Scarcity Mindset

[gacpa]

So, I found this article and it seems growing up poor leaves a mark on you for the rest of your life for some people.  I see my mother's habits in this article and some of my own as well:



A mother on TikTok recently shared a secret habit of hers that she’s had for years. However, she suspects the root of the practice comes from her growing up poor.



Little did she know that the post would resonate with hundreds of internet strangers. Many shared that they, too, harbor similarly “strange” habits from being a child whose family struggled financially.



In the clip, a woman who goes by Rach on TikTok (@rachgist) explains that she’d been thinking a lot about her childhood after seeing another TikToker pose a simple yet thought-provoking question: “If you grew up poor, what weird habit did you bring into adulthood with you because of that?”



When she went to make a stitch with the video, she suddenly couldn’t find it. But she decided to post her own video anyway just to see if other former “poor kids” could relate.



@rachgist

#igrewuppoor #grewuppoor #storytime #relatable @questnutrition #snacks



♬ original sound – r a c h

“So if we buy something from the grocery store, and I love it,” Rach begins before grabbing a box of Quest bars that she recently bought with eight in the pack. “I will eat seven of them and leave the eighth one until I buy an entirely new box of the eight.”



As a result, she says her pantry is full of mostly empty boxes that have just one singular bar or food item left in there “just in case.”



According to Rach, the whole thing is “kind of embarrassing” and actually drives her husband kind of nuts.



“He did not grow up poor, so he’s like, ‘Well just go buy more,’ and I’m like, ‘But what if we can’t?'” Rach says as the video ends.



What she’s describing here isn’t actually all that strange. In fact, as one TikToker later commented, it’s actually a real — and fully diagnosable — thing.



“Two words: scarcity mindset,” they wrote in the comments. “Grew up poor, and this resonates.”



According to WebMD, a scarcity mindset is when you’re “so obsessed with a lack of something — usually time or money — that you can’t seem to focus on anything else, no matter how hard you try.” For most people, this comes out in all sorts of little ways but isn’t actually a conscious behavior. Instead, it’s almost like second nature.



Turns out, a lot of people out there either do the very same thing as Rach, or something similar, due to their own upbringings. And soon after posting her own confession, many TikTokers chimed in with some of theirs.



“I cant use things I like because I want to ‘save’ them,” one person confessed.



“I’m only buying items if they are on sale, which has made me collect things that I don’t actually love,” another person admitted. “but I’m working on that now.”



For someone else, it takes the form of “saving plastic bags for forever and ever.” And, as another person shared, they often put off eating the food they purchased for way too long, just because they’re trying to save them for the future.



“I save EVERYTHING,” another person wrote. “jars, foam from packages, takeout containers, etc. I don’t throw anything away if I can reuse it.”



“I add water to my shampoo/detergent and dish soap to make it stretch,” said someone else.



“POOR TRAUMA IS REAL,” yet another person confessed. “I STILL WILL LEAVE MY OVEN DOOR OPEN AFTER I USE IT BECAUSE THAT’S VALUABLE HEAT.”



Clearly, this kind of innate behavior runs deep for a lot of people — even some who say they didn’t grow up poor but had a parent who did. Certain behaviors were passed down and became ingrained in them, too, leaving them with a subconscious fear of one day “losing it all.”



While most of the video comments had to do with people sharing their own “weird” confessions, many simply agreed with Rach that they, too, had the same habit of leaving “just one” of something in the pantry. As a result, dozens of people felt a sense of community over something they didn’t even know was a “thing.”



“Oh my god is that why I do that,” one person wrote.



“I thought I was the only one!” said another.



“I do this and I didn’t realize that until now,” someone else shared.

[giramomma]

Thanks for posting it.

Clearly, this kind of innate behavior runs deep for a lot of people — even some who say they didn’t grow up poor but had a parent who did. Certain behaviors were passed down and became ingrained in them, too, leaving them with a subconscious fear of one day “losing it all.”

I think the trick is to be careful about modeling behaviors without the fear. I think it's possible.

[busymom]

Absolutely!  If you grew up "poor", or one of the poorer families in the neighborhood, you are afraid to run out of anything.  And, you do strange things to save money that most people won't do.


Example:  in the Winter, if the sun is out, I will open the blinds on that side of the house so the sun helps "heat" the house.  It saves a bit of money on heating costs.


You tend to save dumb stuff, like extra sets of dishes, because you "might need 'em someday".


Who else here does some strange stuff?  (For the record, my parents grew up during the Great Depression, and knew how to squeeze a penny until it screamed.)  

[pooks]

Thank you for posting this.  I read it this afternoon and it really hit home.  I buy the next of everything, as soon as I open the last of something (Peanut butter, rice, bread).  It is pretty constant and stressful.  Like I am stressed out if I am using the last of something, without a backup.  Not even just food, I have so many blankets, pillows, and sheets.  I am not a hoarder, but there are a couple of things, that I think you need multiples of, just in case. 

And yes I did grow up poor.  Living off Taco Bell because that was where mom worked and not having any heat, so needed lots of blankets.  

[giramomma]

Apr 26, 2023 14:33:55 GMT -5 busymom said:

Absolutely!  If you grew up "poor", or one of the poorer families in the neighborhood, you are afraid to run out of anything.  And, you do strange things to save money that most people won't do.


Example:  in the Winter, if the sun is out, I will open the blinds on that side of the house so the sun helps "heat" the house.  It saves a bit of money on heating costs.


You tend to save dumb stuff, like extra sets of dishes, because you "might need 'em someday".


Who else here does some strange stuff?  (For the record, my parents grew up during the Great Depression, and knew how to squeeze a penny until it screamed.)  

Are these really strange things though? I don't think it's strange to let the sun warm your house. Or use the sun to provide light so you don't have to turn on all the lights in your house.

We have a rain barrel. Usually, that's a cost saving measure that is applauded, especially this time of year (earth day). It's not considered strange, or associated with being poor.

I think for most of us, money is a finite resource. Now, there are some folks at my kids' school, where money is not a finite resource. If you part of a family that privately owns a billion dollar business, no, I would not expect that you would contemplate the cost savings of biking over driving, as a way to make ends meet...or that being the difference between taking a vacation or not.

Does anyone know if the author of the Tightwad Gazette grew up in poverty?

I don't have time to research her now. 

My mom is one that I consider did "strange stuff" because she was afraid of a lack of. She would wear pants with holes in the crotch out in public, even though she had other clothing options (she was working on filling two double closets of her clothing).  Then she would say "look how poor we are. I can't even afford new pants."

My mom would not allow me to drive her car after I got my license. If I wrecked her car, she would not have a replacement. Yes, she had full insurance on her car. Yes we lived near car dealerships. So there was ability to replace the car. Having two cars was a convenience for my parents. If they HAD to, they could have got along just fine with one car.

I dunno. I don't think the behaviors are problematic. And I have a problem saying that being money conscious/conscious of consumption/spending habits is "strange."

It's the attitudes that can be problematic.

[Opti]

Apr 26, 2023 14:33:55 GMT -5 busymom said:

Absolutely!  If you grew up "poor", or one of the poorer families in the neighborhood, you are afraid to run out of anything.  And, you do strange things to save money that most people won't do.


Example:  in the Winter, if the sun is out, I will open the blinds on that side of the house so the sun helps "heat" the house.  It saves a bit of money on heating costs.


You tend to save dumb stuff, like extra sets of dishes, because you "might need 'em someday".


Who else here does some strange stuff?  (For the record, my parents grew up during the Great Depression, and knew how to squeeze a penny until it screamed.)  

I grew up lower middle class so I just wanted to eat better as does my youngest sib. Weirdly we are both struggling cuz life.

I do semi hoard now because I have been under-funded, i.e. low income, very low income and sometimes Sec. 8 level for housing depending on current job and where I am looking to live. So there are more canned goods I've gotten from food pantries and other sources that I wouldn't have if I was adequately funded. Same w/ clothes, shoes that should no longer be worn, toiletries, cleaning supplies etc.

Being 'poor' for more than a few years as an adult can certainly scar you as adult going forward. 

[Opti]

Apr 26, 2023 14:58:13 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Apr 26, 2023 14:33:55 GMT -5 busymom said:

Absolutely!  If you grew up "poor", or one of the poorer families in the neighborhood, you are afraid to run out of anything.  And, you do strange things to save money that most people won't do.


Example:  in the Winter, if the sun is out, I will open the blinds on that side of the house so the sun helps "heat" the house.  It saves a bit of money on heating costs.


You tend to save dumb stuff, like extra sets of dishes, because you "might need 'em someday".


Who else here does some strange stuff?  (For the record, my parents grew up during the Great Depression, and knew how to squeeze a penny until it screamed.)  

Are these really strange things though? I don't think it's strange to let the sun warm your house. Or use the sun to provide light so you don't have to turn on all the lights in your house.

We have a rain barrel. Usually, that's a cost saving measure that is applauded, especially this time of year (earth day). It's not considered strange, or associated with being poor.

I think for most of us, money is a finite resource. Now, there are some folks at my kids' school, where money is not a finite resource. If you part of a family that privately owns a billion dollar business, no, I would not expect that you would contemplate the cost savings of biking over driving, as a way to make ends meet...or that being the difference between taking a vacation or not.

Does anyone know if the author of the Tightwad Gazette grew up in poverty?

I don't have time to research her now. 

My mom is one that I consider did "strange stuff" because she was afraid of a lack of. She would wear pants with holes in the crotch out in public, even though she had other clothing options (she was working on filling two double closets of her clothing).  Then she would say "look how poor we are. I can't even afford new pants."

My mom would not allow me to drive her car after I got my license. If I wrecked her car, she would not have a replacement. Yes, she had full insurance on her car. Yes we lived near car dealerships. So there was ability to replace the car. Having two cars was a convenience for my parents. If they HAD to, they could have got along just fine with one car.

I dunno. I don't think the behaviors are problematic. And I have a problem saying that being money conscious/conscious of consumption/spending habits is "strange."

It's the attitudes that can be problematic.

Its hard to keep your attitude positive when the outside world is trying to tell you something else. I still wear socks with holes in them. I actually thought it was genius that some kid came up with the idea to hide the visible holes by putting marker on her calves.

I didn't do it, but was tempted. Right now, the socks I wear with holes are ones no longer made and trying something that won't work is too much. I have two pairs of socks I did not return in time and I am disappointed in myself for not doing better. In better funded times they would go to the thrift store. In my current times I occasionally look in a thrift store for socks that might work. I am not in a city like Welts, so without a car I am not going to any thrift store. 

[skeeter]

Add me to the list of posters who grew up dirt poor (poor as a church mouse as the "old saying" goes). The one thing from that time that I did bring with me into adulthood was my mother always saying "if you have some eggs in the refrigerator, you'll always have something to eat".

To this day, I ALWAYS have eggs on hand...

[minnesotapaintlady]

I hate throwing things away, especially food and I do have a pretty packed freezer.  I don't know if that's scarcity mindset though?  I don't think I grew up poor.  I mean, I lived in an 800 square foot house until age 11 or 12 or so and my single mom was very frugal, but I don't remember ever being without food or electricity or anything like that.  I just don't like to waste things and like to make things last as long as possible. 

[Anne_in_VA]

I grew up poor and always have a packed pantry, refrigerator and freezer.  I’ve never been able to get over the mindset that if I have food on hand I’m not going to go hungry.  I’m the same way about clothes.  I wore mostly homemade clothes or hand me downs as a child so I tend to overbuy clothes.  I have way more than I need.

[Deleted]

I recognize the habits my childhood and young adulthood poverty ingrained in me, some good and some not so much so.  I don't see anything strange in opening the blinds to the sun on cold days and shutting them to keep out the heat on hot days-it's just common sense to me.  Yes, I also add water to the shampoo and body wash bottles.  DH tossed out a "used up" bottle of body wash which I rescued from the wastebasket and added some water to.  I got five generous sudsy showers with it.  Do I have to do that?  No, of course not, but I hate waste.  Waste is poor stewardship of one's resources and the earth's.

I feel that a key boundary between healthy and unhealthy habits is whether your behavior hurts yourself or someone around you.  If a huge stockpile of groceries for some imaginary future disaster ends up being thrown away, potentially removing hundreds of dollars from your family's bank account-not good.  Catching a BOGO sale on a grocery item you use regularly-heck yeah!  Can your family not visit because the spare room is filled with "just in case" items, depriving you of valued relationships?  Not cool.  In other words, are your past and the thoughts and behaviors deriving from it, damaging your present and future? 

[jerseygirl]

Weren’t poor growing up but both parents grew up in depression and kept thrifty habits. Yes add water to shampoo dish detergent etc. Don’t buy name brands . Take pleasure in buying a bargain , take care of belongings etc
I was first in larger family to go to and graduate college as was Jerseyguy. We raised family the same as our parents. Went out to eat only on vacations at a family ‘shore’ house, looked for bargains for clothes etc
DD and YDSon same but ODSon always liked more luxury items. Luckily he’s now a well paid physician

I never felt deprived also never even now have any desire to buy expensive clothing etc
Do like to travel and happily my job involved very nice international travel. Where I discovered POINTS! So fairly thrifty travel by using points but flying and staying at very nice places

[Deleted]

Since Covid-induced supply chain issues made grocery shopping some sort of weird bingo game several years ago, we have a "one back" policy, meaning when you open a new jar/bottle/box, you add that item to the shopping list.  That's not hoarding, or fearful, it's just recognizing that even now a store might not have saltine crackers or raisins or whatever for a week or two.  

[Artemis Windsong]

I feel wealthy with meat in the freezer.  I don't know where this came from.

I try to buy the same item when it gets down to one-fourth left so I don't run out.  I remind myself that the grocers are very well stocked so I don't have to over buy until the toilet paper hoarding.  LOL.

I have one set of sheets for the bed.  Wash, dry, put them back on.

Old sheets are used to cover furniture if we're gone for a while.

I do feel clothes deprived and comes out when someone has an outfit to give away that fits me.  I do gather up too much there.  Some of that is I tire of some outfits wanting a new look.  One root is having few work clothes so I concentrated on the dress for success mix and match basic colors.  Navy blue blazer.

I knew two multi billionaires who wore the same style jacket all their adult life and one was was probably buried in it.  This was before wearing the same style so as not to make more decisions became a thing.  Or it was the first.

[busymom]

Apr 26, 2023 15:33:23 GMT -5 Anne_in_VA said:

I grew up poor and always have a packed pantry, refrigerator and freezer.  I’ve never been able to get over the mindset that if I have food on hand I’m not going to go hungry.  I’m the same way about clothes.  I wore mostly homemade clothes or hand me downs as a child so I tend to overbuy clothes.  I have way more than I need.

     That's interesting that you mention overbuying clothes.  I tend to do that too.  You've gotta have some "good" clothes, and your everyday clothes.  Then, you have the clothes that really aren't in good enough shape to go out in public, so you wear them when working around the house.  Waste not, want not! 

[NastyWoman]

Apr 26, 2023 15:44:42 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I recognize the habits my childhood and young adulthood poverty ingrained in me, some good and some not so much so.  I don't see anything strange in opening the blinds to the sun on cold days and shutting them to keep out the heat on hot days-it's just common sense to me.  Yes, I also add water to the shampoo and body wash bottles.  DH tossed out a "used up" bottle of body wash which I rescued from the wastebasket and added some water to.  I got five generous sudsy showers with it.  Do I have to do that?  No, of course not, but I hate waste.  Waste is poor stewardship of one's resources and the earth's.

I feel that a key boundary between healthy and unhealthy habits is whether your behavior hurts yourself or someone around you.  If a huge stockpile of groceries for some imaginary future disaster ends up being thrown away, potentially removing hundreds of dollars from your family's bank account-not good.  Catching a BOGO sale on a grocery item you use regularly-heck yeah!  Can your family not visit because the spare room is filled with "just in case" items, depriving you of valued relationships?  Not cool.  In other words, are your past and the thoughts and behaviors deriving from it, damaging your present and future? 

I would agree with you except - earthquakes! The food I would be able to easily eat then, like those meal soups in cans with a pull tab, are in my pantry. But I don't actually like them all that much so occasionally they are too far past their use by date and they get tossed and replaced right away. 

I do hate waste as well and will put some water in body wash or cut open the body lotion bottle after the pump no longer works as there is enough in there still for at least a couple of more weeks. I grew up somewhat poor as I am one of 7 kids in a blue collar family. But I never had to worry about food or a roof over our head. I am sure my parents worried at times (though maybe not as they were notoriously bad with money management and always felt things would work out) but they never showed any of that to us so I never had a "fear of being without" 

[Deleted]

Apr 26, 2023 16:54:09 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Apr 26, 2023 15:44:42 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I recognize the habits my childhood and young adulthood poverty ingrained in me, some good and some not so much so.  I don't see anything strange in opening the blinds to the sun on cold days and shutting them to keep out the heat on hot days-it's just common sense to me.  Yes, I also add water to the shampoo and body wash bottles.  DH tossed out a "used up" bottle of body wash which I rescued from the wastebasket and added some water to.  I got five generous sudsy showers with it.  Do I have to do that?  No, of course not, but I hate waste.  Waste is poor stewardship of one's resources and the earth's.

I feel that a key boundary between healthy and unhealthy habits is whether your behavior hurts yourself or someone around you.  If a huge stockpile of groceries for some imaginary future disaster ends up being thrown away, potentially removing hundreds of dollars from your family's bank account-not good.  Catching a BOGO sale on a grocery item you use regularly-heck yeah!  Can your family not visit because the spare room is filled with "just in case" items, depriving you of valued relationships?  Not cool.  In other words, are your past and the thoughts and behaviors deriving from it, damaging your present and future? 

I would agree with you except - earthquakes! The food I would be able to easily eat then, like those meal soups in cans with a pull tab, are in my pantry. But I don't actually like them all that much so occasionally they are too far their use by date and they get tossed and replaced right away. 

I do hate waste as well and will put some water in body wash or cut open the body lotion bottle after the pump no longer works as there is enough in there still for at least a couple of more weeks. I grew up somewhat poor as I am one of 7 kids in a blue color family. But I never had to worry about food or a roof over our head. I am sure my parents worried at times (though maybe not as they were notoriously bad with money management and always felt things would work out) but they never showed any of that to us so I never had a "fear of being without" 

If a natural disaster is possible where you live that's a smart move.  Hurricanes are our nemesis here so, yes, I do stock up a bit more on soups, canned tuna, crackers, bottled water etc during the season because stores will be out of everything for weeks if we get hit by a big one.  

[TheOtherMe]

Apr 26, 2023 15:33:23 GMT -5 Anne_in_VA said:

I grew up poor and always have a packed pantry, refrigerator and freezer.  I’ve never been able to get over the mindset that if I have food on hand I’m not going to go hungry.  I’m the same way about clothes.  I wore mostly homemade clothes or hand me downs as a child so I tend to overbuy clothes.  I have way more than I need.

Definitely grew up poor and try to keep food on hand.  

Most of my clothes until high school were made by my mother and then me.  By high school, she would pay for an outfit to start school and an outfit at Christmas and birthday.  Anything else I wanted, I had to make or buy from the money I made from my waitress job.  

I'm just glad I grew up in a poor neighborhood and people came together to help out when one of the dad's company went on strike.  The neighbors made sure those families had food.  Also helped each other with car repairs.

Even helped with big jobs like taking down a tree.  We had an elm tree that died of Dutch elm disease.  The neighbors came together and took it down on weekend.  I'm sure dad provided beer and soda but there was no exchange of money.

[nidena]

The real bitch, for me, is growing up with a bit of scarcity mindset and then spending my adult years with a stepmom who came from money, rules, and etiquette.  So, I might have extra bottles of shampoo in case I run out and she has 12 sets of dishes because they get changed every month or so...which bleeds over into my way of thinking when, in reality, I sure as shit don't need TWO sets of dishes, let alone 12.  What did she buy me last Christmas: new dishes.

In the vein, though, of scarcity mindset, I've been working to wean myself off the thought process that if I like something, to buy it in every color.  I don't NEED one in every color.

[happyhoix]

Jerseygirl this is exactly like my mom:

“Weren’t poor growing up but both parents grew up in depression and kept thrifty habits. Yes add water to shampoo dish detergent etc. Don’t buy name brands . Take pleasure in buying a bargain , take care of belongings etc”

She diluted juice and kool aid until the we’re basically colored water, and shampoo until it hardly raised a bubble. She also grew up in the Great Depression.

One thing she did that made me annoyed was she would buy discounted brand name clothes because she wanted to impress other people, but wouldn’t spend a dime on underwear. She had maybe three pairs of panties mostly torn from the waistband that she had to pin up with half a dozen pins. I always wished she’d buy one less designer warehouse outfit and get some new underwear with that.

She loved to explain, down to the smallest detail, how she got a great bargain, paying far less than everyone else there - like the concert she attended on half price senior tickets, and had a coupon for half off one of the restaurants there, so she and my dad split the meal, and enjoyed the concert for less than half of the people around them. Never once mentioned the concert, but told me the story about the great deal she got at least six times. She got a kick out of it.

[Bonny]

Apr 26, 2023 15:44:42 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I recognize the habits my childhood and young adulthood poverty ingrained in me, some good and some not so much so.  I don't see anything strange in opening the blinds to the sun on cold days and shutting them to keep out the heat on hot days-it's just common sense to me.  Yes, I also add water to the shampoo and body wash bottles.  DH tossed out a "used up" bottle of body wash which I rescued from the wastebasket and added some water to.  I got five generous sudsy showers with it.  Do I have to do that?  No, of course not, but I hate waste.  Waste is poor stewardship of one's resources and the earth's.

I feel that a key boundary between healthy and unhealthy habits is whether your behavior hurts yourself or someone around you.  If a huge stockpile of groceries for some imaginary future disaster ends up being thrown away, potentially removing hundreds of dollars from your family's bank account-not good.  Catching a BOGO sale on a grocery item you use regularly-heck yeah!  Can your family not visit because the spare room is filled with "just in case" items, depriving you of valued relationships?  Not cool.  In other words, are your past and the thoughts and behaviors deriving from it, damaging your present and future? 

I agree with you.

One of the reasons that my dad lost his relationships was his insistance on keeping things he should have recycled/given away long ago. He couldn't give up control of his stuff.

I'm seeing some hoarding tendencies in myself. Working on it!

[Opti]

Apr 28, 2023 19:00:51 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Jerseygirl this is exactly like my mom:

“Weren’t poor growing up but both parents grew up in depression and kept thrifty habits. Yes add water to shampoo dish detergent etc. Don’t buy name brands . Take pleasure in buying a bargain , take care of belongings etc”

She diluted juice and kool aid until the we’re basically colored water, and shampoo until it hardly raised a bubble. She also grew up in the Great Depression.

One thing she did that made me annoyed was she would buy discounted brand name clothes because she wanted to impress other people, but wouldn’t spend a dime on underwear. She had maybe three pairs of panties mostly torn from the waistband that she had to pin up with half a dozen pins. I always wished she’d buy one less designer warehouse outfit and get some new underwear with that.

She loved to explain, down to the smallest detail, how she got a great bargain, paying far less than everyone else there - like the concert she attended on half price senior tickets, and had a coupon for half off one of the restaurants there, so she and my dad split the meal, and enjoyed the concert for less than half of the people around them. Never once mentioned the concert, but told me the story about the great deal she got at least six times. She got a kick out of it.

Ouch. Both my parents grew up in the great depression and dad definitely has kept more things than he should have. I hope the move to the new house insured some of it did not come with him. 

Thankfully I think my parents were more experience people than look how thrifty I am types, although dad really is lurching to the latter. Fixed income I think can play with your mind and as a veteran not lifetime military your potential benefits likely change easily with the political winds. And the company he retired from became at least two different companies or divisions. Selling at least one piece part of that I know of. So much less stable than mom retiring from the school system.

I like good bargains but I care more that it will last. And sometimes I can't afford something I need at all. My current BF is out and about because the barter system is up and functioning in his area. Somehow his barely alive car got resurrected by someone so he was teaching a lesson in return.

[Opti]

Apr 26, 2023 20:21:55 GMT -5 nidena said:

The real bitch, for me, is growing up with a bit of scarcity mindset and then spending my adult years with a stepmom who came from money, rules, and etiquette.  So, I might have extra bottles of shampoo in case I run out and she has 12 sets of dishes because they get changed every month or so...which bleeds over into my way of thinking when, in reality, I sure as shit don't need TWO sets of dishes, let alone 12.  What did she buy me last Christmas: new dishes.

In the vein, though, of scarcity mindset, I've been working to wean myself off the thought process that if I like something, to buy it in every color.  I don't NEED one in every color.

I try to buy two if I like it and can afford it in that moment. I don't want every color, but it is easy to buy the same thing in different colors when it goes on sale because I know how it works. I'm downscale enough that almost any buying failure gives me recriminations and worry about shipping it back or what. 

I have two new pairs of Maggie's socks, because they discontinued the ones that worked, and these are way too tight. Probably worth $22 or so, but I'll probably just give them to the next person with thin enough calves or donate to a thrift shop in the future.
(I tested the third pair. Still a no.)

[Tiny]

I grew up instilled with the idea that if you had something nice - you could never use it - because the nice thing was too good and would be ruined if you used it. the Sunday outfit and shoes for example. or the really nice gift (that someone spent money on), or anything new that was nicer than the thing you already had (and was worn but not truly "trash" yet).

It took me a very long time to get to the point where I would use the "nice" things I bought myself or was given as a gift.

Not sure if it was so much from "scarcity" as it was from "a lot of money was paid for that! don't break/ruin/use it all at once". A "nice" thing was to be saved for "someday" or some special occasion that would never happen.

[countrygirl2]

I had homemade and hand me down clothes in school. When we did buy it wasn't exactly stylish like other girls had. And my clunker shoes I had to wear didn't help. In my married and working lives both I have spent a small fortune on clothes. I've been getting rid of them after hanging on to most of them for years and years. I need to get rid of more.

I have trouble getting socks that don't strangle my legs, they are awful now. I buy this one kind from Othofeet and they are expensive. Yet they get holes in a couple places where my orthotics rub so mend them. I don't know of people mending socks. I also put new zippers in coats and mend other clothing. Some of the old ways hanging in there still.


I keep fully stocked everything and a backup. But nowadays a lot of that is because you can never find an item of clothing or shoes again many times because they no longer make it.

I put back too much food doing covid, hubs kept telling me I was, but I was scared of what trump was doing to the country and covid. He absolutely terrified me in the way he was taking the country down. I had never lived in such instability. So part being poor and part scared.

I didn't realize until high school I was poor because most of the people around me were in the same boat.

I'm still having problems with dealing with what is enough and getting rid of stuff you don't use. Dad and mom hung onto everything in case they needed it.

I brought lots of things out here so in this case glad I did., but I shouldn't have kept all this stuff.

I'm sure there is a lot of hangover from growing up poor. Also hanging onto old skills as does hubs. Like he said we could both make it if a depression hit. But would be very hard on us at our age now to physically do it all.

[countrygirl2]

I also think that is the problem with DIL coming from scarcity, much worse than anything I'm aware of.

[Deleted]

May 2, 2023 20:50:16 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I grew up instilled with the idea that if you had something nice - you could never use it - because the nice thing was too good and would be ruined if you used it. the Sunday outfit and shoes for example. or the really nice gift (that someone spent money on), or anything new that was nicer than the thing you already had (and was worn but not truly "trash" yet).

It took me a very long time to get to the point where I would use the "nice" things I bought myself or was given as a gift.

Not sure if it was so much from "scarcity" as it was from "a lot of money was paid for that! don't break/ruin/use it all at once". A "nice" thing was to be saved for "someday" or some special occasion that would never happen.

That attitude drove me crazy with my mother as she would never use the nice nightgown, but put it away for "someday".  Then I found myself doing the same thing with nice body lotion or cologne, a combination of feeling unworthy/fear there would never be more.

[finnime]

My parents grew up dirt poor during the Depression. My mother's childhood home didn't have indoor plumbing until she was in high school. Hand-me-downs from cousins were how they got dressed. They grew vegetables; often that was all there was to eat.

So we had a large vegetable garden. My mother was a nurse; my father, a hospital administrator so not at all poor, but they did have 5 kids. Their upbringing stayed with them. I remember my father wearing shorts on summer vacation with an old pair of wingtips and old dress socks. I remember mom patching my brothers' clothes and making clothes for DSis and me. They sharpened 79 cent vegetable peelers rather than buy new, and when that wouldn't work any longer gave them to my left-handed DSis to use. They kept using the broken toaster, forcing it to stop when toast was done.

When dad hit 40 he bought a '67 Mustang. He loved cars with magnificent motors. He drove it for over 15 years, including when road salt ate holes in the floor and the back window (it was a rag top) was repaired with duct tape. They did not buy something if they already had something, whether it functioned as it should or not.

They were them to the last. I had real trouble learning how to buy new. Throwing out stuff with residual value is very hard. But, I'm learning.

[Opti]

May 3, 2023 11:00:50 GMT -5 finnime said:

My parents grew up dirt poor during the Depression. My mother's childhood home didn't have indoor plumbing until she was in high school. Hand-me-downs from cousins were how they got dressed. They grew vegetables; often that was all there was to eat.

So we had a large vegetable garden. My mother was a nurse; my father, a hospital administrator so not at all poor, but they did have 5 kids. Their upbringing stayed with them. I remember my father wearing shorts on summer vacation with an old pair of wingtips and old dress socks. I remember mom patching my brothers' clothes and making clothes for DSis and me. They sharpened 79 cent vegetable peelers rather than buy new, and when that wouldn't work any longer gave them to my left-handed DSis to use. They kept using the broken toaster, forcing it to stop when toast was done.

When dad hit 40 he bought a '67 Mustang. He loved cars with magnificent motors. He drove it for over 15 years, including when road salt ate holes in the floor and the back window (it was a rag top) was repaired with duct tape. They did not buy something if they already had something, whether it functioned as it should or not.

They were them to the last. I had real trouble learning how to buy new. Throwing out stuff with residual value is very hard. But, I'm learning.

My parents grew up during the Depression. My mom grew up on a farm and I have no idea when they went from outhouses to indoor plumbing. Everyone worked on the farm when they weren't at school so maybe that's why mom became a teacher? IDK. She was notorious for trading off her cow milking duties before school and hiding under the draft horses when she did not want to be found. She darned dad's socks when I was growing up. I asked for her supplies too late, as she had thrown them out a couple years prior. Somewhere I probably still have the wooden thing you put the socks on and the needle to darn it. 

My dad is an orphan and he and his sister were adopted to an older couple. I learned in the last ten years that he would help harvest hay as a boy for additional money. He and his parents were very frugal and very much savers. The only car I know he 
bought new was a Nissan 300ZX? That car went at least 300K miles and my one sister bought it and used it for HS and college.
Duct tape was a well known dad way of doing minor body repair. 

They did buy things new, but the emphasis was on education and music. My mom made some of our childhood clothes, recovered chairs, stained chairs, updated coffee tables, created wall hangings and worked FT once the youngest was in 1st grade.

[NastyWoman]

May 3, 2023 11:00:50 GMT -5 finnime said:

...

They were them to the last. I had real trouble learning how to buy new. Throwing out stuff with residual value is very hard. But, I'm learning.

 but that also, to a certain extent, throws a stick in the spokes of the "scarcity mindset" debate. We really need to keep on mind why we do certain things and that may be different for different items. As I mentioned before I grew up somewhat poor but I never feared not having what I needed. That was the result of choices made by my parents generation. Thinking back on it I believe that them losing most of their childhood due to growing up in war torn Europe led them to believe that it was best for kids never to have to worry for as long as you could keep up the facade of "safety". It worked for most people. 

Now, despite that I have a horribly hard time getting rid of things that are still perfectly fine. It is not like I am a hoarder (except for craft supplies - that got totally out of control at one time) I just don't buy anything new. For instance, getting back to Nidena's stepmom and her plates: as I am slowly preparing for my next move I am deciding what needs to go and what I will take. I decided that my plates, serving bowls/dishes, etc., are not coming with. They will be donated and I will buy new ones. But I have a hard time with this decision as all these items are in perfect shape. I am just bored with them and have been for a long time. Did I mention that I bought this dinnerware in the early 70s and they have moved a few dozen times - including 6 intercontinental moves? 

Obviously I am not holding onto them from a scarcity mindset. For me it is a " the earth has limited resources so use them well" thing. My rather overstocked pantry on the other hand has a scarcity background but only in that a natural disaster (earthquake) could strike at any time and the possibility of scarce food is real. 

Ok, very long post only to say that we should not simplify the reasons why we do things too much lest a discussion about it  becomes meaningless.