Scheduling Bot Keeps getting asked out.

[swamp]

 Men. 


www.askamanager.org/2024/01/men-are-hitting-on-my-scheduling-bot-because-it-has-a-womans-name.html#comments

I have sort of a strange situation. I provide consulting services for (mostly) small business owners. This generally involves scheduling some meetings, and I have an email “Personal Assistant” bot that does this for me. It has a female name (which was the default), and does not announce that it is a bot (though I don’t think it’s hard to tell). It gives a standard salutation and signs off with “Thank you, <bot name>.” All it does is schedule meetings, and it’s not nearly to the level of an AI chat bot or anything. Any parts of an email that it receives that don’t seem related to scheduling just get ignored by the program. The emails show up in my inbox and I review them to make sure everything got added to my calendar correctly.



However, this complete lack of personal-type interaction has not stopped several of the men (not usually the actual owners of the client businesses) it is scheduling appointments with from asking it out on dates. Sometimes this happens within the same emails that were used to schedule meetings, and once a man sent an after-hours email from his personal address (which is somehow both creepier and also better work/life boundaries? I don’t know!). So far I have just ignored these incidents and gone on with the professional relationship like nothing happened.



Obviously, this would be inappropriate behavior if it was happening to an actual human assistant, and I would deal with it. However, since it’s happening to a bot, what am I supposed to do? Obviously the bot doesn’t have opinions about the issue, but if one of my employees was asking out women after a very basic scheduling email with absolutely no personal content, I’d probably want to know about it so I could address it, because it’s probably happening to real human assistants as well. What are your thoughts?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I read that this morning.  I think they should let whoever it is they are consulting with know that their employees are sending inappropriate emails.   In this case it seems silly because it's a bot but if these men are that quick to hit on a freaking bot then who knows what they are doing when an actual woman is on the other end.

Not people I would want my business associated with.

[swamp]

I agree with you.  

I would want to hear that my employee is an inappropriate and desperate with bots/women he's never even met. 

Reminds me of when I play Words with Friends.  The number of guys who wanted to chat and get to know me was astounding.  And when I told them I prefer not to chat I would be called a bitch.    One even complimented me on my profite picture and how attractive I was.  It's HeHe the chicken from Moana. 

[dannylion]

The fact that this is happening in communications with a bot is weird, but it doesn't make it any less inappropriate.  The men involved obviously believe they are in contact with an actual human woman, so if they are interacting with actual human women during communications with other businesses, it is likely that they are also making similar inappropriate comments.  Their employers need to know because it could come back to bite the in the butt if an actual human target of their inappropriate communications decides to make an issue of it.  

[Opti]

I liked this answer even if the strikeout needs to be implied.


A different option is to reply as yourself once the messages reach you (“FYI, Ron, this was a scheduling bot, not an actual woman — please reconsider your life choices”).

[daisylu]

So creepy, and yes it needs to be reported. The fact that professional men feel fine being inappropriate in this type of situation is why it needs to be reported. They don't know who they are replying to and choose to be dicks.

[soupandstew]

I'm really not sure which is worse - the guys are a-holes and think they are hitting on a real human or the guys are a-holes and so desperate they know it's a bot but don't care.  Either way, they should be reported,.  

[finnime]

Wow, that's weird. I agree, let the business owners know that these men are being grossly inappropriate. Next they'll be sending dick pics.

[Bonny]

I can't help but wonder if these men also have dating bots replying to your bot?

It's a weird world!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 9, 2024 10:48:19 GMT -5 Bonny said:

I can't help but wonder if these men also have dating bots replying to your bot?

It's a weird world!

When a man bot loves a woman bot that's how you get the Matrix!

[dannylion]

Even imaginary women are not allowed simply to exist in peace.

[Tiny]

I have a feeling the men know it's an automated email. And they think it's funny to reply to the email and "hit on" the bot. I'm guessing it's so they can show their friends and they can all have a good laugh. I think it's got some sort of "no one's gonna see this so I can do this without being told it's cringe-y ha ha ha ha" It still makes them jerks. (cause I wonder what other kinds of things they'd find OK to do if no one was looking.)

I've worked with men who are more or less still 13 year old boys when it comes to humor and anything sexual and have no impulse control and/or cannot edit themselves so they say and do stuff that's very cringe-y. I've met some women like this too but by far it's a 'guy thing'. Most of the men aren't bad people - but there were one or two who were pretty creepy/cringe-y.

I am not making excuses for the men who hit on the bot.  I think they should be told that their behavior was inappropriate.  Or a generic reminder that what's written in emails (or anything on line) to bots or mailboxes or automated systems is often "public" and seen by many people.   

I'm just giving a possible reason for why they'd bother to do it (when odds are they knew it was an automated message.)   I'm guessing they'd hit on the bot even if the email was signed with a male name and they weren't gay. 

[dannylion]

Jan 9, 2024 13:36:37 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I have a feeling the men know it's an automated email. And they think it's funny to reply to the email and "hit on" the bot. I'm guessing it's so they can show their friends and they can all have a good laugh. I think it's got some sort of "no one's gonna see this so I can do this without being told it's cringe-y ha ha ha ha" It still makes them jerks. (cause I wonder what other kinds of things they'd find OK to do if no one was looking.)

I've worked with men who are more or less still 13 year old boys when it comes to humor and anything sexual and have no impulse control and/or cannot edit themselves so they say and do stuff that's very cringe-y. I've met some women like this too but by far it's a 'guy thing'. Most of the men aren't bad people - but there were one or two who were pretty creepy/cringe-y.

I am not making excuses for the men who hit on the bot.  I think they should be told that their behavior was inappropriate.  Or a generic reminder that what's written in emails (or anything on line) to bots or mailboxes or automated systems is often "public" and seen by many people.   

I'm just giving a possible reason for why they'd bother to do it (when odds are they knew it was an automated message.)   I'm guessing they'd hit on the bot even if the email was signed with a male name and they weren't gay. 

Interesting perspective.  It is possible that you are giving the bot-responders credit for more self-awareness and capacity for nuanced thought or behavior than they possess.  

[daisylu]

Jan 9, 2024 13:36:37 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I have a feeling the men know it's an automated email. And they think it's funny to reply to the email and "hit on" the bot. I'm guessing it's so they can show their friends and they can all have a good laugh. I think it's got some sort of "no one's gonna see this so I can do this without being told it's cringe-y ha ha ha ha" It still makes them jerks. (cause I wonder what other kinds of things they'd find OK to do if no one was looking.)

I've worked with men who are more or less still 13 year old boys when it comes to humor and anything sexual and have no impulse control and/or cannot edit themselves so they say and do stuff that's very cringe-y. I've met some women like this too but by far it's a 'guy thing'. Most of the men aren't bad people - but there were one or two who were pretty creepy/cringe-y.

I am not making excuses for the men who hit on the bot.  I think they should be told that their behavior was inappropriate.  Or a generic reminder that what's written in emails (or anything on line) to bots or mailboxes or automated systems is often "public" and seen by many people.   

I'm just giving a possible reason for why they'd bother to do it (when odds are they knew it was an automated message.)   I'm guessing they'd hit on the bot even if the email was signed with a male name and they weren't gay. 

But as an employer I would want to know. "boys will boys" is a tired excuse, and until they face consequences they will continue to act inappropriately. And as you said, they are probably doing much worse when they think no one is looking. But these are professionals, they have to know that their emails are being monitored.

[raeoflyte]

Jan 10, 2024 8:54:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Jan 9, 2024 13:36:37 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I have a feeling the men know it's an automated email. And they think it's funny to reply to the email and "hit on" the bot. I'm guessing it's so they can show their friends and they can all have a good laugh. I think it's got some sort of "no one's gonna see this so I can do this without being told it's cringe-y ha ha ha ha" It still makes them jerks. (cause I wonder what other kinds of things they'd find OK to do if no one was looking.)

I've worked with men who are more or less still 13 year old boys when it comes to humor and anything sexual and have no impulse control and/or cannot edit themselves so they say and do stuff that's very cringe-y. I've met some women like this too but by far it's a 'guy thing'. Most of the men aren't bad people - but there were one or two who were pretty creepy/cringe-y.

I am not making excuses for the men who hit on the bot.  I think they should be told that their behavior was inappropriate.  Or a generic reminder that what's written in emails (or anything on line) to bots or mailboxes or automated systems is often "public" and seen by many people.   

I'm just giving a possible reason for why they'd bother to do it (when odds are they knew it was an automated message.)   I'm guessing they'd hit on the bot even if the email was signed with a male name and they weren't gay. 

But as an employer I would want to know. "boys will boys" is a tired excuse, and until they face consequences they will continue to act inappropriately. And as you said, they are probably doing much worse when they think no one is looking. But these are professionals, they have to know that their emails are being monitored.

Right?!? Surfing Facebook or pinterest when work is slow is one thing. Pouring energy into this is beyond young or bad judgment.