rileyoday
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 4:56:04 GMT -5
Posts: 236
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 5:33:27 GMT -5
Post by rileyoday on Jan 17, 2011 5:33:27 GMT -5
I am mid 40s. Last time we gathered as a family was 20 years ago. 4 siblings 2 parents. nobody calls . no one sends cards or has parties. no one has bad habits or loud mouths we just don't like each other. I think its strange sometimes. we live within 1 hour of each other.
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 13:58:58 GMT -5
Post by naggie72 on Jan 17, 2011 13:58:58 GMT -5
When talking about the family to extended family that may have got in touch with me on FB or such (extended family- cousins, uncles that I haven't seen in years etc) I never malign them I just say I am not close with them (the toxins) and do not speak with them.
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 14:04:44 GMT -5
Post by naggie72 on Jan 17, 2011 14:04:44 GMT -5
I can also say that I have extended the olive branch a few times and what I get back in return is a whipping with said olive branch. It is easy to say that to people but sometimes the best thing to do is to not have anything to do with them.
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steff
Senior Associate
I'll sleep when I'm dead
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 17:34:24 GMT -5
Posts: 10,772
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 14:09:42 GMT -5
Post by steff on Jan 17, 2011 14:09:42 GMT -5
As a family, we had all just ignored/overlooked my toxic aunts "rip raving" moments, but they got worse and worse until she's simply too miserable to be around. When she went after my son with her nastiness, all bets were off as far as I was concerned. I won't allow someone like that to treat my kiddo like crap. I simply removed him from her anger firing range. He is more important to me than she is.
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 14:10:24 GMT -5
Post by honeybunny66 on Jan 17, 2011 14:10:24 GMT -5
There are few friends and relatives I would consider "toxic". But, that doesn't mean that I don't love them. They have their own issues which seem to pour out in that fashion. Sometimes you do have to limit your time with them for your own sanity, I get that. But, I wouldn't cut someone completely out of my life.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
Senior Member
So well rounded, I'm pointless...
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:49:31 GMT -5
Posts: 2,082
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 18:44:39 GMT -5
Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jan 17, 2011 18:44:39 GMT -5
There are a few friends and relatives I would consider "toxic". But, that doesnt mean that I don't love them. They have their own issues which seem to pour out in that fashion. Sometimes you do have to limit your time with them for your own sanity, I get that. But, I wouldn't cut someone completely out of my life. If Aunt So and So is getting batty, mean, etc. so what? Maybe she has early stages of an illness that hasn't yet been diagnosed. So, why not at least acknowledge her existence and show her love by sending an occassional card, short visit, etc? And, what if she is just plain mean? Even more reason to do so in my opinion. How about if they make up stories about another family member sexually molesting them as kids? And to make it worse, make these allegations in court at said family member's custody hearing for their children? When confronted, they admitted that it was made up but said it was "deserved" because the immediate family members of the one they lied about "could go to hell". Would you seriously not cut someone like this out of your life? They put the children's welfare (The ones whom the custody hearing were for) in jeopardy because they are jealous of the children's grandparents (Yes, they lied about the children's parent because they were mad at the children's grandparents. It was disgusting). What was even worse was that the parent undergoing the custody hearing wasn't the children's biological parent (hence the need for the hearing) but the biological parents didn't want the children (one was in jail and the other had called the previous stepparent to take the kids because she "didn't want to deal with them anymore". The previous stepparent was the one stepping up and then they were falsely accused of sexual molestation by our family members. Sorry, but you can bet you aren't ever worth me talking to again. Not only did you (The hypothetical you) make up false allegations about someone that are totally disgusting but you put the lives of small children in danger (After this, the court is going to have to put them in foster care because the previous stepparent is the only one who will take responsibility for them and they are an alleged "molester") and you are doing it to someone who you had no issue with (They hated the stepparent's parents-not the stepparent himself. But they did it because they knew that the grandparents cared a lot about the children and this would be one way to keep the children from them)... It was despicable. And yes, while it did not happen to me personally, there is no way in hell I would be anywhere near those family members. Sorry but that is not right...
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,574
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Family
Jan 17, 2011 23:28:55 GMT -5
Post by lurkyloo on Jan 17, 2011 23:28:55 GMT -5
That's really disgusting, audreyalyce. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
My stories aren't anything like as bad as yours. I still empathize with you about people on the outside telling you it can't possibly be all that bad and sometimes trying to help mend a rift that you're perfectly happy with. With the exception of my father, I have minimal or no contact with the family I grew up in. It's amazing and a little depressing how big a relief that is. Luckily, I married into a wonderful family where the members are actually nice to each other, and they've welcomed me with open arms.
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