Friend giving the Silent Treatment to Spouse

[mthistory]

How would you handle a former close friend of your spouse's, that is apart of your family’s regular social group, who started giving your spouse the silent treatment? (i.e. refused to speak to them, look at them, acknowledge their existence, and when people do talk about or to your spouse the friend rolls their eyes, sighs, or makes disgusted faces) But the friend is still really nice to you. Your spouse has tried talking to the friend, tried to find out what they did to cause this, and even apologized trying to make things better. The issue is starting to cause problems between you and your spouse. How do you handle the situation? Stay neutral? Ignore the friend at gatherings? Leave your spouse at home?

[Deleted]

I would support my spouse and give that person the silent treatment back. I would be cordial at a gathering but cool and leave it at that.

[Peace Of Mind]

That "friend" is a passive aggressive immature person and I'd kick them to the curb before their next sigh could pass their lips. The only eye rolling would be when my foot goes up their <<looks to see what board she's on>> ahem, you know.

I would not tolerate anybody treating my spouse in that manner especially when they won't even discuss what the problem is. But my spouse is a sweetheart and treats people very well. The funny thing is - he probably wouldn't even notice their behavior. LOL! But I would. And I'm confrontational when, or if, it matters to me.

[femmefatale]

That friend, would no longer be a friend of mine. If my spouse had apologized and tried everything to make amends with this person, and they still couldn't get past their issues (and etc.),then that's not much of a friend IMO~ I would be by my Spouse's side and that friend would be BUH-BYE.

[mmhmm]

Have you tried backing this person up against a wall and demanding to know what the livin' heck is the problem? You said your husband had talked to this person, but you didn't say whether you have. I'll be hot damned if my spouse would be left at home because some turkey decided to play passive-aggressive games at gatherings, the issue is affecting you AND your spouse (not to mention others at these gatherings), and I'm not the passive-aggressive type, I'm afraid, so ignoring is out of the question. I'd want to know what's eating this individual and what needs to be done to relieve the situation. If it means excising the individual from future gatherings, I'd have no problem doing so.

[mthistory]

Thank you everyone for your input! DH & I had a scheduled talk today about how to handle the situation and I wanted to get some outside perspectives before the talk. Thanks again.

[Deleted]

I start commenting on the behaviour publicly. If he says hi and she doesn't answer I say something like "Are you still not talking to hubby? Are you ever going to tell us why?" And I say it loud enough to be heard by everyone near by.

[Miss Tequila]

I'm late to the table (as usual!) but I'm with POM...no way would I put up with such blatant disrespect of my spouse

[fnw]

I would ask my husband if he had an affair with her.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 20, 2012 10:59:07 GMT -5 mthistory said:

Thank you everyone for your input! DH & I had a scheduled talk today about how to handle the situation and I wanted to get some outside perspectives before the talk. Thanks again.

How'd the talk go?

[Miss Tequila]

"I would ask my husband if he had an affair with her. "

Ooh, I hadn't thought of that...

[mthistory]

The talk went well. I am actually the one getting the silent treatment, not DH. DH is a social butterfly, friends with everyone, type so he doesn't understand what is going on (which I believe since he is an extreme extrovert and oblivious all at the same time ). I gave him a bunch of reading material on the silent treatment before our talk, so he could understand what is going on. She has been giving me the silent treatment for 14 months now and I don't see an end in sight. She talked to me one time in the last 14 months, when she got drunk at a wedding, then she was really friendly and talkative. Her sister, fiance, mother, and father all talk to me and greet me like nothing is wrong which makes things more confusing.

DH decided he is going to do everything in his power to find out what happened and get her to apologize to me and if that doesn't work cut her completely out of his life (which means cutting one of his good friends of 15+ years, her fiance, out as well since they are a couple). Apparently it is all nor nothing with DH, but I am at the point of not caring as long as it doesn't cause anymore problems between us.

ETA: DH's primary motivation for still being friends with her is so the relationship between him and his friend does not get damaged. DH & our other friends have been very supportive in letting me know when she will be at events or not inviting her to events, so I can choose to or not to attend and everyone knows I do not attend because of her. Also, many of the get-togethers have been rescheduled to our house and she is not invited, so in a way she is already being excluded from a lot of gatherings because of her actions.

[whoisjohngalt]

Some people just never grow up.......

[Jaguar]

May 23, 2012 23:56:44 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Some people just never grow up.......

And jealously and envy really do damage to a persons life.