Abuse Victims by Gender

[The Captain]

www.yahoo.com/health/the-number-of-male-domestic-1284479771263030.html

"According to the CDC’s statistics — estimates based on more than 18,000 telephone-survey responses in the United States — roughly 5,365,000 men had been victims of intimate partner physical violence in the previous 12 months, compared with 4,741,000 women. By the study’s definition, physical violence includes slapping, pushing, and shoving.

More severe threats like being beaten, burned, choked, kicked, slammed with a heavy object, or hit with a fist were also tracked. Roughly 40 percent of the victims of severe physical violence were men. The CDC repeated the survey in 2011, the results of which were published in 2014, and found almost identical numbers — with the percentage of male severe physical violence victims slightly rising."

I've posted more than once on male rape statistics and have had peeps admitting to being shocked. 

Well, here's something else to think about.  Men are abused at almost the same (for severe violence) or greater rates than women.  Yet society focuses only on women as the victim and almost never considers men can be victimized as well.

Add to that the higher potential for a man to lose access to his kids if he seeks a divorce, and they are really backed into a corner.  That, and the social stigma, almost mocking, of being a male abuse victim.

I have to wonder why there isn't better public education on this.  Abuse is wrong, period.


 

[Bluerobin]

That's mostly because many men have the ridiculous idea that they should NOT hit a woman.  Some women exploit that, others learn it ain't always so!

[ArchietheDragon]

Yes and no.  My wife has slapped me and thrown stuff at me.  I don't see it as a big deal, but if I slapped her or threw something at her,  I would think that was a big deal.  

[NancysSummerSip]

There is good public education on this, I think. Just not enough of it. And no, I've never been shocked at this. Men don't talk about it is part of the problem. What man wants to admit to getting his ass kicked by a woman? What man wants to stand before a judge and admit he did not defend himself? And what man wants to go to jail for defending himself, only to have the woman tell the police that he hit her, which more often than not, the police will believe? What man wants to end up in divorce court, threatened with the loss of his home, his job, his kids?

I'm not anti-woman here, gang. Speaking from a lot of third-party experience, though. Men end up on the short end of this more than many people realize. And many men also don't understand where the abuse line is drawn. They don't think of emotional abuse, mental abuse, name-calling, threats, and minor physical altercations as a bad thing. Until it is. And then they are afraid to report it. Afraid of what their families and friends will say: "What's up, you sissy? Can't handle your woman?"

[Tennesseer]

Posted yesterday on Facebook - Humans of New York (part three of four parts).  A wee bit scary:

“I told her I wasn’t going to leave the home during the divorce. She tried to scream but I stood my ground. I slept on the couch. She locked herself in the bedroom. Things were so tense that I’d piss in a cup to keep from going to the bathroom. My lawyer told me to record everything. So I kept my iPhone on ‘record’ while it was in my pocket. One morning I was eating breakfast with my son, and she walks in the kitchen and says to my son: ‘Dylan, let’s play a game. Let’s see if Daddy has a recording device.’ Then she came and started going through my pockets. I tried to push her hand away, and she said: ‘Dylan come help Mommy search Daddy.’ I kept trying to push her hand away, and she started screaming: ‘Stop hitting me! Stop hitting me! Put down the scissors! Somebody call the police!’ Our nanny ran in the room, sees me holding my wife’s arm, and ran to get help. My wife reported domestic violence and filed a restraining order. My hand is shaking just talking about it.” (3/4)

Humans of New York

[NancysSummerSip]

Again, both genders are very capable of doing mean and awful things to each other. So Tenneseer's post is not surprising. And using the kids as a weapon of marital destruction is just one more tactic that an abusive partner uses.

And as of 2013, there was one domestic violence shelter for men in the US, compared to 1,800 for women. So where does a male victim go for safety, if he is not safe in his own home and cannot stay with family and friends?

www.avoiceformen.com/mens-rights/activism/domestic-violence-awareness-month-the-invisible-victims/

[MJ2.0]

Oct 27, 2015 12:36:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Yes and no.  My wife has slapped me and thrown stuff at me.  I don't see it as a big deal, but if I slapped her or threw something at her,  I would think that was a big deal.  

But there shouldn't be a double standard. Neither is okay.

[lund]

And not to forget is that females may be abused by males or females, and males may be abused by males or females.
Men, especially in heterosexual relationships, are afraid not to be believed or to be ridiculed.
Many resources are geared towards female victims.

[ArchietheDragon]

Oct 27, 2015 13:21:53 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Oct 27, 2015 12:36:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Yes and no.  My wife has slapped me and thrown stuff at me.  I don't see it as a big deal, but if I slapped her or threw something at her,  I would think that was a big deal.  

But there shouldn't be a double standard. Neither is okay.

Meh.   women be crazy. 

[hoops902]

Oct 27, 2015 13:21:53 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Oct 27, 2015 12:36:44 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Yes and no.  My wife has slapped me and thrown stuff at me.  I don't see it as a big deal, but if I slapped her or threw something at her,  I would think that was a big deal.  

But there shouldn't be a double standard. Neither is okay.

Totally agree with you, there shouldn't be a double standard. I think when you look at things like reporting though, there's practicality involved.  Some of that practicality probably has to do with size/strength, which I think often gets substituted for gender. My wife could haul off and slap me as hard as she can. The likely result is that maybe my face will be a little red, but she's not going to knock me down, or probably even cause it to hurt all that much. If I haul off and slap her, she's going down, she's going to have a black eye, maybe break a bone in her face.

There's the issue of being disrespectful to someone. There's a separate issue of causing actual physical harm to someone.

There's also the issue of defending yourself, which I think to guys is part of the problem. If my wife went nuts and started slapping me, what can I do other than run away? I can't hold her down for fear of bruising her wrists or having her hurt herself struggling. I can't fight back because I'd hurt her way worse than she'd hurting me. I can run, or I can stand there and take it.

Imagine the hard time a cop would have believing MY story if I call the cops reporting her beating me, and when they get there I have no real injuries and she's got a black eye or bruises on her wrists.