Study says conservatives are smarter than liberals

[Virgil Showlion]

...says the latest paper released by researcher Ima Edukata Beeondmaentelligencia, a superevolutionary bioethicologist at the Oxford Institute for Putatively Useful Studies.

"The study is groundbreaking," Beeondmaentelligencia told reporters at a press conference in London, "it uses the totally-not-fudged methodology pioneered by Dr. Kanazawa but it comes out with opposite conclusions, proving what we call the 'evolutionary intelligence oscillation' principle."

A look into the methodological differences between the two studies confirms Beeondmaentelligencia's claims. Only two differences genuinely stand out:

Firstly, while Dr. Kanazawa quantifies a subject's intelligence—the sum of his/her vast creative and cognitive abilities—using a word/picture matching vocabulary test, Dr. Beeondmaentelligencia instead relies on a game of tiddlywinks, citing numerous precedents and concluding in his paper, "with a whopping correlation of 0.006 to actual general intelligence tests, the Friedman Khan tiddlywinks metric is the best drive-by intelligence test there is, even more accurate than [Kanazawa's]."

Secondly, while Dr. Kanazawa defines liberalism as

the genuine concern for the welfare of genetically unrelated others and the willingness to contribute larger proportions of private resources for the welfare of such others

before asking subjects to rank themselves on a liberal/conservative scale, Dr. Beeondmaentelligencia defines liberalism as

the genuine tendency to worship power, act like whiny elitist scum, and spend other people's money like a lotto whore

before presenting the same scale.

"My colleagues and I are all but totally certain the definition has no influence on the experimental outcome," Beeondmaentelligencia indicates.

Already Beeondmaentelligencia's study is being heralded by academic insiders as a triumph for superevolutionary bioethicology, a field often criticized for being contrived and "bloody useless".

"Absolutely false," Beeondmaentelligencia says of both criticisms. "Superevolutionary theory is opening up whole new scientific worlds. For instance, we've now scientifically proven that the giant "O" in the Barrack Obama campaign was what won Pres. Obama the 2008 election. Primitive man evolved to associate the round "O" shape with a mouth—meaning food. On election day, some hungry Republican voters went into the voting booth and instinctively cast their ballot for the "O" man, who was the symbolic bringer of food. Evolution in action."

When confronted with the argument that his research inflames bitter partisan rivalries without providing any useful or actionable scientific knowledge, Beeondmaentelligencia jokingly replies, "What do you expect? It's evolution. ... That's a joke. A joke. Actually, don't print that."

He adds, "We'll need a lot more funding to uncover these extraordinarily useful evolutionary truths. A lot, lot more. For evolutionary truths. Yes indeed. Extraordinarily useful. Oh my."

- Virgil Press

[ed1066]

Nice work Virgil. Hey, where's your link??

[Virgil Showlion]

Link to what?

[Waffle]

LOL. Virgil. ;D



ETA - I'm not sure what I liked best - the Dr's name or the tiddlywinks.

[Mkitty is pro kitty]

Nice work Virgil. Hey, where's your link??

Virgil Press

[swamp]

<<snort>>

Very funny, Virgil.

[wyouser]

;D can we find the study about "left-handers?? You know, about their being the only people in their "right" minds.

[floridayankee]

lmao...that's funny right there.

But, I saw the thread title and thought, "Oh goodie. Here we go again."

[cme1201]

When confronted with the argument that his research inflames bitter partisan rivalries without providing any useful or actionable scientific knowledge, Beeondmaentelligencia jokingly replies, "What do you expect? It's evolution. ... That's a joke. A joke. Actually, don't print that."

Beyond funny. Wait maybe I shouldn't print that.

[Deleted]

Virgil

You have way too much free time in your life

Brilliant.....

[Deleted]

Thank you Virgil, your creative humor is second to none. Superevolutionary bioethicology indeed !

[Angel!]

And here I thought this was going to be about an actual study showing the opposite of the previous study, I thought it would be interesting. Guess you couldn't find any such study.

Too bad, LOL.

Funny stuff.

;D

[Virgil Showlion]

I'm wondering how many people noticed the nod to "Futurama".

[Don Perignon]

Those who decline to view "Futurama" cannot possibly give such a "nod". As for the "sophomoric humor" crowd that does watch "Futurama" (and "Family Guy", etc.)... well, their nod just isn't worth very much, is it?

[cme1201]

Dr. Farnsworth at the end there. cute.

[mmhmm]

Off topic, but I hope your headache has eased, cme.

[mmhmm]

Sept 2, 2011 15:39:18 GMT -5 Don Perignon said:

Those who decline to view "Futurama" cannot possibly give such a "nod". As for the "sophomoric humor" crowd that does watch "Futurama" (and "Family Guy", etc.)... well, their nod just isn't worth very much, is it?

I don't watch either. I don't watch television. However, I figure the nods of those who do are worth just the same as anyone else's nod.

[EVT1]

Futurama is not in the same boat with Family Guy- lots of smart jokes in it.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

;D

[weltschmerz]

I prefer American Dad...now that's some funny stuff!
The episode with the Log Cabin Republicans was priceless.

[sesfw]

Liberals are USUALLY younger, fresh out of school, and going to turn the world on its ear. Conservatives are USUALLY older and have had more life experiences. It's amazing how thoughts change when life has kicked you around a bit.

May I have some of the grant funds for this study?

[Tennesseer]

Glad you stressed USUALLY.

[Virgil Showlion]

May I have some of the grant funds for this study?

You won't know if you don't try.

If the "Kanazawa standard" for grant proposals is anything to go by, you could get funding to study the evolutionary impact of bird migration on Donald Trump's hairdo.