should I send a card? Make a memorial donation?

[swamp]

I saw in the paper today that a former boyfriend's father died. I dated him in the early 1990's and haven't talked to him since about 1997, but we parted on good terms. I wish him well.

I always liked his parents.

Should I send a card to him? Make a memorial donation to wherever they want donations to be made?

I think it would be a nice gesture, but I don't want his wife to get all weirded out.

[Deleted]

Is his Mom still alive? You could send it to her.

[swamp]

May 8, 2012 10:41:27 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Is his Mom still alive? You could send it to her.

Yes, mom is alive. Good idea.

[Happy prose]

Or just send xbf a card to him and family, signed you and your husband.

[Deleted]

YW!
I can see it now: "that nice swamp girl sent me a card. I always liked her *smack* why'd you let that one get away??!?!". ;D

[Formerly SK]

May 8, 2012 11:45:31 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

YW!
I can see it now: "that nice swamp girl sent me a card. I always liked her *smack* why'd you let that one get away??!?!". ;D

#rofl#

[Peace Of Mind]

May 8, 2012 11:45:31 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

YW!
I can see it now: "that nice swamp girl sent me a card. I always liked her *smack* why'd you let that one get away??!?!". ;D

Swamp, I think that would be a very nice gesture and he'll appreciate it.

[Deleted]

I always respond to deaths in the family of both my ex husband and my ex-bf. My ex husband and I were married twenty-five years, and his relatives are my (adult) children's relatives. I actually spent every Sunday for two years helping ex-boyfriend and his father with his mother who has Alzheimer's. I am still close to his father and his sister, visiting every couple of months or so. I am Facebook friends with his daughter (began after the break-up) and attended her husband's visitation and proofread her daughter's essay for the IB program.

The idea that I would be considered to be iniating contact for some underlying purpose would never enter my head. However, I would go with the suggestion that you send the expression of sympathy to the wife.

[mmhmm]

May 8, 2012 10:40:46 GMT -5 swamp said:

I saw in the paper today that a former boyfriend's father died. I dated him in the early 1990's and haven't talked to him since about 1997, but we parted on good terms. I wish him well.

I always liked his parents.

Should I send a card to him? Make a memorial donation to wherever they want donations to be made?

I think it would be a nice gesture, but I don't want his wife to get all weirded out.

I think I'd send the card and make the donation in his dad's name. If his wife can't deal with a gesture of kindness from an old friend, she's got issues you sure can't solve!

[bean29]

The Mother of my Brother's XGF lives around the corner from my Mom now. She did not live there when they dated though.

My Mom ran into her Mom in the grocery store once and the Mom went on and on about what a nice guy my brother was. My Mom was highly offended as my Brother has been happily married to his wife for over 20 years now and they have 3 kids. I told Mom at the time that it did not mean anything, she should not take offense the woman was just saying my Brother was a nice guy. My Mom felt like she was wishing my SIL out of the picture and her DD back in. Talked to Mom yesterday and she brought it up again as she ran into the Woman at the grocery store the other day.

I would keep my thoughts to myself. On the other hand, if you had been married or had kids together, I would look at it differently and send a card. I figure you divorce your ex but not necessarily the family.

[Deleted]

I would definitely send a card / donation.

My college BF (who I kept in sporadic contact with, sometimes through a friend) showed up at both my parents' funerals. He was local, I didn't have many local friends, it meant a great deal to me.

We kept in touch and two years ago he, his wife and his son (DS3's age) came to stay for a few days and we had a wonderful time together.

It's never wrong to show kindness.

[kittensaver]

May 9, 2012 18:02:26 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

It's never wrong to show kindness.

This!

[Deleted]

The Mother of my Brother's XGF lives around the corner from my Mom now. She did not live there when they dated though.

My Mom ran into her Mom in the grocery store once and the Mom went on and on about what a nice guy my brother was. My Mom was highly offended as my Brother has been happily married to his wife for over 20 years now and they have 3 kids. I told Mom at the time that it did not mean anything, she should not take offense the woman was just saying my Brother was a nice guy. My Mom felt like she was wishing my SIL out of the picture and her DD back in. Talked to Mom yesterday and she brought it up again as she ran into the Woman at the grocery store the other day.

This reminds me of one of my ex's former girlfriend's mother. The girl herself died in her early 20s, and apparently her mother loved my ex. It was a really small town so every time I ran into her, she wanted to know details of our lives and our kids as if somehow my life with my ex was her daughter's life that wasn't lived.

I still remember the day that she found out I had divorced my ex. I was working retail, and she asked why. She actually CRIED.

[TheOtherMe]

May 9, 2012 18:02:26 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

I would definitely send a card / donation.

It's never wrong to show kindness.

Very true and the kindness will be appreciated.