Update from IssaKDJD

[jando]

Hey everyone. I was going to post this in the Midwest thread since IssaKDJD was from our region, but she was with the WIR far before we broke into regions, so I thought others may remember her as well. Her update follows:


Its a new year and its got to be a better one than last year. I backed off the boards after the boys were born and some of you may remember that Bobby had significant complications resulting in me needing to quit work. Bobby was with us a short 23 months, 11 days. He earned his angel wings on May 23, 2010. Tony misses his twin, Mike and I miss our firstborn and there will always be a gaping hole of the part of us that he took with him when he left.

Needless to say we've spent the past 7 months learning how to be a "normal" family - one that doesn't live at Ronald McDonald House the majority of the time, one that doesn't measure weeks by the number doctors appointments and number of nursing hours we received (or were shorted). I'm back to work close to full time, although I kept the independent contractor arrangement at work, so I'm still working for myself. The plus is that when my son is sick, I'm the one staying home, and no one is going to dock my pay for it. We learned to live on just Mike's income and used mine for the little extras (like tires and Christmas, and most recently I was utterly irresponsible and paid cash for a $5K vacation to Punta Cana for just Mike and myself for our 10 year anniversary - I probably should have put it towards paying off student loans, but after the year we'd had, the vacation was much needed.)

On the debt front, I haven't made much progress, but we also haven't backslid any, which is about the best I think we could expect given that we added two children, removed a full time job, and then threw in a ton of extra expenses (gas to and from the hospital, cost of eating meals at the hospital, and living at Ronald McDonald House for extended periods of time - even at $10 a day, month long stays added up,) and then to add insult to injury, had to deal with funeral expenses for a 2 year old (incidentally, that was almost $8K... so glad we signed up for the $.50/month life insurance on the boys through Mike's work... we paid the funeral expenses and then put the balance into Tony's college fund - it didn't seem right to use the money for anything else, and I think that Bobby would have wanted it to benefit his brother.)

Undergrad loans will be paid off in March 2012 if I don't make any extra payments, and I've actually started putting some of my income into paying a little extra on that loan again, so I'm shooting for Christmas of this year to be free of that millstone - only another 15 years to go on the law school loans. I think once we've paid off undergrad, we'll snowball the $380 payment onto the law school loans to knock them out sooner. That or pay extra on the mortgage. I figure we'll look at it when we get a little closer. I can still deduct education loan interest, and we don't have enough mortgage interest to itemize anymore.

Now that life is settling into a new routine, we are thinking about having more kids. Mike had a vasectomy after the boys were born and we just laid out $6K to get it reversed. Of course insurance doesn't cover that, so that was paid in cash up front. As I write this I realized that between the vacation and the vasectomy reversal that was $11K that I could have paid on the school loans. However we've realized that sometimes life does not give you time and there are certain things you should do NOW, rather than waiting. Since our debt is all essentially "good debt" (school loans and mortgage,) it felt right to give ourselves something for us. We're going to go to South Africa for a friends wedding in February - there was a time when I'd have said dropping $3K to go to a wedding was unthinkable when we still had school loans out there to pay off - now I just agree to do it as long as I don't have to incur any credit card debt (with the exception of charging the tickets and then paying them off immediately.) After all, South Africa for a wedding is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I'm still practicing bankruptcy and have added foreclosure and debt collection defense work to my case load since Bobby passed away. Seeing how bad it can get for others when life takes the reins and catastrophe strikes makes it easy for me reconcile spending my days helping people walk away from their debts even when I believe that most credit card debts can be paid off if someone is determined to do it.

Feel free to edit this to something that won't make everyone cry and post an update on the board for me*. I might pop in at the new board if things slow down some at work. For anyone that actually has my email address, feel free to add me on facebook.

Issa

*I didn't edit it down

[Sam_2.0]

Oh Issa - I am so so sorry to hear about Bobby

[boosmom]

I am so sorry for your loss, Issa. I can't say I blame you for being willing to live for today without incurring new debt, after all that you and your family have been through. I can't even imagine how Tony is coping with the loss of Bobby. We'll be thinking of you and your family.

[Deleted]

Issa - I'm so sorry about Bobby. I've been thinking about you and your boys.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[lulu0312]

ISSA - Your message did make me cry, but I'm so glad you and your family seem to be doing well. I can't imagine the loss of a child... I am so sorry. God bless you all.

[writer88]

Issa - May Bobby's memory be for a blessing!

My -felt condolences

[Elderkind]

Oh Issa, I am so very sorry for your loss and am sending heartfelt hugs and prayers for you and your family. May your future path be showered with nothing but blessings and happiness...

[redwagon]

Issa, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can certainly see how that would give you new perspective, and I'm glad you and DH are doing things for you during this difficult time. Enjoy the wedding in South Africa - that sounds like an amazing trip!

[debtheaven]

Issa, I am so terribly sorry for all you have been through. I am sure that losing Bobby was devastating. All my prayers for another healthy child for your family.

[bankergurl]

ISSA - Thank you for providing us with an update. I have often wondered how you and your family were doing since they boys were born. I am so sorry to hear about Bobby. There are really no words. Best wishes for the new year, you are a strong woman and will continue on as a wonderful mommy to Tony! HUGS!

[muttleynfelix]

Issa - So sorry to hear about Bobby. Thanks for the update.