Thoughts on Conflict (healthy living)

[Deleted]

It could just be your awareness of it has grown. This guy thinks that world the has become a less and less violent place and it will continue to do so.

www.edge.org/3rd_culture/pinker07/pinker07_index.html

[Forever Sunshine]

IMO, we've lost sight as the community being part of our extended family. So many have become selfish and self-centered and only seem to care about themselves and what they want.

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

I can't remember a time when I've been more disappointed in my country and its citizenry.

[PK Bucko]

It could just be your awareness of it has grown

I suspect this is what's up.

People suck. As a species we are built for conflict, whether large or small.

It isn't just one neighborhood, city, state, country. It's just the way it is and always has been.

[femmefatale]

I wish we could all get along too but then it would just get boring. ;D

[Deleted]

Personally, I'm just fed up and cranky today ;D

I have always liked a good argument. Me & My Sibs probably give others a headache because a good argument with logic being bandied about is exhilarating for us!! The spouses always looked a little done in by the end of our sessions

[PK Bucko]

Disagreement and conflict do NOT indicate a lack of harmony in any way. In fact it is a healthy sign of life and vibrant people. A false harmony are people who think that the world has to agree with them on everything they want to say and do. We do have some places like that and they are run by dictators who kill people who disagree. I would much rather live in a world where there are protests

Agreed.

I wish we could all get along too but then it would just get boring.

Agreed. Again.

[diamonds]

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

IMO, we've lost sight as the community being part of our extended family. So many have become selfish and self-centered and only seem to care about themselves and what they want.

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

I can't remember a time when I've been more disappointed in my country and its citizenry.

,, I'm with you there 100%. It amazes me that caretakers just take the money but never give you a follow-up call. Neighbors just seem to isolate and there is no concern if they do not see you for days or weeks on end. No one seems to give that little extra effort to reach out to people that live in their community. I try to the best of my abilities to check with the local people and ask how they are doing and if they have a child I like to bring little suprises every now and then or a box of cookies.
k to you...

[diamonds]

Nov 23, 2011 11:50:11 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

Disagreement and conflict do NOT indicate a lack of harmony in any way. In fact it is a healthy sign of life and vibrant people. A false harmony are people who think that the world has to agree with them on everything they want to say and do. We do have some places like that and they are run by dictators who kill people who disagree. I would much rather live in a world where there are protests.

I don't think that is what the OP is referring to. I love to debate obviously and disagree with many, but when it comes to giving of your time for an hour or two and getting involved in the community, that is a different story. Why is there so much conflict now? Reality of what is going on worldwide. People are losing their businesses and houses and struggling like I've never seen before. The anxiety and fear will bring short tempers.

[Deleted]

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

I live smack dab in the middle of suburbia, so we are close with our neighbors. It is also easier that many of us have kids of similar age, so they get together and then the parents can get together too.

[diamonds]

Nov 23, 2011 12:38:32 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I don't see harmony as being boring, at all. To me conflict is like hearing and watching a bulldozer tear down the trees in the forest that I am quietly trying to enjoy. It keeps pulling me out of a state I want to be in. And the worst part is I keep letting it.

PK. You said "it's just the way it is and always has been." I don't accept that as an answer. I think it's a way that should not be.

... I'm with you there, lone, if I have conflict in my personal life, it will lead to physical symptoms.
k to you later....

[Deleted]

Nov 23, 2011 12:44:00 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

Nov 23, 2011 12:43:03 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I live smack dab in the middle of suburbia, so we are close with our neighbors. It is also easier that many of us have kids of similar age, so they get together and then the parents can get together too.

Yeah, we all know what REALLY goes on in Suburbia. We have seen all the "Real Housewives" shows.

Please say they are all sleeping with eachother. I would like to have that to look forward to.

[diamonds]

lone: I would have said to that lady, you are distracting me and I am trying to concentrate. I used to be shy<hard to believe> but I will clearly speak up if my space is invaded.

[femmefatale]

Nov 23, 2011 11:55:53 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

What is so great about everyone getting along? If we all got along, the world would still be flat. Nobody would ever take any chances or challenge the current order or status quo. Nobody would dare to be different or be themselves. I like living in a country where you can have Gay Pride parades and Tea Parties and Occupiers and taking over the Rotunda in Wisconsin. I think it is all good.

Well Snerds, I'm just a firm believer in peace, love and harmony....what can I say?

[femmefatale]

Hi Miss Diamonds...Long time, no see.

[diamonds]

femme, I'm off to stir it up on the P&M boards.... ;D

[femmefatale]

Nov 23, 2011 12:57:25 GMT -5 diamonds said:

femme, I'm off to stir it up on the P&M boards.... ;D

P&M?

[femmefatale]

Oh!!!! Politics! Yuck.....wasn't thinking. She's all yours girls! Tear em' up ;D

[dancinmama]

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

This is the way it was when I was growing up in the 60s, but was not the way when I was raising our son in the 90s. Parents did not want to admit that their kids were not "perfect". I even had a mother TELL ME that "she wanted to know" when her boy first wanted to hang out with my son. When I caught her kid stealing sodas out of our garage, I hesitated to call her; but she did say that she wanted to know. Guess what? She didn't.

[femmefatale]

Nov 23, 2011 13:16:34 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Nov 23, 2011 12:40:57 GMT -5 diamonds said:

I don't think that is what the OP is referring to. I love to debate obviously and disagree with many, but when it comes to giving of your time for an hour or two and getting involved in the community, that is a different story. Why is there so much conflict now? Reality of what is going on worldwide. People are losing their businesses and houses and struggling like I've never seen before. The anxiety and fear will bring short tempers.

Thanks for stating this. K to you. You're right in that it's all the anxiety and fear that is upsetting. I think fun conflict, like games light-hearted debates and sports is good. I see all other as not good. It's tearing our world apart.

I agree lone. K for you when I re-charge.

[Forever Sunshine]

Nov 23, 2011 11:46:34 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

IMO, we've lost sight as the community being part of our extended family. So many have become selfish and self-centered and only seem to care about themselves and what they want.

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

I can't remember a time when I've been more disappointed in my country and its citizenry.

How do we get this harmony back? I guess it has to start with an individual awareness, but how?

On a local level, yes, it starts with one. It's in how we teach our kids. It's in setting the example, for them, as well as those all around us.

On a bigger level, band together and decide not to accept certain behaviors. Stand up for someone you see being mistreated, abused, neglected, rejected. Be a voice for those who don't have one.

[Forever Sunshine]

There's nothing wrong with a good argument or disagreement. That's how problems get solved and innovation happens. It's when those arguments and disagreements go beyond that. When one kid thinks he's been slighted and grabs a gun to exact revenge.

[Forever Sunshine]

Nov 23, 2011 12:29:53 GMT -5 diamonds said:

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

IMO, we've lost sight as the community being part of our extended family. So many have become selfish and self-centered and only seem to care about themselves and what they want.

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

I can't remember a time when I've been more disappointed in my country and its citizenry.

,, I'm with you there 100%. It amazes me that caretakers just take the money but never give you a follow-up call. Neighbors just seem to isolate and there is no concern if they do not see you for days or weeks on end. No one seems to give that little extra effort to reach out to people that live in their community. I try to the best of my abilities to check with the local people and ask how they are doing and if they have a child I like to bring little suprises every now and then or a box of cookies.
k to you...

Hugs and karma to you!

[Forever Sunshine]

Nov 23, 2011 13:06:51 GMT -5 dancinmama said:

Nov 23, 2011 11:41:29 GMT -5 Forever Sunshine said:

When I was a kid, the whole neighborhood looked out for each other. We were friends, visited each others homes, had picnics together, etc. My parents looked out for the other kids in the neighborhood, as did the other parents as well. If I did something wrong and another parent saw it, they didn't hesitate to scold me or call home and tell my parents. Does that even happen any more?

This is the way it was when I was growing up in the 60s, but was not the way when I was raising our son in the 90s. Parents did not want to admit that their kids were not "perfect". I even had a mother TELL ME that "she wanted to know" when her boy first wanted to hang out with my son. When I caught her kid stealing sodas out of our garage, I hesitated to call her; but she did say that she wanted to know. Guess what? She didn't.

Did we all, this generation that grew up in the 60s, get so caught up in our careers and own lives that we failed to pass on to our children the same morals and values with which we were raised?

[diamonds]

Nov 23, 2011 13:23:46 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Nov 23, 2011 12:40:24 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

What do you define as harmony? Not everyone has to agree with everything i say or do to be in harmony.

And, aren't you being disharmonius by not accepting PK's answer?

No, I agree, not everyone should agree on everything. That's not what I'm getting at. It's just feels like so many seem to be addicted to the adrenalin rush they are getting out of negative conflict. I know I was. When I think of harmony, I think of everyone being 100% happy with themselves and committed to seeing that everyone feels the same way, regardless of their position in life. I don't know. I'm still working this all out within my self.

I do believe, we have lost the gift of taking the time to contemplate what other people are going through, and the underlying reason they are lashing out. We only see the surface of "bad behavior". They could be holding hurt, hate or resentment regarding a job, or family problems inwardly that they cannot talk about. Lashing out is a realease of their own frustrations. What bothers me, may not bother you. Maybe I can block it out, but it's still there subconsciously.

[femmefatale]

Nov 23, 2011 13:39:47 GMT -5 diamonds said:

Nov 23, 2011 13:23:46 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

No, I agree, not everyone should agree on everything. That's not what I'm getting at. It's just feels like so many seem to be addicted to the adrenalin rush they are getting out of negative conflict. I know I was. When I think of harmony, I think of everyone being 100% happy with themselves and committed to seeing that everyone feels the same way, regardless of their position in life. I don't know. I'm still working this all out within my self.

I do believe, we have lost the gift of taking the time to contempate what other people are going through, and the underlying reason they are lashing out. We only see the surface of "bad behavior". They could be holding hurt, hate or resentment regarding a job, or family problems inwardly that they cannot talk about. Lashing out is a realease of their own frustrations. What bothers me, may not bother you. Maybe I can block it out, but it's still there subconsciously.

Well said, Diamonds.

[diamonds]

Nov 23, 2011 13:26:46 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Nov 23, 2011 12:52:18 GMT -5 diamonds said:

lone: I would have said to that lady, you are distracting me and I am trying to concentrate. I used to be shy<hard to believe> but I will clearly speak up if my space is invaded.

As you should.
I think now I might say, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you have a problem. I'll not say more."
My enlightened DD keeps telling me to give my enemies gifts.
Not sure I'm ready to go that far.

lone, I cannot go that far either. I only give gifts to people that are appreciative. I have tried that strategy but was only burnt...just gave you the k I owed you...

[PK Bucko]

PK. You said "it's just the way it is and always has been." I don't accept that as an answer. I think it's a way that should not be.

What's not to accept? I didn't say that I thought it was good or bad. Just that it was.

Conflict is part of our nature and history. It is not worse or better now than it was five thousand years ago.

[femmefatale]

Bucko! You settle down now Mister!

[diamonds]

>>>Well said, Diamonds.>>>

My post screamed out that I misspelled comtemplate... Ahhh, it just shows, I'm not perfect after all... However, I think we do mind connect with the actions of those people that do abuse our trust...Those types of people will never change and unfortunately, we can forgive, but not forget. However, the best lesson out of it is that we learn.

[Deleted]

Nov 23, 2011 13:59:38 GMT -5 PK Bucko said:

PK. You said "it's just the way it is and always has been." I don't accept that as an answer. I think it's a way that should not be.

What's not to accept? I didn't say that I thought it was good or bad. Just that it was.

Conflict is part of our nature and history. It is not worse or better now than it was five thousand years ago.

I blame it all on womens liberation.
If women stayed at home and took care of the children, had tea with the neighbors and looked good for daddy when he came home from a hard day at work, the world would be a much kinder place.