Never teach a pig to fly

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

you only frustrate yourself and piss off the pig.

So goes the first week of my student back in the lab - unhampered by her time in the clinic. She has (usually) shown up on time, but at this point I'm convinced I'm trying to teach a pig to fly.

Right now, she's shadowing me while I am doing the work she needs to learn how to do. While I'm working, I'm telling her what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and what it'll accomplish. Only problem is that 20 minutes later, I get a question that demonstrates that she's not listening to what I'm saying. I have a meeting with my boss and he gives me the idea to have her write down the protocol as she sees it, as she understands it, from watching me do this in the lab. She's not to go to the literature, nor look up any other protocols, but to write down the steps that she's observed me doing. Due today.

So today, she hands me a protocol that she's essentially filched from another source. It includes a step that we have eliminated from our protocol - big cue there she's not listening and/or understanding what I am saying. I asked her to repeat the lesson this weekend, giving me what I asked for - NOT what she wants to give me.

I am frustrated as hell.

Then, TD and I leave for the beach next Friday, so I am moving my Memorial day from Monday to Friday. Student's going to MN to see her kids while I'm gone, so no time lost. When I tell her I'll see her Monday at 8, she reminds me that Monday's a holiday. Yeah, I know. But we have the flexibility to move holidays to our advantage and I'm moving Memorial day. She looks at me in dismay.....'you mean I can't relax on Monday?'. Ummm, you're getting Friday and all of the following week off, isn't that enough?

I honestly do not know what to do next. I have never had a student that is so totally clueless. I can spend the next 3 months banging my head up against the wall, talking to someone who doesn't understand me, or I can just to the freaking project and get it off of my plate and completed to my satisfaction.

I'm ready to make bacon out of her.......

[Befferz]

See, that's the thing as a student, and especially a foreign student--part of their education needs to be learning how to "learn" from other people with their varied communication styles. Mich shouldn't have to change what's worked for her for years just to accomodate one student.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

If she doesnt understand you, maybe you should think about how you communicate.

Horatio.....I've taught students in my lab for 25 years now. This is the first time that I have had any kind of issues like this. I guarantee you, the problem is not how I communicate. The fact that she's a foreign student has nothing to do with it. I've taught Chinese, Japanese, Greek, Turkish, Indian, Syrian and just about every other nationality of student that you can name.

Even my coworker, who sits across the bench from me has said that he does not understand what her problem is.

[Peace Of Mind]

I completely understand what her problem is. She is stupid and lazy AND she cheats. You are welcome.

[NancysSummerSip]

Mich, Mich, Mich.......the problem is, you are not handing everything to her on a silver platter, making her life simply wonderful, just the way she absolutely deserves it. You rotten little human, you. The nerve to make her switch a day off. How heartbreaking, how slave-driving of you.

OK, cue the tiny violins now.

[Bluerobin]

Can you flunk her early? If she is a hopeless case, just keep rolling along, even though she isn't getting it. Then flunk her at the end. Some people just have the IQ of broccoli, and will never be any better. Also, consider having "the talk" with her and letting her know she isn't going to make it.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Yeah, I can boot her out, Blue. She wants to be a resident in the perio program and was not accepted this year. If I her, she'll have to find another project and (hopefully) it won't be in the lab.

Residents must do a research project and the theory is that she'll get accepted next year (and likely will, her government is willing to hand over the obscene amount of money that out of the country tuition costs and the college is enough of a money whore that they'll accept her, regardless of abilities). She'll have her research project done before she starts her clinical rotation - not scrambling afterwards, like 90% of the residents do. But I don't get to grade this student, unfortunately.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I only mentioned it because twice in the OP you said maybe she didnt understand you.

THAT was the point of the exercise, Horatio.

However, when you have someone nod their head and look at you like they understand you, then ask a question a few minutes later, it's hard to know exactly where the breakdown of communication is.

I don't know if it's language (she speaks very good English, maybe she doesn't understand?). I don't know if it's technical. I don't know if it is simply lack of attention. I don't know if it's just she's going to do things her way (which is the problem that they have with her in the clinic). I don't know if it's a passive aggressive move that she's just doing this so that I do the work, rather than need to hand the project off to her once she learns it. I don't know if she is simply lazy and expecting me to do her project for her.

Any one of these is possibly the problem and I simply do not know which one it is.