ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 23, 2011 18:38:02 GMT -5
Hello -
I have been discussing life insurance with my fiance. My children and I live with him in his house. I suggested he take out a life insurance policy because if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing. He seems hesitant to spend money on this.
Do you feel life insurance is important?
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Mar 23, 2011 18:49:23 GMT -5
Sounds like he is supporting you and your kids. I think that would give you an insurable interest in his life. Why don't you take out a policy on him?
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 23, 2011 18:56:09 GMT -5
I am going to school right now. The only money I have coming in is a little bit of child support.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 19:05:16 GMT -5
Sorry, suzanna, but "fiance" is often a euphemism for a live-in relationship. Are you two really getting married? If so, this should find its way on the to-do list. But I wouldn't make anyone the beneficiary that I wasn't related to by blood or marriage, which is the situation until you actually tie the knot.
That expression "if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing" is a little disconcerting. At this point, what would you expect to have? You are responsibile for supporting yourself and your kids (preferably with the help of their father). He may be reluctant to start something (life insurance) that he might not continue if you break up.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Mar 23, 2011 19:36:21 GMT -5
My husband and I feel life insurance is important, which is why we have it.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 23, 2011 19:42:22 GMT -5
Suzanna, perhaps he feels nickeled and dimed? He is already supporting you and your children.
Life insurance is a good thing to have if you have dependents.
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Post by brian964 on Mar 24, 2011 6:33:02 GMT -5
In my experience it is cheaper getting quotes online. Some of the bigger companies offer discounts when ordering online, because it is less work for them. But to be safe you could compare quotes online, pick the best offer and try a local agency to see if they can match it or do better. I recommend this site for online comparing: www.quotes-center.com/life-insurance-premium-calculator
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 24, 2011 7:12:20 GMT -5
Of course life insurance is important if you are responsible for supporting a family, but you need to find out why he seems hesitant. Is it that he's not as committed to you as you thought? Is money really tight? Does talk about death freak him out? If he's young and in reasonably good health, you should be able to get a decent amount of term insurance for less than $30/mo. and if it's to support you and your kids, then I think you should be offering to figure out a way to pay for it.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 24, 2011 7:18:14 GMT -5
Do you want him to leave you the house in his will? Or a lump sum of money?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 7:23:05 GMT -5
I suggested he take out a life insurance policy because if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing. He seems hesitant to spend money on this. Not to be rude, but why would you think you should get something? He is not your husband and it seems that those are not his kids (since you said MY children, not OUR children, AND you said you get child support). If and when you get married, then, yes... life insurance is very important. I don't blame him for being hesitant....
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 8:24:32 GMT -5
Oh my goodness, I was not expecting some of these responses. All I wanted was some good points about having life insurance. Fiance has made comments about not wanting to get married until my student loan debts are paid off. In December I will finally have my teacher's certification so I will be able to get a good job then. Also, money is not tight because he works two jobs. He saves most of the money from his second job.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 24, 2011 8:49:03 GMT -5
Oh my goodness, if I was working TWO jobs to support children that are not mine and children's parent suggested that I get a life insurance to CONTINUE to support him/her AND the children THAT ARE NOT MINE, after I am dead - I wouldn't just be "hesitant", I would be VERY VERY sure that the answer is "hell no".
He is not related to you or your children, why in the world should he be getting life insurance for you? And it's a long way between now and December, who knows what will happen... and good jobs are not guaranteed.
Lena
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 9:01:26 GMT -5
He does a lot for us and does not seem to mind. He never had anything as a kid and wants to help my kids.
My parents thought life insurance would be a good idea. I don't think it is a bad idea.
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stats45
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Post by stats45 on Mar 24, 2011 9:09:11 GMT -5
OP, I think what some posters are saying is that we often have a common narrative about how people care for each other and children that is a mix of legal, market, and personal actions. Buying life insurance is usually part of that. This all usually occurs in a certain framework that involves marriage or a long period of commitment.
When you say that the children are yours, your previous husband is paying child support, the fiance is already supporting you, and you are not married, it is natural to think about how long you have been together, whether or not he thinks it is too much to ask right now, his financial position, your financial position, etc.
Family formation is different than before, and that is not necessarily a bad thing, but these differences can change the desire for building up the same types of emotional, legal, and financial protections.
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 9:20:47 GMT -5
We have been together four years. I have three kids from a previous marriage. We were talking about his house one day and life in general, and I said if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing. Then I suggested life insurance. My friend sells it and a $500,000 policy would be $800 a year. You guys did get me thinking about some things. Last year he put new windows in his house and I wanted a bay window. He told me I could get one if I paid the extra cost (I did not get one). Also, I want to paint his kitchen cupboards and he said no.
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stats45
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Post by stats45 on Mar 24, 2011 9:25:58 GMT -5
I think he is doing as much as he wants to do being the sole provider for you and your children. You may expect more, but he is also allowed to have expectations and boundaries.
Some things like life insurance are meant to insure the family unit, but there are other types of 'insurance' that people come up with to protect their feeling and sanity, especially if they have seen family breakdown around them. You've been with him for four years, and I would say that what you have seen is what you are going to get. In my opinion, you are getting quite a bit from a man who is not the father of your children.
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Urban Chicago
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Post by Urban Chicago on Mar 24, 2011 9:30:47 GMT -5
What kind of teacher will you be? And where will you put the kids if/when you do get a teaching job?
I'm asking because your fiance may be worried about the reality of your financial situation, even after you are employed. I'll be he's tired of working 2 jobs while you're staying at home, and wants that situation to end.
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ohsuzanna
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Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 24, 2011 9:33:11 GMT -5
I will be an English teacher. My kids are in school now.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Mar 24, 2011 9:47:37 GMT -5
ohsuzana-I would get an insurance policy on yourself and not worry about finance until he become DH. I have NY Life I think they are reasonable but also check with the people that hold your car insurance. you want TERM life so when your kids are grown so is the policy and it is a lot cheaper. They might want to do a physical and test you for HIV. I have no children and a 100k policy depending on kids you might want more but start with something and add to it as you can. I would aim for 500k-1mil if i had 2-3 kids like it sound like you do. There was that at least some what helpful if you were a lurker you should know "living with..." and not married appear to be dirty words on YM! I don't understand exactly why but I guarantee anyone that says them will get flamed regardless of what else the topic is about. There are several people on here that have issues with life insurance (emotional not financial) incl the esteemed Archie that has been pestered about it a bunch
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 24, 2011 9:55:42 GMT -5
I'd look at getting life insurance for yourself and making sure the bio dad has it first before pushing your fiance to get it. My DH has a policy thru State Farm for $500k for $23 a month.
I couldn't get DH to get life insurance till we had a child. We'd already been married for two years by that point. I work and the only debt we have is our student loans (which his would die with him) so he didn't really see why he needed a policy.
Now that I could be a single mother should something happen to him it finally gave him the kick in the butt to get life insurance.
I wouldn't read a ton into it. You are going to get A LOT of speculation on the board as to why he won't get it but please do not let your RL relationship be colored by what total strangers think is going on.
The only person who knows why is your fiance. You want to know why, ask him. If you are living together and plan to get married you should be able to ask him why he won't do it and get some sort of answer.
Till I was married I had the $10k I get free thru work because that was enough for my parents to bury me.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Mar 24, 2011 9:58:22 GMT -5
I feel life insurance is critical if you have people that financially depend on you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 10:05:26 GMT -5
He sounds very fiscally cautious (working 2 jobs, saving the income from one, wanting your student loans to be paid off before marriage). You're darn lucky to have him. If you care enough about life insurance on him, find a way to pay for it yourself through a part-time or seasonal job. Right now if something were to happen to him, you'd be on your own- and, as southernsusana pointed out, taking care of yourself and the kids would be your responsibility. I'd consider funding life insurance to be part of your responsibility towards your kids.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Mar 24, 2011 10:23:38 GMT -5
$800 a year is way too much money if he's in good health and is under 40. I have a $250k policy on myself, and it's $288 a year. We had a quote done for DH, and for $500k his would be $360 a year.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Mar 24, 2011 10:27:41 GMT -5
ohsuzanna, definitely check online with some of the life insurance quote services to get a feel for what life insurance on him might cost. You might want to consider getting a life insurance policy for yourself also. If you died, who is going to look at your children and the associated financial cost?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 10:34:20 GMT -5
I know I should have LI, but I just can't pull the trigger.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Mar 24, 2011 10:37:27 GMT -5
Yeah, when the wife starts realizing how much you are worth dead Archie it might be hard to go to sleep at night with her sitting there with a pillow in her hands
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 24, 2011 11:44:57 GMT -5
'We were talking about his house one day and life in general, and I said if anything ever happened to him, my children and I would have nothing.'
As it stands right now, you still don't have anything. I don't mean to be cruel, but those are the facts.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 24, 2011 11:45:26 GMT -5
This message has been deleted.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 11:46:50 GMT -5
Yeah, when the wife starts realizing how much you are worth dead Archie it might be hard to go to sleep at night with her sitting there with a pillow in her hands Exactly. She be holding the pillow over my face with one hand as she signs up for cable with her Iphone in the other hand.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 24, 2011 11:48:55 GMT -5
Well, may be instead of suggesting to a person unrelated to you or your children to take care of everyone, you should start thinking how you and children's father should be taking care of you and them.
Lena
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