Money for college kids: how much? when? (No meal plan)

[Sam_2.0]

Not sure what is available there, but my parents would send me Walmart giftcards. With their online ordering now, it would be quite easy to send a monthly shipment of staples: dry goods, cleaning supplies, personal care items. Then he would just need cash for fresh foods.

[debthaven]

Sam given that we are in France, and DS3 is going to university in the UK (England), that would be difficult / expensive.

[bean29]

We give our kids about $100/week. Mostly weekly. I can transfer DD $$ through our bank. The school is about an hour from the house.  One of them is home nearly every weekend.  I am setting DS up with a College Checking account too so I can easily trf $$. Drawback is that the bank does not have a branch in that town. DD has been able to work around it though, so he will deal.

DD will have a campus job next year - it was her friend's job - the professor hired DD and her friend's little sister for his two student helpers next year - I guess it helps to have connections. DD said she really did not even have an interview.

DH does not really want the kids to work for anyone but him, if not for him, then he wants them to concentrate on their schoolwork.

[travelnut11]

This thread is fascinating to me. I cannot imagine my parents trying to micromanage my food intake when I was in college. They didn't send me any money though so I guess that's why?

For those who thinking working is bad for college students as they need to focus on their studies I would argue the exact opposite. Having a job in addition to class and homework teaches amazing time management skills. I always worked (see above no money from parents) but my boyfriend in college had a job sometimes and other times didn't. He readily admitted that he screwed around and wasted a lot more time when he didn't have a job than when he did. One data point that is anecdotal for sure but possibly still relevant.

[resolution]

Jul 25, 2016 16:32:08 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

This thread is fascinating to me. I cannot imagine my parents trying to micromanage my food intake when I was in college. They didn't send me any money though so I guess that's why?

For those who thinking working is bad for college students as they need to focus on their studies I would argue the exact opposite. Having a job in addition to class and homework teaches amazing time management skills. I always worked (see above no money from parents) but my boyfriend in college had a job sometimes and other times didn't. He readily admitted that he screwed around and wasted a lot more time when he didn't have a job than when he did. One data point that is anecdotal for sure but possibly still relevant.

I don't think they are trying to micromanage food intake so much as deciding what standard of living (i.e. restaurants and incidentals) that they want to subsidize. I think it's reasonable to consider this as it will impact the student's expectations for lifestyle after graduation.

[debthaven]

Travelnut, I assure you, we are not trying to micromanage DS3's food intake LOL ... but we want him to have enough but not too much, and if you're not familiar with college costs, that amount is not necessarily easy to determine. You gave me (great!) advice on our trip to Asia last year ... I'm not sure how this is different.

About working, I totally agree. At the same time, I don't want DS3 to have to need to work to feed himself, ie I don't want him to starve if he's not working. So we want to give him a reasonable amount for that, then anything over that (and going out) is up to him to earn. We also want him to be able to participate in a few activities, try some sports or other things his very intensive HS didn't leave time for, stay clean, and not worry about going to the doctor or dentist if he has a health issue.

I created this thread in an effort to determine what that reasonable amount might be.

Also, when your BabyNut(s) grow up, I'm willing to bet that if you can afford it, you won't give them zero money for food, even if you want them to earn some of their own money.

ETA: Caveat: I agree with you about working as long as the college kid is not worried about where their next meal is coming from (even if that meal is not his first choice). If a student is literally hungry and worried about getting fed, they aren't going to do anything properly: go to class, study, work, etc. IMO of course.

[debthaven]

Travelnut, this thread may also seem odd to you since you may remember that I have 4 kids. My ex paid for the lion's share of expenses for DS1 and DS2, I just paid for their "extras" and clothes and travel expenses. DD lived at home during college (her choice, she wanted to stay close to her BF at the time.) I paid 65% of her tuition, her grandparents paid 35%.

So although I have 4 kids, this is the first time we are paying 100% for a kid going off to college. Hence my questions.

[justme]

It was only freshman year that my parents didn't want me to have a job. They wanted me to adjust vs one or both of them (job and school) suffer while I figure it out. It was important enough to them to put their money towards that. I'm sure my bro working and flunking out when he started college probably colored their decision.

As for monitoring my food intake. They weren't doing that but definitely asked about things like 60 spent at a restaurant (I didn't have cash, friends just gave me the cash so we'd have one check). They had no problem making sure I was fed, but would have had an issue handing me money to live a better lifestyle then they themselves were. Also influenced by them cutting back to send my bro 50 a week while he was in college to subsidize what he made at his job only to come home after flunking with an Xbox. Yup, cost as much as the money they sent while we cut back at home to send him the cash. Also why monetary help was stipulated on me using a joint account with my parents so they could see my spending.

And also was discovered years later that he had a Disney annual pass and went to way nicer restaurants then we ever did at the time. Some of that was on a credit card, but he was living the high life while we definitely were in cut back mode at home and my mom would still cry about not having more free money to spend my bro....probably crying when he was enjoying a nice meal at Disney.

[travelnut11]

I'm not arguing you give him no food money. Clearly a food budget is a good idea but the whole "I want him to eat at home 3-4 days and eat out/convenience food the other 3-4 days" seemed a little micromanagey to me. I think you're overthinking it a bit. Start with what the school suggests and go from there. I'd probably inform him that your intent is not to subsidize him eating out every day and if he thinks he needs more in the food budget he's going to need to justify it (grocery receipts maybe?). Or maybe bluff him a little and say "This is the budget. Figure out how to eat on that." If you think he's being responsible and it's still a little light then up it a bit. College kids are resourceful when they need to be.

Also, newsflash: college kids are not known for eating properly no matter what their parents want and pay for. We all survived on (cheap) crap and so will he.

I'd dole it out monthly as I think that's a bit more realistic to the real world than per semester. Plus if he screws up and overspends in a month he should only have a few days to stretch his cash versus a few weeks if he blows all his money early in the semester. Plus you said the monthly payment would help you cash flow. So win-win for everyone.

As for the Babynuts, it remains to be seen what will happen based on higher education costs in the future. I had a full tuition scholarship but paid everything else myself with part-time and summer jobs. It was a reasonable system(though I didn't think so at the time) and taught me a lot of good life lessons. We'll have to see if that's feasible or not 18+ years from now. Girlfriend will definitely have some skin in the game though...probably more than she wants but it will be good for her.

[emma1420]

Debt haven is he in a halls of residence or is in a student house?

My brother was in a house with 5 others when he was at uni, and my step-sister is in a house with 8 other girls.  My dad had a monthly standing order for my brother to help him pay for groceries.  Once my brother was out of money for the month then he was out of money.  My brother often ran out of money.  Mostly because he spent his grocery money at the pub.

My step-sister gets a years worth of money for living expenses at the start of the school year.  However, she manages her money much better.  And more critically she and her housemates cook more regularly, and so I think her money goes further than my brothers did.  Although my step-sister drinks far less of her money.

[debthaven]

Emma, it's a hall of residence, and on campus. But instead of being one big building, this residence is a bunch of smaller houses for 10-12 people each with a communal kitchen and shared bathrooms.

I'm not arguing you give him no food money. Clearly a food budget is a good idea but the whole "I want him to eat at home 3-4 days and eat out/convenience food the other 3-4 days" seemed a little micromanagey to me. I think you're overthinking it a bit.

You may be right, I was basically just saying we don't want to subsidize him going out every night.

But you are right, he will figure it out!

[zibazinski]

He may also have to deal with others helping themselves to his food.

[debthaven]

Hopefully not Zib. I'm not going to worry about that without reason.

[plugginaway22]

Our DDs were both in school in big cities with higher COL so everything was more than we were used to spending. They are now 28 and 30, so it has been a few years, but I budgeted $500/month for them.  We had joint checking accounts that I would just transfer the money in and they used a debit card for everything.  They never went crazy because I could see how they were spending it.  Both also had part-time jobs for their own alcohol, partying, etc.

[973beachbum]

Jul 26, 2016 4:03:58 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

He may also have to deal with others helping themselves to his food.

This happens a LOT in places where more than 2 of them are storing their supplies in the same place IMO.  DD didn't have that happen much the past two years but all her friends who lived in places where they lived in the more apartment style rooming did.  It was actually more common that people took their household items and never replaced them though.  Or at least that was the biggest complaint I heard.  DD's BF bought things like toilet paper and soap and plastic wrap and cleaners type of things at the beginning of the year.  She told everyone that she was fine doing it first then everyone else could do it for the rest of the year.  Yet no one ever seemed to buy anything until after the TP ran out and she refused to replace it.  Ironically they didn't put it in the bathroom they all kept it locked in their rooms after that. 

they also didn't have much room to store food in the kitchen.  So fresh food wasn't bought in normal containers like milk was only in the small jugs never a gallon.  She did buy eggs but she knew if she didn't eat them all, and she really couldn't, she was basically just feeding the others.

I hope it doesn't happen like this to him I really do, but I would plan it so he has a way to store the lions share of his food.  Most kids store things in their room under the bed or in a foot locker type of thing they can lock up.

[zibazinski]

He needs to do what DS did but it was only with two other roommates. Every third day he was responsible for dinner. They actually shopped together and planned sale nay through Thursday meals. DS became the crockpot King. He still makes his meals for the week on Sunday.

[zibazinski]

Planned meals Sunday night through Thursday nights, sorry.

[justme]

If he can fit one of those larger mini fridges in his room he can keep some of his food in there.

I never shared a kitchen with more than three other people but never had much of a problem with food. We each kinda took a cabinet and a shelf and that was it. Though asking to borrow did happen.

It sounds like he's sharing with a bigger group so that might be harder, but setting up zones for everyone first off helped.

[973beachbum]

But back to the real question, how much money....

DD did the first two years in the regular dorm.  So her and one roommate and a meal plan that was way overpriced.  IICR her meal plan cost about $1500 a semester for 10 meals a week.  After the first semester that is all we got here since she didn't use much more than that ever and that when she was on the unlimited plan.  That first semester we didn't give her any extra money for food so she had to use it and she still didn't eat that much there.  There were times when she would go in and there was basically cheerios and milk or a salad bar that looked like it had been filled the day before.

After that she got the 10 meal a week plan.  She knew which meals she could make that would have decent real food.  Plus with her pt on campus job she had an extra $25 a week for pizza once in a while plus it was in the one cafe and they fed them a meal for every shift.  It makes me really mad when I think we paid for her to eat old salad and cheerios when for the amount of money we could have all been eating steak and lobster.

We also stocked her foot locker with food that was shelf stable but more real.  So she could make a meal or two in a microwave that included brocoli in the mac and cheese but didn't have to be in a fridge type of thing.

On top of that she spent about $25 a week on food.  This year she is off campus.  We are giving her $50 plus she can use what she makes.  We are not sure how it is going to work but I also did plan on coming up ever few weeks and helping fill her fridge with fresh fruits and veggies.  It probably won't help much but it will make me feel better.

[alabamagal]

Stealing of food and other stuff happens.  The more roommates, the more likely it is to happen.  My DD first year away she was in apartment with 2 girls and one of them turned out to be a bit wacko.  They all started with some plates and utensils and at the end of the year she moved out first and said they were all hers.  I just told DD be glad that you only had cheapo stuff.

The meal plans seem to have good PR and tell the parents about all the healthy choices.  Both my boys had meal plans (10 meals per week) for the first year they were in school.  With my one son, I noticed that there were about 2 charges a week on his debit card at Cold Stone Creamery for the same amount and it was under 50 cents.  I asked him about it because I didn't think there was anything you could buy for that little and he said he found out he could use one of his "meals" there and get a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and the charge was for the overage.  Yeah that is healthy!  But this is my child who is underweight, and he actually gained 5 lbs his freshman year all the way up to 145 lbs (he is 6'2") so I didn't complain too much.  The next year when he was on his own I think he lived on one fast food meal a day.  He also had a girlfriend who probably cooked for him some.  Cooking is not his thing - I tried to teach him when he was younger, but he had no interest so he never learned.  He survived though.

[NastyWoman]

Jul 25, 2016 10:50:27 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Jul 25, 2016 7:48:40 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Alabama, DH wants to give DS3 money for the whole school year. I prefer to give it every month. I think we may compromise on every semester.

Gira LOL at the beer money. I think DS3 can use his spending money for that.

He will need a bus pass. He shouldn't have many clothing or medical expenses since we'll do that when he's home (regular doc / dentist appts, obviously). He'll need to pay to use the dorm laundry machines.

A years worth is a lot of money at once!  It may be hard for kid to understand how much that really is.  

With a joint checking account at same bank I used it is easy to transfer money (maybe too easy, lol!).  And you can see where the money is going, to some extent.

My youngest was always the sneakiest about some things.  One Sunday evening I checked his account and saw a charge for $20 at a campground that was about 2 hours away from school.  I asked him what he did that weekend and he replied "Nothing much", so I asked who charged money at the campground and got "Well GF and I went camping".  Mom knows all!  It's not like I would have told him he couldn't go.

That's what we did too all those years ago.  Our kids got a 100% free ride from us and we cashflowed their education.

Added bonus: in his sophomore year DS1 decided for a while that he didn't have to call to say "Hi" every once in a while.  There was this time tyhat I hadn't heard from him in a month despite the messages I had left for him.  So I left him a voicemail basically saying that if he didn't call within the next 24 hours, I had to assume that he was dead. And I would empty out his bank account to make sure nobody was stealing that money.  I got a call from him within hours...

[debthaven]

Haha Cloak, too funny!

Thank you for all the posts, they've been a great help!

wxyz, I agree, DS3 should get that money monthly. Happily DH finally saw the light.

The great irony is, last night I asked DH, so how much do you have in mind per month? And to my surprise, it was the maximum amount I had in my head lol (500 euros)! In the end we decided to give DS3 a bit less, 400-450 euros ($440-$495, 335-375 pounds) per month, but to give him extra the first month so he can sign up for the school gym and some activities.

As far as trips home, I've already told DS3 what I told DS1 (who also went to college in the UK, years ago, he's nearly 30). I told DS1, at the beginning of every semester, it's your job to find out when the semester is done, and book a cheap flight / Eurostar home, well in advance. If you do that, we'll pay for a more last-minute / expensive trip home during the semester. That worked out very well with DS1 and I'm sure it will work out well with DS3 too. Eurostar tix can vary from 120-400 euros, depending on how far in advance you book.

Thanks again!

[Ombud]

Jul 25, 2016 16:32:08 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

This thread is fascinating to me. I cannot imagine my parents trying to micromanage my food intake when I was in college. They didn't send me any money though so I guess that's why?

For those who thinking working is bad for college students as they need to focus on their studies I would argue the exact opposite. Having a job in addition to class and homework teaches amazing time management skills. I always worked (see above no money from parents) but my boyfriend in college had a job sometimes and other times didn't. He readily admitted that he screwed around and wasted a lot more time when he didn't have a job than when he did. One data point that is anecdotal for sure but possibly still relevant.

GS1's job starts 8/14 but 1st paycheck won't be until 9/1. He won't starve until then as we discussed this when he was over today. I'm sending him with 3 boxes Nature Valley bars + bag oranges to tied him over until then (his meal plan is 5 meals (hope dinners) a week).

After that I'll only cover up to $85 month on his cell phone. (Yes he goes over that which is his problem).

Everything else (including ongoing breakfasts + 2 dinners a week + whatever) is on him although I've been known to send Starbucks / Peets cards + cocoa / popcorn / traditional holiday foods a few times during the year

[justme]

Jul 26, 2016 9:25:29 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Stealing of food and other stuff happens.  The more roommates, the more likely it is to happen.  My DD first year away she was in apartment with 2 girls and one of them turned out to be a bit wacko.  They all started with some plates and utensils and at the end of the year she moved out first and said they were all hers.  I just told DD be glad that you only had cheapo stuff.

The meal plans seem to have good PR and tell the parents about all the healthy choices.  Both my boys had meal plans (10 meals per week) for the first year they were in school.  With my one son, I noticed that there were about 2 charges a week on his debit card at Cold Stone Creamery for the same amount and it was under 50 cents.  I asked him about it because I didn't think there was anything you could buy for that little and he said he found out he could use one of his "meals" there and get a 1/2 gallon of ice cream and the charge was for the overage.  Yeah that is healthy!  But this is my child who is underweight, and he actually gained 5 lbs his freshman year all the way up to 145 lbs (he is 6'2") so I didn't complain too much.  The next year when he was on his own I think he lived on one fast food meal a day.  He also had a girlfriend who probably cooked for him some.  Cooking is not his thing - I tried to teach him when he was younger, but he had no interest so he never learned.  He survived though.

My junior year I got stuck with three crazy friends that had lived in the dorms before but had no kitchen stuff. It became an all out war after they started purposefully waking me up at 4am, ruining my kitchen stuff, and doing things that would reflect back on all of us. Only time I had to bring my mom into college stuff cuz they weren't letting me move out even though they were flagrantly going against school policy by harassing me and I had proof. A lot of proof.

Bitches were crazy enough they didn't know I was moving till my shit was half packed and in my new apt, man that kitchen was empty without my stuff. Wonder how they ate that day lol.

Luckily the area coordinator that had to almost get threatened to let me move got karma cuz after I moved even she was calling in noise complaints on them! And her unit was downstairs and one over from them! She deserved it.

[NastyWoman]

Haha Cloak, too funny!

DS1 wasn't so sure about that. Since he knew me well enough to realize that he had ticked me off enough that I would have emptied his bank account (for a few days at least). I have always been a pushover as a mom but there are lines it behooved them not to cross. Good thing I have smart kids!

[973beachbum]

I did pack lots of stuff in DD's foot locker.  I think she was a lot less mature than everyone else's kids.  If she ran out of shampoo for example she would have figured it out as she was going to shower and just paid whatever the closest place charged.  I didn't spend all those years on the grocery challenge thread for her to spend $12 on a bottle of shampoo.

She didn't have to pay for shipping anything obviously we drove and just shoved it all in the car along with 5 people so it wasn't a Uhaul's worth.   I had the foot locker filled with microwave oatmeal, cups of mac and cheese, rice a roni, and potatoes along with things like granola bars.  She quickly learned how to get a take out box for the cafe.  She would hear about them having chicken breasts, or hamburgers or whatever for dinner and she would go in and fill her box with 2 or 3 of them plus salad and cornbread.  She would have a pice of the meat with the salad and cornbread for dinner that night and save the rest for the next day.

I also packed things like band aids, advil, razors and feminine products.  Not lots but a small amount of everything she would normally use.  I had it in a small plastic tote.  I worked too hard to get to this point.  It would kill me if she went to the bookstore and paid $9.79 for a 12 pack of pads.

[Ombud]

Jul 25, 2016 20:27:30 GMT -5 travelnut11 said:

Start with what the school suggests and go from there

Some schools are overly generous. FWIW his suggests per semester:
Travel 750
Pocket money 2k
He's 6k short next yr according to their suggestion

Yeah .... never happening but not sure how I'd figure it out if there was no kitchen / dinners

[973beachbum]

I would never suggest people spend money they don't have but I seriously underestimated travel expenses the first year!  It costs about $75 each trip to DD's school for us with just gas and tolls.  It is enough that I looked and Greyhound is actually cheaper without counting wear and tear but loses on convenience. 

I guess pocket money is high but it depends on what it includes.  I don't want to be without coffee and instant isn't an option for me.  Most dorms won't allow things like a coffee maker or other small electrical devices.  So making it in the room isn't an option and using a swipe for coffee isn't a great idea unless they get unimited which is expensive.  I could see someone spending $25 a week just on coffee.  And that doesn't include actual food.

[Sam_2.0]

Jul 25, 2016 15:20:49 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Sam given that we are in France, and DS3 is going to university in the UK (England), that would be difficult / expensive.

You can't place an online order from a store in his area and have it delivered to him? Or is that not how things work over there? I didn't mean you buy and then ship it all to him Guess I should have clarified!

[emma1420]

Jul 26, 2016 16:42:13 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Haha Cloak, too funny!

Thank you for all the posts, they've been a great help!

wxyz, I agree, DS3 should get that money monthly. Happily DH finally saw the light.

The great irony is, last night I asked DH, so how much do you have in mind per month? And to my surprise, it was the maximum amount I had in my head lol (500 euros)! In the end we decided to give DS3 a bit less, 400-450 euros ($440-$495, 335-375 pounds) per month, but to give him extra the first month so he can sign up for the school gym and some activities.

As far as trips home, I've already told DS3 what I told DS1 (who also went to college in the UK, years ago, he's nearly 30). I told DS1, at the beginning of every semester, it's your job to find out when the semester is done, and book a cheap flight / Eurostar home, well in advance. If you do that, we'll pay for a more last-minute / expensive trip home during the semester. That worked out very well with DS1 and I'm sure it will work out well with DS3 too. Eurostar tix can vary from 120-400 euros, depending on how far in advance you book.

Thanks again!

You are way more generous than I would be.  I would top out at £150 a month, perhaps £200 if you wanted to give him the option of getting a takeaway a few times a month.   Groceries are pretty cheap as there is no VAT, especially if he has an Aldi, Lidel, or Asda nearby.