Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 14:36:04 GMT -5
So today I was running errands and I stopped by Kohl's to return a pair of boots that were too small. As I was walking through the parking lot a homeless guy approached me and asked me for money to buy a bowl of soup. I told him I didn't have any cash on me. This is the truth. I rarely ever carry cash. He then started to yell at me that I was so selfish and that I was going to go to hell because I didn't care enough about homeless veterans to buy him a bowl of soup. The guy seriously scared the crap out of me. So I took off as fast as I could into the store. When I got to customer service there were a couple other women there complaining to the manager that he did the same thing to them and that he is approaching women in their cars too.
We all know that I am a bleeding heart liberal and that I believe in helping people, but this guy seriously scared me when he started to scream at me. If I had cash I would have given him a couple of dollars, but I just didn't have it. There weren't any restaurants near by either where I could have gone and bought him something on my debit card.
So am I really selfish? Should I have driven some place and got him something? Am I going to rot in hell?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 14:39:33 GMT -5
Hardly, If he gets hungry enough maybe he'll get a job.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2011 14:39:56 GMT -5
Heck no you're not selfish. I don't know if you'll rot in hell, but if you do, it won't be for not giving the homeless dude your money.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jan 21, 2011 14:41:46 GMT -5
If you're going to rot in hell because of that, then move over - I'll be joining you.
I almost never give money to anyone on the street regardless of if I have cash on me or not. Call me selfish if you want - but I'm just not going to do it.
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Post by lisabelle on Jan 21, 2011 14:42:22 GMT -5
No, No and No!
Next time you should have a map to your local soup kitchen and hand it out.
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Jan 21, 2011 14:42:57 GMT -5
Wow... It's people like that who make the rest of us less willing to give to the homeless. I wouldn't have given him anything either, even if I did have cash on me. I don't think you're selfish at all.
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 21, 2011 14:43:52 GMT -5
Not at all! And you should NEVER give a stranger a ride in your car.
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Post by lisabelle on Jan 21, 2011 14:45:21 GMT -5
Here J, want some candy? It's in the back seat of my car. Go ahead, you'll be just fine
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The J
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Post by The J on Jan 21, 2011 14:46:47 GMT -5
Here J, want some candy? It's in the back seat of my car. Go ahead, you'll be just fine <<hops in the car, takes his pants off>>
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 14:47:58 GMT -5
No you are not selfish you are smart. You have no idea if he really needed a couple bucks for soup or if he was on the look out for a victim.
I NEVER give anything to pandhandlers because I have no idea if they are going to use that as an excuse to grab me. I told DH I don't care if they think I am the most heartless selfish bitch on the planet, at least I will be an ALIVE heartless selfish bitch.
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Post by lisabelle on Jan 21, 2011 14:51:48 GMT -5
What is with the men today taking their pants off??
Back to topic - you did the right thing. Hopefully management went out to deal with him. I'm sure they don't want him bothering/scaring their customers.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 21, 2011 14:52:36 GMT -5
No, you are not selfish, and you should not stop. Look, I know you can defend yourself, but no one should be put in the position of having to do so unless circumstances leave no choice. If you stop and start looking in your purse for money, or allow yourself to become distracted, he can grab your bag and run with it. Or grab your keys and take off with your car. Or take your bag and your keys after rendering you dead or unconscious with a blow to the head. Or grab your wallet, find your ID with your address on it and burglarize your house.
I'm not trying to come off as Nervous Nellie. This is a warning born of experience in the field. If you want to give, donate to a legitimate cause. If you are appoached, keep moving and get to a safe place and call police. Don't attempt to reason or argue with an unstable person. You don't know if they are armed, high or looking for their next victim.
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mom2-4monkeys
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Post by mom2-4monkeys on Jan 21, 2011 14:53:55 GMT -5
looks like there will be alot of us in Hell. I'll drive... I would not have given him money either, although i may have hit him with my bat!!
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jan 21, 2011 14:55:30 GMT -5
Lisa and TheJ, LMAO!!!!
Angel - You did the right thing. Let me tell you what happened here a few years ago that made me stop giving cash. Somebody came up to a ladies car looking for money (he was holding a sign at a light) and when she put her hand out to give it to him he injected her with a syringe. NEVER put yourself in harms way. It's just not worth it. I love the recommendation of giving them the address to a soup kitchen. But don't hand them anything. Tell them verbally or just ignore the person. There are many, many charities, churches, volunteers, and causes for the homeless and poor. There is no need for anybody to risk their lives in today's society.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on Jan 21, 2011 14:59:55 GMT -5
I think what you did was absolutely appropriate. I NEVER give money to anyone on the street. I USED TO buy them food and bring it out to them, but in this day and age I have been very reluctant to approach strangers (even ones who have showered and are wearing clean clothes) about ANYTHING.
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Jan 21, 2011 15:01:33 GMT -5
What is with the men today taking their pants off?? Are you complaining???
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jan 21, 2011 15:02:25 GMT -5
What is with the men today taking their pants off?? Are you complaining??? Well - yeah! They're not taking their pants off for me...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 15:05:18 GMT -5
looks like there will be alot of us in HellMeh I was already on my way anyhow. Now I just have the VIP tickets that get me to the front of the line.
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verrip1
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Post by verrip1 on Jan 21, 2011 15:12:36 GMT -5
He asked for soup? And not for a date?
I'd say you need to get your hair done and go buy a new outfit!
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jan 21, 2011 15:15:51 GMT -5
Y'all know that as a conservative, from a redneck-ish town I would have spit on him, pulled out my concealed weapon, shot him and then jumped up and down on his bleeding body while yelling at him to "go get a job you bum"--but Angel, what you did was good enough I guess Seriously, some people think I'm heartless because I don't pull over and give beggars money or hand panhandlers my cash, but I think it's best to just avoid them. In my small town we've got a well known bum who's been around since I was a kid and never bothered anyone--I have bought his beer when he's been behind/in front of me in the grocery store, or gave him a crisp dollar when the one he was putting in the lotto machine was rejected (hell, he's probably got more money than me, but oh well) so maybe it will cancel out --but the scary ones I avoid, even though they've been around forever too.
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Jan 21, 2011 15:20:27 GMT -5
Well - yeah! They're not taking their pants off for me... Awwww, don't feel bad--I don't remember the last time a guy took his pants off for me. :-( But at least we can enjoy the view!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 21, 2011 15:21:18 GMT -5
I've had a couple of situations like this. The important thing to remember is that the mental illness level of chronically homeless individuals is far, far higher than the average in the normal population. Getting away from someone who is showing aggression and not being caught into their web is the proper thing to do. If they are yelling at you, they have problems that you can't solve. The problems are bigger than hunger.
You can't reason with them. You can't give them a map with a reasonable alternative - like a soup kitchen. You can't give them the want ads and tell them to find a job.
There is no right answer. You can't solve their mental illness. Not with compassion. Not with love. Not with soup. Not with a dollar. Unless you are going to dedicate yourself to working in services for this community, and getting the proper training there isn't much you can do. Giving him a buck to get soup won't even make him feel better - he will still be angry that it wasn't $2, or $5. If he is angry and yelling - he won't show you any appreciation even if you came out and handed him a $100 bill.
The best course of action is to get the store to have him removed. Likely they will ask him to leave or they will call the police. Sounds harsh, but if the police get involved there is a slight chance he would be taken some where that he can get services and might (maybe, perhaps) can get into a situation that is better than the one he is in. If you let him just hang out in front of the store, most likely he will just continue scaring people - but it is possible that he will elevate his actions from yelling to something more physical. And that would be really bad.
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TrixAre4Kids
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Post by TrixAre4Kids on Jan 21, 2011 15:31:26 GMT -5
I agree with Thyme. They have a high incidence of mental illness and protecting yourself is paramount. I always drive downtown with my doors locked and windows mostly up. I never open my purse for anyone.
I never carry 'spare change' but I do stick $1 in my pocket on Thursday and Friday. I will give that dollar away if I run across a 'down and outer' selling the Real Change newspaper. (They buy the papers for .35 and resell them for the profits). Those are the only street people I give money too.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jan 21, 2011 15:38:16 GMT -5
No, you shouldn't feel guilty because the guy was full of it. Who the 'ell asks for money for soup? That sounds like such a homeless cliche, which is probably why he did it, but for real real? Soup? Where does a homeless guy purchase a bowl of soup? Soup King? Soupy McSouperson's Soup Emporium? MacSoups? Please. Now, if he had asked for money for a bowl of gruel, that would've been awesome (in a Victorian era sort of way), in which case you should've just handed him your wallet. As it was, and if you were quick on the draw, this would've been the best response. (Disclaimer: Bob's "best responses" may result in prison shanking)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 15:41:31 GMT -5
There is a guy here in town that tries to get you to purchase his "religious epiphany" book.
He and several others he has gotten to help him accost you in parking lots and try to force the book on you. If you so much as touch it they start screaming at you to pay.
He accosted me and my mother at the farmer's market. He got in our way and refused to move, blocking us each time we tried to go around him.
My mom told him we did not want the book. He got right in her face and goes "Who do you think you are you fat f-ing bitch?!" and stormed off.
Thank god we were at the Farmer's Market and there were tons of witnesses. Who knows what he would have done if we'd be alone.
The REAL kicker to this story though is I realized after the fact that this is someone who stalked me for a year after seeing me in community college and finding my information.
People are freaking scary.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 21, 2011 15:42:21 GMT -5
LOL Bob Ross. I had one guy yell at me in the parking lot of Target. I told him I didn't have time for him. He kept yelling and asking what was so important. Well, I'm in labor - see the giant belly? The other guy yelled at me because I had a "nice car." I hated my job, I was in debt up to my eyeballs, I owed more on that car than it was worth - and it wasn't that nice. I yelled back about he is wrong that my life is so easy and if he wants to take over my situation and go to my job that I hate so much, he was welcomed to it. I started crying. He starting pounding on my windsheild. Then the light turned green and I screeched out of there. That wasn't one desperate crazy person yelling. That was two desperate crazy people yelling at each other. No good can come from that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 15:43:36 GMT -5
My mom was more outraged he called her fat, she said he was right about the bitch part!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jan 21, 2011 15:46:58 GMT -5
You're not selfish. I'm pretty immune to the homeless and panhandlers any more and I'm pretty good at just ignoring them, no matter how much they may yell or scream. I used to have some favorites on campus when I was in college and I would give them a few bucks. There was the guy who would ask your name and then sing a song about you, that was cool. I really liked him; you could tell he was nuts, but he never got violent with people. There was also the lady who used to yell at you to get out of her car. She was definitely insane because she was sitting on a bench. I just admired her from afar, though.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 21, 2011 15:50:00 GMT -5
Before the house was purchased the slum lord who owned it let a whole bunch of crazy people live in teh house next to my parents.
One of them was a crazy lady who ran around in a slip asking everyone for rides.
My grandparents were dropping me off after work and she stumbled right up to my grandmother's window, knocked and asked for a ride!
The look on grandma's face was priceless!
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Post by jennml on Jan 21, 2011 15:54:29 GMT -5
I never give anyone anything. I'll give cash occasionally to street/train performers. But that's it. If they mess with me, they'll get a face full of pepper spray. Thankfully, I've never had anyone violently accost me for a buck.
ETA: If I'm coming home carrying left-overs, I'll usually give them to anyone who asks. One time this lady asked me for my Olive Garden left overs. I gave them to her and then she asked for my bottled water too. I was like ummm sorry but I'm going to drink this on the train. Afterwards I felt kinda bad but then I thought WTE she can get to a freaking water fountain.
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