Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 24, 2011 11:51:13 GMT -5
Fiance has made comments about not wanting to get married until my student loan debts are paid off. In December I will finally have my teacher's certification so I will be able to get a good job then. It sounds as though he doesn't want to be responsible for paying off your student loans. Can you blame him? As for having plenty of money because he works two jobs, maybe he feels that the plenty of money is his and not yours? That providing for your children is your responsibility and not his? I'm not trying to be snarky, I am completely serious. If you were working two jobs to support him and his kids, and he was living in your house, how would you feel about him suggesting you take out a life insurance policy to benefit him, and oh by the way, you can pay for it? I think that if I were in that situation, I would feel that the person who wants the policy can jolly well pay for it, because I am already doing more than my fair share. I also think $800 per year is very high. Let me take a wild shot in the dark, your friend sells life insurance for Primerica. Yes, definately look into life insurance, but price it first. Don't overpay simply so your friend and his/her upline can make a nice commission. How is the job situation for teachers in your area? Where I live, schools are laying off right and left, with more funding cuts promised next year, meaning even more lay offs. It is not a good job market for new teachers here. Is your state's budget situation OK?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 24, 2011 12:01:06 GMT -5
My biggest question is: Do you have any life insurance on yourself? If something happens to your fiance - yes, you and your children would have to live in an apartment and you would have to get a job. But, if something happens to you, your kids will be hanging out there, with no mom.
That said - term life insurance is pretty cheap. Even you got a policy for $50k or $100k, it wouldn't be more than a few hundred per year, even if your fiance is a smoker and overweight and has rampant cancer in every relative. If you can't come up with a few hundred bucks to protect your children - then you need to get a little job while you finish up school. Maybe you can work hours at the library or something, sling a few burgers - something. You need to be insured.
(I love the TV show "Snapped" and about half the time the woman kills the guys within 4 months of them getting a "large" insurance policy.)
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 12:03:11 GMT -5
The fiance never complains about working and providing for us. If anyone complains it is me because he works all of the time.
I live in Wisconsin and the state's budget situation is up in the air yet. The Gov wants to cut school aid and collective bargaining. I am trying to remain positive. I am hoping I can at least sub or be a teacher's aid.
No - I do not have life insurance. If anything happened to me I am sure my parents would help the kids.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 24, 2011 12:06:12 GMT -5
But, they won't help you and the kids if you were alive?
You are too old to count on your parents to solve your problems. I have no idea how old you are - but I'm sure you are too old.
Figure out a way to buy life insurance for you and your fiance. Adulthood sucks, but you are in it up to your ears. Paying for life insurance is part of that.
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schildi
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Post by schildi on Mar 24, 2011 12:13:06 GMT -5
The fiance never complains about working and providing for us. If anyone complains it is me because he works all of the time. I live in Wisconsin and the state's budget situation is up in the air yet. The Gov wants to cut school aid and collective bargaining. I am trying to remain positive. I am hoping I can at least sub or be a teacher's aid. No - I do not have life insurance. If anything happened to me I am sure my parents would help the kids. Is everybody around you supposed to provide for you? This is just kind of the impression I am getting, maybe I am wrong.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 24, 2011 12:18:17 GMT -5
So you are going to school for teaching... in WI... and think you will get a good job when you graduate? How much are you going to have in student loans???
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sil
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Post by sil on Mar 24, 2011 12:19:26 GMT -5
Perhaps your fiance just doesnt want to sign up for a life insurance policy with your "friend" Unless you are really old or really sick, $800 for $500k in life insurance coverage is ridiculous.
When I got my life insurance policy, I asked DH to get one as well. He told me he agreed that it was necessary, but it took him about a year to actually get around to doing it. I think it can be very hard especially for young, healthy people to plan for their own death.
Furthermore, your fiance might also be a bit anxious about all of the change that's been introduced to his life by you, your kids and your upcoming marriage. Of course you are being pragmatic, but you also have to be aware of the emotional impact of your request. He's committing his life to you, and you are talking about his continued support in the event of his death.
I agree with other posters that you should look into getting a policy for yourself, along with a small part-time job to pay for it. In fact, I'd suggest you work a few hours a week and do the research into getting policies for both yourself and your fiance. Then offer to pay for both policies. This way you are demonstrating to your fiance that this is a commitment that you would like both of you to make for the good of your children
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 12:20:19 GMT -5
So you are going to school for teaching... in WI... and think you will get a good job when you graduate? How much are you going to have in student loans??? Without collective bargaining, good teachers in Wisconsin should be able to make more money than teachers in Wisconsin are making today.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 24, 2011 12:26:37 GMT -5
So you are going to school for teaching... in WI... and think you will get a good job when you graduate? How much are you going to have in student loans??? Without collective bargaining, good teachers in Wisconsin should be able to make more money than teachers in Wisconsin are making today. Potentially true (I differ with you on this philosophically, but acknowledge that that is how it's ideally supposed to work), however the market isn't frictionless, and since they are also trying to cut budgets for schools, it may be a while until they are able to hire any new teachers at all. Even prior to all the broohaha this year, WI already had a large teacher glut. If they are cutting back on school budgets statewide, there is little guarantee that a teacher can get a foot in the door to even prove they are a good choice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 12:33:13 GMT -5
So you are going to school for teaching... in WI... and think you will get a good job when you graduate? How much are you going to have in student loans??? Without collective bargaining, good teachers in Wisconsin should be able to make more money than teachers in Wisconsin are making today. Unlikely, the nurses in Ca believed that and as soon as the union was gone (private sector) they lost their pension and their wages were cut. Once the union was back, wages were raised and after a while another pension was added. Also, wages are lower (even counting COL) in right to work states compared to union shop states. That is part of why many economists believe that the decrease in union is partly responsible for the decrease in the middle class.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 12:49:08 GMT -5
Perhaps your fiance just doesnt want to sign up for a life insurance policy with your "friend" Unless you are really old or really sick, $800 for $500k in life insurance coverage is ridiculous. Or unless the policy is whole life, variable universal life, or any of the other versions with an investment component and fat commissions to the person who sells it. In your case, plain old term insurance (you collect the face amount if he dies, you collect nothing if he doesn't) is the cheapest and best option.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 24, 2011 13:05:20 GMT -5
The fiance never complains about working and providing for us. If anyone complains it is me because he works all of the time. I live in Wisconsin and the state's budget situation is up in the air yet. The Gov wants to cut school aid and collective bargaining. I am trying to remain positive. I am hoping I can at least sub or be a teacher's aid. No - I do not have life insurance. If anything happened to me I am sure my parents would help the kids. I don't know your fiance, and everyone is different. I only know the few tidbits you have shared, which are: 1. He doesn't want to pay for a life insurance policy on himself to benefit you. 2. He doesn't want to marry you until after you pay off your student loans. 3. He works a second job and saves the money. 4. He owns his home. He sounds very financially responsible. He also sounds as though he is playing a little defense and waiting to see if post-college you will step up to the plate and be financially responsible for yourself. Is he the sort of person who will keep things to himself? Is he the sort to just grin and bear it? Do you feel that if he had a complaint he would share it? This is what you have said about yourself: 1. You have no financial resources of your own. 2. You have dependent children. 3. DF supports your children, and needs to plan ahead for the possibility he is not around to continue supporting them. 4. Should something happen to you, you assume your parents will step in and care for your children, though you haven't discussed it with them. I realize you are going to school full-time right now. Even so, you have not painted the picture of a financially responsible adult. I think you should give serious thought to what you can do to provide for yourself and your children, not what others can do.
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 13:36:30 GMT -5
Once I am done with school, I will be financially responsible and I will be able to contribute more. That is the plan.
The jobs I had before were menial. My last job was 20 miles away and it was not even worth driving there every day.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Mar 24, 2011 13:54:14 GMT -5
Are there any student jobs available at your school on a part time basis? I know I am out of date, but back when I attended school there were jobs that were reserved for students that didn't qualify for work study. I worked at the university cafeteria and the fitness center on that basis. If you could get a part time job at your school that could cover insurance costs. You should also look into your children's father having insurance in case anything happens to him.
I wouldn't read too much into your fiance's reluctance to buy insurance as far as evaluating your relationship. Death is a difficult thing for many people to plan, especially when they are young. And it is not a normal practice to take out insurance when you are unmarried, so it probably never even crossed his mind before you brought it up. It took over a year after being married before my husband did the paperwork to add me to his retirement as a beneficiary. It was just a mix of procrastination and not wanting to deal with it that caused the delay, not any issue with the relationship.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 24, 2011 14:19:00 GMT -5
So you are confident you will find a teaching job? Do you read the news?
You should convince your fiance to buy life insurance. I would hate to see you homeless. Since your parents think life insurance is a good idea too, maybe they should try and convince him also. If he doesn't buy life insurance and leave you as the beneficiary, your parents may end up supporting you. That would suck.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 14:41:55 GMT -5
So you are confident you will find a teaching job? Do you read the news? You should convince your fiance to buy life insurance. I would hate to see you homeless. Since your parents think life insurance is a good idea too, maybe they should try and convince him also. If he doesn't buy life insurance and leave you as the beneficiary, your parents may end up supporting you. That would suck. Why should he? They are not his kids and she is not his wife... At least not yet. If she wants him to have it so badly she should find a part time job and pay for it herself. And before she does that, she needs to get life insurance on herself first instead of hoping/depending on her parents to take care of the kids if something were to happen to her.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 24, 2011 14:48:17 GMT -5
You need ilfe insurance on yourself and your ex needs it as well.
My parents are in their early 50's, but something could still knock them out before DD is an adult and who would be left to take care of her?
Not to mention I don't want to burden my parents with her care, the life insurance money that comes with the event of my death is more than ample to take care of her all the way to adulthood. If something happened to DH on top of it she would have enough for her care, college and a pretty decent nest egg.
It is you and your exes responsibility to look out for those children. If your fiance decides to get a once married that is great, but right now it is not his responsibility to provide financially for those kids in the event of your death.
Plus it is way cheaper to get it when you are "young" than to get it later on.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 24, 2011 15:00:21 GMT -5
So you are confident you will find a teaching job? Do you read the news? You should convince your fiance to buy life insurance. I would hate to see you homeless. Since your parents think life insurance is a good idea too, maybe they should try and convince him also. If he doesn't buy life insurance and leave you as the beneficiary, your parents may end up supporting you. That would suck. Why should he? They are not his kids and she is not his wife... At least not yet. If she wants him to have it so badly she should find a part time job and pay for it herself. And before she does that, she needs to get life insurance on herself first instead of hoping/depending on her parents to take care of the kids if something were to happen to her. Sorry - I was being facetious. ;D
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 24, 2011 15:20:02 GMT -5
Once I am done with school, I will be financially responsible and I will be able to contribute more. That is the plan. The jobs I had before were menial. My last job was 20 miles away and it was not even worth driving there every day. Are you student teaching now? (That's how it works in my state, don't know if that is how it works in yours.) Are you in a rural area with little nearby opportunity? It's a good plan. It is risky for a woman to be dependent on a man for financial support. If things don't work out, where does that leave you? On the other hand, if you are able to stand on your own two feet, you are in a much better position. You never have to put up with anything you don't wish to put up with. And once you start working, please, make a habit of setting aside money in a retirement account.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 24, 2011 18:09:26 GMT -5
Hello - I have been discussing life insurance with my fiance. My children and I live with him in his house. I suggested he take out a life insurance policy because if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing. He seems hesitant to spend money on this. Do you feel life insurance is important? Just because you live together doesn't make him engaged or married to you and your children have a father. If he decides to marry you it will be many years from now and your children may be full grown. When you finish college and do student teaching, subbing and finally land a real job it might be 5 more years. Paying off student loans can add more years to that if you are also starting to support your self and your children. So best case is married in 8 more years and your children are already school aged, I would stop calling him fiance until you set a date, get a ring and buy the dress. You aren't engaged even if he says he won't marry you while you have debts. When your debts are gone he still might not want to marry you. Thank him for all he has done for you but stop thinking he is engaged to you or the father or step father of your children. I have a man living with me in my house, if I die he gets nothing and it has been 24 years we have been housemates. I don't think I would have taken him in if he was unemployed with 3 kids. You have a sweet deal.
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Post by denisem on Mar 25, 2011 3:24:43 GMT -5
Life insurance is extremely important for people who have dependents. If you and your children depend on your finance for subsistence, then you would expect him to take out a life insurance policy on himself. However, I can also understand his discomfort with the idea. Right now, you two are not married and if I understand correctly, your children are from a previous relationship. So, he is neither their legal guardian nor related to them in any way except through you. Maybe he thinks if something did happen to him, you should be responsible for bringing up your own children and looking after yourself. Of course, the situation changes if and when you guys get married and he adopts your children/has kids of his own with you. Denise
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 26, 2011 9:43:39 GMT -5
After reading your responses and thinking about his reactions, I don't think he feels the same way I do about our relationship. He didn't let me get a bay window, he won't let me redo the kitchen, and he is hesitant to buy life insurance. Hopefully this will change when I finish school and start working.
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formerexpat
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Post by formerexpat on Mar 26, 2011 10:40:37 GMT -5
How old are you guys? What kind of policy is this?
This seems expensive. I've got $1.2m for $400 a year. My wife's $750k policy is $250 a year and she's 32 right now. Both are 20 year terms; I'll be changing them in the next couple years because our needs have changed.
don't buy insurance from a friend. Go online and get it done online. wholesaleinsurance.net served me well. They helped with both my wife and my policies as well as a life insurance and LT disability policy for my mother's husband.
If this guy is committed to the relationship then life insurance should be considered. Waiting until your debt is paid off until you get married is stupid. He's supporting all of you guys and not getting any of the deductions. He'd be able to decrease his taxable income by over $20k a year between having the 4 of you as deductions and the married filed jointly designation on the tax return.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2011 10:54:49 GMT -5
After reading your responses and thinking about his reactions, I don't think he feels the same way I do about our relationship. In a way, he's in a very awkward position. He knows that if he were to decide he was no longer interested in the relationship, you and your children would have a hard time finding another place to live under the circumstances. That may be why he's willing to have you live there but not willing to commit to a wedding date until you pay off your student loans, which could take years even under the best of circumstances. Let me make a radical suggestion. Develop a plan to get your own place after you get a job. That will put you on a comparable economic footing and let the relationship do what it will, without a breakup carrying the consequences of "eviction". DH and I dated for 6 years and lived in our separate places. From a financial point of view it was dumb to pay the mortgages, taxes and maintenance on 2 houses, but I think it was much better for our relationship and also for DH's relationship with my DS. One of the best explanations I ever read about the higher rate of divorce among couples who lived together first was that they were kept together by inertia- too much trouble to break into 2 households- and they eventually married, hoping that would bring them closer together. Under those circumstances, of course it doesn't. Good luck, and I hope you find a good teaching job.
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share88
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Post by share88 on Mar 26, 2011 14:05:58 GMT -5
No - I do not have life insurance. If anything happened to me I am sure my parents would help the kids. If you don't even plan to provide for your kids via life insurance, why do you assume he should?
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Mar 26, 2011 14:13:39 GMT -5
No - I do not have life insurance. If anything happened to me I am sure my parents would help the kids.
The YM shark tank is alive and well I see.
OP, I'm sure your parents would step in and look after their grandkids if something happened to you. Granted, some might not but most would. That is however a heck of a financial burden to put on them. As others have said, you yourself need life insurance, even more so than your finance. I think your finance also needs life insurance if as you said you are planning to get married but I also understand some of the questions that have been raised. With him working 2 jobs, he may be feeling financially pressured and doesn't want to take on another bill or he may just not like the thought of considering his own death.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 27, 2011 20:15:19 GMT -5
After reading your responses and thinking about his reactions, I don't think he feels the same way I do about our relationship. He didn't let me get a bay window, he won't let me redo the kitchen, and he is hesitant to buy life insurance. Hopefully this will change when I finish school and start working. I don't think we can assume he isn't "all in" simply because he is being cautious. He has probably worked hard for what he has and saves carefully. It is only prudent for him to proceed with caution. He probably wants to be sure you love him, not his assets. Best of luck to you with finishing school and landing a teaching job.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 27, 2011 21:01:15 GMT -5
Well, I'll add to the snarkiness:
You will not be getting a teaching job in January, assuming you actually complete your degree and license in December. The school year runs from Fall - Spring. Yes, you might be able to sub, but that's not financial stability; please don't ever lie to yourself and think that substituting is a financially stable option. There will be NO income during breaks, and believe me, summer is a long time without a paycheck.
I lived with my current husband for two years prior to marrying him. I have two children; he has two children. We both own houses. I didn't ask him to get life insurance with me as the beneficiary until we took out two car loans and a camping trailer loan with both of our names on each loan. I didn't want the loans, nor am I able to afford the loans on just my salary. He took out a policy to cover all those loans. When we married, he changed his other policies (except for the one court-ordered for his xw) to have me as beneficiary.
I'm not sure you're considering any of this from your fiance's perpsective. I've been told by many a male, where the money goes is where his heart is. So, based on that theory, he's already willing to support you AND your children, thus he must already be in the relationship just as much as your are.
Good luck; I hope you feel better soon.
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Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth on Mar 28, 2011 23:18:31 GMT -5
After reading your responses and thinking about his reactions, I don't think he feels the same way I do about our relationship. He didn't let me get a bay window, he won't let me redo the kitchen, and he is hesitant to buy life insurance. Hopefully this will change when I finish school and start working. Suzanna, why should he "let" you do anything? Is a bay window in his house really that big of a deal? He's working 2 jobs to support you and your kids. I do commend you for going to school to pursue your career, and you have really hit the jackpot finding a man to support you and your kids. When I was in college, I worked a full time job as well as a part time job to make ends meet, while taking a full load, and I didn't even have kids yet. Why don't you get a part time job and pay for the insurance policy yourself? Even at $800/year, that's only $67/month. You can make that selling things on ebay if you are trying to work around your kids' schedules.
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hcj
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Post by hcj on Mar 29, 2011 2:45:42 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm having a hard time understanding why the OP thinks her boyfriend should take out a life insurance policy on his dime to make sure her and her kids have something in case somthing happens to him. I agree with the other posters that it's their bilogical father that should have a policy for the kids unless the boyfriend does marry OP and adopt the kids. I also agree with the poster who suggested that the OP find a way to pay for the policy if she really thinks its necessary. This may sound cold, but she isn't married to him. He could decide to up and leave her and the kids while still living and she and the kids would be left with nothing. Maybe I'm a bit too cynical, but in my mind life insurance is one those things that just naturally comes along with a full commitment.
For my husband and I, life insurance wasn't even brought up until we were not only married, but also had a couple of mortgages. We finally decided on term insurance for the both of us so that if either one of us had to deal with losing the other, at least money wouldn't be a concern. It was really all about making sure the other was taken care of because we each wanted to make sure that the other wouldn't have to worry about money should something happen. There would be enough grief without having to think about paying B of A.
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