Kids applying to college

[Regis]

Reminds me of when we took DD for orientation.  She was our third so it was nothing new for us.  She met with her advisor herself and walked out with a schedule that wouldn't fit with practice for the dance team.  My wife was a bit irritated and questioned her about why she would do such a thing.  She turned to us and said, "You realize that I've never done this before, right?"  It was at that point that we realized that while we had gone through this process, she had not.  

[saveinla]

GRG, He does not have to decide on this immediately - right? He can still go through with his original major and see how he likes it before he decides in the second year. Orientation is great at making students change their minds, but the reality is quite different. 

Good luck whatever he decides and hugs for you while you wait.

[debthaven]

That's a tough one GRG. Encourage him to take his time and not make any hasty decisions.

[Apple]

If the first year is mostly general classes that work for both, I'd have him start as planned and reevaluate at the end of the year to see if he wants to make the change or go for both.  Saving money is ideal, but we're expecting kids to make a life-determining decision at 18 (or 17), when they haven't yet had to make a bunch of their own life-altering decisions.  Hopefully he doesn't feel the need to rush a decision now.

[Deleted]

GRG what is current major? If I can ask? You can message me if you prefer. Just sounds like a good field to be looking at ...

[Apple]

My son has started his first week already!  We didn't have enough notice to get his books "cheap" this round, but he was able to purchase some used ones for not too bad, and is renting two of his other books, so at least there is some savings.

He also just called me about a job offer and wanted my opinion.  It's in security, local, just over minimum wage, works perfect with his college schedule for the year (he would put in two 12 hour days, Sat & Sun), and he'll probably make just under the amount where he'd have to pay taxes this year, so it will all go in his pocket.  He has to answer by tomorrow, would begin training next week (fortunately he would not miss his full day class since they don't have it that week), but not sure exactly when he would start.  I told him to go for it, and sent him info to open a Vanguard Roth IRA account as soon as he makes his first $1k (the minimum to open).

I swear he grew up a ton these last two weeks!  He applied for the job on his own (I have been trying to get him to apply for more, but he hadn't yet, so, that kind of tells me this is one he'd actually want to do for now, so that's a bonus), he started college, he asked to join the gym (he really wants to start working out--and he knows he has to help pay for it), and he's been cooking more, trying new recipes, etc.

After a rough Senior year, it's so nice to see all this motivation!

[debthaven]

Also GRG, I really hope this doesn't sound mean, but if the price of his education triples, I don't think you can be expected to cover the difference (or all the difference). At the same time, he is young, and he needs to pursue a career that interests him.

I would really encourage him to take his time making this decision, and to work out the finances of a change, and how that would impact all of you (ie how much if any of the surplus you'd be willing to pay, and how much he'd have to pay).

IOW he needs to make an informed decision, but ultimately, the decision needs to be up to him, and he needs to live with it. I'm sure you're not thrilled at the financial ramifications of that change, but at the same time, he needs to pursue an education and career that appeals to him.

I don't know if he just met somebody really charismatic / persuasive / etc, but he needs to take a step back and really, really think this through. The double major sounds like it could be a good solution.

Knowing you I know it will all work out.

[luckyme]

Exciting to read about the new college kids. Went through all this last year so brings back memories.



Mine has finished his first year and did not go as planned. He should have dropped a weeder class when it started going south, most of the kids did, but stuck with it and failed, ugh! I didn't give him the best advice so double lesson learned there.



He is on full tuition + scholarships and could lose them if he doesn't bring his Fall 2016 GPA up. DS was in top 2% of HS class, but college is a huge adjustment. So my advice, at least first semester/year is not to take on too much if it is a tough major.



Also, DS has friends here at home and at school that have already changed majors.  So GRG, your son could probably go in w/ the double major and try them both out?  Once he is in class and doing the work, it may become clearer for him.  

Further fun ahead!  

[debthaven]

DS3 had his last 3 written Baccalaureate exams this week (Mon, Tues and Wed). He is finally done with the written exams! He is totally wiped out, he crashed on the couch tonight. I plan to sleep on the other couch tonight (unless he wakes up and goes to bed) because he had very sad news today (not related to college or his exams) and he was very upset.

I haven't mentioned this, but his school requires them to apply in France even if they don't plan to go. There was one program that interested DS3 a lot, but he found out last week that he is only wait listed. Tomorrow they get the second wave of answers. There is a third wave in early July. Of course waiting is always stressful.

That program is very tempting, partly because it's free. But we're leaving that decision completely up to DS3.

Although he is finally done with the written Bac exams, he has 2 major oral exams next week. It feels like this has been going on forever!

 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Thank you all for your kind words of support and experienced advice.  (This is a genuinely wonderful community we have, here, isn't it?)

It IS a big decision -- heck, just going to college is a big decision.  He is a naturally thoughtful kind of kid, so I don't feel he's being impulsive.  If anything, I think he is beginning to formulate and express what kind of career he wants.  His original major is a science that involves a fair amount of hands-on work.  YDS now thinks he wants to do something more along the lines of research in a related science field -- in his words, he wants to "discover things".  It's really hard to fault that kind of self-awareness.

But, yes, the money is factor.  I will have two -- 2! -- kids in college at the same time for the next 4 to 5 years.  Our EFC will be split between the two, but, the reality is, the EFC doesn't accurately reflect a family's ability to pay.  We are a one income family, have been for 20 years.  (I've had several goofy part-time jobs during that time but nothing that paid enough to cover college costs.)  We're committed to helping our kids pay for college, but, obviously, if we can find a way to have the net cost be a fraction of the EFC, we'd be reluctant to give that up.  

Fortunately, his high school guidance department had warned us at several junior and senior class talks that it is rather common for kids to change their minds on everything from their major to the college to whether or not they even really want to go to college, so I definitely wasn't broadsided by his news.  

We'll figure it out.  We are a "glass-half-full" kind of family who thrives on figuring out a way to accomplish things other families recoil at, LOL, LOL, LOL.  

But, again, thank you all for your understanding and support.  It does, indeed, take a village even if it is a village of the best creepy internet strangers on the internet.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jun 22, 2016 18:09:15 GMT -5 debthaven said:

DS3 had his last 3 written Baccalaureate exams this week (Mon, Tues and Wed). He is finally done with the written exams! He is totally wiped out, he crashed on the couch tonight. I plan to sleep on the other couch tonight (unless he wakes up and goes to bed) because he had very sad news today (not related to college or his exams) and he was very upset.

I haven't mentioned this, but his school requires them to apply in France even if they don't plan to go. There was one program that interested DS3 a lot, but he found out last week that he is only wait listed. Tomorrow they get the second wave of answers. There is a third wave in early July. Of course waiting is always stressful.

That program is very tempting, partly because it's free. But we're leaving that decision completely up to DS3.

Although he is finally done with the written Bac exams, he has 2 major oral exams next week. It feels like this has been going on forever!

 

He's not my kid, and we didn't pursue Baccalaureates, but even *I* -- 3,000 miles away -- think this has been going on forever.  

And a cyber hug for your DS3 for his sad news.  There is never a good time for sad news, but getting sad news during Baccalaureate exams has got to really suck.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Oh, and I do like the idea of giving it a year to see what he really wants.  However, his major requires 27 courses for a B.S. and hits the ground running first semester Freshman year with 18 credits, including a week long immersion "camp" the week before classes start.  So, he will need to jump in with both feet and then see if he can somehow finagle a course or two from the new major into his schedule to see if that is truly the route he wants to go.  

At this point, I should be clear:  I am NOT complaining.  Having options is a truly wonderful thing.  And, at this point, he sees just two options, so it's not like he's overwhelmed by a larger selection.  Whichever major he chooses, he will do great things.  

[debthaven]

Thank you GRG . He did wake up, we talked for a while, and he decided to go upstairs to bed.

He lost a friend from MS. They weren't very close, but a 17 or 18YO died of cancer today. Plus it was one of his close friends' best friends, and that close friend's sister died of cancer when she (the sister) was 14, and when he and his friend were 11.

Just totally heartbreaking.

I've posted before about this. He and his friend were in 6th or 7th grade, his friend was here working on a project with him. The dad came to pick her up but they weren't finished. The dad was restless, he said, my mom is in the car. I said, oh, please bring your mom in! He said thanks but no she'd rather sit in the car. I'm thinking, wow, how weird is that? I was totally and utterly clueless. My DS3 said, their daughter is sick, she's in the hospital. I told the man when he left, I hope your daughter feels better soon.

She died that night.

I have seen him many times since then, and we contribute to the charity he and his wife created. And so does our theater troupe. I'm very thankful he doesn't hold that against me, because I was just so clueless. But it hits close to home for DS3, and even more so for his friend who lost both her sister and her best friend to pediatric cancer. Not to mention the parents. It's just heartbreaking. How does one go on?!

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jun 22, 2016 20:21:04 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Thank you GRG . He did wake up, we talked for a while, and he decided to go upstairs to bed.

He lost a friend from MS. They weren't very close, but a 17 or 18YO died of cancer today. Plus it was one of his close friends' best friends, and that close friend's sister died of cancer when she (the sister) was 14, and when he and his friend were 11.

Just totally heartbreaking.

I've posted before about this. He and his friend were in 6th or 7th grade, his friend was here working on a project with him. The dad came to pick her up but they weren't finished. The dad was restless, he said, my mom is in the car. I said, oh, please bring your mom in! He said thanks but no she'd rather not. I was totally and utterly clueless. My DS3 said, their daughter is sick, she's in the hospital. I told the man when he left, I hope your daughter feels better soon.

She died that night.

I have seen him many times since then, and we contribute to the charity they created. And so does our theater troupe. I'm very thankful he doesn't hold that against me, because I was just so clueless. But it hits close to home for DS3, and even more so for this friend who lost both her sister and her best friend to pediatric cancer. Not to mention the parents. It's just heartbreaking. How does one go on?

[Apple]

debthaven --   for all of you

[Apple]

For those of you with kids in college, full-time, or part-time, or if you're a college student yourself...  YNAB is free for students now.  DS is getting his first job, is starting to pay some of his own bills, plus have more spending money, so I'm going to have him try this out and get used to budgeting "for real" from day one.  Hopefully it will help lead to good habits, even if he doesn't stick with it forever. 

www.youneedabudget.com/blog/post/ynab-is-now-free-for-college-students

I'll also be posting this on the main YM board and "goals" thread, so you might see this more than once...

[luckyme]

Jun 22, 2016 20:18:09 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Oh, and I do like the idea of giving it a year to see what he really wants.  However, his major requires 27 courses for a B.S. and hits the ground running first semester Freshman year with 18 credits, including a week long immersion "camp" the week before classes start.  So, he will need to jump in with both feet and then see if he can somehow finagle a course or two from the new major into his schedule to see if that is truly the route he wants to go.  

  That is a lot of credits IF he has to do so every semester.  It certainly can be done, but if he truly wants to try the new major, have you considered "credit by examination."   If his school has it.  DS was going for a double major as well, and it would have required a max load every semester, summer courses, or an additional semester. 

However, with his AP credits and taking CLEP exams, he tested out of quite a few classes.  With a poor grade in one class he should have dropped, he is now working on building up his GPA, so it is good he can cut back on the course load and concentrate on getting top grades. 

The CLEP exams are fairly cheap compared to the college course.  It might be worth it for him to see if the college has a generous policy. 

[debthaven]

DS3 was a wreck this evening ... the Baccaulaureate results come out tomorrow at 10 am (2 am EST). I'm working tomorrow, but not teaching, so I told him (at least 10 times LOL) that I can take him to school (where the results are posted) and go into work late. DH is going to take him instead.

Please send DS3 good juju! He needs a 14.5 (out of 20) on the Bac to go where he wants to go. The UK gives "conditional offers,", ie we will take you if you get X (whatever mark they set, it varies depending on the school) on the Bac. DS3 has been very anxious and rather envious of his classmates who are going to the US or staying in France, because only the UK universities demand a specific mark on the Bac rather than just a passing mark (10).

Any and all good thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thanks! 

[Apple]

Good luck to DS3!

[Apple]

My son had his first day at work yesterday (two days of training last week).  Looks like it really will be the perfect job for a college student, although he's going to be very spoiled by the time he is done.  He has to make rounds on the hour, every hour, but they only take 5-15 minutes each time (different sections need to be checked every hour, two hours, or four hours).

Outside of his rounds, he hangs out in a guard shack and will be able to study or read for 12 hours.  It's a pretty quiet location, so not foreseeing a lot of big issues.  Hopefully he can keep the same hours for the next year (or two, if he decides to stick around that long), and maybe get employment with the same company when he goes off to a four year school.

And, he'll be learning to budget, pay some bills, manage his time, etc, before he goes off.

[debthaven]

Thanks Apple!

OMG I am a total wreck too! But I have a close friend from work staying here tonight so I have to sleep and get her to school on time.

[debthaven]

Apple I'm so happy that job is working out so well! It's perfect for a college student!

[Apple]

Jul 4, 2016 18:07:05 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Apple I'm so happy that job is working out so well! It's perfect for a college student!

It really is!  He is not the biggest people-person, so working alone (and not dealing with the public), will be right up his alley. He's actually thinking about talking to my dad and brother more about law enforcement options, so we'll see what he decides to do.

[taz157]

Debt - Good thoughts headed your DS3's way. Also ((((hugs)))) for your DS3 on the loss of his friend. ((((Hugs))))

[973beachbum]

Jul 4, 2016 17:50:34 GMT -5 debthaven said:

DS3 was a wreck this evening ... the Baccaulaureate results come out tomorrow at 10 am (2 am EST). I'm working tomorrow, but not teaching, so I told him (at least 10 times LOL) that I can take him to school (where the results are posted) and go into work late. DH is going to take him instead.

Please send DS3 good juju! He needs a 14.5 (out of 20) on the Bac to go where he wants to go. The UK gives "conditional offers,", ie we will take you if you get X (whatever mark they set, it varies depending on the school) on the Bac. DS3 has been very anxious and rather envious of his classmates who are going to the US or staying in France, because only the UK universities demand a specific mark on the Bac rather than just a passing mark (10).

Any and all good thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thanks! 

So did he get the results he needed on the Bac? 

I'm too old to be crossing my toes for this long.

[debthaven]

OMG what a roller coaster today was! DS3 did NOT get his required mark ... he missed it by 0.04 points. He was completely and totally distraught. DH took him to school to get his marks but then DH had to leave for a meeting, so I left school to be with DS3.

The college counselor said he might still get in but only in late Aug, after the UK kids get their marks. She told DS3 to write, but not call. He also needed a second required mark (English), which he totally exceeded. The college counselor was planning to write too, tomorrow.

DS3 wanted to write the letter tonight. I said no, you should write it today. Please, let me pick you up, take you home, help you write the letter, then I'll drop you back off to be with your friends (most of whom were celebrating). He said you're right, it's better to do it today.

So DS3 wrote a short explanatory email, included his transcript, AND called. The Admissions Officer was very kind, and told him he needed to upload his transcript on their portal. He did, and then called back to tell them he had uploaded it. (In the meantime our internet went out, just to add to the stress.) They told him they would try to answer by end of Fri, but that depending on his marks, he might have to wait till end of Aug.
They validated his acceptance 4 hours later!!! So he's in!!!

[debthaven]

ETA:

[NastyWoman]

Jul 5, 2016 17:57:31 GMT -5 debthaven said:

ETA:

 congratulations to Debt's DS3

[Apple]

That's awesome!  A good lesson to learn-- if you don't ask, the answer is no, but if you do something, sometimes it works out how you'd like  Glad he listened and decided "mom knows best".

[debthaven]

Oh, Apple, me too, so much! I am so thankful he took my advice! But he's always been good that way ... as the youngest he has seen his siblings "fly the nest" and since he's spent much more time alone with us than the others, thankfully, he's learned over time that we aren't always that stupid.

Trust me, there were some VERY hairy moments today, this was the condensed version LOL!

But as you say, I really think he learned a lesson today. Even the college counselor told him not to call until late Aug after all the UK marks were in. I told him, you have nothing to lose. To be honest I figured they wouldn't be very nice about it, but that it couldn't hurt if he was polite and sincere, that they might remember him in late Aug when they needed to make the final decision. Happily I was mistaken about that!

Even though he had a hellish 8 hours, it could have been 8 crappy weeks. I'm SO thrilled that he was able to celebrate his success with his friends! That, frankly, was a bit of a miracle, the fact that the university responded within literally hours!

There is a French idiom that says, if you don't try, you will never succeed. As you say, it's a good life lesson. On some level it would have been much easier for him to have just spent the day and evening hanging out with his friends and crying about the missing 0.04 points. Instead he was able to say I have to go now, my mom is picking me up, I have to contact the university, hopefully I'll see you later. Which is what he opted for, once the initial shock was over.

He wrote the email himself, we checked it (it was flawless). He called them himself, twice.

We are very proud of him, both for getting in and for dealing with having NOT gotten in initially. Even if he took our advice, he did it, not us.