Parenting an overweight child

[thyme4change]

www.washingtonpost.com/national/parenting-an-overweight-child-can-be-difficult/2011/02/22/ABkG8N8_story.html

All of the advice seems pretty decent to me - but it really comes down to parents knowing nutritional right from wrong.

The school talks a lot about nutritional choices, and my son is a little obsessed. I'm hoping it evens out and he goes through life with a healthy attitude about food. My daughter doesn't even mention it - which I'm glad about. I still think the stigma of weight is much worse for girls than boys.

[Formerly SK]

My children are super skinny (my 4.75yo dd is 28 lbs). Behind the scenes I push as many calories as I can (add fats to everything) but I *never* tell her she's skinny. Mostly we talk about food helping you grow "big and strong." I'd rather them eat brown rice sauteed in safflower oil than white rice. I also don't offer treats/desserts after meals. Even though they are skinny, I want them to develop good eating habits.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm trying to teach mine good eating habits. It would probably be easier if we meal-planned better though.

[Sum Dum Gai]

We're going through it with our daughters. Older one is a big girl, younger one is skinny as a rail. Both have exactly the same diet. We don't keep junk food in the house, have seriously cut back on our eating out, and Loop cooks almost everything from scratch.

The biggest thing I've noticed is the way they each get hungry. Younger daughter seems to be more like me. If she's not active she's not hungry. Older daughter seems more like my wife, if her stomach is empty she's hungry. She could sleep in on a Saturday, spend all morning in bed reading a book, and all afternoon vegging at the house watching movies, and she'll be "starving" first thing in the morning, and every four hours after that like clock work. Loop is the same way. If she hasn't eaten in a while she's hungry, whether she's done anything in the mean time or not. Not to imply that Loop or the older daughter sit around all the time, but even on the really laid back days their appetite seems exactly the same, whereas the younger daughter will forget to eat if she's not reminded and not doing much.

Our older daughter is also just a big girl though. She's tall for her age, and strong, so some of the appetite probably comes from her body wanting the nutrients to grow. She gets growing pains in her knees and legs off and on, which has been happening since she was 4. We focus more on being healthy overall than being thin or being a particular weight. She cried herself to sleep the day she had a doctors appointment and found out her weight was over 100 lbs though.

[Frappuccino]

My son was never overweight, but was definitely healthy at around age 10. Then, by age 12 he got skinny and grew very tall for his age. He has been skinny ever since. I think some of the pre-teen chubbiness may be due to looming growth spurts, but I'm not an expert.

[thyme4change]

skinny - my kids are also thin, but I don't keep a lot of sweets in the house. Just because they happen to be thin is no reason to shove cookies and ice cream in their face every chance you get. They will pay for that later. Plus, I know the snacks they get at school aren't exactly fresh cut celery and grapes right off the vine. Their "junk food" quota is met outside our house. Because we have never kept that in the house, my kids don't seem to notice that it isn't there. I'm sure when they get older our pantry will change - but for now - I'm trying to build healthy habits that will carry them through.

[kadee]

When my son was young he did a hefty one year, grow tall/get skinny the next, repeat, repeat, repeat. Until high school when he seemed to gain all his height & stayed fairly skinny. He didn't start to pack on lbs. until his late 30's when he got into a serious auto accident & hasn't been able to be nearly as active since. And he has healthy eating habits!
We had a rule in our house...if it was being served for a meal, you took at least one bite of everything....adults & children! Nothing was ever forced and before you knew it, they liked it ALL! ;D

[pig]

My son is so skinny the doctor joking asked if we fed him. I keep trying to toe the line of letting him have unhealthy fattening foods but I don't want to prejudice him towards those kinds of foods. Luckily my wife feeds him a heck of a lot more than I do and she only gives him healthy stuff. So far he's really good about it, last night I gave him some chips (oh about 10 pringles) and asked him if he wanted more and he declined.

[thyme4change]

I thought it was weird that the article said not to stop them from loading up on seconds and thirds of anything. Maybe they were talking about older kids - but with my kids, we are pretty set on the "no thirds" rule. If they are still hungry they can eat something else - and I always suggest fruit, but sometimes will go with bread and butter or something. I'm trying to get my kids into the thought process of eating several things for dinner, instead of consuming one whole pizza or something. I have found that more than 50% of the time when my kids ask for more and I say "You've already had two servings, if you are still hungry I will cut you an apple, an orange, some strawberries, there is more vegetables, I have carrots, or you can have some yogurt, or is there something else you want?" They realize they weren't actually hungry - just mindlessly shotgunning tacos down their throats. The good news is a make a yummy taco!

[pig]

I might set a rule like that (no seconds) if my child were overweight. Since he's so skinny I let him eat as much as he wants because I don't know if he's have a growth spurt or not. I am also not that knowledgeable about the caloric requirements for children.

[Deleted]

I also have a skinny child. I don't try to put weight on her though unhealthy foods either. I do offer her a healthy after school snack and a bedtime snack in addition to her meals. I also serve desserts most nights, although sometimes it is just fruit. Sometimes she doesn't want anything and that is okay. Kids do go on growing spurts and sometimes their bodies need more food than other times. Now, if I could just get her Grandmas to understand this concept.

[daylight]

Unless it's a medical condition from the start, the parents are responsible for obesity.
I was a skinny kid and a thin adult for most of my life (now being average but getting active again, so I might go back to thin). We had lots of fruit in the pantry, very few chocolate and other sweets. Ice cream was a treat we got from the grandparents. We did not know that other families had other habits for a long while and when we learned it, our habits were already formed.

[pig]

"Unless it's a medical condition from the start, the parents are responsible for obesity."

Totally untrue. There are a myriad of psychological disorders that can appear that would cause one to overeat that could have nothing to do with the parents.

[mmhmm]

For overweight children, carbs are a better choice than sugars, or fats. Portion control is paramount, whether you're dealing with a child, or an adult. Overweight people, in general, simply eat too much. They eat too much at a sitting, and some have far too many "sittings". If you control your portions, eat healthy foods (including complex carbohydrates), and get enough exercise, your weight will stabilize over time.

[thyme4change]

Munchausen by proxy?

[azphx1972]

Interesting topic, reminds me of an American Scientific Frontiers special called "Fat and Happy" that aired on PBS 10 years ago. Here are a couple of clips that I found to be of particular interest on this matter.

[azphx1972]

You can read about them at the links below, but I found the videos to be particularly informative.

www.pbs.org/saf/1110/segments/1110-2.htm
www.pbs.org/saf/1110/segments/1110-3.htm

[KaraBoo]

The biggest think I've had to help break my step-kids from (they've lived with us full time for the last 3.5 years) is eating because they are bored.

When DH and I would go to pick the kids up from their mom's house on Friday night, she knew we would be feeding them as soon as we got them as we hadn't eaten either. We told her every time we would call her to say we were on our way that we would be feeding them dinner. Everytime we arrived, the kids had just finished a pb&j sandwich or two because they were "starving" and she couldn't let them go hungry for an additional 30-45 minutes.

We tried skipping dinner with the kids several times, but they just got upset as they expected to be fed again. We tried ordering them smaller portions, but they would insist they were still hungry. None of these kids are underweight and both older kids need to lose weight. The youngest is obsessed with being "fat" and insists that she is - she's the only one of the three that isn't. I think she's trying to compare herself to my son, who's a bean pole and can eat like there's no tomorrow without gaining a pound (I actually cheered when he finally broke through the 100lb mark at 12 yrs old - he was 5'5" - he's now 5'9" and only weighs 120).

It's been over 3 years now, and these kids are still re-learning better eating habits. It doesn't help that DH and I are both overweight - mostly due to our own sedetary lifestyle. We're all still a work in progress.

[thyme4change]

Ah yes, the "bored" eating. I even catch myself doing it. One way I battle that - especially with a set of friends who spend a lot of time at our house - is offering them things that they wouldn't normally have for a snack. So, yes, I have a box of cookies in there, but if you are really, really hungry you should eat these sliced carrots and raw broccoli I have. Nope, sorry, no ranch dressing. Sometimes they actually do grab a handful and run on their merry way. But, often they answer "Well, I'm not really hungry." And I always say "I thought so."

We went out with friends this weekend. It was pretty much the opposite I'm doing with my kids. First, we drove - I would have riden our bikes there. Second, the kids were watching a movie in the back seat. We went less than 3 miles. It doesn't even seem fun to watch a movie in 7 minute increments. Third, we had lunch before we left (which was my idea) but her kids didn't eat much, and then they complained they were hungry the whole time. That never flies in my house. And then, the other Mom announced we were getting ice cream.