Family and politics

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

How is everyone else dealing with family members that say such totally outrageous things that you wonder how they made that leap?

For me, my stepmom has come over from the dark side.  For while, she was totally gung ho about Trump, but in the last 18 months or so, she has seen the light.  Her son, who was totally for Trump has been really quiet on FB recently.  I'm not sure if he's changed, but considering the number of political posts he made in the first 2 years of this presidency, I'm wondering.  I have no idea what his other 2 siblings think.

Both my siblings are still on the Trump bandwagon.  My way of dealing with them is to avoid talking politics at all.  I had to hang up on my brother from his birthday call I made last week.  My nephew gets into regular arguments with him, but his other 2 kids have been really quiet.  However, none of them espouse their father's politics.  For my sister, I have had to periodically hang up on her too.  For her, she is losing her relationship over this with her kids.  One of them told her flat out that she's killing their relationship and it's never going to be the same.  2/4 of her kids get into it regularly with her.  

I hate these divisions, and suspect my family isn't the only one like this.

[happyhoix]

My lovely Mil and SIL are totally on the Trump bandwagon. I avoid talking politics with them and I get along great with both. I think SIL likes to bait my husband and the two of them get into arguments periodically. I try to get DH to leave it alone- he isn’t going to change them and they won’t change him.

I’ve noticed some interesting things. Both sides call the other sheeple and claim they drank the koolaid. Both sides are completely sure they are right and the he other is unAmerican.

Not sure how we get past this.

[wvugurl26]

DH's family is all Trump. I try to avoid the topic and walk away if necessary. I bite my tongue a lot.

I have hidden several of them on Facebook. Between Trump and COVID is a joke, I'm done.

I don't wish ill on any of them but they can claim its fake only because they've been sheltered from it.

ETA: I drastically cut my Facebook time and avoid the local community pages 99% of the time now. I was tired of everyone being so ugly and it was having a negative impact on my mental health. I don't know how we lost the ability to respectfully disagree and debate points. It's disgusting how awful people are.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My family is mostly democratic.  Dad has some racist tendencies that several of us have been stomping on for years.  He's 82, he's likely not going to change any more than he has.  He's got afib, cpod, and had a stroke almost 11 years ago.  At this point, we're trying to just enjoy our time with him.  He does watch Fox but also the local news stations.  Plus he's a diehard Union guy. 

My Inlaws and dh are the ones that make weird leaps.  They stopped making comments about Hilary in 2016 after my daughter, then 8, repeated a comment from them about not knowing anyone who'd vote for Hilary and I told her that I was planning on it.  I'm sure she repeated it back, because she had no filter at that point (still doesn't) and they've been VERY quiet about politics since then. 

[Tiny]

I try to stay out of it/not talk about it... I've never seen so many angry, bitter people. And it's not like they (or their kids) are on hard times or having anything taken away from them.

I'm kind of baffled by the anger upset about LGBTQ rights (they have children who are out of the closet). I'm guessing it's ok if their kids are second class citizens? And need to be afraid to be out in public??

I'm baffled by their anger/upset about people getting SS or other Government aid. They will need SS when they retire. They have collected unemployment. Our mother benefited from SS (as did I as until I was 18). but oh no - it's bad giving money to people!

I'm baffled by their anger/upset about "employment" - they seem to think it's perfectly OK for workers to NOT have employer sponsored health care. I guess because they could choose to work for some other employer that offers it? They don't like when I point out some of their children who are working with no employer benefits and have to pay for healthcare (or go without). I'm guessing the relatives are giving money to their kids to keep them afloat. I guess only people with enough money deserve any sort of health care. And yet they rally about those shit hole countries and how America is so much better... un, no, not if most Americans can't afford a doctor's visit or have to choose between food/rent and medicine.

So yeah, I try not to say anything - but when they are being two faced about something I have to say something.'

but really, it's the anger and bitterness from people who have everything they could ever want (well, maybe they want to eat off of solid gold disposible plates everyday...) that kind of frightens me and/or exasperate me.   they should be in a better mental place but they aren't. 

[justme]

My family usually can stop and change the subject when it's not getting anywhere. Which is good since in my immediate family I'm the cheese. 

What's more infuriating to me is they're more anti left than pro trump, but very much buy into what faux news says though insist they check "other sources". Though with some of their stances they stick to the faux news line even though there's evidence the other way. 

I'm kind of mind boggled in that I've always been a little more liberal on the social stuff and got a little more liberal (ie lets tax the corps more because they get so much aid because they pay their employees squat) though I think some of it is just me being more cynical (after being in the finance dept in companies for over a decade I've seen way too much where companies don't give a shit about their employees if it decreases their profit), but I don't feel that far from what they raised me so I'm not sure how we got here. 

[Tennesseer]

All my siblings and I are anti-trump.  Six of my seven nieces and nephews are anti-trump.

Back to the siblings:  In the 2016 election three of us voted for Clinton while the youngest sibling voted for trump (the economy).  During trump's time in office youngest sibling has discovered he made a mistake.  About once every ten days we four siblings have a What'sApp video conference call.  During the past few months the calls often involved discussing everything bad trump has done.  Youngest sibling often quiet during these exchanges.

During the last call, youngest sibling could not make it that day.  Our sister brought it up she had a one-on-one discussion with youngest sibling and he told her he is very uncomfortable on the calls when trump is being trashed.  So during the last call the three of us agreed we would spend little time talking about trump if youngest sibling is on the call.  We three came to the decision youngest sibling is mad about being used and tricked by trump into voting for him and angry at himself  for being so naive.

The nephew who is pro-trump is the son of the youngest sibling.

[pooks]

First I have deleted my Facebook account, because it just makes me disappointed in everyone.  I had a big blowup with my dad about his support for Trump about 2 months ago.  That relationship is probably over, but he was a shitty father anyway.  There aren't many other Trump supporters in my family.

DH's family are conspiracy touting Trump supporters.  He tries to disprove everything point by point, he is so methodical.  It doesn't get him anywhere, but he is a better person than I am, so he feels he has to try, because they are in a swing state that will probably decide the election.  Useless.

I am not good at keeping my mouth shut, so I just avoid people.  

[Deleted]

My dad has always been very liberal and probably can’t remember the last time he voted for a GOP. Dems have been largely responsible for IL’s economic situation but he can barely acknowledge it and won’t vote against it.

My brother in the last 4 years has become a student of Fox News and is barely recognizable from his previous political views.

These two go at it hard and try to pull me in their various camps. Sorry, I can’t stand Trump’s lapdog GOP or the IL Dems and will split my ballot between the two parties depending on State or Fed in 20.

[dondub]

The good news for me is I stopped dealing with my toxic sister over 20 years ago. Thus I have escaped from her transition from a socialist proto-feminist of the late 60’s and beyond into what now appears to be an extreme rightwing cowgirl who has Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity as her favorite people.

As I told a good friend that knew her...I’m glad I moved on from her shit long ago otherwise I would have to be doing it now.

[crazycat]

Yes , I have siblings that just make me say - We were raised in the same house ? And that they believe that Democrats aren’t / can’t be Christian , that just baffles me . One actually says that she knows Trump isn’t perfect but that he is a Christian so it’s okay  
If that’s what being a Christian is , I want nothing to do with it . I’ve actually blocked some on social media and in the last couple weeks , I’ve just avoided FB all together . 

[formerroomate99]

My mom and her brother used to get into constant debates on politics during the Clinton years. They never came to any kind of agreement, but it didn’t hurt the relationship. No matter where you are in the political spectrum, they are good ideas to be found and people with good intentions all over the place.

I never got into Facebook. It’s irritating enough when people start posting the political drivel on LinkedIn. And frankly I’m not gonna get involved in it, because I don’t want to be ruined or killed.

[ners]

I try not to talk politics with anyone.

[dondub]

Sept 14, 2020 18:56:04 GMT -5 ners said:

I try not to talk politics with anyone.

C U later.

[thyme4change]

I am going to have dinner with my sister and my mother for my Mom's birthday. I have to remind myself to not talk politics. If it comes up, smile, nod and change the subject. My throat hurts a little. Maybe I will luck out and be intubated and have to miss the dinner. 😒

[Tennesseer]

Sept 14, 2020 19:19:40 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I am going to have dinner with my sister and my mother for my Mom's birthday. I have to remind myself to not talk politics. If it comes up, smile, nod and change the subject. My throat hurts a little. Maybe I will luck out and be intubated and have to miss the dinner. 😒

Cough out 'Covid' at the dinner table.

[thyme4change]

Sept 14, 2020 20:10:16 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 14, 2020 19:19:40 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I am going to have dinner with my sister and my mother for my Mom's birthday. I have to remind myself to not talk politics. If it comes up, smile, nod and change the subject. My throat hurts a little. Maybe I will luck out and be intubated and have to miss the dinner. 😒

Cough out 'Covid' at the dinner table.

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

[djAdvocate]

Sept 14, 2020 22:09:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 14, 2020 20:10:16 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Cough out 'Covid' at the dinner table.

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

1) cat videos- yes or no?

2) should Disneyland open their theme parks?

3) Coke or Pepsi?

4) how about them Marlins?

5) Is Castro dead yet?

6) how did you spend your Summer?

7) how will you spend your Thanksgiving/Christmas?

8) discuss your favourite pet/grandchild (your choice).

9) have you been drinking more? I have.

just a few suggestions

[Tennesseer]

Sept 14, 2020 22:09:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 14, 2020 20:10:16 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Cough out 'Covid' at the dinner table.

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

A couple of thoughts:

Look for some human interest stories that pop up in the media a day or two before the group dinner. Make sure those stories are politics free.

What are your mother's and sister's interests. Talk about them. Many folks like conversations where they are the center or at least play a part of the story.

Talk about when you and your sister were young/growing up. Funny stories or stories your mom is hearing for the first time.

When we four siblings chat on WhatsApp usually something silly/funny/dumb one of us did as kids gets raised. All good natured ribbing.

[thyme4change]

Sept 14, 2020 22:16:39 GMT -5 djAdvocate said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:09:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

1) cat videos- yes or no?

2) should Disneyland open their theme parks?

3) Coke or Pepsi?

4) how about them Marlins?

5) Is Castro dead yet?

6) how did you spend your Summer?

7) how will you spend your Thanksgiving/Christmas?

8) discuss your favourite pet/grandchild (your choice).

9) have you been drinking more? I have.

just a few suggestions

Good start!!

That list reminds me how weird my family is. No pets. Don't drink soda. Don't care about any theme parks. Won't admit to drinking more than a thimble-full.

I would love to discuss all that. Except the Marlins. But I will spend 20 minutes telling you how much I hate baseball.

Maybe we can play "Dead or Alive" or even better "Dead or Canadian".

[djAdvocate]

Sept 14, 2020 22:23:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:16:39 GMT -5 djAdvocate said:

1) cat videos- yes or no?

2) should Disneyland open their theme parks?

3) Coke or Pepsi?

4) how about them Marlins?

5) Is Castro dead yet?

6) how did you spend your Summer?

7) how will you spend your Thanksgiving/Christmas?

8) discuss your favourite pet/grandchild (your choice).

9) have you been drinking more? I have.

just a few suggestions

Good start!!

That list reminds me how weird my family is. No pets. Don't drink soda. Don't care about any theme parks. Won't admit to drinking more than a thimble-full.

I would love to discuss all that. Except the Marlins. But I will spend 20 minutes telling you how much I hate baseball.

Maybe we can play "Dead or Alive" or even better "Dead or Canadian".

I didn't know that anyone hated baseball. 

NOTE: I don't give a crap about any of that stuff.  I suck at small talk.  you have probably noticed that. 

[thyme4change]

Sept 14, 2020 22:27:14 GMT -5 djAdvocate said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:23:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Good start!!

That list reminds me how weird my family is. No pets. Don't drink soda. Don't care about any theme parks. Won't admit to drinking more than a thimble-full.

I would love to discuss all that. Except the Marlins. But I will spend 20 minutes telling you how much I hate baseball.

Maybe we can play "Dead or Alive" or even better "Dead or Canadian".

I didn't know that anyone hated baseball. 

NOTE: I don't give a crap about any of that stuff.  I suck at small talk.  you have probably noticed that. 

Ugh. Baseball is the worst. I would rather read Leviticus. And/or have surgery without anesthesia. 🥱

[thyme4change]

Sept 14, 2020 22:18:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:09:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

A couple of thoughts:

Look for some human interest stories that pop up in the media a day or two before the group dinner. Make sure those stories are politics free.

What are your mother's and sister's interests. Talk about them. Many folks like conversations where they are the center or at least play a part of the story.

Talk about when you and your sister were young/growing up. Funny stories or stories your mom is hearing for the first time.

When we four siblings chat on WhatsApp usually something silly/funny/dumb one of us did as kids gets raised. All good natured ribbing.

I love the human interest story idea! I will go on a search. And because it is my Mom's birthday, we will probably reminisce. My sister and I have a fairly large age gap, so we don't have a lot of common childhood stories. We were never on the same page. Plus, every time we talk about the good old days, we all just laugh and laugh about what a shitty child I was and how I made everyone miserable. Oh wait, I don't laugh at that, but they all seem to enjoy it. (And my family wonders why I don't ever call.)

I am not sure how my Mom and sister (both sisters really) spend their days. None of them have worked in 20 years. They don't seem to knit or craft or whatever. They are all fastidious or compulsive. I can't talk about their cleaning routine. My sister does a lot of puzzles, is that something people can discuss? They did do some volunteer work, but that shut down with Covid.

I sound like a real pill. But I have found when I psych myself out to see them, I am more likely to leave saying "They are so wonderful, I love them." And when I get excited to see them, I often leave and come home and cry. So, I tend to give into my crazy before I see them. And today, I seem to be spilling out my baggage right here. 🤮 Sorry about that.

[Tennesseer]

Sept 14, 2020 22:54:20 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:18:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

A couple of thoughts:

Look for some human interest stories that pop up in the media a day or two before the group dinner. Make sure those stories are politics free.

What are your mother's and sister's interests. Talk about them. Many folks like conversations where they are the center or at least play a part of the story.

Talk about when you and your sister were young/growing up. Funny stories or stories your mom is hearing for the first time.

When we four siblings chat on WhatsApp usually something silly/funny/dumb one of us did as kids gets raised. All good natured ribbing.

I love the human interest story idea! I will go on a search. And because it is my Mom's birthday, we will probably reminisce. My sister and I have a fairly large age gap, so we don't have a lot of common childhood stories. We were never on the same page. Plus, every time we talk about the good old days, we all just laugh and laugh about what a shitty child I was and how I made everyone miserable. Oh wait, I don't laugh at that, but they all seem to enjoy it. (And my family wonders why I don't ever call.)

I am not sure how my Mom and sister (both sisters really) spend their days. None of them have worked in 20 years. They don't seem to knit or craft or whatever. They are all fastidious or compulsive. I can't talk about their cleaning routine. My sister does a lot of puzzles, is that something people can discuss? They did do some volunteer work, but that shut down with Covid.

I sound like a real pill. But I have found when I psych myself out to see them, I am more likely to leave saying "They are so wonderful, I love them." And when I get excited to see them, I often leave and come home and cry. So, I tend to give into my crazy before I see them. And today, I seem to be spilling out my baggage right here. 🤮 Sorry about that.

I must say a big thank you for the family I grew up in. No competing egos or anything like that. We are all close in age: 66, 67, 69 and 70. We looked out for each other.

And the parents were kind and fair, strict when we were bad, but not held over our heads for a lifetime.

[resolution]

When I visit them in person, we like to play card/dice games together. That way we can opt to have a serious conversation or just chit chat about the game without any controversy. We also play Wii bowling as a non controversial activity. A puzzle would work as well if we were hosting, since it probably wouldn't be done by the time the evening was over.

We have a no politics agreement, so whenever someone brings up politics, everyone else reminds that person the topic is off limits.

My family mostly talks about the weather and how it is impacting our outdoor activities, health and nutrition, budgeting, investing, dad's volunteer work, my work, my husbands latest woodworking project, his sister's farm, etc. My dad is writing his memoirs and we get him to talk about the stories of when he was growing up in the 40s. Lately we also do a lot of tech talk, because they are learning how to use a smartphone and tablet, and run into a lot of issues.

My husband's family usually talks about everyone at their church and in their town as far as health, what their kids are doing, local events, etc. There is usually some sort of pet to play with, and occasionally babies or little kids wandering around to take all the attention.

[happyhoix]

Sept 14, 2020 22:16:39 GMT -5 djAdvocate said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:09:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I think the problem is that we are all stuck in the house. Nobody really watches movies. We don't read the same books nor watch the same shows. Nobody is doing much else, except sitting around and confirming our own political beliefs with our own sources. So, maybe I should make a conversation plan. What else can we talk about? Help me make a list.

1) cat videos- yes or no?

2) should Disneyland open their theme parks?

3) Coke or Pepsi?

4) how about them Marlins?

5) Is Castro dead yet?

6) how did you spend your Summer?

7) how will you spend your Thanksgiving/Christmas?

8) discuss your favourite pet/grandchild (your choice).

9) have you been drinking more? I have.

just a few suggestions

Here is my favorite- would you rather be attacked by a horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?

Guaranteed to start good natured, non political arguments that will not permanently damage your family dynamics.

The answer is, of course, 100 duck sized horses, but every single member of my immediate family thinks I’m wrong. I’m not.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Bring a puzzle and start working on it. Leave it.  If you're really pissed at them, sneak a piece home with you. 

[chiver78]

removing a factually incorrect post involving abortion, as well as quotes of it. please remember that diverting a thread to that topic results in the whole thread getting banished to Virgil's Inferno. 

thanks for your understanding. 
-chiver mod

[thyme4change]

Sept 15, 2020 7:17:49 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Bring a puzzle and start working on it. Leave it.  If you're really pissed at them, sneak a piece home with you. 

🤣🤣

[swamp]

Sept 14, 2020 22:54:20 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 14, 2020 22:18:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

A couple of thoughts:

Look for some human interest stories that pop up in the media a day or two before the group dinner. Make sure those stories are politics free.

What are your mother's and sister's interests. Talk about them. Many folks like conversations where they are the center or at least play a part of the story.

Talk about when you and your sister were young/growing up. Funny stories or stories your mom is hearing for the first time.

When we four siblings chat on WhatsApp usually something silly/funny/dumb one of us did as kids gets raised. All good natured ribbing.

I love the human interest story idea! I will go on a search. And because it is my Mom's birthday, we will probably reminisce. My sister and I have a fairly large age gap, so we don't have a lot of common childhood stories. We were never on the same page. Plus, every time we talk about the good old days, we all just laugh and laugh about what a shitty child I was and how I made everyone miserable. Oh wait, I don't laugh at that, but they all seem to enjoy it. (And my family wonders why I don't ever call.)

I am not sure how my Mom and sister (both sisters really) spend their days. None of them have worked in 20 years. They don't seem to knit or craft or whatever. They are all fastidious or compulsive. I can't talk about their cleaning routine. My sister does a lot of puzzles, is that something people can discuss? They did do some volunteer work, but that shut down with Covid.

I sound like a real pill. But I have found when I psych myself out to see them, I am more likely to leave saying "They are so wonderful, I love them." And when I get excited to see them, I often leave and come home and cry. So, I tend to give into my crazy before I see them. And today, I seem to be spilling out my baggage right here. 🤮 Sorry about that.

You don't sound like the pill, they do.