Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 22:29:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2011 11:15:13 GMT -5
And I don't usually go by what people say, I watch what they do. I'm not sure that is a good way to determine someone's financial situation. Someone who leads a modest lifestyle may not have a high income or they could just be frugal savers, and people who have a ton of nice things may make a lot of money or they could be up their eyeballs in CC debt. Judging by some YMers' lifestyles, people may think they're flat broke when in reality they will probably die with millions in the bank. ;D when I worked at the bank, there was an older man who came in every few days to do small transactions. He always looked unkempt and a little dirty, but I found out he was worth a LOT of money. And of course we had plenty of the opposite - people dressed in designer duds trying to get a $30 cash advance (yes, a $30 cash advance!).
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 28, 2011 11:49:44 GMT -5
I would not answer such a question, that is rude, tasteless, and would set off alarm bells that the man was looking for a sugar mama. I would also not be interested in a second date.
Zib - do you and DF intend to keep your finances separate after marriage?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 22:29:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2011 11:50:35 GMT -5
Interesting topic. I know some popular dating sites allow you to input an income range as an optional field on your profile. Is it considered tacky to show that on your profile? Discuss. I don't know if it's tacky, but I wouldn't put mine in. I'd be afraid of gold-diggers of the male persuasion. If I were in a position to date again, I'd be darn cautious (as I was with current DH in the beginning) about talking income or assets early in a relationship. I'm the answer to the prayer of any 60-something guy who hasn't saved a dime for retirement and I'm going to be darn picky.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2011 11:55:52 GMT -5
We really haven't discussed it. I know he can't wait to unload the house accounts onto me so I am assuming he will deposit money into my account the same way he did for his Ex. I suppose unless we get pre-nups, it may never come up or come out gradually.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2011 11:57:09 GMT -5
I, also, was afraid of male golddiggers as they are out there in droves. I have enough for me and mine, not some guy who didn't plan ahead. Thank heavens for DF who is financially secure.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,997
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Mar 28, 2011 12:12:47 GMT -5
I agree the income question was tacky and would immediately disqualify a first date.
With DH we talked about general philosophical stuff early on (i.e. the idea of living within your means, not having consumer debt, etc). I had a previous relationship break up over financial issues and didn't want to waste my time getting attached to another spendthrift. We were engaged before we sat down and went over specific salary info, and he didn't actually know the dollar amounts of my assets until we were married and I was combining the finances. I probably should have laid out my assets before we got married because it ended up making him uncomfortable when we did go through the numbers.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 28, 2011 12:47:33 GMT -5
One time after college I started talking to a teacher. She said she didn't want to date me because she wanted someone who "was already established in the business world." I most likely make more than twice she does now.
I'm a federal employee, so if you know my grade it's easy to look up. The best time to talk about specifics is if/when you plan on combining finances.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,411
|
Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2011 12:54:06 GMT -5
Yes, but how much does her husband make?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 22:29:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2011 13:21:10 GMT -5
There's a lot you can tell about someone just from general conversation. "What do you do for a living?" isn't an out-of-line question. Do they mention anxiety over bills? Are they aware of what the stock market did in the last day/week (a sign that they have enough in it to care)? Do they have a lot of flashy things (new car, clothing and accessories with conspicuous "status" logos)? Do they brag to call your attention to them? Do they turn their noses up at anything that might imply cost-consciousness (outlet stores, chain restaurants, generic brands, Marshall's)? There are legitimate reasons for some of these preferences (a good local ethnic restaurant over Cheesecake Factory, for example), but when they're iron-clad and based more on snobbery than actual preference, that's a danger sign.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,866
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2011 13:29:13 GMT -5
DF does not live in the real world like most people do. He came from money and has money. It gives you a different outlook on life. Lucky for both of us, he has me to get him into the real world. I have to admit, though, his world of never worrying about money sure must be a nice one!!!!
|
|
azphx1972
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 2, 2011 22:08:36 GMT -5
Posts: 809
|
Post by azphx1972 on Mar 28, 2011 13:30:07 GMT -5
I agree that income is not necessarily a good indication of one's financial status. I prefer to talk about goals (financial and otherwise), which is a good segue into discussions about savings rates, lifestyle, etc.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 22:29:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2011 13:43:52 GMT -5
DF does not live in the real world like most people do. He came from money and has money. It gives you a different outlook on life. Lucky for both of us, he has me to get him into the real world. I have to admit, though, his world of never worrying about money sure must be a nice one!!!! We have 2 friends like your fiancee and I agree, it must be nice. We like our friends because while they are from money and have it, they don't flaunt it like crazy. One of them drives a BMW which nowadays are a dime a dozen with people in our age group, difference is he bought it cash
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 28, 2011 14:46:44 GMT -5
Oh, you misunderstood. What I meant was that even knowing someone's salary wouldn't really mean much to me, bc it says nothing about their view on money. I would want to see what they do with that salary, high or low, to get any kind of idea. Also, people lie, lie, lie. So, who cares what someone says on the first date, kwim? Lena
|
|
|
Post by robbase on Mar 28, 2011 15:33:26 GMT -5
not a first date kind of thing, but something definitely needed to know sooner vs. later to give you an idea if it (a possible relationship) has a chance to work out.
Kind of along the lines of needing to know if someone you are dating has a STD- its not good to ask about STDs on the first date but you definitely need to know sooner vs. later. Also along the same timeline you should know their credit and health issues (do they have cancer, etc.) . As well as other things.
|
|