myself.

But it wasn't until I was 25 that I really felt like I was grown up. And once you're responsible for another life, such as a child or an ailing parent you grow up in very different ways.

I don't think I'll ever be an adult like my mom is. She just knows how to do and what to say always. But when I look at her life experiences and what shaped her, it makes a lot of sense.

I'm sorry that you had to grow up so young. I'd like to think it is getting easier for GLBT teens but given the number of suicides among them as of late, I fear that is not the case. It sounds like your mother never missed a beat, though. You're lucky to have her. ;D

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I do a lot of things that fall under the category of adult responsibility.

But some of them really, really suck.

So, I plan on acting like a child as often as I want for the rest of my life. ;D

[Firebird]

The very first time I remember thinking, "I might be a grown up," I was home visiting for winter break my freshman year of college, and Dad offered me a piece of pie for breakfast.

That's cute.

[Firebird]

May 24, 2012 14:04:12 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

May 24, 2012 14:02:01 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

The times I've felt most like an adult were also the times I felt the most hopeless and powerless. I guess those were the times I wanted someone else to have to make the decision, and there wasn't someone else to do it- it was DH and I and no one else.

I like this definition.

Me too But "I can eat pie WHENEVER I WANT" does sound more fun.

[NancysSummerSip]

I heard someone once say that you aren't an adult until your parents die.

Sad but true. When my mother was hospitalized for the last time, and it was really close to the end, and I had to make the decision to call in Hospice or allow doctors to hook her up to all kinds of stuff to give her a few more weeks of painful living. If ever there's an adult moment, that's it.

[Deleted]

[movingforward]

May 24, 2012 14:27:31 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I heard someone once say that you aren't an adult until your parents die.

Sad but true. When my mother was hospitalized for the last time, and it was really close to the end, and I had to make the decision to call in Hospice or allow doctors to hook her up to all kinds of stuff to give her a few more weeks of painful living. If ever there's an adult moment, that's it.

I can agree. When my mom had her heart attack and ended up passing away my dad was a complete mess and depended on me completely. My brother was no help whatsoever and was pretty much a mess himself. I really wanted the opportunity to have a breakdown but couldn't. I had to be the one to hold it together, make decisions and be everybody's shoulder to cry on. In fact, sometimes I still feel like I need grief counseling because I felt like I had no one to turn to...

[midjd]

[movingforward]

Thanks Mid

[amishgal]

When I was pregnant with #3 and we had to suck it up and buy a (shudder) mini-van.

[jarhead1976]

At six.

[NancysSummerSip]

I really wanted the opportunity to have a breakdown but couldn't. I had to be the one to hold it together, make decisions and be everybody's shoulder to cry on. In fact, sometimes I still feel like I need grief counseling because I felt like I had no one to turn to...

Yup, I'm still waiting for mine (the breakdown and the opportunity for grief counseling). People still need me all the time, it seems, so I keep burying both. Good thing I get to vent here.

[Peace77]

I felt like an adult when I left home at age 19, moved across the country, got a job and rented a place to live.

[muttleynfelix]

I don't think there was a moment to me when I felt like wow I'm an adult. I definately felt like an adult before I had DS, but I still felt like a kid when I graduated college.... of course there were 5.5 years in between those milestones.

The things that happened along the way that helped me get to that point - not asking my parents for money when I got into a temporary money jam, getting married, building a house, my DH having surgery, taking and passing my professional engineeers exam (nothing says adult like the having professional liability), and my DH having a second surgery. By the time DS got here, I felt all adult like.

Sure I still like doing kid things and DH and I act silly a lot, but I'm an adult, I'm responsible. I have a husband with health problems and now a child and another on a way plus a job that requires registration through the state. There is a part of me that will forever be my parents little girl and not a grown up, but the rolls also shift. I suspect in 15 years I will be having to do things to help take care of my parents (not financially, they are set there) as they had to do with their parents when their parents reached their 80s. Right now, I'm enjoying being best friends with my mom and friends/collegues with my dad. They respect me as an adult. My mom and I had a conversation about retirement planning last weekend. Dicussing the merits of 401ks?ROTH IRAs/Traditional IRAs

[muttleynfelix]

May 24, 2012 15:21:48 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I really wanted the opportunity to have a breakdown but couldn't. I had to be the one to hold it together, make decisions and be everybody's shoulder to cry on. In fact, sometimes I still feel like I need grief counseling because I felt like I had no one to turn to...

Yup, I'm still waiting for mine (the breakdown and the opportunity for grief counseling). People still need me all the time, it seems, so I keep burying both. Good thing I get to vent here.

[telephus44]

I've had a few moments along the way that I look back on, but somedays I still feel like I'm just pretending to be an adult.

-moving into my first apartment
-getting married
-moving across the country
-buying our house all by ourselves - no help from mom or dad
-birth of my son
-quitting my job without another lined up because I hated it. I first saved up enough that I could cover my own expenses and my own rent so I didn't have to go back to Mom and Dad.

[Deleted]

I didn't really start feeling like an adult until my mid to late 30's. In my 30's I went through a lot of different stuff. Once I made it through and looked back at it all, I understood that I didn't have much confidence in myself. Probably nobody IRL would believe that if I told them. Anyway, I realized that I'm more than capable of rising to a challenge (or several) and I needed to learn to have a little faith in myself. That was when I decided that I'd continue to work on my flaws, but in the meantime, it was ok to be who I am. I wouldn't worry so much about everyone else's expectations of me, my own expectations were enough to keep me busy.

I'd had adult responsibilities for years. But when I made that decision, I felt more like an adult than I ever had in my life.