lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,576
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Post by lurkyloo on Aug 17, 2023 8:33:21 GMT -5
I suppose I use chores to punish DS…by making him clean up the mess he thoughtlessly generated! He has a lot in common with Carrot, sounds like; definitely trails destruction wherever he goes. I'm talking about real punishment not related to the crime.
Disobey a parent = going out and weeding for an hour, cleaning a substantial portion of the house.
It was an alternative to spankings or being told to stand in a corner, type punishment.
I want to acknowledge this but cannot bring myself to like it… DS tends to see any demand as a punishment if he doesn’t want to do it. Part of his neurology; I can see and empathize but still working on him realizing the chores are a natural consequence of either living in the house or thoughtlessly making a mess. He didn’t mean to make a mess so emotionally the need to clean up after often strikes him as an unpleasant surprise and sometimes just as Mommy being mean. ETA: On the flip side, he will occasionally make my bed (never his own lol) and gets very into scrubbing toilets, because those are fun or his own idea. His head is a very exciting and confusing place.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,321
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Post by giramomma on Aug 17, 2023 8:56:38 GMT -5
ETA: On the flip side, he will occasionally make my bed (never his own lol) and gets very into scrubbing toilets, because those are fun or his own idea. His head is a very exciting and confusing place. That's what I love about kids. Like that Box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
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raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,723
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 17, 2023 10:54:45 GMT -5
At the end of the day my goal is to raise humans who are capable of running a household how they want to. I want them to be able to cook and clean and negotiate household management with others should they choose to.
To that end I have tried various things. What has worked well for a while is they each have a daily chore, and then lots of reminders to clean up after themselves and then just asking them to things as they're needed. Please come clear and set the table, empty the dishwasher, if I can I'll offer a choice. Do you want to work on the basement or kitchen, this is what I need etc.
My kids are easy and I get very little resistance. I don't get a lot of proactive - time to do my daily chore, or I need to pick up my cup and wrapper from the couch. But I feel like when I ask, because I've made such a point to explain the why and ask nicely they do it quickly and without attitude - for the most part.
They do their own laundry. I don't even ask about it anymore. This might be the year I hand off lunches. I hate packing lunches but feel bad too.
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swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,310
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Post by swamp on Aug 18, 2023 11:00:27 GMT -5
I suppose I use chores to punish DS…by making him clean up the mess he thoughtlessly generated! He has a lot in common with Carrot, sounds like; definitely trails destruction wherever he goes. I don't think that's a punishment, that's a consequence to his own actions.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,576
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Post by lurkyloo on Aug 28, 2023 10:18:35 GMT -5
I suppose I use chores to punish DS…by making him clean up the mess he thoughtlessly generated! He has a lot in common with Carrot, sounds like; definitely trails destruction wherever he goes. I don't think that's a punishment, that's a consequence to his own actions. I see it your way. He’s starting to come around to the realization but it’s a slow process.
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