FB etiquette

[chiver78]

I have reconnected with some HS classmates on FB over the years, and some of them have surprised me with who they have grown up to be. some good, some not so great. this exchange I'm about to paraphrase happened on the wall of one of these classmates and a (now former) friend of hers, and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. what say y'all? fwiw, I saw the original post the other day and found it obnoxiously tacky but didn't respond at all. it just popped up again tonight with the newer comments.

A: [posts a political photoshopped pic, one that would get yanked off this forum in a hot second] OMG, this was so funny I had to repost. isn't it hilarious??

-- a few comments --

B: **political differences aside** that is awful, and here is why...(link to historical research on photoshop topic)

A: how dare you bring this uninvited conversation on a topic where we do not agree. I think you should probably not post on my wall! [unfriends B]

it's kind of like in here. people ask a question and then get all butt hurt when they get responses they don't want to hear. -shrug- the rest of the comments were all falling in line with her laughs, and she engaged everyone in further discussion about why her photo was the best thing since sliced bread.

was she inviting discussion? if you post something that invites discussion, should you entertain differing opinions or can you take your ball and go home like A did here?

discuss.

[Jaguar]

A & B both need to get over themselves and not take themselves so seriously.


For what it's worth my anti Trump stuff on Facebook just drives my sister Vicky nuts, she thinks that Trump is awesome for everyone. And she gets really snarky with me, so needless to say we don't talk much anymore, I'll live.

[Deleted]

I think pretty much everyone has me on ignore on Facebook these days. <br><br>You are better than me, just letting it go. I do have a few friends who think their Facebook is for them to post their opinions and no one should challenge them at all, even in benign conversation. We mostly aren't friends on Facebook any more. <br><br>I probably suck at Facebook. Don't take advice from me.

[chiver78]

oh I'm not looking for advice. just wondering how the rest of you read that exchange.

and I do not have you on ignore

[Miss Tequila]

For me, I do not understand the constant arguing on FB. FB for me is a place to keep in touch with people I like or family. We all have different political opinions so I don't get the point of shoving ones opinion down everyone's throats. I did hide a few of those really annoying people who do nothing but complain about trump. It gets old. I don't argue because my opinions are mine and theirs are theirs. I also don't see the point of jumping on someone's post just to argue. If I don't like what I see I just keep scrolling on. Life is too short for FB fights

[Anne_in_VA]

Jun 14, 2017 5:35:26 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

For me, I do not understand the constant arguing on FB. FB for me is a place to keep in touch with people I like or family. We all have different political opinions so I don't get the point of shoving ones opinion down everyone's throats. I did hide a few of those really annoying people who do nothing but complain about trump. It gets old. I don't argue because my opinions are mine and theirs are theirs. I also don't see the point of jumping on someone's post just to argue. If I don't like what I see I just keep scrolling on. Life is too short for FB fights

That's why I don't bother with FB anymore.  Some get really bent out of shape at someone else's post, then the snark starts.  If you don't agree with someone's post then you're a jerk or worse.  No thanks!

[MarleyKeezy78]

I love fb, lol!!! It takes a lot to offend me and I love having meme wars with my family   I use it for communication with friends and family because I dislike being on the phone. I try not to post inflammatory stuff for my general stuff but if anyone reads stuff I post to my family hopefully nobody gets offended. 

I did however get into it with a guy from a different country last night after I joked with him and then he called me a bigoted uneducated person   He then proceeded to tell me he burned me and I should wallow in my shame and stupidity. I got the last word in so far and my feelings are not hurt   I'm like, how shall I ever go on living with myself 

BTW: He started it by calling someone with a disability ugly   Now who's the bigot

[movingforward]

I haven't been on FB in 6-7 months. I see most of my friends IRL on a daily or weekly basis. It seems like FB is now just the sounding board for every tiny thought someone has in their head, their views which they want to shove down others throats, bragging rights, food posts, you name it...I guess am just not an FB person. People post about a whole lot of crap I don't care to hear about.

I have been thinking about getting an instagram account since it is more photo driven. I enjoy looking at vacation pictures, cute kid and pet pictures, etc. I just don't care to read 2 paragraphs about every fleeting thought that runs through someone's head, especially when it is someone I have not seen or cared about for the last 20 years. Yep, I am obviously a biotch .

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Facebook is for discussion?  I thought it was for validation and bashing people who disagree with you?   That's what I tend to see from several people on my wall.

Somebody did FINALLY post after one of my SIL's rants about the evils of meat and how she's a vegan that if you eat venison then you aren't vegan.   I liked that person's post.

[KaraBoo]

Apparently, I have a horrible on-line voice as I've gotten into some doozies - especially on FB.  

To me - unless you comment something to the effect of "I don't believe this/hold this opinion, but I think it's funny/relevant/thought-provoking/etc anyway" - you're posting an extension on your opinion and by posting it on FB, a public forum (same as here), you're opening yourself up to response.  Some of those responses might not be what you want to hear.

I've had numerous family members from my husband's side of the family cuss me out and block me for pointing out a difference of opinion on what they've posted.  Apparently, I'm not supposed to point out that posting about getting a new tattoo and new puppy shows a lack of concern for getting custody of their child back, especially since they're also posting that friends/family members are "selfish" for not helping to drive said person to the child welfare checks that are required to get custody back.  Pointing out that saving the money from said tattoos/puppy will allow the freedom of using Uber and/or saving up to get driving lessons so they're not dependent on others is also taboo - BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY!!!  They didn't loose custody because of MONEY!  Apparently, I was only supposed to say "that's an AWESOME tattoo!!" and "AWWWW!!!  The puppy is soooo cuuutteeee!!!"  

I guess commenting with the question "When your child is old enough - do you want them to wonder why a tattoo/puppy was more important than getting custody of them back?" deserves to be blocked.  Who knew?  

[Lizard Queen]

Anybody who annoys me, I just hide their posts.  If they keep annoying me, I unfollow them.  I don't believe FB is there to argue about anything, unless you're perhaps commenting on an article on a public post from a news organization or the like.  There, I'm okay with debate.  On an individual's wall--just hide them.  They don't want to hear it, I don't want to get into it.  Would you say something in person if you were there with them physically?  No?  Then probably shouldn't say anything on FB.  It'll just piss them off and they'll probably delete whatever you posted anyway.  It just ends up being a net negative.  It's like the old wresting with pigs saying.

[dannylion]

One of my favorite internet memes: "Life is short, so tell someone you love them.  But shout it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing."

It is my observation that many people (many, many people) find life so terrifying and confusing that any idea or opinion that is different from the way they view the world is experienced as a threat to their existence and must be exterminated, so they respond with varying degrees of contempt, anger, and/or verbal violence (sometimes actual violence). 

You can't do anything with someone who will not engage the intellectual resources necessary to entertain the concept that the existence of something other than what they have experienced or thought or understood is not a threat.  You cannot exchange ideas or even have much of a conversation with someone who views as an enemy anyone who thinks differently or whose experience has led to a different conclusion. 

I don't think they are inviting comment or an exchange of ideas that stray from their interpretation of whatever they have posted.  They are looking for validation because anything else would be terrifying and might as well have been posted in German (or Finnish or some language they don't understand).   

Also, people are stupid. 

[gs11rmb]

I don't engage on Facebook if someone posts something I find to be offensive or in opposition to my views.  I'm Facebook friends with a couple of my husband's relatives in small town Ohio.  When they post articles about how great Trump is or how he's being attacked by the liberal media or asking me to share if I think Sarah Palin is the most intelligent being on the planet... I just scroll on down.  If they post a picture of a family pet, I'll hit like!  I will not change their views and they will not change mine.

There are instances when opinions are genuinely being sought on controversial issues.  I will sometimes participate in genuine debates.  Also, I don't have oped on ignore  .

[movingforward]

I have found that some people will argue with a lamp post. I don't really have the time or energy for that...this is also why I stay away from the politics board for the most part. I made the mistake of venturing over there earlier and was a little shocked by the comments from both sides regarding this morning's shooting. I got the hell out of there faster than a jackrabbit on red bull.

[milee]

I don't spend much time on FB (partly because of what is described in the OP and dannylion's posts), but I do think there are some subtle but important differences between FB and the message board.

FB = Primarily one way communication.  Very similar to the  annual Christmas letters people used to write where they summarized the high points of their year and also included a glamour shot of the fam.  Instead of calling it Facebook, it should be called PersonalBillboard because for most of the users it's just a way to advertise a carefully selected glimpse of whatever piece of their life they want others to see.  Not really a place for in-depth discussion or debate, especially since so much of the content is written at a 3rd grade level and for the most part, the participants aren't actually soliciting or interested in two way discussions.  The only two way communication that's sought after or appreciated is affirmation.  Again, treat it like a Christmas letter; it's fine to respond that the family looks gorgeous and it must be amazing to have such gifted, high achieving children, but comments other than that are not welcome.  Nobody goes on FB to learn, grow or solve difficult conundrums...

Message board = specific, stated purpose is to "discuss", debate and learn.  Not all input is necessarily helpful or appreciated, but since the whole idea behind an interactive forum is to, well, interact... you have to take the helpful with the less-than-helpful.

Back to the question in OP - is a post on either venue inviting discussion?  Sort of.  FB is truly only seeking "feedback lite" (only positive).  Message boards are in theory designed for debate.  But in either case on either site, the people who get offended at legitimate, respectful feedback are just showing their insecurity and lack of maturity.  

[dannylion]

Jun 14, 2017 10:34:12 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I don't engage on Facebook if someone posts something I find to be offensive or in opposition to my views.  I'm Facebook friends with a couple of my husband's relatives in small town Ohio.  When they post articles about how great Trump is or how he's being attacked by the liberal media or asking me to share if I think Sarah Palin is the most intelligent being on the planet... I just scroll on down.  If they post a picture of a family pet, I'll hit like!  I will not change their views and they will not change mine.

There are instances when opinions are genuinely being sought on controversial issues.  I will sometimes participate in genuine debates.  Also, I don't have oped on ignore  .

Wow. I think I might be friends with your husband's relatives on Facebook, too.

Yeah, just scroll on by and approve of the pet pictures.  No good will come of sharing a different opinion. A wise mentor once advised me that "people don't always need to know what you think." I find that advice works well on Facebook. It would be nice if more people had received (and heeded) the same advice.   

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 14, 2017 10:44:34 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I have found that some people will argue with a lamp post. I don't really have the time or energy for that...this is also why I stay away from the politics board for the most part. I made the mistake of venturing over there earlier and was a little shocked by the comments from both sides regarding this morning's shooting. I got the hell out of there faster than a jackrabbit on red bull.

Makes you sick doesn't?  I told myself not to click on it but I did it anyhow.

[chiver78]

Personal Billboard. I like that! I actually don't interact with this former classmate much at all, after like someone else said, apparently it was a faux pad to point out her own contradictory posts. who knew?

for whatever reason, seeing that particular exchange after I opted to scroll on by, it just rubbed me the wrong way. probably bc I could have just as easily been the target of the rant. idk.

it's been interesting, both in the leadup to, and since, the election. there are a number of people (on both sides of the aisle) that I need to unfollow for my own sanity, and some like this one that I probably need to just delete. it's not like we are active in each other's lives. those are the people that get unfollowed.

[Tiny]

Jun 14, 2017 5:14:05 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh I'm not looking for advice. just wondering how the rest of you read that exchange.

and I do not have you on ignore

I read it as they both haven't realized they are "arguing" the equivalent of which personal opinion is right (or something like Cilantro does/doesn't taste soapy and only ONE taste sensation can be "right". ).

I'd also probably assume one or more of them were drinking/drugging and weren't quite on the top of their mental game (even though being a little buzzed makes you THINK you are on the top of your mental game).

I would have just moved on to the next thing on FB. 

(FWIW:  I've got a bunch of Libertarians that post some pretty goofy stuff on FB. There's also a person who posts some really backhanded nasty sayings... things that sound nice upfront but really aren't.  I just read it/ignore it and move on)

I generally only reply to stuff that is truly wrong (snopes has the lowdown on it) or harmful (probably NOT a good idea to mix bleach and vinegar together to clean your kitchen counter/bathroom OR laundry).   Cause people are stupid and might hurt themselves. 

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 14, 2017 9:36:09 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Apparently, I have a horrible on-line voice as I've gotten into some doozies - especially on FB.  

To me - unless you comment something to the effect of "I don't believe this/hold this opinion, but I think it's funny/relevant/thought-provoking/etc anyway" - you're posting an extension on your opinion and by posting it on FB, a public forum (same as here), you're opening yourself up to response.  Some of those responses might not be what you want to hear.

I've had numerous family members from my husband's side of the family cuss me out and block me for pointing out a difference of opinion on what they've posted.  Apparently, I'm not supposed to point out that posting about getting a new tattoo and new puppy shows a lack of concern for getting custody of their child back, especially since they're also posting that friends/family members are "selfish" for not helping to drive said person to the child welfare checks that are required to get custody back.  Pointing out that saving the money from said tattoos/puppy will allow the freedom of using Uber and/or saving up to get driving lessons so they're not dependent on others is also taboo - BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY!!!  They didn't loose custody because of MONEY!  Apparently, I was only supposed to say "that's an AWESOME tattoo!!" and "AWWWW!!!  The puppy is soooo cuuutteeee!!!"  

I guess commenting with the question "When your child is old enough - do you want them to wonder why a tattoo/puppy was more important than getting custody of them back?" deserves to be blocked.  Who knew?  

While I agree with you in theory, I would never post something so bitchy to someone on FB.  Unless it was a public post that I was commenting on (rarely do that because people be crazy and I don't want the crazies knowing my name!lol)

[milee]

The funniest things I've seen on FB are the generational issues where Grandma doesn't realize that her messages aren't private and are printed right on someone's wall for the whole world to see...

One of my friends who is a doctor and well-respected professional active in many local charities (so I'm assuming has a lot of professional FB contacts and "friends") recently had a baby and her Grandma posted the most hysterical messages.  Things like:

"She was a huge baby.  How much did you tear and how many stitches do you have?  If they itch, you can use some Cortizone cream.  Don't let [husband] touch you until those stitches are out."

"That is a really fat baby.  Is something wrong with her?  Her face is just so puffy!"

"Did your milk come in yet?  When you get really swollen, you can put some cabbage leaves on your boobies."

[dee27]

I hide the posts of annoying friends or put them on ignore. During the election, I did this for some of my cousins who droned on every day about the same topics.

[beergut]

Jun 14, 2017 9:36:09 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Apparently, I have a horrible on-line voice as I've gotten into some doozies - especially on FB.  

To me - unless you comment something to the effect of "I don't believe this/hold this opinion, but I think it's funny/relevant/thought-provoking/etc anyway" - you're posting an extension on your opinion and by posting it on FB, a public forum (same as here), you're opening yourself up to response.  Some of those responses might not be what you want to hear.

I've had numerous family members from my husband's side of the family cuss me out and block me for pointing out a difference of opinion on what they've posted.  Apparently, I'm not supposed to point out that posting about getting a new tattoo and new puppy shows a lack of concern for getting custody of their child back, especially since they're also posting that friends/family members are "selfish" for not helping to drive said person to the child welfare checks that are required to get custody back.  Pointing out that saving the money from said tattoos/puppy will allow the freedom of using Uber and/or saving up to get driving lessons so they're not dependent on others is also taboo - BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY!!!  They didn't loose custody because of MONEY!  Apparently, I was only supposed to say "that's an AWESOME tattoo!!" and "AWWWW!!!  The puppy is soooo cuuutteeee!!!"  

I guess commenting with the question "When your child is old enough - do you want them to wonder why a tattoo/puppy was more important than getting custody of them back?" deserves to be blocked.  Who knew?  

There is no way someone of limited intelligence isn't going to view that as anything but an attack on them, so yeah, if you want harmony, you don't make that comment. You're right, she's an idiot for not planning ahead and putting her own wants above her children, but you don't have to point that out. This is one of those moments where you just say "bless her heart, she's trying so hard" and move on. 

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 14, 2017 12:15:01 GMT -5 beergut said:

Jun 14, 2017 9:36:09 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Apparently, I have a horrible on-line voice as I've gotten into some doozies - especially on FB.  

To me - unless you comment something to the effect of "I don't believe this/hold this opinion, but I think it's funny/relevant/thought-provoking/etc anyway" - you're posting an extension on your opinion and by posting it on FB, a public forum (same as here), you're opening yourself up to response.  Some of those responses might not be what you want to hear.

I've had numerous family members from my husband's side of the family cuss me out and block me for pointing out a difference of opinion on what they've posted.  Apparently, I'm not supposed to point out that posting about getting a new tattoo and new puppy shows a lack of concern for getting custody of their child back, especially since they're also posting that friends/family members are "selfish" for not helping to drive said person to the child welfare checks that are required to get custody back.  Pointing out that saving the money from said tattoos/puppy will allow the freedom of using Uber and/or saving up to get driving lessons so they're not dependent on others is also taboo - BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY!!!  They didn't loose custody because of MONEY!  Apparently, I was only supposed to say "that's an AWESOME tattoo!!" and "AWWWW!!!  The puppy is soooo cuuutteeee!!!"  

I guess commenting with the question "When your child is old enough - do you want them to wonder why a tattoo/puppy was more important than getting custody of them back?" deserves to be blocked.  Who knew?  

There is no way someone of limited intelligence isn't going to view that as anything but an attack on them, so yeah, if you want harmony, you don't make that comment. You're right, she's an idiot for not planning ahead and putting her own wants above her children, but you don't have to point that out. This is one of those moments where you just say "bless her heart, she's trying so hard" and move on. 

  But given what an idiot the relative is, I probably would have her blocked anyway.  I have zero tolerance for people like that. 

[midjd]

The funniest things I've seen on FB are the generational issues where Grandma doesn't realize that her messages aren't private and are printed right on someone's wall for the whole world to see...

DH's great aunt hasn't even gotten that far... her timeline looks like this:

Hey Vicky how are you doing today?

Johnny tell your mom I have some corn for her

succotash recipe 

I can't, Junior will be here at 3

where is Mount Vernon church 

It's basically split between random pieces of conversation with people she doesn't tag and attempts to Google. At least on the Google questions someone will usually respond and tell her what she needs to know.

[MJ2.0]

Jun 14, 2017 9:18:24 GMT -5 movingforward said:

 It seems like FB is now just the sounding board for every tiny thought someone has in their head, their views which they want to shove down others throats, bragging rights, food posts, you name it...


 I enjoy looking at vacation pictures, cute kid and pet pictures, etc. I just don't care to read 2 paragraphs about every fleeting thought that runs through someone's head, especially when it is someone I have not seen or cared about for the last 20 years.

DEAR LORD, YES!!!!

[pooks]

I personally have the same rules for FB as I do other interactions, meaning I don't think you should discuss politics, religion, or money.  During the election, I unfollowed almost everyone and unfriended my MIL and BIL.  I now see dogs, kids, and what is coming to local venues.  Seeing everyone's political view was just making me miserable and now I have to go visit all these family members.  

[TheOtherMe]

I hid all political posts during the election.  For the most part, I only see them if I use my phone.

My sister and many cousins do not share my political views.  I generally don't post politics on FB.  I do that on twitter where no family is seeing what I think.  My sister wouldn't argue with me and she doesn't post political things.  I don't post about religion on either FB or twitter. 

I did post about funding for Meals on Wheels and what the possible cut could mean for my 93 year old dad.  One of my Trump happy cousins said it isn't up to government to provide for the elderly or the poor or the sick.  I was shocked she would actually say that.  I asked her who should help these people.  She replied churches and family.  This cousin has never lived in a town of over 200 people in her life.  She has spent most of her life living on farms.  She doesn't go to church. 

The church my dad attended closed last summer.  She had no answer when I told her that.  Dad has my sister and me, but we already are doing a lot for him.  He enjoys seeing the volunteers from Meals on Wheels.  She also does not understand poverty that happens in large cities in this country.  She probably doesn't understand mental illness as I've seen her say nobody should be on Medicaid.  What are people to do and where is her humanity.

Our family reunion is coming up later this month and I am not going because I don't want to be around my cousins who think like this one does and I know others do.

[Deleted]

Thanks to those who don't have me on ignore!

I often comment that the only people who like my stuff are people I've never met irl

[Jaguar]

I don't comment much, but I do read everything, and I like stuff that I've read or like.