Lindz85
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 14, 2011 23:48:23 GMT -5
Posts: 105
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Post by Lindz85 on Jan 19, 2011 20:09:59 GMT -5
I don't think you can use the bad childhood as an excuse. There are lots of people who grew up in horrible homes and turned out fine. And lots of people who grew up in amazing homes and turn out like your friend.
My uncle had a good childhood, but he's an alcoholic, a gambler, he can't keep a girlfriend or a job. All his other brothers (my uncles and my dad) are all successful, married with kids and have good jobs. Now why is that? He had a good childhood.
Have you ever heard of the book "The boy called It"? This man had a horrible childhood, but still grew up a responsible adult.
I think there are just some people that you just can't help, plain and simple. He has to make his own decisions and he has to grow up and realize that he has to do things that he doesn't want to do sometimes in life. I don't like A LOT of things at my job, but I don't backlash about it at upper management. I'm just thankful I have a job.
I DO NOT think that you should give him a laptop. What happens when he finds another job only to lose that one again. And another one and another one... and then if he loses that laptop or breaks it or it quits working. Is he going to look to you again to buy him another one?
What if he thinks, oh she bought me a laptop, maybe she will give me something else? Or give me money?
If he's 33 and he's been doing this all his life... sorry to say it but he will probably be like that for the rest of his life. UNLESS something in HIS mind changes... and HE chooses to make changes. Until then he will continue to live his life like this. You can't make someone change.
I hope this helps, but I've watched my uncle live his life like this my entire life. He was like it before I was born and he will continue to be the way he is until he dies. He's over 50 now and still hasn't learned his lesson.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 20, 2011 8:34:08 GMT -5
Because you always feel guilty. You always have to choose your words carefully and have to weigh everything you say. It's stressful.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 20, 2011 8:50:35 GMT -5
He CAN be himself and since he's been so successful and happy being himself then he can share his joy at being true to himself with others. I wonder how many friends this guy actually has? Or do they go away out of guilt or out of disgust? Who wants to watch a trainwreck without trying to help but knowing that helping changes nothing. The guy doesn't want to get better or he would have taken steps YEARS ago to function in the real world. Sorry for his childhood but the world does not owe him anything. The OP is trying to figure out how to be a friend without being another "mark." How does the OP know that his friend doesn't have a computer? Because the friend mentioned it. Why did the friend mention it? Because he wanted something from the OP.
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Post by ca on Jan 20, 2011 11:25:56 GMT -5
Thanks guys for more input, always appreciated. I do think I may buckle and get him a refurbished laptop if he's still out of work next month, but if I do, rest assured there won't be another one coming and there will never be a cash gift.
"Why did the friend mention it? Because he wanted something from the OP."
To be fair here, Ziba, I was asking him about his job hunt and he brought up that it's been tougher because the places he applies to tell him to submit an application on line and then I asked why he couldn't do that and he told me about his broken laptop. He didn't really come out and tell me unasked!
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 20, 2011 12:41:18 GMT -5
Ah, I stand corrected.
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