Sigh......

[dianartemis]

Humans are social creatures. As people age they tend to isolate themselves more. I have a grandparent who is a hermit, and had to be forced into an assisted living facility because they almost died. They are much happier and healthier now that they are more social.

For more information see this: www.amenclinics.com/blog/4863/want-a-better-brain-as-you-age-stay-socially-connected/

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Snerdley....if you don't want to get out, then don't. WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.

All evidence according to this situation suggests that the isolation that my friend is going through is starting to have an impact upon both her physical and emotional health and there is some concern.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Snerdley, I'm not assuming ANYTHING. Are you incapable of reading? She gloms onto me (and anyone else) the minute I get home from work, wanting to talk. She's constantly on the phone to others, wanting to socialize.

YOU are the one who is projecting how YOU feel onto others.

[happyscooter]

Swamp, that sounds like my MIL. When she retired, she just sat down. Wouldn't volunteer one day a week, didn't join any clubs, just sat down. Didn't go to church, had no friends, they wouldn't travel. Had plenty of money. Health went downhill fast. Not sure if there is a connect or not, but just so the opposite of my mom who took retirement, sat down and rested for a few weeks, and was back on her feet. And stayed that way until a few weeks before we buried her. And 'no' she didn't have the money my in-laws have/had. But she paid her bills and saved and would travel with her friends.

[Deleted]

Mich, except for the health problems, I'm seeing myself. I'd no more put myself in an unfamiliar situation with people I don't already know than I'd grow wings and fly, but I sure was grateful to see and get phone calls from people I already knew. When I came here, I wouldn't even initiate a phone call because I didn't want to bother anybody.

I felt resentful at the time, but if DD/DSIL hadn't dynamited me out into the world, I can assure you that I wouldn't have done it on my own.

[happyscooter]

No, not the case with MIL. She still drove, but didn't want to pay for parking to volunteer at the hospital. $3.00 a week. Wouldn't exercise, couldn't afford the gas to drive 1 mile to the safe walking track. (Sarcasm intended) Wouldn't eat out, couldn't afford the $1.00 menu one day a week. You guys think I am kidding. FIL/MIL got GOOD pensions, SS, and had lots of money in the bank. Wouldn't even take a day trip anywhere. And yes, I knew for a fact that they had $$$$BIG TIME. I know people won't spend in case they have medical bills or home repairs,etc... But in-laws had 3 insurances, never paid out of pocket. And had some issues that would have bankrupted people.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mich, except for the health problems, I'm seeing myself. I'd no more put myself in an unfamiliar situation with people I don't already know than I'd grow wings and fly, but I sure was grateful to see and get phone calls from people I already knew.

Honestly, I think many of her health issues are exacerbated by her situation. She has rheumatoid arthritis of the knees and last summer she was going to an exercise class for arthritics. I could see a tremendous difference in how well she walked (in fact, she was walking better than I was!). She stopped going when she went back to work for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks, she was happy. She went out and did things.

The more isolated she becomes, the more mentally and physically incapable she's becoming. I've watched this happen over the last 8 months and I don't like seeing it. I don't know how to blast her out of that damned apartment, other than taking her out for an occasional meal. She won't even do her own grocery shopping anymore, even though she'll get in her car and drive out and pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Last December, when my hip was failing, she had me go to the grocery store for her. I could barely go for myself, but I did and dragged in 2 loads of groceries. Damned near killed me and I was incapacitated for the rest (I had to take enough narcotics to kill the pain) of the day. I resented the hell out of the fact that she likely was in much better shape than I was then, yet *I* was the one doing the work.

The fact that she could not see how badly I was doing, yet expecting me to help her just astounded me to the point where I backed off and just refused to have any more contact with her for awhile. It was all I could do to handle my own life, I couldn't do her's too.

I don't know what she did for groceries while I was gone, she either got someone else to pick them up, or got them herself. She has no excuse now.

[DebMD (banned)]

You are a good friend to her but it sounds like she's depressed.

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