When Did You Realize Your Mom Was Once Just a Girl?

[daisylu]

I am sick, sleep deprived, and currently disassociating from my mom for my own mental health and the hope that she realizes that she needs to address her own mental health issues. I saw this article this morning. My mom had me at 17, so it is hard to imagine her ever being a girl - besides the fact that outside of shopping I have NEVER seen my mom have fun, but have witnessed her being judgemental towards others that do. Now I wonder what she may have experienced before I was born. I know the family issues, but this has me thinking she went through some other dark things that I am not aware of. I have tried to be honest with my own DD and walk the line between parenting being a friend.

For the aforementioned reasons in the first sentence some of these have me full on crying. I am going to take a nap.
PS. I feel like #5 is my mom. There are some happy ones in there too.


link

1."The first time I saw my mom as 'just a girl' was when we saw Blondie and Pat Benatar in concert together. My mom had a few drinks and was dancing like a teenager. I saw a fire in her I'd never seen before. That night made me realize that, yes, she should have gone to see Green Day with me four years prior."

3."I watched my mom deal with my grandmother's dementia and saw so much pain in her as she realized her mother would never be the loving person she always wished for. I'd learned how to treat my grandma with tenderness and love, but she would get so agitated whenever my mom visited her at the nursing home. Whenever I saw her, my grandma was happy to see me and even went as far as to tell everyone that I was her daughter. I can't imagine how that made my mom feel."

5."I always knew my mom's life was rough growing up. She was the youngest of 10 kids, and her father died when she was only 15. One year, my daughter gave her a book to fill out all her memories as a child and young woman. A year later, I visited my mom and saw the book empty. I asked her why that was, and she said she didn't want to remember any of her past years. It was then that I realized she was 'just a girl' and that she never had the chance to dream about any choices in her life. That hurt my heart and made me love and respect her even more."

10."My mother has a lot of mental health issues and spent my childhood taking them out on me. But the day my aunt — my mom's sister — told a very young me that their father hated having daughters really opened my eyes. All the things I'd felt every time my mother said she 'wished she'd never had me' are the things she felt when her father said the same things to her. As I got older and learned more about mental illness, I realized she was likely dealing with mental issues that a boomer from the south would never acknowledge. It didn't and never will excuse her treatment of me, but I can still hold empathy for the miserable little girl she must have been. Neither one of us deserved the childhood we had."
13."I once found a men's class ring in my mom's jewelry box. When I noticed it wasn't my dad's, I teased him and asked if he was jealous that Mom had kept an old boyfriend's ring. He replied, 'Not really, because he passed away.' Later, my mom told me the ring had belonged to her college boyfriend, who was killed in a car accident in the '70s. She said the first time she heard Queen was from a record playing in a dorm room down the hall from hers. A guy was in the dorm, so my mom walked in and asked who he was listening to. Apparently, he had a knack for picking up on artists who would go on to be huge. That guy turned into my mom's college boyfriend."

19.Last but not least: "My moment happened when I was in high school, a couple of years after my dad died. You would have thought watching my mom grieve for her husband would have been when I realized my mom was 'just a girl,' but it was actually when she was going on her first date after my dad's passing. She looked at me all nervous and asked if she looked okay. It hit me then like a bag of bricks: my mom was insecure and scared. She wasn't just my stoic mom who fixes everything — she was just a girl nervous to go on her first date in 25 years. Just a girl like me. But yeah, you looked fabulous, Mom."

[TheOtherMe]

Mom and her sisters and brothers talked about growing up a lot.  I remember Grandma and Grandpa joining in on those conversations.  I was too young to understand they were talking about growing up in the Depression.

I think I was in my 30's before I saw a picture of my mom as a kid.  She was wearing a dress made out of a flour sack.  I asked some questions.  She never had a doll.  She said that was why she kept giving us dolls.  

She had a very serious boyfriend before she met dad.  He was in the military and she spent a summer with him in Arizona where he was stationed.  I have no idea of what happened to their relationship.  She never mentioned what happened so I don't think he died.

She had a photo album of pictures of her with guys she dated.  At some point, she redid the photo album that contained those photos.  They were gone as were the pictures of her high school basketball team.  I know she got rid of those pictures because of her jealousy over dad's 1st wife playing on her team.  

[daisylu]

May 13, 2024 9:31:30 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Mom and her sisters and brothers talked about growing up a lot.  I remember Grandma and Grandpa joining in on those conversations.  I was too young to understand they were talking about growing up in the Depression.

I think I was in my 30's before I saw a picture of my mom as a kid.  She was wearing a dress made out of a flour sack.  I asked some questions.  She never had a doll.  She said that was why she kept giving us dolls.  

She had a very serious boyfriend before she met dad.  He was in the military and she spent a summer with him in Arizona where he was stationed.  I have no idea of what happened to their relationship.  She never mentioned what happened so I don't think he died.

She had a photo album of pictures of her with guys she dated.  At some point, she redid the photo album that contained those photos.  They were gone as were the pictures of her high school basketball team.  I know she got rid of those pictures because of her jealousy over dad's 1st wife playing on her team.  

If I ever get to travel close to you I'd like to give you a hug.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My mom talked a lot about her life before she was with my dad but I wish I had had more time to get to know her as Bridget instead of just my mom or as grandma.

I know she used to be a groupie for a band and we have the album.  I believe one of the sketches my great aunt started is of my mom's boyfriend at the time.  He was Native American and my great aunt apparently really wanted to sketch him in full tribal attire.

I know that her first crush worked at the Dodge House with her and he was killed in a car accident.

She was on the high school paper.  I have an article from the Daily Hearld on my wall that talked about her writing.

I know she used to smoke pot and spent a lot of time at the disco/club.  That is where she met my dad.

According to her HS best friend, who I have also known for years, my mom was very introverted, quiet and shy.  I was upset about how few people I could find to notify about her death and she told me my mom just didn't have a lot of friends it was who she was.

She did not have the best relationship with my grandmother.  It was pretty contentious.  Thinking about it as I have learned more I don't think either of my grandmothers would have chosen to have children if they were born today.  They had kids because that was what was expected of you back then.  I think they loved my parents as best they could given their own mental health issues.

I do think grandma had depression but IDK how much of it was mental and how much of it was being forced into a certain type of life because you were a woman.  Both of them have talked to me before about dreams they had pre-marriage but were expected to give them up as soon as they finished high school.  They were to settle down and start a family.

They expected the same of my mom.  My mom wanted to be a teacher and I think she would have been very good at it seeing her with Archie and Abby.   However my grandfather didn't want to pay for her to get her "Mrs. degree" so refused to send her.   Life happened so she never had the opportunity to seek out the education needed.  She took typing instead and become a word processor.

I know my mom suffered from depression, quite possibly she was bi-polar.  I'll never know now.  That lead to us having a contentious relationship at times especially as my own issues have developed.  I wish my mom had been more open to seeking help but given the experience she had on drugs and growing up in the 50s where a lot of mom's took "Mommy's little helpers" I can get why she was  hesitant.  I wish she was here so I could tell her about the gene screening test.  I learned a lot from that.  The crap they put my mom on the 90s is in the red column for me.  I bet it would have been for her too.

I have a lot of pictures of my mom when she was younger.  Not as many with me/Bob/my dad because she was always behind the camera.  Any I found when going through stuff I have taken.  One is on my work desk.  Two of them are on my mirror in my bedroom.

[busymom]

I know a lot of my Mom's stories, as she too was a child of the Great Depression.  The time I could see her as a young girl, besides old pictures, was the time I was at the hospital with her, and she was coming out from the effects of anesthesia, and she was so sweet & funny I was thinking to myself that if she wasn't my Mom we would've been friends.  

[giramomma]

I was thinking a lot about this.

At least in my case, I can't confuse physical maturity for emotional maturity. Or make assumptions about emotional maturity based on my mom's age.

I've never had be confronted with a time when I realized my mom is just a girl. Mostly, because emotionally, she's always been and always will be a child. She's never mastered concepts of agency, emotional regulation, using your words to communicate, and how to be in a relationship with another person. 

I'm going to take "mastered" back. She doesn't even understand these concepts. She is incapable of regularly using these concepts. 

It's sad to say, but a lot of Daniel Tiger could be aimed at her. Which means, my mom has never emotionally evolved beyond a preschooler.

My mom also doesn't think she needs to adult. That's paid her dues and she just doesn't need to be responsible. I wish that is how it worked. 

When you've been raised that you - the child- are the adult in the parent/child relationship, it makes a difference. The question is not "when did I see my mom as just a girl." It's "Oh, I was supposed to see my parents as an adult mentally and emotionally?"

When you start looking at all the ways folks can be dysfunctional, I suspect my experience is likely fairly common. NAMI tells me 1 in 5 have mental illness. If you start googling the addiction numbers, it's not great. I know some mental illness and addiction is co-morbid. 

I guess, to me, some of the question too, is "when did you realize your parents are human." My children know I am human. My private students know I am human. My kids know my husband is human, too, for that matter. 

The only time I was ever stoic about anything is when I got treatment. Worrying about your mother dying is a big thing for a child. I didn't want my children to have extra worries because of my behavioral choices. 

I also don't confuse understanding why my parents made their choices with somehow excusing them from the choices they made. There is no good excuse for my childhood. There is no justification for it. And I got off pretty easily. My parents did not do the best they could. Sending me to a hypnotist when I was self-injuring, because just plain ignoring it didn't work. Yeah. That's not someone doing their best.

We still can't be open about these things though. I don't know why. The last gasps of authoritarianism, I suppose. 

I don't think we can read too much into lost dreams, etc. I think that's just called adjusting to life. I can't be the only person whose life did not go I had quite perfectly planned at 25. It is also easy to lose site of things in the grind. Or when life has battered you for a while. It is a choice on what to do when we get to the other side. 

[Tennesseer]

My maternal grandmother was my grandfather's second wife.  They were married in the early 1920s as their first born (my mother) was born in 1924.  When my grandmother was pregnant with my mother, she decided she wanted out of her marriage.  But because she was pregnant with my mother, she stayed put.  Instead of taking out her anger and frustration with my grandfather, she took it out on my mother.  Ergo, my mother was responsible for my grandmother's horrible life.  This mental abuse took place in North Dakota where they all lived.  A second daughter was born and that daughter could do no wrong.  Fortunately, that daughter did not take advantage of her being the most liked child.

I had seen pictures of my mom when she was a young girl.  So I knew she was once just a girl.  My dad was a dentist and had his office attached to our home.  My mom used to call her mother to check in every now and then.  My mom preferred to use the office phones.  While my mom was on one of the office phones she always had one of us kids on the other office phone.  She would tell her mom at the beginning of the call that one of her kids was on the other line.  My mom did this because she knew her mom would not be mean to her on the phone while one of us grandkids was also on the line.  

After my mom's last visit with her mother before her mother passed away in the 1980s, my mom was upstairs in her mom's house packing to return home to Massachusetts.  My mom told me that while she was packing, her mom called upstairs and said to her, "Can I help you, dear?"

It was my mom telling me this that I saw the little girl my mom once was.  A little girl who only wanted to be loved by her mother.

[finnime]

I was a girl myself, maybe 8 or 9, when I saw my mother talking with her sister in our kitchen. They both giggled, then put their heads back and laughed hard. Just like the girls they'd been.


Your mothers, giramomma, and yours, too, Tennesseer, left you without an opportunity for good memories of them. I wish it were different.

[Tennesseer]

May 15, 2024 12:49:52 GMT -5 finnime said:

I was a girl myself, maybe 8 or 9, when I saw my mother talking with her sister in our kitchen. They both giggled, then put their heads back and laughed hard. Just like the girls they'd been.


Your mothers, giramomma, and yours, too, Tennesseer, left you without an opportunity for good memories of them. I wish it were different.

Finnime-My post may have come across the wrong way. I have good memories of my mom when her mom/my grandmother is out of the picture. It was the relationship between my mom and grandmother that I don't have good memories of. I just meant to say the little girl who only wanted to be loved by her mother came out when mom told me about her mom asking her if she needed help and called her 'dear'. I forgot to mention in the original post that after mom told me about the 'dear' comment, mom said why couldn't she have called her dear her whole life. It definately would have softened the life-long criticism.

We siblings didn't care for our maternal grandmother and as we grew up we learned more and more about their strained relationship. I feel somewhat sorry that I might have hurt my mom's feelings when her mom died, none of of siblings felt any reason to attend her funeral in North Dakota. And mom made no attempt to push us into going to it. Just mom and dad went to it.

Mom ended up developing Alzheimer's disease at the end of her life. Eventually mom had to be placed in a mind care facility. The only picture she had hanging in her private room was my high school graduation picture. I have no idea why only that one and have no idea who found it and hung it up for her. My siblings good naturedly teased me about the picture and that I was mom's favorite.

[Tennesseer]

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

What little I remember about my parents young lives is how they met very shortly at the end of WWII.  My parents met on the then U.S. held Japanese island of Okinawa.  My dad was with the U.S. Army dental corp and my mom, with the U.S. government.  As a little kid, I assumed all single young adults went to Okinawa to meet their future spouses.  My assumption expanded to Hawaii.  But that was because they went to Hawaii for some R&R from their work in Okinawa.  They also went to Shanghai, China for R&R too.   I have the pictures.

I later learned that young folks also met each other in the States too.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 15, 2024 14:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

What little I remember about my parents young lives is how they met very shortly at the end of WWII.  My parents met on the then U.S. held Japanese island of Okinawa.  My dad was with the U.S. Army dental corp and my mom, with the U.S. government.  As a little kid, I assumed all single young adults went to Okinawa to meet their future spouses.  My assumption expanded to Hawaii.  But that was because they went to Hawaii for some R&R from their work in Okinawa.  They also went to Shanghai, China for R&R too.   I have the pictures.

I later learned that young folks also met each other in the States too.  

The other thing that is also gone is your personal history as a young child.  After my dad died, I realized that (as I'm the oldest) now any memories of me and my siblings have are only our own.  There is no one older to remind us.  It's kind of weird, when the only source of info about very young you is gone.

[giramomma]

May 15, 2024 14:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

That presumes your parents want to share, or are capable of setting aside the bad times to find the decent ones.

I'd just get more reports of tremendous physical and emotional abuse. 

And, there is no way to positively spin a parent walking out of your life for 7 years. 

Frankly, it's better that my family history disappears. It does my kids no good. 

[TheOtherMe]

I always enjoyed listening to mom and her sisters and brothers talking about growing up.  I do wish I had asked more questions.

One of my dad's brother's (3rd oldest of 12) had great stories from their childhood of things the older boys did to the little boys.  He would get to laughing so hard at the memory that he couldn't finish them.  Turns out he was the ringleader of the things they did to the younger kids.  One day grandparents returned home and a younger uncle had been thrown from a calf had been hurt.  Nobody was going to take the fall for that one so he fessed up that it was his idea and he put the little one on the calf with a saddle.  

From them on, he had to go with the parents when they went to town.

Also turns out that when they moved to Wyoming for a growing season during the Depression, he and grandpa got in to a physical fight.  Grandpa told him to go home, so he did.  He hitched rides on the train back to Iowa.  

Grandpa died before I was born.  I never ever heard any of my aunts, uncles or dad say anything good about him.  They would say "mom loved him".  I think that is the best they could come up with.

I was too young when my maternal grandma died to have listened to any stories she had.  I do have the love post cards she sent to grandpa the summer before they got married.  They are so sweet.  

Paternal grandpa would not talk much about her actual marriage.  She told me about her wedding day but it didn't match up to what the county records say.  I like her story better.

[Tennesseer]

May 15, 2024 15:18:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

May 15, 2024 14:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

That presumes your parents want to share, or are capable of setting aside the bad times to find the decent ones.

I'd just get more reports of tremendous physical and emotional abuse. 

And, there is no way to positively spin a parent walking out of your life for 7 years. 

Frankly, it's better that my family history disappears. It does my kids no good. 

I understand.

[gs11rmb]

May 15, 2024 14:40:56 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

May 15, 2024 14:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

What little I remember about my parents young lives is how they met very shortly at the end of WWII.  My parents met on the then U.S. held Japanese island of Okinawa.  My dad was with the U.S. Army dental corp and my mom, with the U.S. government.  As a little kid, I assumed all single young adults went to Okinawa to meet their future spouses.  My assumption expanded to Hawaii.  But that was because they went to Hawaii for some R&R from their work in Okinawa.  They also went to Shanghai, China for R&R too.   I have the pictures.

I later learned that young folks also met each other in the States too.  

The other thing that is also gone is your personal history as a young child.  After my dad died, I realized that (as I'm the oldest) now any memories of me and my siblings have are only our own.  There is no one older to remind us.  It's kind of weird, when the only source of info about very young you is gone.

Many years ago I read one of Agatha Christie's stories (it might have been "They Do It With Mirrors") and the elderly Miss Marple said that there was no one left who remembered her as a girl.  That always stuck with me and I thought about it maybe five years ago when there was an article about the Queen and Prince Philip that said all of their friends from childhood and early adulthood were dead.  Although their lives had been spectacularly well documented there was real loneliness when there's no one that has a shared memory with you.  I wasn't surprised that the Queen didn't outlive her husband by very long.  One of my aunties said "I think she's just tired and missing Philip".

[Tennesseer]

May 15, 2024 14:40:56 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

May 15, 2024 14:04:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

One last thought on this subject and it applies to children everywhere.  Don't get so caught up in your own lives (like I did) and not ask your parents what their lives were like as kids.  If my parents were alive today, I would ask them those types of questions because once they pass away, their personal histories are gone forever.

What little I remember about my parents young lives is how they met very shortly at the end of WWII.  My parents met on the then U.S. held Japanese island of Okinawa.  My dad was with the U.S. Army dental corp and my mom, with the U.S. government.  As a little kid, I assumed all single young adults went to Okinawa to meet their future spouses.  My assumption expanded to Hawaii.  But that was because they went to Hawaii for some R&R from their work in Okinawa.  They also went to Shanghai, China for R&R too.   I have the pictures.

I later learned that young folks also met each other in the States too.  

The other thing that is also gone is your personal history as a young child.  After my dad died, I realized that (as I'm the oldest) now any memories of me and my siblings have are only our own.  There is no one older to remind us.  It's kind of weird, when the only source of info about very young you is gone.

I was about five years old when I was hit by a car crossing the street in front of my home. Clean hit in that no wheels ran over me but I was under the car. I remember nothing about the incident. My dad's dental office was attached to our home. When he and other neighbors rushed outside after hearing the screeching vehicle brakes he found me. I guess they had the driver either back up to uncover me or they pulled me out from under the car.

The only thing I remember about it after the accident was my dad telling me as I lay on the street waiting for the ambulance was that I asked him if I was dead or alive. Dad told me I was alive. For the next few years, Dad would kindly chuckle when he reminded me he told me I was alive.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 17, 2024 16:47:33 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

May 15, 2024 14:40:56 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

The other thing that is also gone is your personal history as a young child.  After my dad died, I realized that (as I'm the oldest) now any memories of me and my siblings have are only our own.  There is no one older to remind us.  It's kind of weird, when the only source of info about very young you is gone.

I was about five years old when I was hit by a car crossing the street in front of my home. Clean hit in that no wheels ran over me but I was under the car. I remember nothing about the incident. My dad's dental office was attached to our home. When he and other neighbors rushed outside after hearing the screeching vehicle brakes he found me. I guess they had the driver either back up to uncover me or they pulled me out from under the car.

The only thing I remember about it after the accident was my dad telling me as I lay on the street waiting for the ambulance was that I asked him if I was dead or alive. Dad told me I was alive. For the next few years, Dad would kindly chuckle when he reminded me he told me I was alive.

It’s stuff like this.  For me, my mom reminded me of when I turned the hallway into a slide.  I was 4, my sister 2 and my mom was about 22 months pregnant with my brother.  My sister and I took the dishwashing soap and turned the hallway into a slide.  She was pissed, spanked both of us and stuck us in our room, and then cried as she tried to clean a container of dish soap off the floor.

She got it done, then went into the carport for a smoke and drink after cleaning up our mess (this would have been around 1963 or so).  While she was out having a smoke, we took the second bottle of dishwashing soap and did it again.  Mom said she was afraid to touch us again, she’d have killed us!

[Tennesseer]

May 17, 2024 19:12:21 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

May 17, 2024 16:47:33 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

I was about five years old when I was hit by a car crossing the street in front of my home. Clean hit in that no wheels ran over me but I was under the car. I remember nothing about the incident. My dad's dental office was attached to our home. When he and other neighbors rushed outside after hearing the screeching vehicle brakes he found me. I guess they had the driver either back up to uncover me or they pulled me out from under the car.

The only thing I remember about it after the accident was my dad telling me as I lay on the street waiting for the ambulance was that I asked him if I was dead or alive. Dad told me I was alive. For the next few years, Dad would kindly chuckle when he reminded me he told me I was alive.

It’s stuff like this.  For me, my mom reminded me of when I turned the hallway into a slide.  I was 4, my sister 2 and my mom was about 22 months pregnant with my brother.  My sister and I took the dishwashing soap and turned the hallway into a slide.  She was pissed, spanked both of us and stuck us in our room, and then cried as she tried to clean a container of dish soap off the floor.

She got it done, then went into the carport for a smoke and drink after cleaning up our mess (this would have been around 1963 or so).  While she was out having a smoke, we took the second bottle of dishwashing soap and did it again.  Mom said she was afraid to touch us again, she’d have killed us!

Bad sisters. Bad.

For a number of years after being hit by the car I would periodically have a nightmare which made zero sense to me. But it was always the same scenario: I am in my house and look out an east facing window. The moon is out. It's big and it is smiling at me. Scares me and I flee the room. I look out a west facing window and there is the smiling moon. I look out north and south facing room windows and the smiling moon is there too.

All of a sudden a witch on a broomstick picks me up and begins flying away with me. She drops me onto the middle of a random road. I then see and hear a fire truck in the distance with the siren blaring. I always woke up when the fire truck was about to strike me.

Had that dream for years. Then it dawned on me the witch was in the dream because I watched the Wizard of Oz when it first aired on tv in November, 1956 (I was born in 1951). The witch scarred the crap out of little me. The Fire truck with siren blaring was actually the ambulance which came to bring me to the hospital after I was hit by the car. And the smiling moon outside all my home's windows were the faces of everyone looking down at me as I laid in the street waiting for the ambulence.

Once I figured out what the dream meant, I never had it again. But I still remember it well. And I have never liked being the center of attention regardless of event.

[Opti]

May 17, 2024 20:01:13 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

May 17, 2024 19:12:21 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

It’s stuff like this.  For me, my mom reminded me of when I turned the hallway into a slide.  I was 4, my sister 2 and my mom was about 22 months pregnant with my brother.  My sister and I took the dishwashing soap and turned the hallway into a slide.  She was pissed, spanked both of us and stuck us in our room, and then cried as she tried to clean a container of dish soap off the floor.

She got it done, then went into the carport for a smoke and drink after cleaning up our mess (this would have been around 1963 or so).  While she was out having a smoke, we took the second bottle of dishwashing soap and did it again.  Mom said she was afraid to touch us again, she’d have killed us!

Bad sisters. Bad.

For a number of years after being hit by the car I would periodically have a nightmare which made zero sense to me. But it was always the same scenario: I am in my house and look out an east facing window. The moon is out. It's big and it is smiling at me. Scares me and I flee the room. I look out a west facing window and there is the smiling moon. I look out north and south facing moons and the smiling moon is there too.

All of a sudden a witch on a broomstick picks me up and begins flying away with me. She drops me onto the middle of a random road. I then see and hear a fire truck in the distance with the siren blaring. I always woke up when the fire truck was about to strike me.

Had that dream for years. Then it dawned on me the witch was in the dream because I watched the Wizard of Oz when it first aired on tv in November, 1956 (I was born in 1951). The witch scarred the crap out of little me. The Fire truck with siren blaring was actually the ambulance which came to bring me to the hospital after I was hit by the car. And the smiling moon outside all my home's windows were the faces of everyone looking down at me as I laid in the street waiting for the ambulence.

Once I figured out what the dream meant, I never had it again. But I still remember it well. And I have never liked being the center of attention regardless of event.

Huh. Now I wonder if the dream I had often when I was young had to do with wandering away at the zoo when I was young. It traumatized my mom so much she never gave me any details at all about it. Nor did my dad ever offer up any. In it I was usually chased by a gorilla which seemed like an odd thing, but perhaps it is linked to that time. Thanks for your story.

[raeoflyte]

May 17, 2024 15:09:25 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

May 15, 2024 14:40:56 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

The other thing that is also gone is your personal history as a young child.  After my dad died, I realized that (as I'm the oldest) now any memories of me and my siblings have are only our own.  There is no one older to remind us.  It's kind of weird, when the only source of info about very young you is gone.

Many years ago I read one of Agatha Christie's stories (it might have been "They Do It With Mirrors") and the elderly Miss Marple said that there was no one left who remembered her as a girl.  That always stuck with me and I thought about it maybe five years ago when there was an article about the Queen and Prince Philip that said all of their friends from childhood and early adulthood were dead.  Although their lives had been spectacularly well documented there was real loneliness when there's no one that has a shared memory with you.  I wasn't surprised that the Queen didn't outlive her husband by very long.  One of my aunties said "I think she's just tired and missing Philip".

My mom talks about that. She lost her brother decades ago and both parents passed away, and now most of her friends, including childhood friends are passing away. She's not even that old at 76 considering she probably has at least 10 if not 20 more years left. But there's definitely a loneliness.

[saveinla]

Rae, I feel like that and I am only 55. My parents have passed away within the past few years and my elder sister died 19 years ago.

Its just my younger sis and I and feel like we should know more, since my dad was the keeper of memories.

[giramomma]

I think the loneliness can hit at any age, particularly if you are an only child. With family sizes shrinking, I wonder how much that will ramp up in the future.