Having children despite the cost:

[Firebird]

I believe that if you choose to make a baby (and not actively trying to prevent pregnancy is choosing to get pregnant imho), you suck it up and do what you have to do. Not that I advise anyone to do it all ass-backwards like I did.

Karma for Pink. I wouldn't have hated ya

[Firebird]

I know some people think it's horrible to have an only child, but DS seems fine with it and I don't regret it. I would rather just have one and do the job well then have two and collapse our marriage under the strain.

I personally intend to have two children if not more (I have a feeling we'll stop at two, though) but I no longer judge people who choose to stop at one. For many people like Sheila and her family, and I'm sure you and your family, it works out just fine

Just because some of us absolutely hated being only children doesn't mean it's a death sentence and it certainly doesn't make you a bad parent. Plenty of people wish they were only children too. It's a roll of the dice no matter what, so I think parents are best served by doing what they feel is right on matters like this and tuning out people who tell them that they're not

I found out a couple days ago that my cousin is pregnant with her second. I am elated at the idea of my little bean having two cousins that are within a year of him or her. I still want another kid because I don't want him/her to be an only, but having close cousins around sure mitigates a lot of the sting of not having siblings.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Having children despite the cost: physically, emotionally, maritally, financially, or otherwise. Do you know someone who's done it, or done it yourself?

Lots of people. It all works out.

[Deleted]

that's one thing I do worry about with DS - he won't have any cousins close to his age. DH's brother and cousins are not even in real relationships, so the next baby to be born in his family will most likely be our #2. His half-sister has 3 kids (youngest just turned 2), but they are in CT and we really don't see them. My family is 2+ hours away, so that's not an option either.

[Firebird]

That's kind of the position I was in, MJ - I only have five first cousins and there were big age gaps between me and all of them, which wouldn't have been a problem (only one is older, and I loved babying and mothering my younger cousins when they were around) except all of them lived so far away It was no fun.

Now that my 20 year old cousin is a little older, the two of us talk a lot and I could see us having been close all our lives and having had something akin to a sibling bond if we had grown up together.

Since you want another kid, though, I wouldn't worry too much about this.

[raeoflyte]

If SIL had a baby, I think my clock might have waited a little longer for #2. But her baby plans are on hold which is fine.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 12:23:03 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

that's one thing I do worry about with DS - he won't have any cousins close to his age. DH's brother and cousins are not even in real relationships, so the next baby to be born in his family will most likely be our #2. His half-sister has 3 kids (youngest just turned 2), but they are in CT and we really don't see them. My family is 2+ hours away, so that's not an option either.

My brother is almost 8 years younger than me and my cousins and Mom's friends' kids are all at least 6 years older than me. I spent a lot of time with the older kids. I don't remember being miserable as a kid. Well, when Mom had DB, it wasn't long before I asked her to take him back.

[Deleted]

I knew that my life would be incomplete without children. So, i took the opportunity when i could and glad of it.

[Firebird]

If SIL had a baby, I think my clock might have waited a little longer for #2. But her baby plans are on hold which is fine.

Really? You're not going to tamper with her birth control and force her to conceive?

[Firebird]

shooby, I know this is a stupid question but who is the woman in your avatar? It's been driving me crazy, she looks totally familiar and I can't figure it out. I know I'm going to feel like a moron when you tell me, because I definitely recognize her and just can't get her name.

[reader79]

Angie Harmon

[sheilaincali]

We ask DS all the time if he wished he had a brother or sister and he is pretty upfront with the "Hell No" attitude. The cousins his age live 4 hours away but we see them every other month or so. He is a great surrogate big brother to my BFF's kids (age 6 and 5 months) but he has no desire to have a brother or sister permanently in our house.

To be fair- he is 14 so he is pretty set in his ways

We run now like a smooth oiled machine. We are so used to each other's personalities and schedules that our day to day lives are pretty much completely drama free. I was one of 4 kids (in 7 years) and growing up our house was always chaos. It's still that way when we all get together at my parents house. Lots of sibling fighting and drama.

Like I said- 90% of the time I love him being an only but every once and a while I get the occasional "oh, cute little baby I want one" urge. I get the same urge around puppies too but that doesn't mean that rationally I want another dog.

[Deleted]

Angie Harmon is hot. Check out rizzoli and isles on TNT. Great show!

[mandyms]

I believe that if you choose to make a baby (and not actively trying to prevent pregnancy is choosing to get pregnant imho), you suck it up and do what you have to do.

That's me. I got pregnant right after finishing my education and landing my first "grown up" job. I've been lucky to be able to support myself and DD without help from her father.

Emotionally, it's the hardest thing I hope I'll ever have to do. I'm lucky I have a therapist as a friend; I was in her office yesterday bawling due sleep deprivation and a strong willed 4 year old.

It does have me second guessing if I am really parent material and ever thinking about having any more...

[Firebird]

Angie Harmon

AHA! Law & Order chica. Thank you. That was driving me nuts.

[Deleted]

No. Rizzoli and Isles. They have their own show!

[Deleted]

[Firebird]

Looks like fun. I love L&O though.

[Sam_2.0]

Like FB posted previously, we were not ready financially, but we were ready emotionally, physically, and our marriage is strong. Things have worked out well, and I am glad we didn't wait. Our financial priorities have changed since having DD as well. So I am kind of glad we didn't wait to meet a certain goal, only to find out that it was meaningless to us afterwards.

[raeoflyte]

May 11, 2012 13:19:47 GMT -5 Firebird said:

If SIL had a baby, I think my clock might have waited a little longer for #2. But her baby plans are on hold which is fine.

Really? You're not going to tamper with her birth control and force her to conceive?

hmmm--no, but that might be more about the boyfriend, then about my strong moral fiber...

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 13:30:47 GMT -5 mandyms said:

I believe that if you choose to make a baby (and not actively trying to prevent pregnancy is choosing to get pregnant imho), you suck it up and do what you have to do.

That's me. I got pregnant right after finishing my education and landing my first "grown up" job. I've been lucky to be able to support myself and DD without help from her father.

Emotionally, it's the hardest thing I hope I'll ever have to do. I'm lucky I have a therapist as a friend; I was in her office yesterday bawling due sleep deprivation and a strong willed 4 year old.

It does have me second guessing if I am really parent material and ever thinking about having any more...

Aww mandy. I think a lot of parents that are trying to do right by their children get wrung out and doubt themselves sometimes. It's a huge responsibility and I don't think it's a bad thing to be concerned about not majorly screwing up. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're going to make mistakes or there are going to be some things that hindsight will tell you you probably should have done something different. Any parent that tells you they never did anything they think they could/should have done differently isn't being honest with themelves or you.

Raising children would be a lot easier if they came with step-by-step instructions that covered every aspect of the next 18 years, specially tailored for each individual child.

[Firebird]

Raising children would be a lot easier if they came with step-by-step instructions that covered every aspect of the next 18 years, specially tailored for each individual child.

You mean they... don't?

*sound of illusions shattering*

Shit...

[sheilaincali]

Firebird- Sorry the nurse will not be handing you a manual upon your check out after having the baby. We are shocked to this day that they actually let us leave with the kid. DH kept asking the doctor "are you sure we can just leave with him? Don't you have any more questions or things?"

[Firebird]

DH kept asking the doctor "are you sure we can just leave with him? Don't you have any more questions or things?"

If only!

Can you imagine what sort of questions YM would have asked?

[savecents]

I don't think anyone is ever really entirely ready -- so if you want kids eventually and one of you has a half decent job, you just have to take the plunge, ready or not. For example we really wanted a house first, but it didn't happen and didn't happen for various reasons, and I was getting into my mid 30s and not wanting to be much older to start a family. So we just decided to go for it, even if it wasn't perfect. Life rarely is.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 12:12:36 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I believe that if you choose to make a baby (and not actively trying to prevent pregnancy is choosing to get pregnant imho), you suck it up and do what you have to do. Not that I advise anyone to do it all ass-backwards like I did.

Karma for Pink. I wouldn't have hated ya

Aww FB! I missed this the first time. At the very least, you all would've had a lot of work to do. lol Kinda like another poster, but without the princess mentality.