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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2017 21:28:50 GMT -5
It's easy for them to run off. It's nice to move in groups for that reason. We were at the park for a meetup this week and I noticed one of the two-three year olds on a teeter totter and I was like, hey, where is mom, he gestured toward the parking lot. And she does have an infant, so could have been in the car, but I couldn't see her, so played with him for awhile, followed him around where he wanted to play, and then my daughter came up and helped him swing. Mom came rushing in about 10 minutes later probably, she'd asked an older sibling to watch him while she used the bathroom and was frantic when she came out to him gone. Was glad I was there.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 28, 2017 21:35:14 GMT -5
It's easy for them to run off. It's nice to move in groups for that reason. We were at the park for a meetup this week and I noticed one of the two-three year olds on a teeter totter and I was like, hey, where is mom, he gestured toward the parking lot. And she does have an infant, so could have been in the car, but I couldn't see her, so played with him for awhile, followed him around where he wanted to play, and then my daughter came up and helped him swing. Mom came rushing in about 10 minutes later probably, she'd asked an older sibling to watch him while she used the bathroom and was frantic when she came out to him gone. Was glad I was there. She's lucky you were.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 28, 2017 21:40:30 GMT -5
A while back , a 2 or 3 you old I'd never seen before walked in to my apt. I told him to go home (leave). He replied "no". He didn't appear upset or hurt and was actually too comfy, considering he was in a total stranger's home. I took him outside, expecting to see a frantic parent looking for him. There wasn't one. Ugh. Eventually I got him to tell me which apt he lived in (8 plex & I knew most everyone). I walked him to the door and knocked. A woman answered. She wasn't surprised or upset to see me with her child. I was shocked by her reaction. She said he does it all the time . Sure enough, he came back several times. I started locking my screen door so he couldn't get in. I never understood her lack of concern. Weird.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2017 21:45:06 GMT -5
Son was maybe 9 or so when we were at the pool and son made a 'new friend' he wanted to come home with us to play some game. I'm like, what did his mom say... she said sure. And then I'm like, don't you want my number and to know where we live and my name, etc... but she wasn't even going to ask before I mentioned it, was just going to let me take him...
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 29, 2017 9:50:25 GMT -5
So under other circumstances, any one of you who have 'found' children could have been the target of an irate parent, thinking you were going to kidnap their kid. Probably due to gender. What if your spouse had been the finding parent?
Even after the the child was found, there was no need to assault the man, or smear his nam on social media. The take home message that Mr. Patel received from this was that if he sees another lost kid....ignore. Not my monkey, not my circus.
Talk about conflicting messages. The village is closed.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 29, 2017 9:53:17 GMT -5
Let's be honest. If a woman found the child, i doubt that would be viewed the same way. As a man, i would think a man would be a bit more cautious about the approach.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 29, 2017 9:56:44 GMT -5
Son was maybe 9 or so when we were at the pool and son made a 'new friend' he wanted to come home with us to play some game. I'm like, what did his mom say... she said sure. And then I'm like, don't you want my number and to know where we live and my name, etc... but she wasn't even going to ask before I mentioned it, was just going to let me take him... I was at a big water park with my youngest son and nephews a few days ago. As one of the lines we were in moved, I became separated from the 8 and 10 year old boys I was with and two sort of gang looking (tattoos, scars, aggressive style clothes) twenty something year old guys ended up in between the boys and me. I wasn't too worried since the boys were in sight, but when the two guys noticed we were separated they were very nice, started talking to me and offered to let me go ahead to be with the boys. At first I joked with them that there was no need for me to be with the boys, that I was sure that they (the gang looking guys) would take great care of them and looked like fine babysitters... Sometimes as a mom you're just ready for a break. "Sure, Jeffrey Dahmer, I'd love for you to babysit!"
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jun 29, 2017 10:08:25 GMT -5
TMR & Oped, those stories about the laissez faire moms irk me. There's free range and then there's FREE RANGE.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 29, 2017 10:09:49 GMT -5
So under other circumstances, any one of you who have 'found' children could have been the target of an irate parent, thinking you were going to kidnap their kid. Probably due to gender. What if your spouse had been the finding parent? Even after the the child was found, there was no need to assault the man, or smear his nam on social media. The take home message that Mr. Patel received from this was that if he sees another lost kid....ignore. Not my monkey, not my circus. Talk about conflicting messages. The village is closed. As children we were taught that if a stranger tried to take us, we were to struggle, resist, cry out for help. It's hard to tell from just the article description, but it sounds as though this is precisely what the girl was trying to do in this case. If we (the citizens) don't respond to this kind of stimulus by at least scrutinizing the situation to determine if what we're witnessing is an abduction rather than routine discipline, what good is it for a child to resist? The parents knew in this case that Mr. Patel wasn't in the category of "parent with an unruly child", which makes a distressed child in his arms a big red flag indeed. They shouldn't have struck him, but if I were Mr. Patel, considering the parents' state of mind and the optics of my carrying around a distressed child, I could forgive their reaction.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 29, 2017 10:16:34 GMT -5
TMR & Oped, those stories about the laissez faire moms irk me. There's free range and then there's FREE RANGE. My parents drilled it into my sister and me that we were never to go with strangers, talk with strangers, accept gifts from strangers, etc. My first day of grade 1, I somehow missed boarding the bus bound for home when school let out. I proceeded to wander around the schoolgrounds asking anyone I found if they would drive me home. I have no memory of the event, but apparently I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer at age 5.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 29, 2017 10:42:22 GMT -5
So under other circumstances, any one of you who have 'found' children could have been the target of an irate parent, thinking you were going to kidnap their kid. Probably due to gender. What if your spouse had been the finding parent? Even after the the child was found, there was no need to assault the man, or smear his nam on social media. The take home message that Mr. Patel received from this was that if he sees another lost kid....ignore. Not my monkey, not my circus. Talk about conflicting messages. The village is closed. As children we were taught that if a stranger tried to take us, we were to struggle, resist, cry out for help. It's hard to tell from just the article description, but it sounds as though this is precisely what the girl was trying to do in this case. If we (the citizens) don't respond to this kind of stimulus by at least scrutinizing the situation to determine if what we're witnessing is an abduction rather than routine discipline, what good is it for a child to resist? The parents knew in this case that Mr. Patel wasn't in the category of "parent with an unruly child", which makes a distressed child in his arms a big red flag indeed. They shouldn't have struck him, but if I were Mr. Patel, considering the parents' state of mind and the optics of my carrying around a distressed child, I could forgive their reaction. But Virgil.....after others had verified his story, the father never apologized and said he deserved to be assaulted. Then he proceeded to go to social media and call this guy a pedophile. THAT is not a natural reaction. Actually, it almost seems like the father was trying to deflect his deficiencies.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 29, 2017 10:45:49 GMT -5
If I saw a strange woman walking away from me with my kid I'd have a panic attack. While not as common it's not totally unheard of for women to kidnap children.
But once it was known what was going on then no I wouldn't smear their name all over the internet or anything like that. I'd apologize and hope they understood.
I am thankful when someone catches Abby but while I am chasing her my heart is going a million miles a minute. If I saw them walking away from me with her the panic would increase. I like to think that would say to myself "well they are probably just looking for me!" but likely not.
I wouldn't beat the crap out of them or smear their name on the internet but I would certainly start yelling that she's my kid to draw not only their attention but that of other people in the area, just in case.
The guy didn't deserve to be beat up, the dad should have apologized and whoever it was that smeared his name on facebook is wrong as well. Once the truth was known that should have been the end of it
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 10:47:14 GMT -5
DH is always afraid someone will think he is a pervert. I can see reacting if I saw someone walking by with my kid and it didn't register that they were looking for me. I'd feel horrible about it afterwards. I would not post pictures of that person labeling them a pervert, whoever did that wins the Captain Hyperbole award. I think that's something that all men have to keep in the back of their minds. I know men who don't want their kids to have female friends over when their wives aren't home. Can't say I blame them.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 29, 2017 10:59:09 GMT -5
Son was maybe 9 or so when we were at the pool and son made a 'new friend' he wanted to come home with us to play some game. I'm like, what did his mom say... she said sure. And then I'm like, don't you want my number and to know where we live and my name, etc... but she wasn't even going to ask before I mentioned it, was just going to let me take him... I was at a big water park with my youngest son and nephews a few days ago. As one of the lines we were in moved, I became separated from the 8 and 10 year old boys I was with and two sort of gang looking (tattoos, scars, aggressive style clothes) twenty something year old guys ended up in between the boys and me. I wasn't too worried since the boys were in sight, but when the two guys noticed we were separated they were very nice, started talking to me and offered to let me go ahead to be with the boys. At first I joked with them that there was no need for me to be with the boys, that I was sure that they (the gang looking guys) would take great care of them and looked like fine babysitters... Sometimes as a mom you're just ready for a break. "Sure, Jeffrey Dahmer, I'd love for you to babysit!" I had a customer that was a bit scary looking. Tattoos and gangster looking. He's such a good guy. He works hard and is very polite. But people did kind of stop and get nervous when he walked in. Maybe it's the tattoo of brass knuckles he has on his face. I feel like he must get judged a lot by his appearance.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 29, 2017 11:01:50 GMT -5
If I saw a strange woman walking away from me with my kid I'd have a panic attack. While not as common it's not totally unheard of for women to kidnap children. But once it was known what was going on then no I wouldn't smear their name all over the internet or anything like that. I'd apologize and hope they understood. I am thankful when someone catches Abby but while I am chasing her my heart is going a million miles a minute. If I saw them walking away from me with her the panic would increase. I like to think that would say to myself "well they are probably just looking for me!" but likely not. I wouldn't beat the crap out of them or smear their name on the internet but I would certainly start yelling that she's my kid to draw not only their attention but that of other people in the area, just in case. The guy didn't deserve to be beat up, the dad should have apologized and whoever it was that smeared his name on facebook is wrong as well. Once the truth was known that should have been the end of it That's my point. You can understand a misconception happening here, but when others have said that he was looking for the child's daddy, he should have backed off. Not only did the dad not back off, he doubled down. This just doesn't make sense to me.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 29, 2017 11:07:55 GMT -5
If I saw a strange woman walking away from me with my kid I'd have a panic attack. While not as common it's not totally unheard of for women to kidnap children. But once it was known what was going on then no I wouldn't smear their name all over the internet or anything like that. I'd apologize and hope they understood. I am thankful when someone catches Abby but while I am chasing her my heart is going a million miles a minute. If I saw them walking away from me with her the panic would increase. I like to think that would say to myself "well they are probably just looking for me!" but likely not. I wouldn't beat the crap out of them or smear their name on the internet but I would certainly start yelling that she's my kid to draw not only their attention but that of other people in the area, just in case. The guy didn't deserve to be beat up, the dad should have apologized and whoever it was that smeared his name on facebook is wrong as well. Once the truth was known that should have been the end of it That's my point. You can understand a misconception happening here, but when others have said that he was looking for the child's daddy, he should have backed off. Not only did the dad not back off, he doubled down. This just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah something is off in the story. We're unlikely to ever get the whole truth. The person who smeared his name on Facebook I am sad to say I'm not shocked about. With 24/7 immediate access to the internet people have the ability to share their stupid thoughts with the whole word before it has a change to register that it is a stupid thought. Before that people may have gossiped in their neighborhoods and that's it. Still wrong but at least there would be an opportunity to escape it either by moving or as neighbors leave town. Now we have the ability to humiliate and tarnish someone nationally with the press of a finger. You shouldn't have to fear helping someone, anyone, because of how it might end up being spun on the internet. That's just going to increase the bystander effect.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 29, 2017 11:19:16 GMT -5
I was at a big water park with my youngest son and nephews a few days ago. As one of the lines we were in moved, I became separated from the 8 and 10 year old boys I was with and two sort of gang looking (tattoos, scars, aggressive style clothes) twenty something year old guys ended up in between the boys and me. I wasn't too worried since the boys were in sight, but when the two guys noticed we were separated they were very nice, started talking to me and offered to let me go ahead to be with the boys. At first I joked with them that there was no need for me to be with the boys, that I was sure that they (the gang looking guys) would take great care of them and looked like fine babysitters... Sometimes as a mom you're just ready for a break. "Sure, Jeffrey Dahmer, I'd love for you to babysit!" I had a customer that was a bit scary looking. Tattoos and gangster looking. He's such a good guy. He works hard and is very polite. But people did kind of stop and get nervous when he walked in. Maybe it's the tattoo of brass knuckles he has on his face. I feel like he must get judged a lot by his appearance. Yes, they were very nice and polite guys during our talk. They may have been surprised that I seemed so willing to let them babysit... We ended up talking for a while during the wait for the ride. One of them was describing their flight in from New York and I mentioned that the airlines are trying to shake down parents by making them pay $50/ticket to get advanced assigned seats with their kids. I'm not playing that game and am happy to get a quiet flight while my kids sit next to other people. (When I said this, the gang looking guys looked a little shocked and started laughing.) Of course, at this point my little guy pipes in and says, "Mom it wasn't bad at all, those people I sat next to on that last flight were really nice!"
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 29, 2017 16:34:23 GMT -5
TMR & Oped, those stories about the laissez faire moms irk me. There's free range and then there's FREE RANGE. My parents drilled it into my sister and me that we were never to go with strangers, talk with strangers, accept gifts from strangers, etc. My first day of grade 1, I somehow missed boarding the bus bound for home when school let out. I proceeded to wander around the schoolgrounds asking anyone I found if they would drive me home. I have no memory of the event, but apparently I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer at age 5. At that age, under those circumstances, even if you knew you shouldn't talk to/go with strangers, my guess is that all you knew was that you needed to get home. If that meant asking random people for a ride, so be it. You probably thought it was your only option at the time. You view things differently when you are 5. How did you get home?
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 29, 2017 18:40:22 GMT -5
As children we were taught that if a stranger tried to take us, we were to struggle, resist, cry out for help. It's hard to tell from just the article description, but it sounds as though this is precisely what the girl was trying to do in this case. If we (the citizens) don't respond to this kind of stimulus by at least scrutinizing the situation to determine if what we're witnessing is an abduction rather than routine discipline, what good is it for a child to resist? The parents knew in this case that Mr. Patel wasn't in the category of "parent with an unruly child", which makes a distressed child in his arms a big red flag indeed. They shouldn't have struck him, but if I were Mr. Patel, considering the parents' state of mind and the optics of my carrying around a distressed child, I could forgive their reaction. But Virgil.....after others had verified his story, the father never apologized and said he deserved to be assaulted. Then he proceeded to go to social media and call this guy a pedophile. THAT is not a natural reaction. Actually, it almost seems like the father was trying to deflect his deficiencies. He was scared and embarrassed. Scared and embarrassed parents often say and do rash things. It's just one of those cases where Mr. Patel has to think to himself: look, I did my best to do right by the child; those who know me will vouch for my character. If the parents can't or won't believe it, I forgive them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 29, 2017 19:50:27 GMT -5
I drove the babysitters home-always. No way was my ex getting put in a situation where it could be said he "came on" to a young girl. So that's going back 30+ years of being careful not to put in a compromising situation.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 29, 2017 23:43:17 GMT -5
I drove the babysitters home-always. No way was my ex getting put in a situation where it could be said he "came on" to a young girl. So that's going back 30+ years of being careful not to put in a compromising situation. Ugh. I wish some one of the moms I babysat for would have done this.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jul 5, 2017 14:38:10 GMT -5
My parents drilled it into my sister and me that we were never to go with strangers, talk with strangers, accept gifts from strangers, etc. My first day of grade 1, I somehow missed boarding the bus bound for home when school let out. I proceeded to wander around the schoolgrounds asking anyone I found if they would drive me home. I have no memory of the event, but apparently I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer at age 5. At that age, under those circumstances, even if you knew you shouldn't talk to/go with strangers, my guess is that all you knew was that you needed to get home. If that meant asking random people for a ride, so be it. You probably thought it was your only option at the time. You view things differently when you are 5. How did you get home? Totally agree. It's one thing to say "here's the rule honey, follow it ok?". But those rules go out the window when we find ourselves in an "emergency" (whether real or perceived). That's particularly true when the rule is "don't do this" as opposed to "do this". So you can tell your kid "don't talk to strangers"...but when they're in a situation where "I have no idea what to do, that seems like my only option", then they're going to do it. Kids, especially at age 5, aren't really critical thinkers. That's why it's so much more important to teach kids what TO DO in situations rather than what NOT to do.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jul 5, 2017 19:26:30 GMT -5
My parents drilled it into my sister and me that we were never to go with strangers, talk with strangers, accept gifts from strangers, etc. My first day of grade 1, I somehow missed boarding the bus bound for home when school let out. I proceeded to wander around the schoolgrounds asking anyone I found if they would drive me home. I have no memory of the event, but apparently I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer at age 5. At that age, under those circumstances, even if you knew you shouldn't talk to/go with strangers, my guess is that all you knew was that you needed to get home. If that meant asking random people for a ride, so be it. You probably thought it was your only option at the time. You view things differently when you are 5. How did you get home? One of the teachers found me asking around, brought me into the school, and contacted my mom. It's not fair to call a 5-year-old "dense", but obviously my wee brain at the time couldn't quite grasp the complexity of why rules still apply during emergencies.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 5, 2017 19:46:29 GMT -5
I think the rule is, if you try to help kids you need to be aware that it could go horribly wrong at any moment. Here's an example of something that could have gone wrong in so many directions it's not even funny. MrSroo was unpacking his truck... I get it but what a sad state of affairs that we as society would think the worst of MrSroo or any other adult man helping out a kid in distress.
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wmpeon
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Post by wmpeon on Jul 5, 2017 20:08:12 GMT -5
I think it also doesn't help that many of us were trained since childhood not to draw attention to ourselves. Once in the mall food court, a fellow diner saw a small girl playing alone without an obvious parent in close proximity. This woman belted out "WHO DOES THIS CHILD BELONG TO " for the entire court to hear. A number of tables away, someone stood up and casually walked over to retrieve the girl. It was a simple and sensible way to quickly find a parent, but it's also hard to imagine me yelling out like that in public. Nevertheless, the situation in the OP may have been resolved more quickly and simply if a very public and loud announcement had been made to locate the kid's parents.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2017 21:38:13 GMT -5
I think it also doesn't help that many of us were trained since childhood not to draw attention to ourselves. Once in the mall food court, a fellow diner saw a small girl playing alone without an obvious parent in close proximity. This woman belted out "WHO DOES THIS CHILD BELONG TO " for the entire court to hear. A number of tables away, someone stood up and casually walked over to retrieve the girl. It was a simple and sensible way to quickly find a parent, but it's also hard to imagine me yelling out like that in public. Nevertheless, the situation in the OP may have been resolved more quickly and simply if a very public and loud announcement had been made to locate the kid's parents. A parent that uninvolved wouldn't even be embarrassed to have their poor parenting pointed out in public. No shame at all. Probably smeared the person because having his lack of caring for child being glaringly obvious. Way to deflect.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 10, 2017 0:21:55 GMT -5
I am black , tall and BIG, think 300+ lbs BIG so I am fully aware how people perceive me before they approach me (sadly); so no I NEVER Approach a lost child.
If I am with my wife she does it. A child was lost in our store the other day, crying and going around yelling mommy. I took an extra 5 minutes (while keeping him in my sight) to find the customer service manager that is a woman and told her to go to that young boy (probably 3-4) and help him finds his mommy.
My customer service manager found the mom at the register checking out, not one bit concerned that she was missing a little something that was 2 ft tall. I am guessing by her nonchalant behavior it was not the first nor the last time he would lose her.
People perception is reality and I know how a small frame 5 ft tall white woman would react (or her husband) if they see me talking to their child. So No, don't count on me to approach a lost child any day. We had a neighborhood BBQ and I saw this little boy all the way down the street by himself (probably 1-2). I just said loudly: is anyone watching this kid?
His mom from the next canopy over said: his mine, don't you worry I got an eye on him... and I guess she felt embarrassed she sent her older daughter to get him. Me approaching him? Not in a million years!!
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 10, 2017 9:54:46 GMT -5
I am black , tall and BIG, think 300+ lbs BIG so I am fully aware how people perceive me before they approach me (sadly); so no I NEVER Approach a lost child. .... People perception is reality and I know how a small frame 5 ft tall white woman would react (or her husband) if they see me talking to their child. So No, don't count on me to approach a lost child any day. .... Yes, some people are going to be jerks and assume you have bad intentions. But not everybody. I'm a small white woman... did you read my story about letting the gang members babysit my kids at the water park? Obviously, I'm kidding about letting strangers babysit - I was watching the boys even if it wasn't obvious to others. But the point of it is that I didn't automatically assume the gang looking guys (one of whom appeared black and one of whom appeared hispanic) were going to hurt my kids. You want people to not assume things about you, give us the same chance and don't assume we're prejudging you. You can talk to the neighbor kids and help lost kids in your store.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 10, 2017 10:01:39 GMT -5
I am black , tall and BIG, think 300+ lbs BIG so I am fully aware how people perceive me before they approach me (sadly); so no I NEVER Approach a lost child. .... People perception is reality and I know how a small frame 5 ft tall white woman would react (or her husband) if they see me talking to their child. So No, don't count on me to approach a lost child any day. .... Yes, some people are going to be jerks and assume you have bad intentions. But not everybody. I'm a small white woman... did you read my story about letting the gang members babysit my kids at the water park? Obviously, I'm kidding about letting strangers babysit - I was watching the boys even if it wasn't obvious to others. But the point of it is that I didn't automatically assume the gang looking guys (one of whom appeared black and one of whom appeared hispanic) were going to hurt my kids. You want people to not assume things about you, give us the same chance and don't assume we're prejudging you. You can talk to the neighbor kids and help lost kids in your store. that's all well and good, but the sad reality is that most people DO prejudge. And when they do, there can be grave consequences - as seen in the OP story. Now if I saw DS talking to a random stranger - male or female - my first instinct would not be to assume they are trying to abduct him. My first instinct would be to run to him, be relieved I found him, and make sure he is okay. I'm not even thinking about that other adult. I realize that most adults aren't looking to abduct kids, so that wouldn't cross my mind. He is a large and strong kid so I don't think anyone would be able to pick him up without a fight. If they were able to and did, and I saw them, that's a whole different story.
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hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
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Post by hoops902 on Jul 10, 2017 10:20:40 GMT -5
I am black , tall and BIG, think 300+ lbs BIG so I am fully aware how people perceive me before they approach me (sadly); so no I NEVER Approach a lost child. .... People perception is reality and I know how a small frame 5 ft tall white woman would react (or her husband) if they see me talking to their child. So No, don't count on me to approach a lost child any day. .... Yes, some people are going to be jerks and assume you have bad intentions. But not everybody. I'm a small white woman... did you read my story about letting the gang members babysit my kids at the water park? Obviously, I'm kidding about letting strangers babysit - I was watching the boys even if it wasn't obvious to others. But the point of it is that I didn't automatically assume the gang looking guys (one of whom appeared black and one of whom appeared hispanic) were going to hurt my kids. You want people to not assume things about you, give us the same chance and don't assume we're prejudging you. You can talk to the neighbor kids and help lost kids in your store. I might be wrong, but I don't think it's so much the prejudging that's the issue...it's what actions someone might TAKE off the prejudging. Like I don't really care if someone sees me talking to a child and thinks "probably a pedophile"...I DO care if someone sees me talking to a child, thinks "probably a pedophile" and runs up behind me and bashes my head in with a bat.
There's a line to walk between giving other people the benefit of the doubt in not judging you...and just not wanting to put yourself in harm's way in case you're wrong. It's the cost/benefit of the situation. If 80 out of 100 times I'll find out that people don't prejudge me, and maybe we both got a better understanding of each other...and 20 out of 100 times I'm ending up in jail or assaulted...that's probably enough of a negative that I shouldn't do it.
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