ajmom
Initiate Member
Joined: May 7, 2017 12:46:28 GMT -5
Posts: 62
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Post by ajmom on Nov 4, 2017 21:02:21 GMT -5
Hello. I have been a long-time reader of this site, back when it was MSN Money (I think). I even know the real name of She-Who-Won't/Can't-Be-Named! Not particularly proud of my long-time lurker status, I'm just not really all that technically savvy, and frankly, just never got around to posting anything. However, I have enjoyed reading the posts through the years, and figure it's about time to get involved. I don't even know if this is post is in the right area! I'm shooting for "Your Money" posting. I am very recently separated, and will be divorced soon. This last year was very difficult, but frankly, it was such a relief to have left my husband, who was emotionally abusive and neglectful toward me and the kids. I still feel quite sad -- not about leaving my husband, but sad that my marriage and family life was not what I had hoped it would be. My 2 kids are now in college, one in a community college and one a senior in a college about 50 miles away. I'm trying to determine whether I can now retire and start a new path. I've worked for federal govt for about 34 years; we just sold our house, so my share of the equity is $210K. I was fortunate that I started working in the retirement section of the federal government, and that 30 years ago a very generous coworker told me to put in as much into the newly designed TSP (govt type of 401K, matching up to first 5 percent ) as I could. I realize I am fortunate and in great shape financially compared to most. It has been so hard, however, since I really have had no emotional support. I think it is this lack of emotional support that makes me shy about "pulling the plug" on a job that I now heartily dislike. Perhaps I am looking for some wisdom in this area! My family really liked my soon to be "ex" and chose not to believe me initially when I reached out for help. Ironically, a new sister-in-law came into the family and instantly recognized his narcissism. I'm really trying not to feel bitter about things, as I figure that bitterness will only poison me, and not the intended target. My soon to be ex (actually hate that term -- what is a good term for it?) moved in May and now has a new and very impressive VP title in a job across the country. It is actually a relief not to be in the same area as he is. He thought the kids would one day want to live with him, who knows? Perhaps they will, but highly unlikely. Right now, both refuse to visit him, though, as they don't feel safe around him. He is the one who left the marriage/family years ago; I just finally was the one who went to a new (and much humbler/smaller) house. (don't judge -- I figured if I had left when kids were small that he would still have visitation with them alone and I wouldn't be there to run interference.) Also, my son had pretty major medical issues for years (and it all fell on me to keep him safe), and then I also dealt with 3rd stage breast cancer, which left me very fatigued for about 3 years. I had to go to part-time status for years in order to deal with all the medical issues. It was a pretty lose/lose situation all around. On the bright side, we are all very healthy now and I have a very good relationship with my kids, and they both chose to leave with me. I think it speaks for itself that they chose to leave with me to go to live in a cramped 2 bedroom townhouse instead of staying in our big house in an upscale neighborhood that bordered parkland. Now I have upgraded us to a 3 bedroom townhouse with an actual back patio. (I do miss having a single family house though. I'm not sure what I can afford.... Sorry for the ramble. I guess I just wanted to introduce myself (finally) to this forum. Take care. I
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busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
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Post by busymom on Nov 4, 2017 21:09:33 GMT -5
Welcome aboard! I think a number of us here "lurked" until we got brave enough to post here. I won't offer an opinion on when anyone is ready to retire, but just wanted to say that it sounds like your life is looking up. Good for you!
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Deleted
Joined: Apr 25, 2024 22:47:50 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2017 21:14:25 GMT -5
Hi! Glad things are starting to sort themselves out. Are you looking to stop working completely, or change careers, or go part time?
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suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
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Post by suesinfl on Nov 4, 2017 21:24:29 GMT -5
I have no advice, congratulate you on making some very smart decisions. Now may be the chance for a new start on life and to follow your dreams. Best of luck!
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ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,105
Location: Maryland
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Nov 4, 2017 21:32:52 GMT -5
ajmom Welcome. This is exactly how to join the group. Since you lurked from the old board you know what to expect here. Sounds like you made some tough but right decisions to move on with your life. No lack of knowledge or opinions here.
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taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
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Post by taz157 on Nov 4, 2017 21:57:06 GMT -5
Welcome! Good luck with what you decide for retirement.
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Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
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Hello
Nov 4, 2017 22:28:53 GMT -5
Post by Jaguar on Nov 4, 2017 22:28:53 GMT -5
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Happy prose
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 12:55:24 GMT -5
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Post by Happy prose on Nov 5, 2017 6:19:07 GMT -5
Congratulations on your happier and healthier future! You sound like you are prepared. As far as 'soon to be ex' - look around; the boards will provide you with lots of colorful terms for him.
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mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 5, 2017 9:40:16 GMT -5
Hi! Glad to have you here with us. Please, just feel free to jump into any thread on the Your Money board if that's where you feel you can get input on the things you're trying to deal with. It's a good group of folks who're happy to share and to help where they can.
Glad to hear things are looking up for you after some hard times. It's onward and upward from here!
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seriousthistime
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 20:27:07 GMT -5
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Post by seriousthistime on Nov 5, 2017 11:00:43 GMT -5
Welcome, ajmom. Your story sounds very familiar, because I lived that same story, with slight variations, for years. If you ever want a virtual chat, or just to vent, please send me a PM. To do that, go to the top of the page, and under the "Your Money and More" heading, there is a line with different topics. Click on Messages, which takes you to a new page. On the right side of that page, there is an area you can click on that says "Create Message." (Mine is next to an arrow pointing down. I assume yours is too.) I think the rest would be self-explanatory -- enter a subject, my screen name, and start your message. Then click in "Create Message" in the bottom right. Or, if you want, I can send you a PM and you can respond, which might be easier. Or, you don't have to communicate with me personally. Just know that I understand what you are going through, and that you are on the road to a happier life. The day-to-day stuff will have a lot of ups and downs, but the arc is trending toward happy.
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moon/Laura
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Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:05:36 GMT -5
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Post by moon/Laura on Nov 5, 2017 12:12:06 GMT -5
Welcome, ajmom. Glad you decided to de-lurk. There are a lot of very helpful people around, so dive right in!
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 5, 2017 12:20:59 GMT -5
Welcome! Glad to have onboard.
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sealy
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 2:49:52 GMT -5
Posts: 956
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Hello
Dec 18, 2017 2:45:04 GMT -5
via mobile
mmhmm likes this
Post by sealy on Dec 18, 2017 2:45:04 GMT -5
Welcome ajmom. From lurking I’m sure you know that we support each other here. I also stayed with my ex longer than most thought I should have. Life happens. I’m glad you have a great relationship with your babies. Jump in and enjoy your time here. This group is very nice and helpful.
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