suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Jul 14, 2017 17:30:55 GMT -5
(Wow indeed - y'all married some horribly nasty, petty people ) But he, well we both had changed. He was not the person I married and I'm sure he feels the same. I'm no longer a "yes" person and have learned to speak my mind and stand up for myself and for the kids.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,833
|
Post by greeniis10 on Jul 14, 2017 17:52:22 GMT -5
(Wow indeed - y'all married some horribly nasty, petty people ) In my case, I grew up with my ex. Our families were friends and all the kids car pooled to school together, etc. I literally knew everything about him. In high school, between football and car accidents my ex sustained 7 diagnosed (as in overnight hospital stays) concussions. He was still his usual self. Unfortunately, we had a traumatic experience shortly after we were married and that triggered something in his brain. His doctor is almost certain he'd be diagnosed with CTE should he decide to have his brain examined whenever he dies. He became a totally different person. NOT the person I grew up with and NOT the person I married.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 14, 2017 18:15:48 GMT -5
When the ex and I separated, he lived with his sister and her family for 3 months until he was able to rent an apt. I told him he could take what was his and the items that his mother left to him (items were not worth much). He ended up taking EVERY thing in the house. Him and a friend pulled up in a U-Haul and proceeded to take the kids bedroom furniture, 2 TVs, living room furniture kitchen furniture, etc. Basically all the kids and I had were our clothes. Literally. We ate off of paper plates with plastic utensils, sat on the floor playing games, sleeping on the floor, etc. It was worth it. Those things could be replaced but he was out of the house. He also put the stuff in storage and couldn't pay the bill, so he ended up losing it any way. He thought that we couldn't live without material things. HA! I slowly replaced items, friends gave us things and I've never looked back. Sorry to sidetrack the thread. Yep, sadly I had almost exactly the same thing happen to me. However, he didn't take my clothes. Instead he left them hanging in the closet but cut each and every item in half. The divorce wasn't final yet so being in a shared property state the sheriff's department shrugged and said they were "his" too and there was nothing they could do. So, I also only had the clothes I was wearing. I also cannot count the number of times since then that I've said it was one of the best things that has happened to me. Learning to not hold onto and rely on material things is very freeing and helps me keep a much better perspective on life. I'm laughing because my mom did the same thing. To be fair, she had just found out that not only was my dad cheating on her but he knocked the whore up. She didn't say a word but plotted with her sisters to find an apartment. He went to work one day thinking everything was fine, came home to everything gone but one chair, one plate, one glass, one of each silver wear...and a closet full of clothes with the crotch cut out!lol I know it was wrong and I love my dad ;shitty husband) but it still cracks me up
|
|
suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Jul 14, 2017 21:53:44 GMT -5
Yep, sadly I had almost exactly the same thing happen to me. However, he didn't take my clothes. Instead he left them hanging in the closet but cut each and every item in half. The divorce wasn't final yet so being in a shared property state the sheriff's department shrugged and said they were "his" too and there was nothing they could do. So, I also only had the clothes I was wearing. I also cannot count the number of times since then that I've said it was one of the best things that has happened to me. Learning to not hold onto and rely on material things is very freeing and helps me keep a much better perspective on life. I'm laughing because my mom did the same thing. To be fair, she had just found out that not only was my dad cheating on her but he knocked the whore up. She didn't say a word but plotted with her sisters to find an apartment. He went to work one day thinking everything was fine, came home to everything gone but one chair, one plate, one glass, one of each silver wear...and a closet full of clothes with the crotch cut out!lol I know it was wrong and I love my dad ;shitty husband) but it still cracks me up Love it.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,481
|
Post by NastyWoman on Jul 15, 2017 4:35:08 GMT -5
(Wow indeed - y'all married some horribly nasty, petty people ) I never thought I would say this, even though I hold no grudge against him anyway, but this makes me thankful for the xH I have. And that is such a sad statement when you think about it...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 1, 2024 14:34:16 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2017 6:44:24 GMT -5
I never thought I would say this, even though I hold no grudge against him anyway, but this makes me thankful for the xH I have. And that is such a sad statement when you think about it... I know what you mean. I watch a lot of true crime reality shows (e.g. Forensic Files) and there are way too many stories where the XH stalks his ex-wife and her new husband/BF and eventually kills them. Mine went to FL for rehab (his sister paid for it), never came back to our home state (NJ) and we never saw him again after we moved to the Midwest. He died in 2010 after years of alcohol abuse. My parents were incredulous when I told them I got off relatively easy.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,869
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2017 6:47:11 GMT -5
You did. DD would love to tell people her sperm donor was dead, so would I.
|
|
Spellbound454
Senior Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Sept 9, 2011 17:28:42 GMT -5
Posts: 3,993
|
Post by Spellbound454 on Jul 15, 2017 16:04:15 GMT -5
when my ex and I split I just packed up all his stuff in boxes and told him to pick it up No sense in making room for arguments .... and I would certainly not argue over tins of tomatoes.
Just go...... and don't contact me again.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,869
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2017 16:07:16 GMT -5
Depends on who is the dumper and who is the dumpee! You don't want to end up back in your parents basement.
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Jul 15, 2017 18:02:14 GMT -5
Leave the tomatos, it is not worth being nicknamed stingy tomato guy (stg) behind your back for whatever stories might be told. Your an ex now and your name will be replaced with _____ guy. Seriously, take the high road. Yeah, I can't see making a fuss over some canned tomatoes, either. They're not classic cars, priceless antiques or children.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,802
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 15, 2017 21:03:56 GMT -5
His mother told him to take the tomatoes. Heck she aims low. Two months after my divorce my EX MIL called me and asked for my engagement ring back. And before anyone starts the "family heirloom" stuff I knew for a fact that it wasn't!!
Me: Cashiers check for 10 grand and it's yours. Her: It's not worth 10 grand. Me: To me it is - end of discussion.
My EX and I had the most amicable divorce. We even used the same attorney. Divided up the stuff and told him what to write. He took paper work to court and judge said sounded equitable and signed off on it. Took all of 5 days from paper work to court.
Now my EX MIL was a different story. My EX remarried four months after we divorced. 9 months later he was filing for divorce.
EX MIL: Can you (me) call his attorney and tell him everything I knew about her since you knew her for 10 yrs?
Me: Nope, I've been thru one divorce not going thru another one!!
Talk about shitz and giggles
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,869
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2017 21:31:30 GMT -5
His mother told him to take the tomatoes. Heck she aims low. Two months after my divorce my EX MIL called me and asked for my engagement ring back. And before anyone starts the "family heirloom" stuff I knew for a fact that it wasn't!!
Me: Cashiers check for 10 grand and it's yours. Her: It's not worth 10 grand. Me: To me it is - end of discussion.
My EX and I had the most amicable divorce. We even used the same attorney. Divided up the stuff and told him what to write. He took paper work to court and judge said sounded equitable and signed off on it. Took all of 5 days from paper work to court.
Now my EX MIL was a different story. My EX remarried four months after we divorced. 9 months later he was filing for divorce.
EX MIL: Can you (me) call his attorney and tell him everything I knew about her since you knew her for 10 yrs?
Me: Nope, I've been thru one divorce not going thru another one!!
Talk about shitz and giggles Sounds like it runs in the family Those "cheap" genes.
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,938
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Jul 15, 2017 22:06:49 GMT -5
Seeds have been ordered. We're too far from Mount St. Helens to have much volcanic ash in the soil, but a little bit fell here back in the 80s!
We've always used romas to make sauce, but I think my mom will enjoy having a new variety to play with. I also found a few other seeds for some stuff to try. They'll make their way to my mom when they get here, as my house is where plants go to die. I also have some saffron bulbs coming in the fall, looking forward to those as that stuff is insanely expensive!
|
|
weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
|
Post by weltschmerz on Jul 15, 2017 22:26:49 GMT -5
Seeds have been ordered. We're too far from Mount St. Helens to have much volcanic ash in the soil, but a little bit fell here back in the 80s! We've always used romas to make sauce, but I think my mom will enjoy having a new variety to play with. I also found a few other seeds for some stuff to try. They'll make their way to my mom when they get here, as my house is where plants go to die. I also have some saffron bulbs coming in the fall, looking forward to those as that stuff is insanely expensive! ?? Do you mean crocus bulbs?
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,802
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 15, 2017 22:42:35 GMT -5
Seeds have been ordered. We're too far from Mount St. Helens to have much volcanic ash in the soil, but a little bit fell here back in the 80s! We've always used romas to make sauce, but I think my mom will enjoy having a new variety to play with. I also found a few other seeds for some stuff to try. They'll make their way to my mom when they get here, as my house is where plants go to die. I also have some saffron bulbs coming in the fall, looking forward to those as that stuff is insanely expensive! ?? Do you mean crocus bulbs? Saffron Crocus Bulbs - Crocus Sativus
|
|
ZaireinHD
Senior Associate
Joined: Mar 4, 2011 22:14:27 GMT -5
Posts: 12,407
|
Post by ZaireinHD on Jul 16, 2017 7:48:43 GMT -5
{1} I lived with my XGF for maybe 17 or 18 years before she broke up with me 3 years ago. why, what for, what happened? I still don't know? just something that happened. yes- we are still in contact. was not a bad, evil breakup. it is something that just happened. and as far as I know. she is not seeing anyone else. {2} we broke the lease on the apartment to move out early. at the beginning of us living together. I moved into her place. throughout the years. I purchased most of the everything in the apartment. and replaced some things, as upgrades, that she had when I moved in. {3} so when I moved out first. I left pretty much left behind everything. I felt I didn't move in with anything. so just will not take it. even though I had upgraded most of the stuff. besides, she didn't have money to replace, and start over anyway. {4} unless she will continue with your tradition or habit once you are all moved out. or if she actually did cook using the sauce and replaced it. then sure leave it behind with the keys to her place. but if she doesn't support and not keep some at home. then you might as well take it. then it will be useful with you. no need to leave behind and go to waste. it is too expensive to just leave behind and go to waste. {5} when you go to give back the keys to her place. and you do decided to leave it behind. make sure to pick up new sauce on your way home. it is over! no excuses to go back and see your ex!
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,938
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Jul 16, 2017 8:29:41 GMT -5
?? Do you mean crocus bulbs? Saffron Crocus Bulbs - Crocus Sativus This. Knew the name of the spice, was tired and didn't bother to look up the name of the bulb. Figured it could get put together...
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 16, 2017 16:39:38 GMT -5
Depends on who is the dumper and who is the dumpee! You don't want to end up back in your parents basement. We live in Texas, there are no basements
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 16, 2017 16:47:27 GMT -5
{4} unless she will continue with your tradition or habit once you are all moved out. or if she actually did cook using the sauce and replaced it. then sure leave it behind with the keys to her place. but if she doesn't support and not keep some at home. then you might as well take it. then it will be useful with you. no need to leave behind and go to waste. it is too expensive to just leave behind and go to waste. {5} when you go to give back the keys to her place. and you do decided to leave it behind. make sure to pick up new sauce on your way home. it is over! no excuses to go back and see your ex! She doesn't make her own sauce, so it would have gone to waste. She wanted my sauce recipes, the only one she is getting is one I came up with while living with her. It doesn't use canned tomatoes. I'll probably see her this Fall, I promised the 17YO I'd make it to some of her volleyball games this season, she was voted team captain.
|
|
cktc
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 19, 2013 22:15:31 GMT -5
Posts: 3,202
|
Post by cktc on Jul 16, 2017 21:09:24 GMT -5
I think you're fine. Pettiness goes both ways, if they are just tomatoes, then they shouldn't be missed. It's not like you wiped out the pantry, or made off with all the tp. You just grabbed a couple small things you had purchased.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jun 1, 2024 14:34:16 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2017 21:13:51 GMT -5
You know, beergut, I wouldn't worry about it. Only you and she really know the relationship. A few years after my ex and I divorced, he brought me the bedroom furniture that he no longer wanted. I am still using most of it. After all, I guess I paid for half of it since we were married when we bought it, but he "got" it in the divorce. No big deal. He'd rather offer it to me than the thrift store. Every relationship is different. You and she knows yours best.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,004
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Jul 17, 2017 13:36:41 GMT -5
Well if you look at the OP's posts over the years, his cooking is a very strong interest. He seems to use cooking meals for people as a way to express care and affection. So I can see how leaving his ingredients can be a big concern to him.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,869
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2017 13:53:47 GMT -5
Yes, my ex kept all my furniture, China, wedding gifts, silverware, and even my washer and dryer. Of which he all gave away when he moved to his fancy new abode. No such thing as courtesy on his part.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,444
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Jul 17, 2017 15:50:55 GMT -5
Yes, it was and so many times you hear of dads doing stuff like that. Then eventually they want the kids in their lives when old and most times it doesn't happen.
You really wonder what is the matter with some people. To be fair, I've heard of women being just as petty, if not worse. I've never heard of an ex-husband going to the police after a relationship ends and accusing their ex of rape. I could write a book on all of the crazy ish my ex-SIL has put my brother through. She doesn't care if it hurts their daughter if she thinks it will somehow inconvenience or hurt my brother. Regardless of gender, some people don't know how to get over a breakup, and it brings out the worst in them. The rape issue aside, I understand what you mean. My MIL is still not over her divorce from DH's father...50 years ago. Trashed his reputation with his family but had no qualms using the family connections to support her career path.
Ironically she was the one who had the affair.
I'm convinced that her two other attempts at marriage failed because she never learned from her mistakes from the first marriage. As my father would say "What's the common denominator?".
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,468
|
Post by thyme4change on Jul 17, 2017 15:56:34 GMT -5
Reading this thread reminds me of a Dr Phil episode that o accidentally watched 13 or 15 years ago. It was a married couple who had been going through a divorce for years. They were arguing about who got the spices in the spice drawer and the cleaning supplies, etc. I do not have that kind of patience. Fighting over a jar of oregano? Sheesh!
Someone also mentioned the shows where a someone kills their spouse. Sometimes they make a dramatic point about how there was a life insurance policy for (play over the top organ music here) 80k or some other seemingly small amount. I told my husband - Don't bother killing me, just drain the money from our joint account and disappear or something. Leave a note that says "I didn't kill you, so I took the money."
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,802
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 17, 2017 16:06:52 GMT -5
To be fair, I've heard of women being just as petty, if not worse. I've never heard of an ex-husband going to the police after a relationship ends and accusing their ex of rape. I could write a book on all of the crazy ish my ex-SIL has put my brother through. She doesn't care if it hurts their daughter if she thinks it will somehow inconvenience or hurt my brother. Regardless of gender, some people don't know how to get over a breakup, and it brings out the worst in them. The rape issue aside, I understand what you mean. My MIL is still not over her divorce from DH's father...50 years ago. Trashed his reputation with his family but had no qualms using the family connections to support her career path.
Ironically she was the one who had the affair.
I'm convinced that her two other attempts at marriage failed because she never learned from her mistakes from the first marriage. As my father would say "What's the common denominator?".
I was over mine the minute the ink was dry on the papers. And I learned from my first one! Never remarry cause I'm not easy to live with. But I know someone who is still bitter after 30 years and she got everything and cleaned the guy out. Geeze, I want to punch her when she starts up on her EX. Get a friggin' life.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Jul 17, 2017 16:18:14 GMT -5
But I know someone who is still bitter after 30 years and she got everything and cleaned the guy out. Geeze, I want to punch her when she starts up on her EX. Get a friggin' life. This sounds *exactly* like my cousin's grandma (my aunt's mother, on the other side of her family - not related by blood to me). But I knew her so I know this is true. Even though she had been divorced for *decades* before she finally passed on, she still thought of herself and referred to herself in married terms. Even though her ex (who according to family she cleaned out) was supposedly a rotten so-and-so (a factoid she repeated frequently), she still wore her wedding ring, and even celebrated her wedding anniversary every year!
|
|
Anne_in_VA
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:09:35 GMT -5
Posts: 5,516
|
Post by Anne_in_VA on Jul 17, 2017 17:44:23 GMT -5
Sounds like my mom. She and my dad were divorced when I was little and no one ever heard talked about what happened, but it's assumed she cheated since she was declared "unfit" - this was back in the late '40's, and my sisters and I were taken away from her and custody was awarded to our father. For as long as she lived, she always ran him down every chance she got. She even complained about the child support she got once she got custody of us, but she never did go back to court and try to get it changed even though my dad made much more money later in life.
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 17, 2017 20:25:09 GMT -5
i can't imagine even wanting to have a discussion around canned tomoatoes. i guess, if i broke up again (heaven forbid), i just wouldn't care about that kind of thing and wouldn't make it an issue or even a discussion. For whatever reason, you guys aren't an item anymore, so unless omething was either sentimental, or truly valuable, or a living thing (pet/kids), I wouldn't even burn the emotional energy to discuss it. I just feel like getting on to the next part of life and i don't give two shits about $20 worth of tomatos. Even if it was a "bad" breakup, i just wouldn't bother talking about it over such a trivial thing. but, i'm not much for drama There wasn't a discussion, this is simply me mentioning a funny comment my mother made to me. I am going to have to make at least one more trip to EXGF's to get a pasta rake and fluted pastry wheel that were both Christmas gifts given to me by family. They're small items, but it is the sentimentality behind the gifts that makes me want to keep them.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Jul 17, 2017 20:48:10 GMT -5
Maybe you should change your name to doughboy.
|
|