Epiphany in a Park

[tskeeter]

Reading Apple's post about her trip to Europe has me thinking about how travel can affect our lives and the choices we make.

I had a life changing epiphany while sitting in a small park six blocks or so from Versailles.  I was worn out from a long, hot day of sight seeing.  As we hiked back toward our hotel, we took a shortcut and stumbled on a tiny park set in the center of an intersection.  A fountain, some pretty iron benches, a few small shrubs.  Nothing fancy, but a place to sit in the shade of the surrounding buildings for a few minutes and rest.  There was quite a bit of activity in the tiny park.  Mom's and kids, old ladies.  As we watched kids play and took in the surroundings (including the proverbial old woman leaning on the window sill of a third floor apartment, watching the activity in the park), I figured out what was going on in the park.  The park was the neighborhood meeting place.  Moms came to chat.  Kids came to play.  Dads came by on their way from the train station a few blocks away.  And old ladies came to enjoy the activity and the cool of the late afternoon.  It was a really pleasant place to be.

As I sat, I thought "this would really be the life".  Leaving work so you're home by 5:30 or 6:00, instead of the 60 - 80 hour work weeks and three hour commutes that I'd been putting in for years and years.  Hanging out and relaxing in the late afternoon.  Maybe followed by a leisurely dinner at a nearby sidewalk cafe.  Taking a lesson from what I was seeing, I decided right then that I'd been working too hard and that I wasn't going to do that any more.  It might take some lifestyle adjustments to accomodate a lower income, but life would likely be more pleasant.  So I changed jobs to one with more reasonable expectations.  Then, moved and changed jobs again.  To a less demanding job.  Gee, now we have time to entertain friends, to regularly meet friends for Sunday brunch and an hour or so of chatting, and even to hang out on the patio and watch the sun set, instead of chasing the lawn mower around the yard at a furious pace so the lawn is mowed before it gets dark.

Life is good.  And it changed in a tiny park in Versailles.    

[zibazinski]

Beautifully written. You should send it into a magazine.

[sarcasticgirl]

beautiful 

[MarleyKeezy78]

[Cookies Galore]

Beautiful, I love it. I can actually visualize that park (or one like it) right now.
I work a 35-hour week and I'm home before 5 every day. I wouldn't trade the free time I have for anything.

[lund]

Nicely described scene - and wisely done.

Burning one's candle at both ends is not favoring a long or happy life, nor a long and happy family life.
But starting out working that hard, you probably did learn a lot, proved yourself, got some nice lines for your resumé, and built a solid financial foundation for yourself and your family.

[Deleted]

Thanks for sharing your experience.  None of us would deny the necessity of earning a living, but your story shows the importance of finding the balance.  Now, in retirement, I have a lot of regrets for what we didn't do during our hectic work lives.  

[Jaguar]

Welcome to Your Money and More, lund.

[NoNamePerson]

Burning one's candle at both ends is not favoring a long or happy life

It's a shame that more folks don't think like this. Most people would be saying "find me more wax"  

Finding a good balance is a good thing!!!

[lund]

Thank you, Sugilite!

[Apple]

I've been working on finding that balance.  I worked a lot of overtime to help pay for the trip, but now that the big one is over, it's time to relax again.  One thing I loved about staying with the relatives for a couple nights was just seeing how they spend their retirement-- they have their nieces and nephew, and their families, over for "apertifs" on Sundays, they take time to enjoy their meals (a couple hours for dinner), get up early to pick fruit from the garden and have coffee on the patio.

I've been slowly making changes, but this vacation was good for us.  I've taught DS to cook over the years, and that has really helped with all the work stress I've been under the last several months.  I'm going to apply for a couple more jobs tomorrow, and still want to get away, but yesterday DS and I made fresh jam to go with the bread (it was a "take-and-bake" baguette, which reminded me how much I love to bake, and fresh bread is the best).  We have some peaches we need to turn into jam today (some we'll keep fresh, some we'll freeze).  

It's good to do things when you're young-- travel, save for retirement, etc, but you don't want to do so much that you only look forward to retiring.  Need to stop and find things to look forward to now.  (Although, I still really look forward to retiring!)

[gacpa]

We are happy for you TSkeeter.  Enjoy your life! 

[tskeeter]

Jul 24, 2015 14:03:22 GMT -5 lund said:

Nicely described scene - and wisely done.

Burning one's candle at both ends is not favoring a long or happy life, nor a long and happy family life.
But starting out working that hard, you probably did learn a lot, proved yourself, got some nice lines for your resumé, and built a solid financial foundation for yourself and your family.

You're right about burning the candle at both ends.  If it hadn't been for a wife who was doing the same thing, and no kids, we'd have been divorced long, long ago.

Sorry to be cynical, but one of my revelations was that employers seldom appreciate the effort that many people put into doing their job really well.  And that, if you are working for a large business, the rewards are usually not consistent with the accomplishments and the effort it takes to generate them.  About all that you usually accomplish is to receive marginally above average compensation and you create an expectation of your performance that is much higher than average.  So that your superstar performance is considered to be just average, for you.

The bottom line was that DW and I got paid well for our efforts because that was the market rate for our occupations, but not better than peers who were not accomplishing as much.  So, we came to the conclusion that being a corporate superstar in a role where your pay was not a direct result of what you achieved (such as a commission sales job) just wasn't worth the effort.    

[joemilitary]

I agree whole heartedly with what the OP says in both the OP and reply # 12

I am very close to the point where I can shift downward......I currently qualify for a $50K a year pension (of course taxes and things have to come out of this amount).......and we have decent amount in investments.......currently age 44 (me) and 40 (her).....can't wait to turn the page....the key point will be next week when I find out if I get promoted or not (most likely won't get promoted).....

[Deleted]

Yep, we had the same sort of epiphany about 5 yrs. ago....after coming to our 2nd property we had purchased in the country on a few acres, originally bought as a get-away, family vacation type place, a few years before. The more we stopped to smell the roses (as it were) here, the more we fell in love. We had enjoyed nature also at our main home as it's waterfront, but country is different yet again. It was as if time itself slowed down even more out here. We were very pleasantly surprised..

It was at that time that we decided that we're retiring here and leading a more simple lifestyle than the one we'd enjoyed for over a decade. First thing we did was pay off all our debt which were the 2 mortgages, replaced a new to us car for Dh, and paid cash for improvements we made, and after 7.5 yrs. we're pretty much done with the big projects... Our plan is to sell the waterfront home at some point, and have Dh retire early @ 55...in 4 yrs.

[violagirl]

I always threaten to quit my job as a tax manager at  Big 4 and become a dog walker. The more I get into my career the more serious I become about doing just that. I have found that the more you give the more they take. If I worked 24 hours a day  I swear they would wonder why I am not working 25.
At the moment I am trying to figure out my 5 year plan. I generally really like what I do, but can't see me doing it for the next 20 years. They are currently paying for a masters degree that I am half way through, I figure I'll get through it and reevaluate then.
Tax unfortunately does not really translate well into a less stressful job.

[TheOtherMe]

Jul 26, 2015 15:56:59 GMT -5 violagirl said:

Tax unfortunately does not really translate well into a less stressful job.

As a fellow tax person (but not at your level), I so get this.  I am retired, but still work seasonally.  The more I give, definitely the more they take. 

[NastyWoman]

A couple of days ago there was a thread about 15 or 16 things (I don't remember the exact number and I am too lazy to look it up) things that Europeans don't understand about Americans and people were all over how it is so much better here. The point being made in this thread was very big in that list.  Just saying...


ETA: the thread I reference above can be found in EE (I don't know how to link)