Need Parenting Advice: Siblings

[Deleted]

Hi guys! I need some advice on my kids and how to deal with this. My sons are 16 and 14. They are the best of friends. They do everything together and they have tons of friends in the neighborhood. The "boys" of the neighborhood usually congregate at my house. I feed them, they play street hockey, football, etc.
My daughter is 10 and there aren't any other girls in the neighborhood. I do make play dates for her and stuff like that.
My question: my daughter likes for her brothers to play games and do things with her. However, they are at the age where they don't want to play with their 10 yr old sister. Sometimes i do ask them to play a board game with her or something for a bit. And, sometimes they will oblige but often act like it is an annoyance as well. So, should i really make them play together at times even if they boys don't want to? I try to have my daughter understand that she has her own friends and vice versa and i try to do things just with her as well if their friends are over.
So, if you have any advice for me on how to deal with siblings, i would really appreciate it!

[Deleted]

Yes. I am really struggling with this and where to draw lines and boundaries. And, i find that because my daughter is the youngest and also left out, i tend to give in to her more or stuff like that. How much should i make them play? Like a half hour here and there or more regularity? And, there is a constant parade of their friends. I like being the "go to " home, but then again, there are boys literally sitting on our porch just waiting for us if we are out for the day. One day, i came home from work and 3 of my son's friends were in the house playing videos and drinking some pop and i was like 'where is my son"? And, they said, oh he is still at school! LOL! And, their friends really are all great kids.

[Deleted]

BTW, GM Lonewolf!

[Deleted]

Doesn't she like to go play with them, or are they too boy for her?

No. They won't include her. If they are outside, they are playing sports and she really can't participate. And, if i try to force the issue, they might do it begrudgingly and i dont' really like that either.

[Deleted]

Oh, i don't mean it to come across as sad. I am just trying to find that balance. I dont' know if you watch "The Middle" but it is a hilarious show with mom who is middle age, in the middle of the country, in the middle between her kids, etc. Hilarious.

[zibazinski]

That's weird. I uses because we had kids from ages 12 down to 4, all were included. But the games played were hockey with roller blades instead of skates and manhunt. Plus, they all swam so pool was important. Maybe your DD needs to learn some games that are of interest to her brothers but making them play with her is a good way to start resentment from them to her and to you.

[Deleted]

I would ask / encourage but not force them to because that would breed resentment. If they don't feel like it, I would also point out that I don't necessarily feel like going to work, or shopping, or cooking, or cleaning, or doing their laundry, but I do it anyway. Maybe you could set the bar low enough, ie ask them to each spend half an hour twice a week playing with their sister? Just because she's their sister?

Seriously, don't any of these boys have younger sisters or cousins?! Have you asked? I can't believe your DD is the only girl her age in the neighborhood lol.

I'm not in the same situation, but my situation was (is) similar for different reasons. In a few weeks my kids will be 14, 19, 24 and 25. So the 14YO often felt (and still feels) "lonely", as his older siblings grew up. Now the 25YO works and lives abroad, and the 24YO (finishing grad school) only comes home two nights a week.

I like board games, and I often play them with DS3. (DS3 has friends but he goes to school out of the neighborhood, so his friends aren't all that local.) I even play Monopoly with him, just to make him happy LOL.

A suggestion: when they were all younger sometimes I'd pay for them all to see a film together, or to go to McDonald's, under the condition that they took DD and DS3 (when he was old enough) with them. It's funny how that somewhat forced habit "stuck" ... now when DS1 (the 25YO) comes home, he ALWAYS take DS3 out for a movie and lunch or dinner so they spend some time alone together.

Other thought ... since you are so hospitable to all these boys, have you ever asked THEM to take a few minutes to play a game with your DD?! Or to help her with her homework?

[hockeygrl]

Wow I'm thinking back to what we did - my bro was 3 years older than me. I think the reason I was such a "tomboy" was that I spent my childhood following around my bro to prove I could do everything he did. One of our favorite things to do was go fishing. Is there a creek nearby where they could take lil sis? I mean, we walked to the drainage ditches around town and caught crawdads. Simple stuff. We also rode bikes all around and played touch football. At 10, I would think your DD would be old enough for those activities with DS? Board games and puzzles were fun on rainy days. Man - I'm showing my age - but we had awesome asteroid, pac man, and tank tournaments on the Atari (lol). Do you have a Wii? There are some cool family games on Wii. Other than that, I don't know. I only have one, and he's only 15 mo right now! Good luck. My brother and I are close friends now - we have a great relationship because. I hope your kids have the same!

[suziq38]

I would ask one son to play a board game or video game once a week, then ask the other son the alternating week.
This way, they are on "sister duty" only once every two weeks.
They need to bond with their sister.
On the other hand, the difference in age is definitely noticeable.
They are just into different things.
I was surrounded by boys (two older brothers, and one younger one).
I definitely wanted to be included, but my mother did not force the issue.
I naturally turned into a "tomboy." My two younger sisters did not.
I could beat my brothers at playing with marbles and monopoly.
When my older brother joined a swim team, I begged to be included. (We were only two years apart).

How about a bowling league for kids? They have all age groupings.

Take them all to the movies.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the advice and tips. And, she is the only girl in the neighborhood. There are just tons of boys. Seems everyone has 2 or more boys and not many girls. And, the girls she does know live out of town and are not available because of their schedules as well. And, as i said , i do have her do playdates. She is in the band, Girl scouts, plays girl's basketball and softball so she is not lacking for things to do. But, in down times, when the boys are playing something, they play competetively so for her to play football or hockey, it just wouldn't work. And, she is somewhat athletic but she isn't a rough and tumble kind of gal.
Anyway, i did talk to the boys, i let them go do their thing today, then after supper, i asked them to play a board game with her and they started having some fun and played longer than i would have expected. I also am having them do some chores together. Tonight i had my daughter and younger son do wash and dry the dishes and put them away. I went upstairs and told them they would have to figure out who was doing what and don't call me, just get it done. And, they did and got along. It is going to require a bit more effort and creativity on my part.

[mizbear]

I had just the opposite problem growing up- I was older than pretty much everyone until we moved. We had mostly kids my DBs age who didn't want me around because I wasn't "cool" and then 2 3yo boys.

Then my father's nightmare happened- boys discovered me- and it wasn't because of my fastball

[Deleted]

Message deleted by shooby.

[Deleted]

LOL. Wrong thread.

[Apple]

I realize this is older now, but...

You've mentioned your daughter likes to cook--IMO, all boys should be taught how to cook as well. I know the boys might not be thrilled about it, but what about having them make dinner together on occasion. This way your daughter is doing something she likes, maybe even teaching them some things, and they are gaining a necessary skill?