Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 21:51:37 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2018 13:07:08 GMT -5
I do get a lot of free meat. Last Fall I got a half a beef for rent payment on my land and DS got a deer that his Dad paid for the processing on, so the freezer is full. See, you ARE a landlord...and you don't have to worry about your beef payment bouncing!lol Unfortunately, that's an only once every 5 years or so thing when I rotate from hay to corn.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,458
|
Post by andi9899 on Jan 26, 2018 14:11:43 GMT -5
I will concede that I assumed tone in Tiny 's post that I reacted to and that may not have been fair.
In a culture--and on this board as a whole--that is constantly deeming people to be failures, it becomes second nature to receive that message in everything.
Single mothers are automatic failures. Teenage mothers are automatic failures. Parents who must accept welfare to keep their kids fed are automatic failures. People who go into debt are automatic failures. Not giving your child all the things is failing as a parent. Working mothers are automatic failures.
Again, I understand that in this case I made that turn in my head. (My husband and I call it making pretzels.) The I'm an epic fail. I fit all of the above except for the welfare part.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,458
|
Post by andi9899 on Jan 26, 2018 14:19:32 GMT -5
Holy crap! I don't spend half of that for me and Thing 2! Really? I thought we were doing pretty good. I was wrong on the $580 though. I double-checked the actual budget lines and its more like $530. Groceries - $350 Eating out - $50 (basically a couple fast food/pizza stops) School lunch - $123 (they take hot every day) The 15 year old eats a TON. He is 6 feet tall, 220 pounds and can really put it down. I spend $75-100 every 2 weeks. As far as food out, I probably do about $20-30/week, so probably about as much as I spend in groceries. Well, I was until recently when I started bringing my lunch again. Thing 2 basically spends her paycheck on food since that's really all she has to pay for other than gas in her car.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 21:51:37 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2018 14:30:19 GMT -5
Really? I thought we were doing pretty good. I was wrong on the $580 though. I double-checked the actual budget lines and its more like $530. Groceries - $350 Eating out - $50 (basically a couple fast food/pizza stops) School lunch - $123 (they take hot every day) The 15 year old eats a TON. He is 6 feet tall, 220 pounds and can really put it down. I spend $75-100 every 2 weeks. As far as food out, I probably do about $20-30/week, so probably about as much as I spend in groceries. Well, I was until recently when I started bringing my lunch again. Thing 2 basically spends her paycheck on food since that's really all she has to pay for other than gas in her car. Well, to be a fair comparison you'd have to add in everything your daughter is spending on food too. Neither of my kids has an income so I have to provide all the meals. Then I have 3 people not 2.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 30,458
|
Post by andi9899 on Jan 26, 2018 14:39:33 GMT -5
I spend $75-100 every 2 weeks. As far as food out, I probably do about $20-30/week, so probably about as much as I spend in groceries. Well, I was until recently when I started bringing my lunch again. Thing 2 basically spends her paycheck on food since that's really all she has to pay for other than gas in her car. Well, to be a fair comparison you'd have to add in everything your daughter is spending on food too. Neither of my kids has an income so I have to provide all the meals. Then I have 3 people not 2. I don't really spend that much less than when Thing 1 was at home. I do a lot of coupons when we go out and try to cook at home instead. I also shop at Aldi more than anywhere else. Every time I walk into Sam's, it seems like I spend at least $100.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 17, 2024 21:51:37 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2018 15:05:00 GMT -5
Our groceries must just cost more here. We have a lot of pasta and rice as it is, so I won't cut it back any more than it is. I mean, it's just $115/month per person. Plus school lunch and $50 (for THREE people) to eat out for a month.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,418
|
Post by NastyWoman on Jan 26, 2018 15:18:54 GMT -5
Our groceries must just cost more here. We have a lot of pasta and rice as it is, so I won't cut it back any more than it is. I mean, it's just $115/month per person. Plus school lunch and $50 (for THREE people) to eat out for a month. Woman, you are doing great. I spend on average $200/ week the last years my sons lived at home and that was late last century Now I live in a VVHCOL area but still...
|
|
emma1420
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 28, 2011 15:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,430
|
Post by emma1420 on Jan 26, 2018 15:37:25 GMT -5
Our groceries must just cost more here. We have a lot of pasta and rice as it is, so I won't cut it back any more than it is. I mean, it's just $115/month per person. Plus school lunch and $50 (for THREE people) to eat out for a month. You are doing great. I spend almost as much as you do on groceries for one person (although that does include paper goods)! And I think I do pretty well
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 26, 2018 15:40:00 GMT -5
I'm such a ym failure that I don't even know how much I spend on groceries each month.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 10,972
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 26, 2018 15:56:22 GMT -5
I average $60/week for groceries, but average eating out - considering the whole month - is about $20/week. On weekend excursions with DS I try to pack lunches, beverages, and snacks but sometimes I either forget or say "eff it" and we'll buy lunch. I think I'm getting my car fixed tomorrow (check engine light is back on plus a weird noise) and there is a trampoline park with a food court in the same complex as the mechanic ( genius planning on the park's part). I'm planning for it to be a very expensive day... ehhhhhhh, maybe I'll push it to next week....
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 27, 2018 21:50:13 GMT -5
Holy crap! I don't spend half of that for me and Thing 2! Really? I thought we were doing pretty good. I was wrong on the $580 though. I double-checked the actual budget lines and its more like $530. Groceries - $350 Eating out - $50 (basically a couple fast food/pizza stops) School lunch - $123 (they take hot every day) The 15 year old eats a TON. He is 6 feet tall, 220 pounds and can really put it down. You are, trust me!!!
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Jan 28, 2018 7:47:36 GMT -5
At this point we could probably pony up for pretty much anything.
I buy clothes on clearance at the end of the season for the next season for DS, sometimes for DD but it's a lot easier to do with a boy. Snow boots, bikes, etc get passed down from DS to DD. I pay for any activity they want to do that we have time for.
I never buy toys unless it is xmas or birthdays.
I'm pretty sure they think we are poor, and that's my goal.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,943
|
Post by tcu2003 on Jan 28, 2018 14:21:04 GMT -5
At this point we could probably pony up for pretty much anything. I buy clothes on clearance at the end of the season for the next season for DS, sometimes for DD but it's a lot easier to do with a boy. Snow boots, bikes, etc get passed down from DS to DD. I pay for any activity they want to do that we have time for. I never buy toys unless it is xmas or birthdays. I'm pretty sure they think we are poor, and that's my goal. This is where we’re at, except DD has a bunch of hand-me-down clothes from her cousins, so I rarely buy clothes for her. Daycare and after school care are their biggest expenses, but that was expected.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Jan 28, 2018 14:39:17 GMT -5
I have 3 kids, 6, 3 and 1. My biggest expense is the $41,650/year daycare bill. Anything else is minor. I buy most toys and clothes second hand. I give team sports and lessons for Christmas and we do a lot of parks, library type activities on weekends and pools in the summer. We rarely go out to eat as it is way too much trouble. Cloth diapers and breast milk when they were babies.
We have a nice house and live in a nice neighborhood. My 6 year old asked me recently if we were rich. I told her we are comfortable. She pressed it, so I clarified,that we can afford everything we need and some things we want, but not everything. She seemed ok with that answer. They are used to hearing no, but we are fine and I don't want to raise spoiled brats. We work way too hard for our money.
Like swamp and many others here, we live way below our means and get to choose for our kids whether we buy it or not regardless of whether it was budgeted. That thought process usually comes down to how fickle kids can be. No, I won't buy that $300 tuba because it will be collecting dust in a week or worse I will have to nag my kid to practice something that nobody wants to hear.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 28, 2018 20:01:00 GMT -5
At this point we could probably pony up for pretty much anything. I buy clothes on clearance at the end of the season for the next season for DS, sometimes for DD but it's a lot easier to do with a boy. Snow boots, bikes, etc get passed down from DS to DD. I pay for any activity they want to do that we have time for. I never buy toys unless it is xmas or birthdays. I'm pretty sure they think we are poor, and that's my goal. We just went on an overnight trip and my oldest asked me if I was sure we can afford it.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,400
|
Post by giramomma on Jan 28, 2018 21:32:13 GMT -5
FWIW.
I grew up thinking my parents were poor. Like, if my dad lost his job we'd be living in a cardboard box poor because there was no savings..
I grew up middle class.
Equating living a middle class lifestyle to being one move away from destitution didn't work out so well in my favor.
I would hyperventilate when I bought groceries, and eventually had to stop grocery shopping because I'd cry at the check out while I was paying for groceries. I saw buying food as frivolous. And we're not talking twinkies. I'm talking dried peas to make pea soup for my lunches. I mean, we should have been saving that money, not buying food.
I picked fights with DH because he bought a new car even though his had vapors coming up through the vents when he drove to the point that he had to wipe down his windshield a couple of times while he was driving.. so he could see. I wanted him to replace a beater with another 1K beater.
It wasn't until I was 38 that I understood that our world would not end because we didn't have one year of my net income in savings. That I wasn't a bad person because we no longer had a year's worth of savings cash after our murphies. Our net worth was likely close to 500K at that point. But, I couldn't sleep at night because we had considerable less savings.
So. Our kids know we aren't poor. Because we are not. Our kids know what poor is.
I also don't want them to go through what I did, for 1/3+ of their life because of a poor relationship with money. I don't want them to having panic attacks over buying needs. I don't want them thinking they are failures with a decent enough net worth.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 28, 2018 22:54:58 GMT -5
FWIW. I grew up thinking my parents were poor. Like, if my dad lost his job we'd be living in a cardboard box poor because there was no savings.. I grew up middle class. Equating living a middle class lifestyle to being one move away from destitution didn't work out so well in my favor. I would hyperventilate when I bought groceries, and eventually had to stop grocery shopping because I'd cry at the check out while I was paying for groceries. I saw buying food as frivolous. And we're not talking twinkies. I'm talking dried peas to make pea soup for my lunches. I mean, we should have been saving that money, not buying food. I picked fights with DH because he bought a new car even though his had vapors coming up through the vents when he drove to the point that he had to wipe down his windshield a couple of times while he was driving.. so he could see. I wanted him to replace a beater with another 1K beater. It wasn't until I was 38 that I understood that our world would not end because we didn't have one year of my net income in savings. That I wasn't a bad person because we no longer had a year's worth of savings cash after our murphies. Our net worth was likely close to 500K at that point. But, I couldn't sleep at night because we had considerable less savings. So. Our kids know we aren't poor. Because we are not. Our kids know what poor is. I also don't want them to go through what I did, for 1/3+ of their life because of a poor relationship with money. I don't want them to having panic attacks over buying needs. I don't want them thinking they are failures with a decent enough net worth. But exactly your parents did to make you think that you were poor.
|
|
gs11rmb
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 12:43:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,314
|
Post by gs11rmb on Jan 29, 2018 8:09:13 GMT -5
At this point we could probably pony up for pretty much anything. I buy clothes on clearance at the end of the season for the next season for DS, sometimes for DD but it's a lot easier to do with a boy. Snow boots, bikes, etc get passed down from DS to DD. I pay for any activity they want to do that we have time for. I never buy toys unless it is xmas or birthdays. I'm pretty sure they think we are poor, and that's my goal. We just went on an overnight trip and my oldest asked me if I was sure we can afford it. My 9 year old told us about a lacrosse club that she'd like to join that had scholarships. I told her she could join if she wants but we wouldn't be eligible for the scholarships. She asked why not because "we don't have any money"! I don't want her thinking that she can have everything she wants but I have no idea why she thinks we are poor.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 29, 2018 10:42:24 GMT -5
*I* think my kids are very spoiled. *They* think they are deprived.
When they go to the grocery store with me, I usually get them stuff that they want unless it has way too much sugar, food coloring or just complete junk. Sushi, various cheeses from the deli, store-made pizza at WH, various yogurts or kefir, even different crackers, 5 different kinds of oatmeal and cereal - they want it, we get it.
I asked them a few weeks ago if I mostly say "yes" or "no". DS1's responses - "well, it's about 50/50" DS2 - "I don't know....you don't get us jello or pudding!!" DS3 - "mostly no"
I told them, I am going to make their perception a reality from now on. Only oldest understood what I meant and tried to change his answer very quickly.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 10,972
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 29, 2018 12:32:04 GMT -5
I think there should be a happy medium between thinking you are poor and being spoiled - especially if you are not actually poor.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Jan 29, 2018 19:53:51 GMT -5
Ok, ok they don't actually think we are poor. We live in a cushy house in a well off suburb. They know there are children with parents who can't afford to feed them all the food they need or buy them winter coats. We often talk about how we can give clothes/toys, etc to another kid who needs it. They also know I won't just buy them whatever they want and I try to make them realize they have everything they need and most of what they want. When my 4 y/o said she wanted to "be a Mom" when she grows up my 7 y/o started lecturing her about how she'd need a job to buy her kids food and clothes. I *think* my point it getting across, at least with one of them .
|
|