muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 30, 2019 17:32:31 GMT -5
I am going to brag on DH for a second. He got the go ahead to ditch the boot on the 17th and he is doing well. But the thing that has just struck me the last week or 2 that he is "back". Even with him still having pain and no pain killers (thanks federal opoid laws, you suck), he's just able to be involved, engaged, he slept in our bed Sunday night for the first time in like 10 weeks. It just feels so good to have him back and in partner mode.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 1, 2019 7:44:53 GMT -5
I have no clue. I've gone cross eyed when he tries to explain. Swinging is the best my brain can come up with. An orgy springs to mind. Or sex club. Nothing wrong with being vanilla. Says another vanilla.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 1, 2019 8:08:29 GMT -5
I've always been fascinated with the whole swinging lifestyle, but I have a feeling it's not as much fun as it would seem to be and a whole lot of awkward.
I know a few people who swing, and a while a couple of the guys have some attraction to me, a few of them are, um, not attractive. There is no way I could get into anything with them.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on May 1, 2019 8:28:59 GMT -5
Vanilla sex and vanilla ice cream are important base layers. As I always say about a new ice cream place, try the vanilla. If you can't make a good vanilla ice cream then do I really trust your outlandish flavors? You gotta master the basics first!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 1, 2019 8:51:33 GMT -5
I've always been fascinated with the whole swinging lifestyle, but I have a feeling it's not as much fun as it would seem to be and a whole lot of awkward. I know a few people who swing, and a while a couple of the guys have some attraction to me, a few of them are, um, not attractive. There is no way I could get into anything with them. It sounds awkward to me too. I told DH if we ever tried something like that it'd have to be somewhere like the Bunny Ranch. I don't want to run into those people again in public. What if the sex sucked? I'm too cerebral to swing.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on May 2, 2019 14:05:05 GMT -5
Does anyone have a recommendation for a good, small booster seat? We own 3 high-backed ones, but I don’t want to take that on our vacation next month. I’m looking for something small enough that we can easily carry it on the plane and not take up much space when we won’t need it. DD is 44” tall and only weighs 40 lbs, so she definitely needs something.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:14:18 GMT -5
condoms fail too. I'd be asking for a DNA test This. And an aids test. If someone is swinging, why would they not use a condom 100% of the time. He may have bigger fish to fry. Most swingers ... and a growing number of the gay community are on PreP. While PreP does not protect against STD’s, it does lower the risk of contracting HIV. Which is the downside of PreP, people on prep feel invincible and forget about the other STD’s since they cannot catch the big one.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:16:27 GMT -5
I tend to picture swingers as being married or in LTRs, to be honest. So maybe there is a guy willing to take on a kid? But that's my own biases, probably drawn from crappy tv shows. Right? How are single people swingers? A single person is not the swinger but they are the “guest” to the party; the couple are the swingers. Some swingers like to play with other “couples” while other swingers just like to add another “person” (can be female or male) to the party. So drama brother was dating the girl and they invited another guy to join the fun aka a threesome.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:20:22 GMT -5
She's considering keeping it. She is 12 weeks already so only has a brief window in Iowa to change her mind. She currently plans to raise it. She's single. He is very anti kid. It could change. It could not. Either way I don't think it's that simple for him to get out of it. They belong to a club in Omaha that has an insane amount of members. A condition is you have to be regularly tested and your results on file. Refuse and they kick you out. But yes he should be using a condom anyhow because you can easily contract something between check ups and be asymptomatic. DNA test was brought up. I'm letting my parents deal with it he's not my kid or living in my house. You can definitely catch something yes but the testing is so regular that the chances of it not showing on a test or slim to none. Ex: if you are on a PreP or in this case part of a club, the requirement for a full panel STD test (all the works) is every 12 weeks.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:23:54 GMT -5
Well, it's too late to be anti-kid. I'm having a hard time mustering up much sympathy for your brother. I do feel for the baby though. I really hope the mother gets her shit together fast. In general I try not to judge other people's sexual choices because as long as you are a consenting adult then it's none of my business. However, I can't help but feel that this particular lifestyle doesn't seem to be conducive to stability. Your sexual preference or inclination or lifestyle has nothing to do with you as a person when it comes to “stability”. She is a consenting adult that like to have sex with more than 1 person at a time (assuming) and other things. That has no bearing on what she does with her life the other 20-22 hours a day. You would be surprised how many upstanding citizens have some things going on behind the curtains that may have you thinking twice. Sexual preference as long it is not hurting anyone and everyone consent is nothing to be ashamed off, we all have different ways to get our rocks off.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:38:16 GMT -5
Since inquiring minds want to know, I'm just going to speculate out loud here... In order to be a swinger, don't you have to be in a relationship, and both of you are swinging? So this is sort of a hookup club? With rules (which is probably where the midwestern part comes in )? Otherwise it's just Tinder, right? (I know a couple who swing, but they're married. To each other, and always looking for their next victim partner. The male is super creepy, always hitting on women and making insanely inappropriate comments. Isn't that the difference between swinging and hooking up?) This is my ignorance about an entire culture, right here. But now I'm being nosy about it. Not going to google, obviously.
What are your exact questions? Because within that culture there is also a subculture. You have swingers where the husband or wife does not participate and just watch - that what turns them on. You have swingers that they both participate with 1 or multiple other people - orgies You have swingers that are straight or a little bisexual, or the wife is bi or the husband is bi and looking for the person that fits in that mold. You have swingers that like to play together or go their separate ways and meet up later. And you have people that are not swingers, they just like to sleep around or have 1-2-3 other sexual partners that some would think are swingers.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:39:10 GMT -5
I have no clue. I've gone cross eyed when he tries to explain. Swinging is the best my brain can come up with. All I know is DH and I are very vanilla. Nothing wrong with being vanilla
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:47:08 GMT -5
I have no clue. I've gone cross eyed when he tries to explain. Swinging is the best my brain can come up with. An orgy springs to mind. Or sex club. Nothing wrong with being vanilla. Says another vanilla. Just because you go to a sex club doesn’t mean you are a swinger... maybe the sex club satisfies a specific “itch”. At the base of every “subculture” sexually their is a big group of what people call “voyeurs”. They are daring enough to watch/witness but not daring enough to participate... just watching and being in the moment is enough for them. Ex: California Folsom street fair... 95% of the people there are just watching while 5% if not less if having sex, putting on a show.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 14:54:18 GMT -5
I've always been fascinated with the whole swinging lifestyle, but I have a feeling it's not as much fun as it would seem to be and a whole lot of awkward. I know a few people who swing, and a while a couple of the guys have some attraction to me, a few of them are, um, not attractive. There is no way I could get into anything with them. Isn’t that for everything, not everything is your cup of tea... I know some clubs in DC have a strict vetting process and you need to provide a picture (then match that picture) to be considered for entry. Also on a “probation” period.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 2, 2019 14:56:38 GMT -5
I've always been fascinated with the whole swinging lifestyle, but I have a feeling it's not as much fun as it would seem to be and a whole lot of awkward. I know a few people who swing, and a while a couple of the guys have some attraction to me, a few of them are, um, not attractive. There is no way I could get into anything with them. Isn’t that for everything, not everything is your cup of tea... I know some clubs in DC have a strict vetting process and you need to provide a picture (then match that picture) to be considered for entry. Also on a “probation” period. I'm too ugly to swing!!!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 15:03:04 GMT -5
Isn’t that for everything, not everything is your cup of tea... I know some clubs in DC have a strict vetting process and you need to provide a picture (then match that picture) to be considered for entry. Also on a “probation” period. I'm too ugly to swing!!! I have seen your picture and I know a specific group that will adore you as if the sun rise and set at your feet! You complain you feel fat while admirers of BBW (Big Beautiful Women) would lick/kiss/massage and get turned on by every inch of your body. There is something for everyone out there, we are a world of 7 Billions and growing... not everyone need to fit into 1 mold! Some guys like some cushion or lots of it
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 2, 2019 15:58:24 GMT -5
Since this was brought up it looks like I'm going to be an aunt. She's keeping the baby and we can be as involved as we want.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 2, 2019 16:11:21 GMT -5
Is anyone else weirded out but yet very curious about Carl's extensive swinging knowledge?
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on May 2, 2019 17:04:59 GMT -5
Is anyone else weirded out but yet very curious about Carl's extensive swinging knowledge? Yep to both. Also impressed.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 2, 2019 17:09:29 GMT -5
Since this was brought up it looks like I'm going to be an aunt. She's keeping the baby and we can be as involved as we want. I hope he gets a paternity test just to make sure...
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 17:18:38 GMT -5
Since this was brought up it looks like I'm going to be an aunt. She's keeping the baby and we can be as involved as we want. Mazel Tov !!! But I would caution with getting too involved: 1) while slim there is still a possibility that your brother may not be the father. 2) depending on the person not everyone is ok with their “in laws” so to speak being aware of their sexual activities. Your brother should have kept that little detail in between them. That makes for an awkward meetup. 3) no offense to your brother but he comes off as a “flake”. So I would wait to make sure that the relationship with mother (and subsequent child) is something he wants and not something your parents are pushing for aka enabling. 4) remember : not your circus, not your monkeys. Keep saying it!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 2, 2019 17:54:32 GMT -5
My parents already know her. They've been 100% open and she's even stayed the night (which I find a tad sexist given their attitude when DH was my boyfriend/fiance).
I haven't met her.
I am not someone who is going to go leaping into other people's pregnancies and yes I'm well aware there still needs to be a DNA test.
My parents are less than thrilled and no they are not going to make him have a shotgun wedding. They expect him to do whatever the law says but this wasn't what they envisioned regarding another grandkid.
I'm going to be an aunt sounds a lot more PC than my brother is an idiot who got his swing partner knocked up.
I wish her a healthy pregnancy. That's all the further I'm involved. We'll cross the other bridges after the kid is born no use in dealing in hypotheticals.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 18:02:28 GMT -5
My parents already know her. They've been 100% open and she's even stayed the night (which I find a tad sexist given their attitude when DH was my boyfriend/fiance). I haven't met her. I am not someone who is going to go leaping into other people's pregnancies and yes I'm well aware there still needs to be a DNA test. My parents are less than thrilled and no they are not going to make him have a shotgun wedding. They expect him to do whatever the law says but this wasn't what they envisioned regarding another grandkid. I'm going to be an aunt sounds a lot more PC than my brother is an idiot who got his swing partner knocked up. I wish her a healthy pregnancy. That's all the further I'm involved. We'll cross the other bridges after the kid is born no use in dealing in hypotheticals. You seem to have it under control I would just replace “swing partner” with girlfriend... you don’t invite your “swing partner” to your parents house Good luck to the future parents! ETA: hold up, I did not realize your brother was back home, I thought he was still up in Denver, Colorado somewhere. ETA : Ok, kinda weird that I just remembered that off the top of my head. I know too much about some of you guys sometimes
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 2, 2019 18:07:25 GMT -5
She's not his girlfriend either. Im not sure what to call it. I need him to draw me a flow chart.
Whatever floats your boat but I can barely remember my address most days no way could I keep track of multiple partners.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on May 2, 2019 18:11:56 GMT -5
I was curious why Carl knew so much, but not really weirded out. Swinging is way more ethical than someone having an affair, and affairs are pretty common.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 2, 2019 18:13:20 GMT -5
"Friend" is really your best descriptor in this situation.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 18:19:20 GMT -5
She's not his girlfriend either. Im not sure what to call it. I need him to draw me a flow chart. Whatever floats your boat but I can barely remember my address most days no way could I keep track of multiple partners. Ok they are friends with benefits, they are dating, they are hanging out. One of the top rules : You do not invite a “casual” to your parents house or to meet the family. So either they are lying to you, to themselves or both or they are new at this but you do not cross the lines. Exact reason people go to the clubs : to not bring it home with them. And that is part of the fun; not having to keep track. You are banging these people; not asking them in marriage or to move in. They come over or you go over, you have sex, they leave or you leave. You do not cuddle afterwards, exchange stories about growing up, eat breakfast together etc. That is when feelings / emotions start developing and murky the water. Even worse when it is a “swinging” couple and feeling develop between the invitee and one person in the “couple”. Couples or people swinging establish rules and boundaries for that exact purpose, like: no kissing or French kissing, no having sex without the other person present or consent (that would be considered cheating), etc. That is why she is pregnant; they got comfortable; they got sloppy. They are in a relationship... they just haven’t admitted it yet. Either way good luck to them!
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 2, 2019 19:41:33 GMT -5
If she stayed over at your parents house does that mean your brother is living with them?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 2, 2019 20:28:37 GMT -5
I was curious why Carl knew so much, but not really weirded out. Swinging is way more ethical than someone having an affair, and affairs are pretty common. The other person or other couple(s) are there to accentuate your pleasure or the sex act. Some couples use their imagination, some couples use props or toys, some couples play dress up, some couples wear costumes... and other couples get someone else involved or get involved with another couple. It is just another tool to accentuate the moment or the act. That is why you need clear boundaries. You don’t bring the dildo you used the night before to breakfast with you right? Why would you bring someone that was there to basically fulfill the same role? If you dress up, once it is over the costume is put away or the toys till next time... same here. The other couple(s) or person understand that and is on the same page; this is a “transaction” and once done we go our separate ways. If everyone enjoyed it and agrees we may have repeat encounters but the same rules apply. You don’t drop in for brunch or movie night or dog sit while we are on vacation and we don’t visit uninvited for a night cap or attend the family BBQ. And it is best if a “neutral” place is picked/if you can afford it (aka hotel room, swinger clubs with rooms you can reserve/use) or be ready to kick everyone out once we all had our fun.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 2, 2019 21:29:57 GMT -5
While the rest of your posts have been quite positive, and I realize it was an analogy, I'm pretty sure most people that are ancillary to a prime/first would not appreciate being called a sex toy or being treated as such. Dan savage regularly takes people to task for treating their thirds/whatever as props instead of humans.
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