Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,576
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Post by Works4me on May 14, 2012 18:29:36 GMT -5
My divorce was due to alcoholism too. What made me angry was that he was willing to throw our entire life together away for the contents of a bottle and we had a good life together. He's a periodic and met/married during a period of sobriety - fell off the wagon after over 2 1/2 years together. No children so have not even seen him in many, many years but have heard his pattern is still the same: few yers of sobriety followed by blow out drinking then sober again for a few yers. Such waste!
Funny story - few years after the divorce and I am working as a social worker at a local hospital. Said to one of the nurses, "dang, from the back, that guy sure looks like my ex-husband when he needs a haircut." She replies "it is - he got drunk and jumped offf the barn but no one believed him so he did it again." l I asked "break anything?" She replied "nope, too drunk." lol - for some reason I foiund that funny and still do.
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Deleted
Joined: Nov 28, 2024 14:19:21 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2012 19:32:52 GMT -5
For me, it didn't have anything to do with my ex or his family. It was a link to my children so that people that make assumptions would be more likely to assume correctly. Now that I'm not as involved in their lives, it's not important to me anymore. The ex's parents still refer to me as their daughter in law even though he's currently married to his third wife. I assume no one had an issue with me keeping the name. I still wouldn't have changed it back then even if someone had a problem with it. Same here Pink.  I remarried and ended up changing to my DH2's name because people were calling him by my ex's name (since they initially knew me before him.) But as I said in the other thread, on some level, I regret it, I wish I had just gone back to my maiden name and left DH to fight his own battles. This said, now DH and I and DS3 have the same name, which does make things easier for DS3, just like my insistence on keeping my ex's name (against his will) made things easier for my three older (now young adult) kids. |
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Deleted
Joined: Nov 28, 2024 14:19:21 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2012 19:42:26 GMT -5
Crone, I LOVE the idea of TAKING a name, and then GIVING IT BACK. LOL.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,181
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Post by lurkyloo on May 14, 2012 20:19:18 GMT -5
Crone, I LOVE the idea of TAKING a name, and then GIVING IT BACK. LOL.  ;D We have a coworker who divorced; her XH made it part of the negotiations that she had to stop using his name and go back to her maiden name. Then she got married again less than 6 months later. So she was Mary Smith, then Mary Jones for 4 months, then Mary Hernandez. I kinda got whiplash. |
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simser
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 29, 2011 15:54:04 GMT -5
Posts: 798
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Post by simser on May 14, 2012 21:58:21 GMT -5
maybe I'm weird but I didn't get a soul/personality transplant when I married DH and took his last name, so I'm not quite understanding how the name makes you a different person.  I did get one of those personality transplants. I went back in a new york minute!! My name changed so fast your head would have spun (I think I had changed it on fb within 2 hours of my divorce). Of course the emotional and mental abuse is why I divorced him so my personality change was not for the better. And I do love having my name and myself back! |
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 15, 2012 21:43:56 GMT -5
I kept my ex's last name. It was my name for 18 years before the divorce, and it was my kids' name, so I didnt even consider giving it back.
My birth mother was married for 10 years, then divorced. She kept her ex's name. She heard through mutual friends that he was irritated. She gave it some thought and decided to give herself a new name. So, she chose one and started using it.
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Deleted
Joined: Nov 28, 2024 14:19:21 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2012 21:58:46 GMT -5
You really can't understand it? no, I don't. Who you would be divorced from him is not the same person as who you are married to him. And who you are married to him is not the same person as who you were single. Different circumstances create a different you. I wasn't happy with who I was married to him. Getting rid of the name is a physical manifestation of the emotional cleansing. |
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michelyn8
Familiar Member
Joined: Jul 25, 2012 6:48:24 GMT -5
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Post by michelyn8 on May 16, 2012 6:57:00 GMT -5
I took back my maiden name before my divorce was even final. I married The Ex in early 1989 and two years, two months and two days later I moved out for good. I doubt he cared one way or the other. I remember one friend telling me her lawyer told her it would cost extra to resume her maiden name when she divorced her first husband and I knew that was BS. Its just a matter of adding one paragraph to the Final Decree and abracadabra you have a legal name change once the judge signs off on it.
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Deleted
Joined: Nov 28, 2024 14:19:21 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2012 18:36:05 GMT -5
You really can't understand it? no, I don't. What compelled you to change your name when you got married? |
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