I'm quitting Christmas

[wvugurl26]

I'd want to bail on that mess too. I just have me to worry about but the parents are divorced. I had it all planned out and now mom's trying to get me to change my plans.
Great grandpa died so I am going home tomorrow for the funeral on Thursday. Since I'm going to be in earlier mom thinks I should go with her to her parents on Thursday. She wants me to be up there Thursday/Friday when she is never mind that dad's family has always done their stuff Christmas Eve. I told her no. I will go see her Friday night at my stepbrother's before my brother and I head up our grandparents.
I used to wish I could clone myself and be in 3 places at once but now I just try to see who I want to see and make myself happy.

[The J]

Sooooo sorry to hear about your great grandpa

[wvugurl26]

Thanks he had Alzheimer's and had really gone down hill so not unexpected. But I love how mom thinks I should change my plans to suit her now and screw my dad's family. I'll need to help get everything together for our dinner Christmas Eve.
I can see her anytime and in fact was just at her house Saturday. I'm not going to rush my time with people I don't see enough just so it suits her plans. Being with us on Christmas didn't matter when we were little so why the hell should it matter when I'm 26?

[Miss Tequila]

"I only worry about how my sister judges me when my
Christmas cards are late"

Your sister needs to get a life...I haven't done Christmas cards in years....

[Miss Tequila]

WTF...I'm still a new member...see, I am splitting my time between EE, FB and here and not getting enough posts on any site...grrrr....

[The J]

Dec 21, 2010 21:22:01 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Being with us on Christmas didn't matter when we were little so why the hell should it matter when I'm 26?

She sounds just like my mom. She bails on me after the divorce, but now cries if I'm planning on spending part of the day with my dad.

[Cookies Galore]

Okay... we have a plan. I think. Three weeks after we originally had a plan.
Christmas Eve with my Dad.
Christmas breakfast with his Dad and dinner with my Mom and siblings.
Sunday BF is doing dinner with his mom and I am going to my Grandmom's. Them's the breaks. BF is also going to have a talk with his mom that she can't keep doing these last minute changes all the time. She needs to realize that she has three grown children, all with their own lives and new families, sometimes we just need to see each other in shifts.
BF told his sister he wants to go away next year and she laughed. He was serious. We're just tired of how his mom expects us to drop everything to do family things or tells us something last minute and gets upset we can't do something. It's stifling and we are fricking popular people!

[wvugurl26]

And mom knows about Christmas Eve on my dad's side. Its been that way forever as far as I know. It was certainly the case as far back as when she was dating my dad.
I just said I'm coming up Friday. She'll live. Just bc I am coming in early doesn't mean I'm changing my plans. I still have shopping and things that need to get done whether I'm in MD or WV.

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 21, 2010 21:24:33 GMT -5 The J said:

Dec 21, 2010 21:22:01 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Being with us on Christmas didn't matter when we were little so why the hell should it matter when I'm 26?

She sounds just like my mom. She bails on me after the divorce, but now cries if I'm planning on spending part of the day with my dad.

BF's mom is still bitter about the divorce and we see when she tries to take time from the Dad. It was 12 freaking years ago. Of course, my mom is a bitter old wench after 24 years.

[The J]

My mom hasn't moved on either. I think one of the things she's most bitter about is that my father did move on and is happy. The divorce was about 15 years ago.

[Cookies Galore]

My mom was the one who wanted more, so uh, sucks to be you, lady.

[wvugurl26]

Mom and dad divorced in 1990. Neither my brother nor I were important to her until we turned 18 and moved outta town. I am not changing my plans bc she has to be with her husband's family on Christmas Eve. Grandma will need my help Friday to finish getting the house ready and to do dinner. Plus I want to make another fab dessert like the red velvet cheesecake.
I've spent a lotta years trying to be everywhere at once and the only thing its gotten me is exhausted and unhappy.
Oh yeah mom wanted to be divorced and her 2nd husband is a real winner. She got drunk in TN this summer and was bitching about him and I flat out told her you're the one who chooses to stay with him. As dad says she has to be a martyr.

[The J]

My sister remained important to my mom -- she followed my sister across the country when my sister went to college (forgetting the fact that my sister went across country to get away from our mother), leaving me with my dad (after spending two years during the divorce talking about how she was saving us and sacrificing so much to "protect" us from our father). Even worse, she left the "choice" between leaving her or leaving everyone else I knew to me. At fourteen.

[Cookies Galore]

My mom (and loser brother) moved closer to my sister when she started having kids. Thank god! My mom is such a financial train wreck so now sis will be stuck with her when the inevitable happens. Loser brother is on his own, we rent a one-bedroom. :-)

[Opti]

"Your sister needs to get a life...I haven't done Christmas cards in years.... "


She's just one of those kinds of people. She chooses not to understand when people don't do things as she does. She's
not happy cards- Christmas, Bday or otherwise are late
and she's been known to hold strange grudges like mailing
a bday card to me three weeks late because mine tend to
arrive 1 to 3 days late.

They are all in Illinois and choose to forget mail transit times
to them can be 5 days or more.

Don't get me started on how rarely I get to talk to my niece
and nephew. I'm sure I did many things wrong there too.
She's never been laid off, got married and stayed married so
she doesn't understand the financial pressures I've had these
last few years.

[Opti]

Wvu, sorry to hear about your grandfather.

Sorry to hear about your mom too! My parents are
pretty good about the holidays since the divorce. The
big question is really which house its going to be at.

[TD2K]

Christmas cards?

[Opti]

"Even worse, she left the "choice" between leaving her or leaving everyone else I knew to me. At fourteen."

Yuck! I was lucky, my parents divorced when I was in college
and as the oldest I wasn't mentioned in the divorce decree.
That had to be tough.

[The J]

Dec 21, 2010 22:47:29 GMT -5 Opti said:

"Even worse, she left the "choice" between leaving her or leaving everyone else I knew to me. At fourteen."

Yuck! I was lucky, my parents divorced when I was in college
and as the oldest I wasn't mentioned in the divorce decree.
That had to be tough.

Yeah -- for the longest time I thought that I was most mad at her for abandoning me. I finally realized that it was the fact that she made me choose that was worse.

[Opti]

If it makes you feel any better, we still (jokingly) ask my sister when her thank you cards for her graduation gifts are getting mailed. She graduated high school in 1996.

Doesn't make me feel better, but does remind me my other
sibling. She never formally graduated with her degree so
the sister I was mentioning used to have an unwrapped
gift waiting patiently in the closet.

[Opti]

Dec 21, 2010 22:51:19 GMT -5 The J said:

Dec 21, 2010 22:47:29 GMT -5 Opti said:

"Even worse, she left the "choice" between leaving her or leaving everyone else I knew to me. At fourteen."

Yuck! I was lucky, my parents divorced when I was in college
and as the oldest I wasn't mentioned in the divorce decree.
That had to be tough.

Yeah -- for the longest time I thought that I was most mad at her for abandoning me. I finally realized that it was the fact that she made me choose that was worse.

That's a real tough choice to ask someone to make. Now that
its 2010, do you feel you would have been happier if she had
forced her choice on you instead of letting you choose?

[jan]

DH and I moved to CO from CA in 1987, when the kids were small because we'd had enough of both families. Then they had to come to us, and we had control. Win Win

[The J]

If she had told me I was staying with my dad, I'd feel better about it. If she said I was going with her, I don't know -- not sure how the rest of my life would've turned out.

[Opti]

J, So you chose your Dad, correct? Had Dad offered you the
same choice too, or was it Mom's job to do that? Just curious.

[The J]

Dec 21, 2010 23:05:41 GMT -5 Opti said:

J, So you chose your Dad, correct? Had Dad offered you the
same choice too, or was it Mom's job to do that? Just curious.

I chose to stay with my dad, because all my friends and other family were here. The choice was my mom's -- she had full custody. He would never have said no to my staying with him, so that wasn't an issue.

[Deleted]

wow, you guys survived some bad divorces. My parents split when I was 7 or 8, I lived with my mom, and that was pretty much that. I was heartbroken at the time, but it was all for the best (my dad cheated on her and is actually now married to the woman he cheated on her with). My dad isn't exactly Father of the Year material (or Husband of the Year material FWIW) which I learned the hard way. I pretty much consider him family the way I consider a distant cousin I see once a year family. It may sound mean, but it was the best thing I ever did my self-worth.

[kimber45]

Dec 21, 2010 15:47:15 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BF's mom is driving us insane!!!!!!!

Has anyone ever ditched their families and went away for the holidays instead?

No, not yet. We did not make it to my parents last year, but DS and I are going Friday. Saturday we will go to the IL's.

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 22, 2010 11:09:10 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

wow, you guys survived some bad divorces. My parents split when I was 7 or 8, I lived with my mom, and that was pretty much that. I was heartbroken at the time, but it was all for the best (my dad cheated on her and is actually now married to the woman he cheated on her with). My dad isn't exactly Father of the Year material (or Husband of the Year material FWIW) which I learned the hard way. I pretty much consider him family the way I consider a distant cousin I see once a year family. It may sound mean, but it was the best thing I ever did my self-worth.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, jenny. And if keeping Dad at a distance is best, then you have to.
My Dad remarried a few months after the divorce was final. But during my parents last separation (they separated a few times) my Dad met the women that he was obviously supposed to be with (12 years with my mom, 24 years and counting with his second wife). Mom was/is bitter, but it's a hole she dug herself. There was a lot of drama growing up and I've been realizing myself lately how much unecessary shit my mom caused. My Dad is a fantastic guy, but mom would have us treat him like an ATM. Now that I have a good relationship with him and my stepmom she makes snide remarks about my being the chosen one. WTF?

[The J]

Dec 22, 2010 11:36:30 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, jenny. And if keeping Dad at a distance is best, then you have to.
My Dad remarried a few months after the divorce was final. But during my parents last separation (they separated a few times) my Dad met the women that he was obviously supposed to be with (12 years with my mom, 24 years and counting with his second wife). Mom was/is bitter, but it's a hole she dug herself. There was a lot of drama growing up and I've been realizing myself lately how much unecessary shit my mom caused. My Dad is a fantastic guy, but mom would have us treat him like an ATM. Now that I have a good relationship with him and my stepmom she makes snide remarks about my being the chosen one. WTF?

My mom can be just as bad. My BIL, who is going through some issues with his father, was spending a decent amount of time with my dad -- they'd go to see movies that neither my sister or step-mother would want to see, things like that. My mom started making snide comments about how he has all this time to see my father, but not to come over to her place. What she completely ignored was the fact that she was expecting him to come over and do chores.

And I swear she's becoming more and more bitter and delusional about the whole thing. She made some comment earlier this year, when she was diagnosed with cancer, about how she wanted to outlive my father to spite him. Apparently, she thought that, for some unknown reason, he would want to claim her social security if she died. Living to spite your ex isn't a great way to live, IMHO.

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 22, 2010 11:42:46 GMT -5 The J said:

Living to spite your ex isn't a great way to live, IMHO.

Ain't that the truth!