olderburgher
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Post by olderburgher on Apr 1, 2011 8:14:38 GMT -5
When my kids were growing up we taught them they never throw the first punch but they always throw the last one. Bullying doesn't take place in front of parents so the kids have to know to react right when it starts and end it. When a boy bullied our youngest daughter in Middle School, she got a 3 day suspension from her school when she decked him and raked him with her fingernails. We told her that was fine with us and there was no further punishment from us. By the way the boy got a week's suspension and there was never any more bullying from him or any other kids from then on through high school as the others knew she would not permit it and we'd back her. Having brothers and an older sister did not hurt either and the 4 kids have each other's back and have shown that time and again.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 8:22:17 GMT -5
I have yet to relay this story to my son and probably won't. I remember being bullied by this kid who was much bigger than I. It bothered me to a point where I knew I had to do something. I went to the biggest kid in school and paid him 10 dollars to beat the shit out of this bully and let him know who arranged it. I was never bothered again.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 1, 2011 9:02:26 GMT -5
ratchets: you have my sympathy. I think when girls bully they are actually much meaner than boys. With boys it seems to be mostly about intimidation. With girls they know exactly how to cut straight to the kids heart. Keep talking to your DD- let her know that she can bring this up to you. I would definitely notify the school. If she has a fb account check that to make sure they don't start cyber bullying her. If they do print out the screens so you have them. Most schools have a zero bullying policy or they should.
I tell my son to not sweat stuff like this because after jr high or high school he is most likely never going to see these kids again. Doesn't always help in the immediate.
Keep an eye on your dd though. I don't want to be an alarmist but my cousin turning a couple of girls bullying her names for dating one's ex into a several year long eating disorder. At 5'9 she was down to 87 lbs and hospitalized several times.
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whiskmav
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Post by whiskmav on Apr 1, 2011 9:34:30 GMT -5
I grab the parents and we have a little sit down. After the sit down if it happens again we have a little knock down Yep, yep. The parents need to control their kid. Otherwise, their kid is gonna see some real bullying.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Apr 1, 2011 9:47:19 GMT -5
Bullies have taken the day off - April Fools.
At school, stand close to a teacher. Avoid the people. A person naturally crosses the street when they see a gang or some unsavory person down the street. Use the stop sign code of red as a warning and don't move out of yellow which is caution. White is when you are distracted and you do not want to be there. Being on your cell phone in public is white.
If confronted, put your hand up in the stop position and say stop right there. Get away from me. Stay away. Then louder. Do not look like prey. Do not get trapped in the locker room or bathroom.
Bullies are looking for the pay off of a hurt expression, slumped walk and fear. Churiing in your mind on how to counter them while they are of skipping down the street in victory.
A confusing verbal rebuff is I wonder what Chuck Norris thinks about the price of tea in China. Then leave quickly.
My sympathy also. I agree with Dr. Pig's solution. She needs to take a self-defense class to bolster her self-confidence and join clubs that are accepting and loyal like band or chess. Some sports like tennis lift a person up if it's in the right town. There is always a certain amount of posturing in sports, though. Soccer and volleyball give the team spirit boost and broaden the number of people to socialize with.
Someone she can talk to confidentially about her feelings and help her articulate what is happening with possible solutions.
I have read a lot of articles on bullying on the internet but so do the bullies. Unfortunately this does not stop when reaching adulthood. Most bullies don't change their spots, are refined by then and move into the office place where livlihoods can be at stake.
I have a freind who works in tthe school system regarding bullying. Many years ago we talked at length on how to nip it in the bud. The solution is situational. At that time, there was very little on the internet.
Teachers are not innocent in this area, either. The documentary Waiting for Superman goes iinto this and other areas.
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Post by jarhead1976 on Apr 1, 2011 9:52:50 GMT -5
message deleted by me not good advice for girl even if that's how I feel.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Apr 1, 2011 10:00:29 GMT -5
I dealt with this issue when my DD was in 7th and 8th grade. This one girl kept spitting on my DD and on her things and would take her books etc. and not return them. There was also shoving in the hallways etc. The first thing I did was talk with the teachers where my DD and this other girl had classes together. I explained the situation and made sure that the girls were seated on opposite sides of the classroom. The teachers had seated my DD near this girl hoping that she would be a positive influence on her. The helped a lot. You can't spit on someone when they are sitting across the room. I just kept telling my DD that they were losers and wouldn't amount to anything in life.
The second situation was a little more serious. A girl in her PE class kept tripping her and throwing basketballs etc. into her face. Again I called the school spoke with the teacher and the other girl was suddenly moved to a different PE section. This girl then started following my DD home from school. I called the school and was told to take this very seriously and they would watch at school. I arranged for a ride for DD to and from school for a couple of weeks. We lived 2 blocks from the school. After a couple of weeks they left her alone. Again I kept reinforcing that they were losers.
DD told me just recently that both girls have dropped out of high school, one her freshman year and the other her sophmore year. Both girls are now pregnant. DD wrote one of her scholarship essays about being bullied and actually put in there that her Mom was right that these girls wouldn't make it through high school.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 1, 2011 10:06:02 GMT -5
When my kids were growing up we taught them they never throw the first punch but they always throw the last one. for my sis and me, this lesson extended to abusive relationships as well. as in, if you're going to hit me, it had better knock me out....because if I get up, you won't. ratchets, you have my sympathies. in school, I was pretty non-confrontational and just absorbed everything. is your daughter internalizing everything enough that it's a poison to her? that's not good either. but if she's able to let it roll off her back, maybe that's the best thing.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 10:09:48 GMT -5
"for my sis and me, this lesson extended to abusive relationships as well. as in, if you're going to hit me, it had better knock me out....because if I get up, you won't."
This is so wrong. Kids are one thing but if you are an adult and chose to be with someone who is abusive that's your own fault. Press charges or leave. Otherwise you're as bad as he is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 10:09:56 GMT -5
We were told to get an adult if someone tried to mess with us. What if you're on the school bus after school? What if you're at your bus stop? There aren't any available adults, so of course that's when most of it happens. It's just not always a practical piece of advice. Not to mention it only covers physical bullying.
We'll probably teach our son the same thing another poster said - never throw the first punch, but throw the last. And even if we had a girl, I'd say the same thing. Personally, I'd rather take a pounding from a bully than the psychological warfare girls inflict on other girls any day. At least the physical wounds heal.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 1, 2011 10:11:36 GMT -5
It depends on what the abuse is. With girls if it is talk beating up one of the girls doesn't work and often leads to it becoming worse.
My first thing is to involve the teachers. Yes there are teachers that are complacent in it and there are left/right wing documentaries to prove it but I do not think that it is all teachers. One of my friends was being verbally bullied by a group of girls. We had an English test where the teacher would leave a place for us to make comments, I took the opportunity to write out the entire incident on the back of my test.
She read it and the following day kept me behind in class. She had rounded up the girls doing the bullying and had them sit down with her and the school police officer for a verious serious tak about harassment. She told me if it ever happened again to report it to her because she and the officer made sure to make it clear to them what would happen if it continued.
My friend was never builled by them again. We didn't become all best buddies like in the movies, but they kept their distance and their mouths shut.
Like Sharon most of them ended up in big trouble come HS. I know at least one mouthed off to the wrong senior and got her ass handed back to her. The majority of them dropped out.
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dothedd
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Post by dothedd on Apr 1, 2011 10:18:09 GMT -5
GREETINGS, JH:
Bullies are predators … I say -- "bring on the NAPON"... EOS
Righteous Rebel that I am.
BATTRINA
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 10:19:51 GMT -5
This is so wrong. Kids are one thing but if you are an adult and chose to be with someone who is abusive that's your own fault. Press charges or leave. Otherwise you're as bad as he is. you can't be so naive to think that there aren't other emotional or psychological factors at play when women stay with abusers. And I'm going to defend myself physically when needed, no matter how old I am.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 10:24:16 GMT -5
A man would beat you down like rag doll, why would you do to someone what you are bitching about in the first place. Just leave.
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
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Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on Apr 1, 2011 10:37:40 GMT -5
I wonder how Pink and her son are doing?
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 1, 2011 10:38:18 GMT -5
"for my sis and me, this lesson extended to abusive relationships as well. as in, if you're going to hit me, it had better knock me out....because if I get up, you won't." This is so wrong. Kids are one thing but if you are an adult and chose to be with someone who is abusive that's your own fault. Press charges or leave. Otherwise you're as bad as he is. exactly my point, sir. we were raised to know that we could support ourselves, and *could* leave if we found ourselves in that situation.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 10:39:52 GMT -5
You called me......sir?! I love you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 11:18:59 GMT -5
Mad Dawg, so far it's been quiet. Thanks for asking about us. DS hasn't been happy with me these past few days because I won't let him walk over his friends' houses or to the store. Oh well, that's too bad. I don't want him to get caught out walking alone.
Bulllying is an important subject to me. I've told my story before on the old boards, because I want other parents to be aware of what can happen.
When DS first started middle school, he was bullied and tormented. He was small for his age and not *rough* like his classmates. His teachers knew, and did NOTHING. I didn't find out how bad it was until 3 much bigger boys jumped him in the bathroom. DS came out of the bathroom crying and tried to tell his teacher what happened. She cut him off and told him to go back to class. So it wasn't reported at that time. I found out because my son was still upset when I picked him up from school that day and he told me what happened.
I marched my ass right in the school demanding answers. They initially tried to brush it off and say the boys were playing with him. Unacceptable. Being outnumbered and getting punched, knocked down and kicked isn't my idea of fun. I was persistent and the whole story eventually came out; the teachers admitted how my son had been tortured (one teacher actually used the word 'tortured') by his classmates practically all freaking school year. By this time my son was so disturbed that he was talking about suicide. At 12yo. Seriously. I was livid that it had come to that and no one at the school had told me what had been happening to him.
It took a lot of counseling to get my son to a better place. A quick succession of growth spurts didn't hurt either, as far as him getting picked on. He's now more confident and hasn't had any more problems with bullies.
Bullying can have very serious consequences. And bullies usually don't stop until someone makes them stop. If your kid is being bullied, please take it seriously.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 11:28:51 GMT -5
Mad Dawg, so far it's been quiet. Thanks for asking about us. DS hasn't been happy with me these past few days because I won't let him walk over his friends' houses or to the store. Oh well, that's too bad. I don't want him to get caught out walking alone. Bulllying is an important subject to me. I've told my story before on the old boards, because I want other parents to be aware of what can happen. When DS first started middle school, he was bullied and tormented. He was small for his age and not *rough* like his classmates. His teachers knew, and did NOTHING. I didn't find out how bad it was until 3 much bigger boys jumped him in the bathroom. DS came out of the bathroom crying and tried to tell his teacher what happened. She cut him off and told him to go back to class. So it wasn't reported at that time. I found out because my son was still upset when I picked him up from school that day and he told me what happened. I marched my ass right in the school demanding answers. They initially tried to brush it off and say the boys were playing with him. Unacceptable. Being outnumbered and getting punched, knocked down and kicked isn't my idea of fun. I was persistent and the whole story eventually came out; the teachers admitted how my son had been tortured (one teacher actually used the word 'tortured') by his classmates practically all freaking school year. By this time my son was so disturbed that he was talking about suicide. At 12yo. Seriously. I was livid that it had come to that and no one at the school had told me what had been happening to him. It took a lot of counseling to get my son to a better place. A quick succession of growth spurts didn't hurt either, as far as him getting picked on. He's now more confident and hasn't had any more problems with bullies. Bullying can have very serious consequences. And bullies usually don't stop until someone makes them stop. If your kid is being bullied, please take it seriously. wow Pink. That just pisses me off that the teachers did nothing and knew it was happening. This kind of stuff just makes me very nervous about raising a kid. People seem to pull that whole "boys will be boys" crap as an excuse to not get between squabbles. That's a complete cop-out. School is supposed to be a safe place for children, and teachers who allow bullying to occur right in front of them aren't doing their jobs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 11:40:13 GMT -5
moneyjenny, DS is my youngest, and I'm so happy this is the last year I have to deal with our school system. I've had to remind principals that when I drop my children off at school, my kids are THEIR responsibility until school is out and they leave campus.
I know it's tough because of the drugs, gangs, and weapons around here. The kids are nuts and a lot of the parents are nuts. But it's still the school system's responsibility to keep the children safe while they're in their care, and address problems before they escalate. I don't know if they just get overwhelmed, but they don't always seem to be serious about it. Schools here are definitely not always the safe place they should be.
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The J
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Post by The J on Apr 1, 2011 11:57:53 GMT -5
Or they kick your ass and it gets worse.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 11:59:27 GMT -5
Yeah it's no easier for guys. It's worse actually. Guys are supposed to be "tough" and able to handle their problems.
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DebMD (banned)
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Post by DebMD (banned) on Apr 1, 2011 12:01:02 GMT -5
Is there a legal recourse if your kid is being bullied ?
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Apr 1, 2011 12:24:19 GMT -5
Everyone understands a swift fist to the choppers! Teach a right cross to DD and the heck with what your DW says. That will cure the problem.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 12:30:10 GMT -5
Blue that doesn't work if your kid is 40 pounds and the bully is 150.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2011 12:32:26 GMT -5
and if you want to teach your kid that violence only breeds more violence. They should only react physically if it's the last line of defense, and they should act DEFENSIVELY.
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Apr 1, 2011 12:33:16 GMT -5
Doc, all through school, the toughest kid in our class was the one who wrestled at 95 pounds for most of high school. So yep, a good swift, well aimed punch solves problems.
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 12:38:47 GMT -5
/facepalm
NO NO NO Blue if you tell your 40 pound kid to fight back against a 150 pound bully physically and he does he's one dumb kid lol
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 1, 2011 12:41:23 GMT -5
Girl bullying is different from guy bullying. I've seen girls bully each other physically, but it's usually much more sinister/sneaky when girls do it.
A swift punch to the face isn't going to stop anyomous nasty messages on the bathroom stall.
Then at least I've noticed that girls tend to bully in gangs, how many punches do you throw before it stops?
When I was harassed in high school I didn't know who was actually starting it? Should I beat up every single person I come across who heard the rumor till I reach the source?
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Post by pig on Apr 1, 2011 12:43:57 GMT -5
A swift punch to the face isn't going to stop anyomous nasty messages on the bathroom stall.
As a guy who has been punched in the face I can tell you we'd much rather have something written about us on a bathroom wall geez big deal.
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