uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 7, 2014 8:44:36 GMT -5
.....
This is exactly the reason I am considering using a Chinese doctor for all my medical needs.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 5, 2014 12:00:34 GMT -5
.......
They will and find more interesting thoughts than what they intend to find plus you'll know when they do so you can give them a thought hug ...or ?
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 5, 2014 10:11:45 GMT -5
......
.... this too will come to pass.....the cell phone will become obsolete......all communications will be mental.....no television....
AWESOME...!!!
can anyone hear me now ?
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 3, 2014 17:46:01 GMT -5
......
JVA .....long
Coffee Holding Co., Inc. is engaged in manufacturing, roasting, packaging, marketing, and distributing roasted and blended coffees in the United States, Canada, and the Far East.
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 3, 2014 8:17:06 GMT -5
...
thanks.....
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 1, 2014 7:15:16 GMT -5
......
my prayers for your good health in mind and body Clarkl2...........
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 29, 2014 17:16:28 GMT -5
....
A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job...
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"OK, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you five extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job." the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls... No point in you coming in for that
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 27, 2014 7:05:11 GMT -5
....
close your eyes....can you recognize the smell of your friends.?
do you like them all or do you have favorite ?
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 26, 2014 8:38:24 GMT -5
........FCEL........long
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 24, 2014 19:20:16 GMT -5
...... I am way down under.....might as well look for the missing airliner....
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 24, 2014 13:58:27 GMT -5
......
Statistics show that teenage pregnancy drops significantly at age 25..
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uncle23
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Jokes
Apr 24, 2014 13:02:37 GMT -5
Post by uncle23 on Apr 24, 2014 13:02:37 GMT -5
...
SL....Re: coffee commercial....hilarius....!!
I'm a 76 yr old man and I did not get it right away...
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 19, 2014 16:57:09 GMT -5
...
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her.
"Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love"
The woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 18, 2014 13:41:39 GMT -5
.....
PLUG........long
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 17, 2014 7:13:13 GMT -5
..... As I said before....Architecto talks to his horses...
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 11, 2014 19:29:25 GMT -5
......
PLUG.......long
Plug Power Inc., an alternative energy technology provider, is engaged in the design, development, manufacture, and commercialization of fuel cell systems for the industrial off-road markets worldwide.
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 8, 2014 15:51:57 GMT -5
....
As a retired chemical engineer, one of my favorite hobbies is turning wine into urine..
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 8, 2014 15:41:33 GMT -5
........
In the car on the way to school , I told my grand kids that Einstein said that everyone is a genius....
my 6th grader replied..." he must not have heard of me "
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Apr 6, 2014 17:26:30 GMT -5
.....
....FCEL......long
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 28, 2014 10:02:42 GMT -5
......
Clark....pls enter TSLA ...long next week for me....I'll be doing spring break vacation on a Disney cruise with a couple of grand kids....
thanks....
p.s.
my FCEL is losing power bigtime but I think it will re-charge -
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 23, 2014 12:42:49 GMT -5
....
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm so sorry............. I was just thinking of my own funeral when I die.............I'm a gynecologist!"
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 22, 2014 22:01:56 GMT -5
...
FCEL.......Long
last race to bounce back....or glue factory
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 19, 2014 10:29:33 GMT -5
...
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his Attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 16, 2014 8:25:09 GMT -5
.... S-L......!!!
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 15, 2014 18:42:48 GMT -5
...
FCEL .............long
temted with PLUG but betting with FCEL
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 8, 2014 9:09:38 GMT -5
Unc's probably going to continue taking Spot one from the rest of us until he shares whatever it is that he feeds his horses.
And,...Clark,....your continued effort on managing this contest is greatly appreciated by me. .. I fed him some HEMP Arch....LOL CLARK...much appreciation from me too and I'm sure from all of us..
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 8, 2014 9:00:43 GMT -5
....
FCEL...........long
Mar 10FCEL to announce Q1 earnings After Market (Confirmed) Mar 11FCEL Earnings Conference Call at 10:00 AM Listen Mar 27Shareholders Meeting
FuelCell Energy, Inc., together with its subsidiaries, designs, manufactures, sells, installs, operates, and services stationary fuel cell power plants for distributed baseload power generation.
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 6, 2014 17:05:44 GMT -5
..
Camile ...for cameleon
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 6, 2014 16:26:43 GMT -5
...
Some seniors are so thoughtful and creative!!
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Mar 6, 2014 15:25:58 GMT -5
....
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.' ___________________________________________
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