debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 17:56:22 GMT -5
DS3 went off to college in the UK. We are paying for his tuition and on-campus housing. We're giving him a modest but sufficient sum of money per month. He has a kitchen and he cooks. Thankfully he lives in a house with people who cook. He is in the cheaper dorms so the people there are also careful with money.
But it's the rest that's sort of killing us right now. It seems like every time we turn around there's something else to pay for. Of course I realize we could say no, but we don't want to. We want him to be able to participate in the activities he has chosen (he's not playing polo or learning to fly a plane lol).
Have any other of you with kids starting college had this issue?
Here are just some examples:
- DS3's old phone was broken in May. We told him live with it, you'll get a new phone with a subscription when you go to college in Sept. Except, since he's from France, no phone provider would give him a subscription. They all told him "how do we know you're not going to take your new iphone and run back to France and refuse to pay the subscription?" (it was an iphone 5 by the way, not a 6 or 7). So he had to buy the phone up front. It's cheaper that way in the long term, but not in the short term.
- Books. Need I say more?!
- He wanted to join three clubs. $50 dollars for all three. No problem. After he joins, we find out that the sports club requires a gym membership. With a student discount, it's only $350 per year! No monthly or even semestrial payments.
- Again, for the sports club: if he wants to compete, he needs a $63 competition outfit. Otherwise he can't be on the competition team.
- Trip home for his week off in Nov. Booked in advance so cheap tix.
- Trip home for Xmas. Booked in advance so cheap tix.
I DO realize I could have refused any or all of those things ... that's not why I'm posting. My friend whose DD is in the US (full scholarship, $60K tuition) was shocked that not everything was free for DS3, that he had to pay for clubs and to use the gym. (I'm not talking about the phone, obviously!)
But I'm curious, did you people have unexpected extras too when your kids started college? I was so good with planning and shopping to get him set up. But now it seems like every time we talk to him, there's something else to pay for. So things are very tight for us right now. There are a bunch of things DS3 is laying out that we will eventually pay him back for (again, that's our choice. Eventually he will get a job and be able to contribute more.)
ETA: In retrospect we should have budgeted for these things. We budgeted for tuition and room and board but nothing else. Dumb!!!
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rob base
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Post by rob base on Nov 3, 2016 18:00:13 GMT -5
How was the phone "broke"? There are a lot of repair places now a days........ and they sell used smartphones......
and why can't the dude get some of kind of PT job? Work-study? something?
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 3, 2016 18:11:58 GMT -5
When I was in college 30 years ago, I rarely asked my parents for money. On the other hand, I lived on campus where almost everything was either paid for or optional. I also had the money from prior summers of working and quite a few opportunities to earn money while attending school. It was fairly easy for me to avoid asking my parents for anything except books and tickets home.
Does your son have the ability to earn money while in the UK? Has he ever lived there and therefore have any idea what expenses to expect and prepare for?
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:14:58 GMT -5
It was smashed but it was DH's old 4, and we had promised him an upgrade for college ... of course we hadn't realized then he wouldn't be able to get a subscription. In retrospect we should have either fixed the phone or gotten him a new one here, but we didn't know that until it was too late.
But, the phone is only one part of it.
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on Nov 3, 2016 18:16:54 GMT -5
DD was the first grandchild in my family to attend college. Her dad and I saved money for college, but so did both sets of grandparents. Freshman year she thought she needed lots of extras, but some came home due to lack of space in her shared dorm room. By sophomore year, she had enough credits to be classified as a junior, and she moved off campus. Every trip to her college, I brought my checkbook to buy food, cleaning supplies, curtains and furniture. By her third year of undergraduate studies, she had everything deemed necessary, and we took her to dinner instead of stocking an apartment.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:17:25 GMT -5
I'm realizing that is indeed a fundamental difference between college in the US and in Europe. Here tuition is cheaper but all the clubs charge.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:19:26 GMT -5
Dee it's funny because when I ask DS3 how the others manage, he said, they all have loans (paid to the kids, not to the school) and grandparents. We didn't take loans (at least for this year) and DS3 has no living grandparents.
We'll manage, obviously. I'm just curious if other people had this "extras" thing to deal with.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 3, 2016 18:20:52 GMT -5
At our university, students can use gyms for free. It's part of the "fees" that you pay along with tuition.
Many kids that didn't live within reasonable driving distance didn't come home for Thanksgiving. Here, though, it's Thursday-Sunday. For MWF classes, professors wouldn't necessarily cancel class on Wednesday afternoon. (Same thing with spring break...many kids who had to fly to and from home would stay on campus during spring break.) Christmas is different. They close the dorms down between semesters for several weeks.
I didn't join many student groups my freshman year. I was wanted to get used to college and all that before getting involved.
My parents also set me up with X amount of spending a month, and that was it. I had to pick and choose what I wanted to do.
The only unexpected expense we had was fees for accompanists/recital hall. It all depended. Sometimes it could be very little and sometimes very much.
My roommate bought a used tv on a whim.. Boy, we thought that was high living with an actual tv in our dorm room.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Nov 3, 2016 18:25:36 GMT -5
All the flipping time, but thankfully DD works PT and pays for most of her extras. High school for DS, he's killing me . The clubs/sports programs say "it's only monthly dues of $5-$10,or school fee of $50, but then we find out that he has to have special clothes/equipment/or money for other things. I don't even want to go into the fundraising that they have, yes, have to participate in. I hope they remember what I have done for them when I'm old and ready to live in a cardboard box under the bridge eating cat food.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:37:57 GMT -5
Gira, we probably planned that badly. We told DS3 we'd give him his monthly allowance but pay for the "extras" at the beginning. We didn't expect as many though, or for them to be as costly. We'll know better for next year. Thanks Sue, exactly LOL!
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Nov 3, 2016 18:38:15 GMT -5
We would run into extra's related to lab fees that weren't included in the tuition. If you wanted online access to the homework, notes etc that was an extra fee paid via credit card to the website (Per Class with a lab). This was also required to take the weekly lab quiz. DD lived in a dorm with a meal plan, only upper class men could live in the dorm with kitchen type facilities. We got a cheap meal plan and there was a microwave on her floor and we got a small fridge for her room, so she wasn't totally without. We would run into times when the meal hall wasn't open. There was flooding and campus was closed for 3 days. They closed the meal halls for those 3 days. Then there were the times for marching band or for field trips when they would return too late to get dinner or leave too early for breakfast. A few times I told DD to take the credit card and go get herself a warm meal. I remember one time they had been at an away game all day, in the rain. She returned back to the dorm soaked completely through and chilled to the bone. She called me crying because she was hungry from not eating all day and freezing cold and the dining hall was closed did I care if she used the credit card to go to Denny's for a hot meal. DD's major also required a lot of field trips and those all had extra expenses associated with them.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:42:18 GMT -5
Does your son have the ability to earn money while in the UK? Has he ever lived there and therefore have any idea what expenses to expect and prepare for?
Sorry, Haapai, I missed this. He has been trying to get a job on-campus for 7 weeks, since he arrived. He's applied to dozens of jobs, but even for retail / bars / restaurants they only hire people with previous experience. We didn't want him to work off-campus his first semester. We changed our mind but now the only off-campus jobs require them to work through the Xmas season, and he will be coming home for Xmas.
He has a lead on a job that may or may not work out (the job was already filled but the woman still wants to meet him.) Hopefully that job will work out, otherwise he will be looking off-campus after Xmas. But although I REALLY hope he gets it, it's only 3h a week, so it's more for pocket money than expenses. This said, once he gets ANY job, he will need to contribute something to these "extra" expenses.
ETA: No he has never lived there but DH is British and we go to the UK quite often.
ETA2: Rob hopefully this will answer your question too. I can't believe that a university can manage to only hire EXPERIENCED bar / restaurant / retail staff but apparently that is the case. We didn't want him working off campus his first semester at college / in a foreign country. We are revisiting that.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 3, 2016 18:54:10 GMT -5
As you all know, I'm a "mean" mom. DD worked every Summer, and sometimes she picked up a 2nd job to help pay for school. We didn't pay for all of her tuition. We paid what we could afford from our budget, and DD picked up the rest, & took out student loans. We still ended up paying more than half, but if she wanted extra activities, etc., that came out of her own money. She was fortunate enough to have an on-campus job each school year, and was a good enough worker that if another student missed their shift, DD would often be called to see if she wanted additional hours. But, studies did come first for her, so if she was contacted for extra hours during a busy time, she would turn the offer down.
DH & I DID pay for all of the travel expenses when she came home, but it was mostly "fill up the gas tank & drive down"-type of expenses. I did love the food they served on campus, especially the salad bar, so I'm guilty of spending money on campus when I made the trip.
Oh, and DD has her own prepaid cell phone. We always joke that we both have "dumb" phones.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 18:58:54 GMT -5
Busy I also worked on campus and summers through college, so I had NO CLUE that it would be so difficult for DS3 to get a job! I never would have imagined that a university could find EXPERIENCED bar / restaurant / retail staff!
We (stupidly) assumed that DS3 would find a PT job within a couple of weeks of arriving. Didn't happen. There is no "work / study" in the UK (which is how I got my campus job). There are no scholarships (and work / study was part of my scholarship). Tuition is cheaper (about $13K) but you have to pay it up front, either in cash or via loans.
We will be reconsidering this going forward (ie as of next school year). We might well be better off having DS3 take out a small loan and leaving more cash available for these other expenses going forward.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 19:08:48 GMT -5
I just talked to DH, but I have to admit, he's half asleep LOL. In theory (depending on how fast tuition goes up) we have enough for all 4 years. The way it works there, tuition will go up faster than the rate of inflation, but it won't double or triple for DS3 (it DOES triple every few years, but only for new students).
I think that instead of struggling so much now, we should take out an extra £1000 pounds this year, and an extra £1000 next year, to pay for all these "extras". In a worst-case scenario, DS3 would have to take out a loan in his fourth / last year, which WE would pay off (because we have committed to paying for his undergrad). His 3rd year will be cheap, it's a year away from school at a work placement. So very reduced tuition fees, but we'd have to pay for room and board and travel home.
That sounds like the perfect solution to me! DH agrees, but I need to see if he still agrees once he's fully awake.
THANK YOU!!!
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 3, 2016 19:15:23 GMT -5
Ouch debthaven! I didn't realize there were no scholarships available at his school. We opted NOT to send DD to our nearest state college for that very reason. We were just stunned that we could send her to a private college for less money, once we took school scholarships into the equation. Plus, the smaller school had a lot of on-campus jobs, in a bunch of different departments. (You weren't stuck working in food service or the mailroom as your only options, like back in my day.)
I agree with the idea of taking out a small loan to have more cash available. If you're swimming in cash by the time he graduates, then at that point you can decide how much help to give him in paying off the loans. (Mom & Dad gotta survive, too.) DD's grace period has ended, & she is currently paying off her loans each month.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 3, 2016 19:21:58 GMT -5
I am not really to that point yet. My oldest son went to a local Technical School and lived at home for 2 years. He just graduated and fortunately got a job locally and is still living at home. But, he seems to be on a good path. My younger son graduated last year and he had the option to live at home and commute to the branch campus. His girlfriend is going to another local college and she is living 20 min away at that college. So, i dodged living expenses big time. He will live at home this year and next but then have to go to main campus to finish his degree. I am sure the expenses will really explode when you have to pay for another entire household basically. But, that is the choice we made. I want them to graduate with as little debt as possible and i don't want to break my retirement bank either.
So, if was you, the conversation i would have had before going was , here is what i am going to pay for. It is obviously going to cost a lot more for you to live overseas than it is to commute locally. Therefore, if you want to eat out, join things that require a fee, etc, then you will have to find some way to pay for that yourself. And, if you can't, then you can just not do those things or you can move back home.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 19:29:28 GMT -5
Busy, in the interest of "full disclosure", there ARE some scholarships available, but they are very specific and we don't fit into any of the categories. There were 3 categories:
- Army - Pharmacist - can't remember the third
But they are all private scholarships, and DS3 was not eligible for any of them.
We've since found out that EVERYBODY in the UK students takes out loans, even if they can afford the tuition fees. We didn't want to for several reasons. One, we can afford the tuition. Two, the student has to take out the loan, not the parent. There are no parent loans. DS3 is pretty anxious and we didn't want him to have to start out by taking out loans. DH and I agree that we don't want him to have to take out loans next year, for the same reason. His third year will be relatively cheap for us.
But if he has to take out loans his fourth and last year? C'est la vie. Even if he's reluctant, if he has to, he has to. By then he'll be 3/4 done.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 19:31:32 GMT -5
Shooby, he always knew he was expected to find a job. Nobody expected him not to find one, 7 weeks on.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 3, 2016 19:33:56 GMT -5
I am in my 8th straight year of having kids in college, part of it was 2 at a time. Hopefully it will all end next May with graduation number 3.
My kids all got their tuition paid by state scholarship. Covered 90-100%. But there were still fees, books and living expenses. My kids all had loans for some expenses but we contributed a lot.
My kids all worked some. The high spending kid had to work more than the others. The kid who chose to live in a sketchy off campus house did not work as much. And is it not always easy to find jobs.
Extras are important. I would pay for reasonable expenses. Having a life in college is important. Also laptops, tablets and phones are things needed by students. Just budget for extra. Work if possible. And most important learn the value of money.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 3, 2016 19:35:17 GMT -5
Sorry I need to go to bed now.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Nov 3, 2016 21:14:48 GMT -5
We've had a few expenses this year with DS4 starting college. We paid the deposits, bought him a laptop (both expected expenses). The surprise expenses have been ~$1k in basically timing glitches. Our bank was being assimilated by another, but not until just after school started, and DS4 was under 18, so opening a checking account for him at an accessible bank was delayed and slow. He missed a deadline for one of his small loans, and bills were due + books needed before he could access funds, so we did it. And then quidditch, of course. In the first 5 seconds of the first exhibition game, he took a knee to the eye socket. DS2 was there to watch (it was at his alma mater), so he jumped in to clean E up and evaluate him (lots of experience with quidditch injuries, ). EMTs evaluated him, too. Ok, but no play due to probable concussion. When we learned of it, a few days later, we convinced him to get checked out at the campus med center. They referred him for neurological evaluation, and we wanted his eye checked out by our eye doc, since he was still having headaches and eye pain and there was some pupil reaction that was off. Invincible teenager that he is, he thought it was a waste of time and money, but some times you just have to make sure. So another $400 or so. He's supposed to have WS, but he hasn't tried too hard to locate a position. It's different at every school: some leave all the searching up to you, some have a centralized job board, some assign jobs. For now he's not feeling the pinch yet because he's got $ in his checking (his savings, plus a few local small scholarship checks). He's got to learn to manage his own finances, maybe the hard way at times. We didn't get him a phone - he can do that himself. We talked about options, pros and cons, and I told him to ask his siblings for their experiences, but he still spent more than I think he needed to. Learning experience for him. Reasonable loans aren't the end of the world. DD1 has her loans paid off now, she just turned 26. DS2 is paying on his, he graduated 2015. He opted to sign up for income adjusted payments to take advantage of a state credit, but still make full payments to stay on schedule, and rapidly pay down his car loan first. He still can afford traveling for quidditch, so he's fine financially. DD3 should have much of hers forgiven if she works in the right district after graduating; if she doesn't get the proper job, she's in trouble - some of her grants convert to loans with retroactive interest. So lots of incentive to get in the right district immediately.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Nov 3, 2016 21:26:07 GMT -5
Busy I also worked on campus and summers through college, so I had NO CLUE that it would be so difficult for DS3 to get a job! I never would have imagined that a university could find EXPERIENCED bar / restaurant / retail staff! We (stupidly) assumed that DS3 would find a PT job within a couple of weeks of arriving. Didn't happen. There is no "work / study" in the UK (which is how I got my campus job). There are no scholarships (and work / study was part of my scholarship). Tuition is cheaper (about $13K) but you have to pay it up front, either in cash or via loans. We will be reconsidering this going forward (ie as of next school year). We might well be better off having DS3 take out a small loan and leaving more cash available for these other expenses going forward. Honestly, that doesn't surprise me much. I went to college in the US, but I grew up in the U.K., and everyone I knew (including myself) had a Saturday job by 14 or 15. Well unless you were loaded. My step-sister is still in uni, and she had a job by the time she was 16. So unless his classmates come from more privileged backgrounds, they will have spent plenty of time pulling pints and waiting tables. In terms of the fees, that doesn't surprise me much. Even when I went to college a hundred years ago here, there were a ton of extra fees for random stuff. If you were in choir you had to buy the choir dress. If you were on a sports team you had to buy your uniform. Then there were extra fees if you were in a lab course, etc. it all adds up.
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justme
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Post by justme on Nov 3, 2016 22:42:45 GMT -5
My college had a student activity fee that covered a huge amount of things. Our state of the art gym was included and the sga spent a ton of money on events - bringing in big name concerts and comedians etc. The one club I was with cost some money - but it was what I'd pay doing the sport outside of the club.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Nov 4, 2016 7:43:34 GMT -5
In short, yes we have many of the same issues with my college sophomore. There's tuition, room & board, then a parking fee, books, technology fees, lab fees, the list goes on. You almost have to treat college like a building project, plan 15-20% cost overruns into every year as it almost never stays within budget.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2016 8:56:11 GMT -5
No one has mentioned sororities and fraternities. What do they cost these days? I had friends who joined sororities when I was in college but never even looked into it because they cost extra and then you needed a fancier wardrobe so you were dressed appropriately for all the events. Then there were the times for marching band or for field trips when they would return too late to get dinner or leave too early for breakfast. A few times I told DD to take the credit card and go get herself a warm meal. I remember one time they had been at an away game all day, in the rain. She returned back to the dorm soaked completely through and chilled to the bone. She called me crying because she was hungry from not eating all day and freezing cold and the dining hall was closed did I care if she used the credit card to go to Denny's for a hot meal. OK, I don't believe in helicopter parenting and I know kids need to learn to live with some adversity, but this would get me angry. You can be darned sure the football team got better treatment. Did they go without food all day and come back to campus soaked and chilled? I bet not. The band should get the same consideration.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 4, 2016 9:01:08 GMT -5
My youngest son joined a business fraternity at his school. It is part honor society, part fun, part building job connections. Dues are maybe $200 or so a year. That is the only "club" my son is in. It really helped him make connections since he transferred to his current university at beginning of his 3rd year.
All of my kids had cars that were provided at my expense. They went to colleges that were in smaller towns/cities and 2-4 hours from home, so no public transportation. The cars were worth about $5k when bought in senior year of high school. Youngest kid had to have one vehicle replaced due to accident (his fault) and then another replaced last summer due to accident 0% his fault. Car title is transferred to them upon graduation to hopefully get them through a year until they can afford a better vehicle.
I expect my kids to enjoy the college experience, not to have a 40-hour a week job and eat ramen noodles every day. In return I expect them to contribute to the costs (via working and loans) and to perform at their ability as far as grades. I never had any issues with the grades part.
My one son who did not work while in school and lived very cheaply (his choice) is easily able to afford his student loan payments. If you think about the idea that you are working in school to make under $10 an hour, and your goal is to graduate and get a better job making 3x as much, if you just concentrate on school and take out loans, you can pay off your loans while working at a higher pay rate (minus interest of course). But if you have to spend a lot of your time working and it affects your schooling (worse grades) you might end up making less money on graduation and be worse off financially.
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Nov 4, 2016 9:45:05 GMT -5
Thank you for this thread. My kids have 8 & 10 yrs till college, however, it is going to be here in a blink. We have not been saving in their 529's, but are hoping start soon and at least pay for books and incidentals when the time comes. They will be getting loans and we will help them with those after graduation. Now I really want to start putting $ in their 529's. I should have taken the $200 I just paid for ski club (5th grade) and put it in his 529.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Nov 4, 2016 12:07:48 GMT -5
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Nov 4, 2016 12:36:21 GMT -5
Are these state universities? My son goes to a private college and except for the regular fees and a parking fee, there are no additional fees.
We have to pay for books, but sometimes he gets the books from the professors or from an inter collegiate library system that they use.
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