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Post by tea4me on Sept 20, 2011 13:30:53 GMT -5
Serial Infatuator:
A Serial Infatuator is someone who continually has intimate relationships that last only between 3-5 months. It is the defined timeline for infatuation.
(Urban Dictionary definition)
My sister is a Serial Infatuator. She meets men on the internet, thinks they are wonderful, falls in love, and then they break up 3-5 months later for various reasons. The part that bothers me is that she introduces them to the family and we are all supposed to love him too. (This happened with the last five men she brought home.) It's hard for me to accept the men anymore since chances are they will be gone in a few months.
What do you think her teenage children think? (She is nearing 40.)
Is she trying to prove her worthiness to us?
Do you know anyone like this? Why do you think they do it?
She gets mad when I try and talk to her about it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2011 13:48:24 GMT -5
Personally, I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with seeing or dating a number of different people over time, whether that is five months eight months or 14 months, providing that it is “one at a time” and there is no overlap. I have found myself in this situation.
What she should avoid is exposing her children to the ‘flavor of the month’, and sparing the rest of the family members as well.
Maybe she is just getting her ya yas out, before seriously seeking something longer term. Or maybe she has some insecurity issues and always needs a man around to validate her sense of self worth.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2011 13:50:51 GMT -5
My sister is a serial infatuator. She moves way too quick with her significant others and almost always moves in with them after only a short time of knowing them. That inevitably leads to problems.
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Post by tea4me on Sept 20, 2011 13:57:48 GMT -5
I should add this: Before being a "serial infatuator" she lived with a stable man that took her and her children in. She moved out of his house because she thought the grass was greener on the other side. Later on she realized the grass wasn't greener (she got dumped), but stable man would not take her and her children back. Ever since then she has been a Serial Infatuator.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Sept 20, 2011 14:01:02 GMT -5
She is probably looking for what she lost & is moving way too fast.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Sept 20, 2011 16:45:56 GMT -5
I know a few people like this, both male and female. One guy I knew seems to be engaged (ring and all) to at least three different women every year. A girl I knew in HS would go on a date or two with a guy (or not even go on a date yet) and be professing her undying love for him. These were true infatuations though, not just saying "I love you" so the other would sleep with them. My sister was one to move in with a guy after just a few dates, she's several years older than me but has only ever had to live for about a year on her own.
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lurkyberk
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Post by lurkyberk on Sept 21, 2011 12:04:29 GMT -5
I know a guy like this. He even did it throughout his 10 year marriage. In the process of
getting a divorce finally, (separated 1 year) he's on his 2nd ligitimate girlfriend of 6 months
(in love of course) and Im just sittin' back watchin' the show, placing bets on how long
this one will last. Last one was 9 months long. <<shakes head>>
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2011 13:59:44 GMT -5
I always considered these people to be addicted to falling in love. Its a wondeful feeling, fallin in love and indeed your brain does release lovely bombs of pleasure so I can see how this happens. In fact I think I was an addict at one time, but I'm over it now.  |
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fnw
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Post by fnw on Sept 22, 2011 8:48:51 GMT -5
She is probably looking for what she lost & is moving way too fast. This. She's scaring them off by becoming too attached too soon. Probably taking him shopping and gazing intently through the jewelry store windows, pausing in front of bridal shops, and discussing "when we grow old" plans. Sends them running for the high hills. |
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Sept 22, 2011 14:55:19 GMT -5
I was a bit like this a while back....it wasn't me who wanted to get serious though, the moment they started to get too attached.........I'd run.
Just wasn't ready to settle, is all.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 25, 2011 10:53:40 GMT -5
Some people like the idea of "falling in love", but can't seem to hang on for the long ride (which usually has twists, turns, and bumps along the way).
They're setting their sights on perfection, and unfortunately will never find it.
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car-chick
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Post by car-chick on Sept 25, 2011 13:28:00 GMT -5
I dunno - I keep wondering about what I really want in a relationship and find myself making a lot of mistakes along the way. I had a two year relationship where I only saw him on Saturdays. It was kinda nice in the sense that I always had someome to spend the Saturdays with. Recently broke up (July 2) because he had another girl in the "picture". It really wasn't that hard on me though because I developed only moderate feelings towards him. Now I am in another relationship with someone that I know loves someone else and I am the second choice (although she lives in another state and they have contact via chat only). We live together, although he has his own place too, but I really love him and yet I know he will end up breaking my heart. I wish I could find the perfect situation but I have a feeling that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life......although for me it is usually more than 2 or 3 months at a time.
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Sept 27, 2011 11:03:08 GMT -5
I think the woman in the OP is looking for someone to take care of her - and her kids.  She previously had a man than took her and her kids under his roof and she wants that again. The poor thing - men like that are hard to find. |
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2011 5:19:45 GMT -5
Not always. Takes a certain type of man and they are out there. DF is one and the guy my DD dates is another.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 30, 2011 5:20:51 GMT -5
He married a woman with 2 kids from a jailbird and was living in her dad;s basement. She moved in with him (who had a house) 2 months after they met. He married her because he couldn't figure out how to make her and the kids move out.
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lurkyberk
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Post by lurkyberk on Sept 30, 2011 19:51:41 GMT -5
I dunno - I keep wondering about what I really want in a relationship and find myself making a lot of mistakes along the way. I had a two year relationship where I only saw him on Saturdays. It was kinda nice in the sense that I always had someome to spend the Saturdays with. Recently broke up (July 2) because he had another girl in the "picture". It really wasn't that hard on me though because I developed only moderate feelings towards him. Now I am in another relationship with someone that I know loves someone else and I am the second choice (although she lives in another state and they have contact via chat only). We live together, although he has his own place too, but I really love him and yet I know he will end up breaking my heart. I wish I could find the perfect situation but I have a feeling that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life......although for me it is usually more than 2 or 3 months at a time. Oh car-chick, i'm sorry for you! That sucks! You deserve a man that will be with you 100%. not part time. Good luck to you! |
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Post by femmefatale on Oct 1, 2011 13:40:23 GMT -5
I dunno - I keep wondering about what I really want in a relationship and find myself making a lot of mistakes along the way. I had a two year relationship where I only saw him on Saturdays. It was kinda nice in the sense that I always had someome to spend the Saturdays with. Recently broke up (July 2) because he had another girl in the "picture". It really wasn't that hard on me though because I developed only moderate feelings towards him. Now I am in another relationship with someone that I know loves someone else and I am the second choice (although she lives in another state and they have contact via chat only). We live together, although he has his own place too, but I really love him and yet I know he will end up breaking my heart. I wish I could find the perfect situation but I have a feeling that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life......although for me it is usually more than 2 or 3 months at a time. I find this interesting, being as in the past I have had some short term ones...but in my case they are 6 months to a year. I wonder sometimes if it is just a matter of being bored easily or I just haven't found the right one. I actually have one now that I am completely in love with. I hope I have finally found Mr. right. Lol Nice to meet everyone. I just started on here today and like that there are so many topics to touch down on. |
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Post by femmefatale on Oct 1, 2011 13:52:04 GMT -5
I was a bit like this a while back....it wasn't me who wanted to get serious though, the moment they started to get too attached.........I'd run. Just wasn't ready to settle, is all. Sounds like me when I was younger.  |
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Post by femmefatale on Oct 1, 2011 13:54:26 GMT -5
I always considered these people to be addicted to falling in love. Its a wondeful feeling, fallin in love and indeed your brain does release lovely bombs of pleasure so I can see how this happens. In fact I think I was an addict at one time, but I'm over it now. Me too Joey...so over it. There comes a point where you get tired of jumping from one to another and realize you're getting older and it's time to find the right one. One that you truly love, and hang on tight. Life is too short.  |
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Post by femmefatale on Oct 2, 2011 16:35:29 GMT -5
Some people like the idea of "falling in love", but can't seem to hang on for the long ride (which usually has twists, turns, and bumps along the way). They're setting their sights on perfection, and unfortunately will never find it. Agreed on this one SL. If you are looking for perfection in someone...you are crap out of luck. Relationships take lots of work through both parties. If you dplit up with a person every time they make a mistake, you will find yourself alone for good. |
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 11, 2011 9:21:58 GMT -5
It is a great feeling, that rush of love, but I still like the quieter feelings that I have now with DF. I like looking at him taking pictures of the moon last night with the clouds around because I thought it was cool. That's what lasts.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Oct 17, 2011 9:57:51 GMT -5
I was a bit like this a while back....it wasn't me who wanted to get serious though, the moment they started to get too attached.........I'd run. Just wasn't ready to settle, is all. So much for only men who cannot commit. |
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