Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
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Post by Firebird on May 15, 2012 18:44:46 GMT -5
OR very much in love  (I'm an optimist, what can I tell you?!) |
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Posts: 47,914 
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Post by zibazinski on May 15, 2012 18:53:29 GMT -5
I'm sure he is. Mind blowing sex is a great draw but that doesn't last forever. Trust and respect should.
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raeoflyte
Senior Associate
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Post by raeoflyte on May 15, 2012 20:44:07 GMT -5
If you don't have anything nice to say..... oh wait, I forgot where I was for a minute... sheesh!
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on May 16, 2012 7:06:09 GMT -5
No, I am serious. As you mature you start to realize that the pretty face or handsome face and great body isn't enough and it doesn't last forever anyway. A good character does.
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raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
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Post by raeoflyte on May 16, 2012 7:09:47 GMT -5
You assume that everyone is making the same choices you did in life. I disagree. Have we not  ?!? |
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 16, 2012 7:50:44 GMT -5
cawiau, how are things going with the missus? Are you guys in counseling? Do you think it will work out? We are on speaking terms. Hard to do counseling now when we live in two different towns and as for working things out, only time will tell. I am over being mad, now it is more of a question of can I give her what she wants. Not the SAHP thing, for me that is non-negotiable but the timeline to have a kid: her willing to hold on or me willing to move forward. Carl, I still support martial counseling for you but I also encourage you both to go on your own, for individual counseling. Just to have a safe place to vent where you both might get useful suggestions/help. |
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on May 16, 2012 8:27:57 GMT -5
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 16, 2012 8:36:40 GMT -5
Carl, I still support martial counseling for you but I also encourage you both to go on your own, for individual counseling. Just to have a safe place to vent where you both might get useful suggestions/help. Yes, on the individual counseling. It will help both of you learn about appropriate boundaries. That's a useful life skill for the both of you to have, no matter the outcome of your marriage. And, I think it's better to address issues before babies come. At least, I wish we would have. |
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 16, 2012 8:55:28 GMT -5
We are on speaking terms. Hard to do counseling now when we live in two different towns and as for working things out, only time will tell. I am over being mad, now it is more of a question of can I give her what she wants. Not the SAHP thing, for me that is non-negotiable but the timeline to have a kid: her willing to hold on or me willing to move forward. Carl, I still support martial counseling for you but I also encourage you both to go on your own, for individual counseling. Just to have a safe place to vent where you both might get useful suggestions/help.   |
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Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
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Post by Firebird on May 16, 2012 9:58:24 GMT -5
If you don't have anything nice to say..... oh wait, I forgot where I was for a minute... sheesh! Yes, you certainly did |
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 16, 2012 9:59:56 GMT -5
Carl, I still support martial counseling for you
I agree with you and support the idea, but I have to admit this made me picture Mr. & Mrs. C doing couples karate together to work out their issues. I giggled.
But yes, the point still stands. Cawiau, don't let anyone make you feel bad or unreasonable because you are angry or hurt or whatever about being betrayed. If you suppress it, then you'll resent her forever. Individual counseling can help you acknowledge your feelings and deal with them.
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qofcc
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:30:58 GMT -5
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Post by qofcc on May 16, 2012 16:22:02 GMT -5
Hard to do counseling now when we live in two different towns
If you get an individual counselor for yourself, they may be willing to include her in some joint discussion sessions on speaker phone if she can't attend all of the sessions in person.
I don't know the timing of when she started trying to get pregnant, but something to think about when you're talking to a counselor is whether living separately (or knowing that it was going to happen) contributed to her decision to deceive you about it. It sounds like in any case, living apart has not been good for your relationship.
And please don't feel like you have to respond to this comment here, but you may want to think about in counseling if the situation where you had an unplanned pregnancy with your teenaged girlfriend and she was forced to get an abortion may be contributing (consciously or subconsciously) to your need to have everything just so before starting a baby with your wife. I'm sure at the time you had lots of people beating you up about starting a baby when you weren't ready and you were at an impressionable age.
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Firebird
Senior Associate
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Post by Firebird on May 16, 2012 16:41:18 GMT -5
Wow, karma for qofcc for putting that together. I didn't know that bit of backstory, but I agree that it would be a great thing to bring up in therapy.
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 17, 2012 11:53:40 GMT -5
Sorry, FB, I didn't check spelling.  |
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