paying for kids' graduate degrees

[debthaven]

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but did you/are you/are you planning to (help) pay for your child(ren)'s graduate degree(s)?

We're in Europe so education is cheaper here, but certainly not free. It's similar in price to a state school in the US.

 

 

[happyhoix]

No. We helped DS get through his undergrad debt free, but we told him he was on his own for any post grad, and strongly suggested he get his employer to help foot the bill (he's an engineer thinking of getting an MBA, which his employer would subsidize for him). 

If kids have skin in the game I think they'll make more cost effective choices in whether or not they want a graduate degree, and in what subject, and from what school. 

[jerseygirl]

Feb 20, 2020 19:20:39 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but did you/are you/are you planning to (help) pay for your child(ren)'s graduate degree(s)?

We're in Europe so education is cheaper here, but certainly not free. It's similar in price to a state school in the US.

 

 

We paid for 2 sons’ graduate degrees. One was a Masters degree in economics in England, we’re Americans but he had spent the previous 2 years teaching English in Europe and had an English girlfriend. Then paid Medical school tuition for older son at at State school so not so expensive as private. Both paid living expenses.
They had both gone to private high schools and colleges, one had a full scholarship for university.
We ‘cash flowed’ these, didn’t do much else , very few dinners out or vacations. Also didn’t save for retirement but we got married and had kids early so when these expenses were done we really applied ourselves to savings. We both had good jobs, I got my PhD at same time kids were in college.
Both son’s are successful and lead happy lives as do we. We feel grateful that we were able to do this for our children. Grateful that we had intelligent hard working kids. We’ve since been able to travel and enjoy our lives, we live simply but are grateful that we live in a the US. Both of us were first in family to go to college, my sister was handicapped and learning disabled so we do value education and the opportunities our family has since we have kids that were able to grasp opportunities.

[lynnerself]

 We almost completely funded our kids undergrad. But except for occasional help with books and such they were on their own for grad school. Both of them had a few years between undergrad and grad school. So they were pretty well launched by then.

[debthaven]

Both paid living expenses.

jerseygirl, did they take out loans? Work? Both?

[debthaven]

Thanks for your replies, greatly appreciated. 

Our DS3 is graduating (Bachelors) in July from the UK.

DS3's dream is to go to Columbia for grad school ... at 85K per year, for two years. We are encouraging him to look at other options, ie a less expensive double degree with France (where we live) or with the UK (DS3 and DH are British). One year in the UK or France, the other year at Columbia. Of course he'd need to get in. He is also considering doing a Masters in the UK (much cheaper, and just one year.)

DS3 will graduate with his Bachelors with ZERO loans. DH feels strongly that grad school is not our responsibility. I'm not sure I agree.

Hence my question. :-)

In any case, the program at Columbia requires 3 years of work experience, so it's not on the cards for right now anyway. And at 21, DS3 could well change his mind.

[debthaven]

If kids have skin in the game I think they'll make more cost effective choices in whether or not they want a graduate degree, and in what subject, and from what school.

This really speaks to me. We hear so much about how certain degrees are great and others are worthless. At 18, a child needs to be interested in what they study.

But for grad school, I agree that they need to make more cost-effective choices. I agree with your statement about how that means from what school as well as which degree.

[TheOtherMe]

My nephews all paid their way for their bachelors and advanced degrees.  

My sister and BIL had done a parent plus loan for the oldest nephew.  When the youngest nephew needed one last loan and it would be a parent plus, they did pay that amount.  

All 3 had jobs as undergrads.  

Nephew with PhD did the Teaching Assistant and Research Assistant that paid for some courses.

Nephew with MBA paid his own way.

[jerseygirl]

Feb 20, 2020 20:20:25 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Both paid living expenses.

jerseygirl, did they take out loans? Work? Both?

Son in England worked taking care of disabled people (young guys he often took to bars, soccer games) and ‘nanny’ type jobs with boys. Son in medical school could have lived at home but decided to rent nearer and took loans for living expenses. His grandma bought him a new car when he crashed and broke arm. He was a resident in orthopedics then and working 36 hrs a time and probably fell asleep on way home. Medical school and residency is terribly time and emotionally difficult. Doctors deserve the money they finally make after their long journey to ‘practice’ . In many cases it is a family’s commitment also

[debthaven]

Also, it's all incredibly relative, IMO. My parents paid for both my undergrad and grad, but I'm 60, so it was SO much less expensive then! I have a Masters in Print Journalism. Talk about dinosaurs LOL. I had a HUGE fight with my Dad because I wanted to pay for grad school, and he wouldn't let me.

DH's parents wouldn't pay for his education, so DH worked abroad for 2 years. When he came back to the UK, his Bachelors was free.

DH claims his parents were right to refuse, and that working abroad was a wonderful experience. Yet DH insisted on paying for DS3's undergrad, but refuses to pay anything for grad school.

[NastyWoman]

Nope, they got offered a full ride for their undergrad by us and after that they were/are on their own. There was also, undergrad is 4 years so you better get it done in 4. DS2 got a job at the school he was attending which made his tuition free (in addition to a fairly good salary in a lcol area) and as a result his last year of undergrad turned into three years and he graduated with four minors since he was interested in quite diverse subjects. During those years all I did was sign a guarantee for his rent since they wouldn't rent to a couple of students. 

[debthaven]

Jerseygirl I'm so glad your son's accident wasn't worse! That's just terrifying!

[debthaven]

Thank you all.

I am definitely feeling much better about DH refusing to pay for post-grad LOL. But also thinking that if we CAN help, I'd really like to help him out a bit. We'll see.

ETA: DS3 has always had a job/jobs for spending money. He gardens for a wealthy elderly couple near campus, and also teaches ESL occasionally. Plus he works all summer, every summer.

That gardening job (with occasional dogsitting/serving at parties) has been a huge blessing for DS3. His employers even invited us for lunch or dinner to celebrate DS3's graduation in July. We've never met them, so we're looking forward to that.

You've all reassured me. DS3 will be fine either way. So thank you for that!

[giramomma]

No, we won't likely pay for grad school.  At 60, we'll still have a minor child in the house....

And, if Miss M goes to grad school in her 40s, like I'm doing...or maybe in her 50s, like I'm tossing around... there's  decent chance we'll be dead. So, it could very well be a moot point anyway.

[saveinla]

My son took a break after UG and worked for his school for a semester. He then applied for his PhD and got accepted. His course is free and he gets paid for his research. He is in a very low cost state, and does not want any support from us and gets enough money to support himself and also save a little.

We pay for his medical insurance, but nothing else. We were ready to pay for this, but fortunately do not have to.

Hope your son gets into the school of his choice along with a full ride.

[Deleted]

No.  Graduate school is on them.  I think getting them through undergrad debt free will be gift enough.  If my oldest plays his cards right and picks the cheap school (and actually graduates in 4 years) he could finish with lots of money left over in his college fund to use for grad school if he wanted, but I don't think he's going to go that route.  I'm not worried about it.  At that point he'll be able to get a good job and figure it out on his own.  

[plugginaway22]

No, only DD1 of our 3 went on to a graduate program and we did not pay a dime of it.  She got some loans that are already paid off thanks to the high income that resulted from her MBA.  She also worked for 3 years after undergrad to prepare for the 2 years she took off.

[TheOtherMe]

Nephew who got MBA worked in between bachelors and MBA for several years.  He went back to school when he realized that he would be near retirement at the company where he worked before he could get promoted.  Small company so no room for advancement.

I don't know for a fact but I'd bet the student loans are paid off.  He has had several promotions and makes good money.  He's single and buying in to the his parents' farm with cash.  

I know the PhD nephew is still paying on his loans, but I don't know how much is from his bachelors and how much from masters and PhD.  

I'm old and my sister and I both paid are own way through college.  We both worked part time and went to college.  She married during college and they both worked.

Yes, college was much cheaper and my loans were 5 year loans.  The loan for my MBA was 5 years.  All were paid off in 5 years while I was still working at the lower end of the pay scale for my job.

[bean29]

What is you son's major/intended career? My DD's boyfriend spent 6 years or so in the military, now he is attending school and using his GI? Benefits.  He was accepted to UW-Madison...but someone told him if they had it to do over again they would go to Columbia. DD said the military pays tuition + living cost for so many semesters, and they would pay his living expenses in Manhattan if he went there. He is considering it, but I don't know if he will pursue it or not.  He wants to get into the FBI eventually.

Maybe a few years in the US military would help him reach his goals debt free? 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

My parents were trying to recover from educating us, so I would not have considered even asking them to pay for my graduate degrees.  My MS was totally on my dime, while I worked.  My PhD was mostly on my employer’s dime.  

My attitude was that they had scrimped and saved getting us 3 through our undergrad degree, that their finances had finally loosened up to the point where they could do some traveling, and things they wanted, I was not about to even ask.  My mom did not live much longer (she died about 10 years after my brother graduated), so I am glad they got a chance to do what they did.  

[justme]

No kids, but I can say what my parents did about 10 years ago. I graduated undergrad with 0 debt and if you exclude health/car insurance and phone my parents paid out of pocket less than a third of my total cost. 

I got into grad school and my parents were willing to pay about the same they were before. It was a one year program at a state school that would have cost around $17k for tuition and books. I forget what the deal was when I was first staring down that barrel, but they weren't going to pay for all of it. They would definitely still doing the insurance and phone payments. They'd likely help out with the rest adding it to a part time job, but I was looking into all the loan details until my other plan came to fruition.

I got a GTA gig thanks to my undergrad work as a tutor for the same college dept. That paid my tuition and gave me a decent weekly check. I ended up getting a fellowship after that they also paid for tuition (I unfortunately saw no benefit of the double coverage!) and a stipend each semester. My parents kept up with the insurance and phone stuff and helped out a bit for stuff before I got my stipend. 

[Deleted]

Feb 21, 2020 11:35:59 GMT -5 justme said:

My parents kept up with the insurance and phone stuff and helped out a bit for stuff before I got my stipend. 

I can see myself helping out with a lot of the supplemental stuff.  My oldest will be double covered on medical and dental insurance until he's 26 so he won't have to worry about that.  I'll probably keep paying his phone bill as he's on my plan and it's only $6/month for his line.  He can live at home whenever he needs to as well, although I'm not sure how much of a cost savings that would be because he probably will have to have a one year lease on an apartment somewhere. 

I'm undecided on car insurance or anything car related. 

[WannabeWealthy]

I saved up $22k in a 529 for my daughter.  She hated school and wouldn't be able to foot the bill even if she did go because I'm not pulling out any retirement funds for her only for me to need help in retirement myself (and she's not the type of child that would take care of her parents).  She took the $22k and bought a car with it.  She paid to go to dental assistant and passed her test.  She's been working as a DA for over a year now. 

School isn't for everybody and I personally wouldn't force college down anyone's throat.  From interviews and such, a lot of graduates still lack the skills to survive in their field of study when applying for a job.  It's sad.

[Bob Ross]

My daughter's only 2 years old, so it'll all depend on how many Trumpmarks or Sanderskrit a master's in hover-youtube-influencing or quantum basket weaving will cost when the time comes.

[Regis]

We paid for undergrad but not grad school.  DS1 did not go to grad school but the other two were able to find GA or TA positions.  DD will be the only one with a loan repayment, which will be about $10k.  She's got a fellowship at a hospital waiting for her after graduation this year and plans to pay off the loan as quickly as possible.

You have to be willing to search for the GA and TA positions, but they are plentiful (at least at the two schools my kids attended) if you look for them.

[steph08]

My parents paid for undergrad but not graduate. I did my masters three years after I graduated college. I went part-time while I worked and used my company's tuition reimbursement to basically pay for it entirely. I think that is the way to go.

My brother has his Ph.D. and my parents didn't pay for his either. He had a stipend and took out loans to pay for the rest.

[debthaven]

Regis great idea for the GA/TA positions!

bean29 he isn't interested in the military.

[Bonny]

Feb 20, 2020 20:23:31 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Thanks for your replies, greatly appreciated. 

Our DS3 is graduating (Bachelors) in July from the UK.

DS3's dream is to go to Columbia for grad school ... at 85K per year, for two years. We are encouraging him to look at other options, ie a less expensive double degree with France (where we live) or with the UK (DS3 and DH are British). One year in the UK or France, the other year at Columbia. Of course he'd need to get in. He is also considering doing a Masters in the UK (much cheaper, and just one year.)

DS3 will graduate with his Bachelors with ZERO loans. DH feels strongly that grad school is not our responsibility. I'm not sure I agree.

Hence my question. :-)

In any case, the program at Columbia requires 3 years of work experience, so it's not on the cards for right now anyway. And at 21, DS3 could well change his mind.

Lol, it took me a moment to realize you meant Columbia University in the US not school in Columbia. My first thought was "Wow school in Columbia is really expensive!

[princessleia]

Feb 20, 2020 20:23:31 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Thanks for your replies, greatly appreciated. 

Our DS3 is graduating (Bachelors) in July from the UK.

DS3's dream is to go to Columbia for grad school ... at 85K per year, for two years. We are encouraging him to look at other options, ie a less expensive double degree with France (where we live) or with the UK (DS3 and DH are British). One year in the UK or France, the other year at Columbia. Of course he'd need to get in. He is also considering doing a Masters in the UK (much cheaper, and just one year.)

DS3 will graduate with his Bachelors with ZERO loans. DH feels strongly that grad school is not our responsibility. I'm not sure I agree.

Hence my question. :-)

In any case, the program at Columbia requires 3 years of work experience, so it's not on the cards for right now anyway. And at 21, DS3 could well change his mind.

Debthaven, you may want to ask your DS3 to reconsider Columbia. I heard it's really a hostile and competitive environment. Suicide rates there is higher than the average. 

[souldoubt]

By the time my kids enter high school they'll know that we'll help with their undergrad as much as we reasonably can but an expensive undergrad degree or graduate school is going to require them taking out loans.  If they want a certain school bad enough then they'll make it happen and hustle for it.  One of my wife's friends came from a family that's done well and all 3 kids were given the same help getting their undergrad degree.  The parents told them that was it and when one of the kids wanted to get his MBA from a specific school he knew that was on him and there were no surprises.  I know not all schools are created equal just like all degrees aren't but I just can't rationalize based on my experiences and those of friends spending the money or taking out the loans needed for schools costing so much money.