Those annoying people at work who ask for money

[debthaven]

I KNOW how annoying it can be. Yet I've just become one, for the first time in my life. I'm 55.

My colleague (who has also become a very close friend) has cancer, and she is off till January at the earliest. 

Netflix is pretty new here, it has only been available for a year. My friend doesn't have it. (I checked.)

I have had a bunch of colleagues asking me what we can do for her. So I thought, a 6-month Netflix subscription to help the time go by. One friend said, if you raise enough money, you can get her a year's subscription! I was very happy that another colleague said NO WAY, NOT a year because she would be totally depressed with a year, she is hoping to be back in Jan. 

We are 70 language teachers on two campuses. I didn't want to write an email to a million people to ask for 50 cents each. We are also friends with other teachers, not just language teachers. :-)

So I wrote an email to 9 of her closest colleagues asking if they thought it was a good idea. Everybody said yes and they would be happy to contribute. I know that some of the 9 have financial issues, so I spelled out the fact that I hoped that maybe we could get 12 people to contribute 5 euros each.

When they all said yes, I wrote to 3 more, to get to 12.

I'm SURE all 12 will say yes. But even if they don't, or they never actually hand over the money, I can carry the rest (plus my boss has thanked me for doing this and has offered to pay the difference if ever that happens. I wouldn't let her do that but I do appreciate the offer.) 

Does this seem OK to you? I know what a loaded issue this can be and I absolutely hate the idea of "begging", but my colleague / friend is so lonely, having such a hard time, losing her hair etc. She lives far away so not many people can visit her (but I do.) She is loved, so many people are asking about her, how she's doing, sending her love. 

So I figured that 12 of the people asking about her can put $5.50 of their money where their mouths are. 

Do you think this is wrong of me?

[billisonboard]

Sept 15, 2015 17:00:18 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I KNOW how annoying it can be. ...

...

Do you think this is wrong?

It is wrong and annoying. Damn employees.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

I don't think it is wrong ... but if people don't respond to the email or don't donate, just give them a smile and move on

[debthaven]

Billson I am guessing you are joking LOL. 

[dannylion]

I think it's a wonderful idea! It sounds like something reasonably priced and manageable and something that will be used and appreciated by your friend.

I worked for the Defense Department where the military ethos of "we take care of our own" was like a religion, so this sort of thing seems normal to me. It was part of the work culture and managed reasonably (no mandatory donations, no stigma for those who cannot donate, etc.). 

Your goal seems very reasonable.

[debthaven]

Absolutely, Molly! They are the 9 people I sounded out earlier this week who thought it was a great idea. 

I have sent out another email tonight thanking them for their feedback and telling them I'm moving forward with the idea. Hopefully they will contribute. But if they don't, I won't remind them. :-)

[emma1420]

I think it's fine.  We buy flowers and do things for co-workers (most recently a party for a co-worker who became a U.S. citizen), and we ask people to chip in.  However, we also have a deal that if anyone doesn't want to or can't that it's no big deal.

i think that sort of thing is different that hawking Girl Scout cookies and asking people to sponsor your kid or a family member for an activity.  Although, I don't mind that so much either, as I pass on a lot of that stuff.

[tcu2003]

I think it's fine in that instance. We've done ongoing meals for people at work who have cancer (or their spouse) and there's a sign up sheet. If you want to bring a meal, great, and if not, no one mentions it.

[debthaven]

Thank you Emma and Danny! That's exactly how I felt, that it was a reasonable goal. And if people don't contribute in the end, I'm not going to hound them. 

My boss emailed me privately to say that she knows that either or both of us could easily have covered the 60 euro cost, and that if any money is "missing", she'd be happy to cover it. But she said (as I thought) that having that gift come from 12 of us would have so much more meaning to our colleague/friend. And I thought that 5 euros IS very reasonable. 

[debthaven]

TCU how I wish she lived closer!!! I love the idea of the meals! Unfortunately she lives 1h15 min from me in no traffic, so (at best) 2.5h round trip. Last time I visited her I picked up the groceries she wanted plus 2 (store bought) cakes she can eat. 

I am planning to visit her, either at home or at her local mall for lunch (which is closer) IF she's feeling up to it, once every 3 or 4 weeks. Since I drive and some of my colleagues don't, one of my colleagues usually asks to "tag along". :-)

She has chemo every 3 weeks so I know she is out of commission those weeks. We make tentative plans for a day during the other 2 weeks. We are close so she knows she can always cancel at the last minute if she's not feeling up to it. 

[Artemis Windsong]

You are a good thoughtful friend. 

[Deleted]

My workplace is similar to the one dannylion spoke of. We do things for co-workers that are really sick or have unexpected bad things happen. So no I don't see an issue with it. I think it's nice.

[wvugurl26]

I think it's very reasonable. And quite different from selling cookies, magazines, candy bars, wrapping paper, etc. I do agree that a joint gift will let her know that several of you are thinking of her and hoping she recovers soon.

[Works4me]

I totally and completely agree that the gift coming from the 12 of her colleagues will be most meaningful. Kudos to you for thinking of it and to your colleagues for caring!

[tskeeter]

Debt, I think what you're doing is very different from what happens in some places.  You're putting together a group to get a small gift for a close friend going through a rough patch. 

That's very different from what used to go on in my workplace.  Turns out that the driver was the woman who used to be our HR manager.  Every three or four weeks there was a solicitation for one group or another.  Never ending rounds of soliciation after solicitation.  For groups and organizations that rarely had any relationship with our business.  I guess the HR manager felt her role was to be a semi-professional fund raiser.  

[lexxy703]

I think it is a wonderful idea & $5.50 is such a minimal donation I doubt it will strain anyone's budget.

[techguy]

Netflix and Chill

[TheOtherMe]

At my seasonal tax job, they have rules regarding this.  I'm sure what you are doing would be fine as it is among friends.

The Girl Scout cookies, etc. can only happen by putting the sign up sheet in the lunch rooms.  There is to be no arm twisting.

Management selects 12 charities before January 1.  Employees nominate the charities.  Then on Fridays, if you pay $5, you get to wear jeans. 

[Deleted]

This kind of thing bugs me. If you want to do something for her just do it, and pay for it! I will pay for what I want to do for her, if anything at all. And this is not a cop out to get out of doing stuff, I am very confident I am one of the most generous people in my office for stuff like this. But fundraisers like this for someone we all know bug me.

[hoops902]

Sept 15, 2015 17:12:20 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Absolutely, Molly! They are the 9 people I sounded out earlier this week who thought it was a great idea. 

I have sent out another email tonight thanking them for their feedback and telling them I'm moving forward with the idea. Hopefully they will contribute. But if they don't, I won't remind them. :-)

One thing I would point out is that even people who hate this idea are probably not likely to say "no, it's stupid that you want to raise money for your friend (or our friend)".

This is why when approached for donations people will make up an excuse not to donate as opposed to saying "I just don't want to give you money because your idea was stupid". I just can't imagine anyone telling you that trying to raise money for someone with cancer is a bad idea...even if they think it.

[debthaven]

This kind of thing bugs me. If you want to do something for her just do it, and pay for it!

I do other stuff for her too, on my own, and will continue. But the people who are close to her at work seemed to want to do something together so I thought of Netflix. And as I said I thought it would have more meaning coming from a bunch of us. If I never get all the money, it doesn't matter.

I'm planning to take care of it tomorrow.

ETA: Fair enough, Hoops, I see your point. But I limited it to the Paris English teachers and a few others we are close to / always have lunch with. 

[dannylion]

Whether getting together to care for a colleague is considered acceptable in a workplace probably depends on the nature of the business.  If most of your colleagues came from somewhere else to work there, they probably don't have extended family nearby or a network of lifelong friends to turn to in need.  That is probably the kind of workplace where people are more likely to see a group effort to help each other out as acceptable.  For workplaces where most everyone comes from the local area and has family and lifelong friends nearby to pitch in in an emergency, it would likely not be something they would consider necessary or maybe even desirable.

Where I worked, everyone came from somewhere else. No one had family nearby, and because we had to be careful of our personal associations, our friends tended to come from among our colleagues.  Also, many of us were veterans, and we worked in what was essentially a military environment.   We were used to looking out for each other, so it was common for colleagues to step up and help out when someone had an emergency.

 

[debthaven]

Dannylion hit the nail on the head. Most of us "foreigners" here don't have our own families here, although some have their in-laws (for better or worse lol). So in my experience, we tend to do for friends or close colleagues what family members do for each other. The friendships here tend to be EXTREMELY close, because our friends are like family, since we don't have our own families nearby.

In the end I activated her account tonight, after texting with her husband who thought it was a fabulous idea. Ironically, you can only buy Netflix gift cards here in a physical store, but not online. I didn't want to have to go to the mall with the physical Netflix cards tomorrow (next door to our school, ironically.) So instead I opened an account for her with her personal (not work) email address, using my own card. In fact she has 7 months of Netflix, the free introductory month, plus the six. 

I hope she'll be back before then.

I had to rush after work today to go to a school meeting for DS3, otherwise I probably would have preferred to go to the mall next door and get the physical gift cards. 

Again, I don't really care if I end up paying most or all of the 60 euros. I want her to know that we are all thinking of her. Today I got 10e from 2 people, but I was in the other building today, so I only saw the few colleagues that happened to be in that other building today too. I'm sure that Monday when I'm in the main building I'll get more. And again, if I don't, that's OK too. 

[TheOtherMe]

Even at my workplace where there are rules, they collect money if somebody dies, etc.  The admin assistant sends an email.  No amount is suggested and she never follows up with a 2nd email.  She sent one to my home email this summer when a co-worker passed away.  I had already decided to do my own thing on that one and that is what I did.

I don't know the family members of these people because I only work there 3 1/2 months a year--as did the one who passed away this past spring.

[gooddecisions]

This wouldn't bother me at all. It is $5 to do something nice for a coworker going through cancer treatment.

What does bother me is the endless requests for donations for peoples bike races, 10ks, mustache growing, etc. They are all wonderful causes, but I get at least 25 every year and can't afford to give to all, so give to none.

i have never asked friends, family or coworkers for donations or tried to sell them anything. As someone else said, I would have just purchased the $60 gift myself and brought in a card for everyone to write something nice.