They owe you money....

[TheHaitian]

Then did WHAT? :eek::eek::eek:


-> my relationship with my dad ex wife was never the same after I lent her $2,500 so she was not behind on her mortgage than 3 weeks later found out she dropped 1.3k on a new dog that she gifted to a nephew 2 years later.
-----> I never got the money paid back, we barely speak now and are just polite to each other. That was one of the many ways she spent money while still owing me:

-> my MIL lent $2,000 to her sister at the beginning of this month to pay her mortgage (on top of the $16,000 she already gave her between last Year and now - sister has been unemployed since last year) yet her daughter went out and got a new FIAT!

Share your stories... How people ask to borrow money or still owes you while. Dropping major cash on other stuff!

[andi9899]

I don't lend people money. I have given money before, but never contingent on it being paid back. And even those times are pretty few and far between.

[kittensaver]

I don't "lend" money anymore . . . I've never gotten any of it back ($25k to one DB over the course of about 15 years; $10k to another DB over the course of 6 months). Neither spent it on stupid or frivolous stuff (as far as I know); it "kept them going" for a while, only to lose out (one to foreclosure, the other to eviction) eventually. I could no longer afford to support three households . I've learned my lesson. I'm grateful to YM who taught me to say "the Bank of Kittensaver is Closed."

[Peace Of Mind]

It happened to me once.  Never again. 

[zibazinski]

Yet somehow the fact that you want to be repaid makes you the bad guy. Is t that precious?

[souldoubt]

When I was in college I let a friend borrow my car, they got into an accident and I got stuck paying the deductible which was a nice chunk of change at a time I was paying for other mistakes.  I decided then and there I would never "loan" anyone something of value again.  If my mom or two of my friends in particular ever needed money I would do what I can while not expecting it back.  Everyone else is on their own.  

[The Captain]

Yea.  I lent some money to a cousin once who was staying with me while attending trade school.  I honestly don't remember if it was $1,500 or $2,500, but it was needed for a down payment on a vehicle so he could get to job assignments.

That was a lot of money to me at the time.  That and doing fairly complex individual tax returns, spending hours on, so he can get full credit for taxes paid to other states (he worked construction so he had W-2's from 5-6 states per year) that I never even got a dinner or gift card for preparing.

It took him several years to get his shit together and by the time he did, he had some girl pregnant and could never be bothered to pay me back.  Whenever I reminded him there was always an excuse.  Course he found the money to go to Vegas for a quickie marriage and honeymoon.

Whatever.  Lesson learned.

[midjd]

I didn't lend the money, but one of my former friends once asked me to borrow $1000 to catch up on her electric bill and a few other things. Since then, at least according to Facebook, she has bought a new car (more expensive than mine), a vacation with her unemployed BF and his kids, and approximately 500 bottles of $8 OPI nail polish.

The only people I would lend that amount of money to are immediate family members (and only in really dire cases) so I felt justified in saying no, but her subsequent purchases really helped cement my decision. Plus, she still owes me $40 for the time I bought her Plan B during her post-divorce rebound phase.

[Bonny]

Lent my folks $5k in 1996 right after we bought this house, so you know we could have used the money.

They make two payments, file BK, Mom leaves Dad and rents a 1500 sq.ft. apartment in the most expensive zip code in town and let's me know what a good deal it was.

Doesn't bother to even call me to say she can't make the payments.

  

[alabamagal]

I lent my son $2000 when he graduated college and needed to move for his well paying job in HCOL area.

He paid it back in 3 months!

[Bonny]

Jul 20, 2015 16:49:29 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I lent my son $2000 when he graduated college and needed to move for his well paying job in HCOL area.

He paid it back in 3 months!

You raised him right!

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 20, 2015 16:32:37 GMT -5 souldoubt said:

When I was in college I let a friend borrow my car, they got into an accident and I got stuck paying the deductible which was a nice chunk of change at a time I was paying for other mistakes.  I decided then and there I would never "loan" anyone something of value again.  If my mom or two of my friends in particular ever needed money I would do what I can while not expecting it back.  Everyone else is on their own.  

I loaned my car to a friend and the wreck came to $87,000!!! That is when I found out that insurance follows the car. I'm sure they went back on her insurance or whatever they do but never asked. Just asked agent what the total payout came to. I don't even let someone back a car of mine out of the driveway.

Oh and I can't blame it on being young and dumb either.

[Bonny]

Jul 20, 2015 17:17:09 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Jul 20, 2015 16:32:37 GMT -5 souldoubt said:

When I was in college I let a friend borrow my car, they got into an accident and I got stuck paying the deductible which was a nice chunk of change at a time I was paying for other mistakes.  I decided then and there I would never "loan" anyone something of value again.  If my mom or two of my friends in particular ever needed money I would do what I can while not expecting it back.  Everyone else is on their own.  

I loaned my car to a friend and the wreck came to $87,000!!! That is when I found out that insurance follows the car. I'm sure they went back on her insurance or whatever they do but never asked. Just asked agent what the total payout came to. I don't even let someone back a car of mine out of the driveway.

Oh and I can't blame it on being young and dumb either.

What happened?

[Abby Normal]

I lent a coworker $10.00 at lunch the other day.  The bitch bought coffee before she paid me back.
Just kidding- that's about the only loaning I do and it's common around here at lunch time.

The only time I've ever loaned a large amount of money was my roommate (good friend) in college.  My student loan money had come in, and hers hadn't but she had to pay her tuition by the next day to avoid late fees.  I paid both tuition for both of us.  But she paid me back as soon as she received hers.  

[weltschmerz]

I lent my son $3,000 when he was so sick 6 weeks ago and couldn't work.

I know I'm going to get it back.

[t-dog]

I loaned a co-worker $700 to keep her little kid in daycare. She worked at the top plaintiffs law firm in town. She wrote me one check for partial repayment that bounced. I sued her in small claims (documented on YM a couple years ago) and she didn't even have the decency to show up for the hearing (her law office was across the street from the courthouse). I won a default and had her wages garnished.  Given the fees involved, I probably netted $500 of the $700 owed, but I know the shame value of having her served in her office was priceless!

[Deleted]

Since there are or will be a lot of suckers here, can I borrow a few bucks?

[Tennesseer]

Back around 1975, I lent a friend of mine $200 so she and her husband could buy a waterbed. They said they would pay me back. As time passed, no mention or attempt was made to pay me back. As I was making good money, I wrote it off but remained friends with them.

Fast forward to 2006: I travel to Massachusetts for my dad's funeral. My friend who I had lent the money to came into town for my dad's wake. We planned to spend the day together and then go to the wake later in the day. We had lunch and when it was over, she handed me $200.

I was very pleasantly surprised because I had forgotten all about the money. I told her I had forgotten about it and she said she knew. But she said she had never forgotten she owed me the money. As a bonus, she paid for lunch..

You just never if someone will pay you back. Sometimes people will surprise you.

[ners]

I have lent my sister a substantial amount of money.  She pays me back sporadically.  I think it is a good month when she does not call for more.

Last year she went on a vacation.  I have told her I there is no more money.  It has been over a month since she asked for any funds.  Guess I should count my blessings.  

[kittensaver]

Jul 20, 2015 18:04:08 GMT -5 ners said:

I have lent my sister a substantial amount of money.  She pays me back sporadically.  I think it is a good month when she does not call for more.

Last year she went on a vacation.  I have told her I there is no more money.  It has been over a month since she asked for any funds.  Guess I should count my blessings.  

Yep and Yeppers Again. If she has money to go on vacation, she had no need to borrow from you!

[wvugurl26]

Jul 20, 2015 16:43:18 GMT -5 midjd said:

I didn't lend the money, but one of my former friends once asked me to borrow $1000 to catch up on her electric bill and a few other things. Since then, at least according to Facebook, she has bought a new car (more expensive than mine), a vacation with her unemployed BF and his kids, and approximately 500 bottles of $8 OPI nail polish.

The only people I would lend that amount of money to are immediate family members (and only in really dire cases) so I felt justified in saying no, but her subsequent purchases really helped cement my decision. Plus, she still owes me $40 for the time I bought her Plan B during her post-divorce rebound phase.

Some people and their priorities.

I think that nail polish is $9.50/bottle now. I found this nail supply place that sells it for $4/bottle.

[busymom]

My Dad loaned me money when I was young, but told me he was serious about me paying it back. He even wrote it up "bank"-style, & made me sign it in front of a notary. You'd better believe I paid it back.

Actually, I don't lend money to anyone, but I think Dad was smart to have me put the loan on paper. Nothing like a little motivation to pay it back. Or else.

[kittensaver]

Jul 20, 2015 18:56:19 GMT -5 busymom said:

My Dad loaned me money when I was young, but told me he was serious about me paying it back. He even wrote it up "bank"-style, & made me sign it in front of a notary. You'd better believe I paid it back.

I made DB sign one of those. Much good that did me . . . .

[seriousthistime]

Years ago in the days before cell phones, I lent DB $400.  He said he needed to get a phone connected.  He had building materials he wanted to sell, so he needed to advertise.  He could pay me back quickly because the stuff would sell fast, and for good prices.  But why $400, for a landline?  Well, his last phone number was disconnected for non-payment, so he needed to pay a deposit.  And then he needed to pay the past due amount that was years-old, that was a a couple hundred.  Then he needed to pay the first month up front.  And of course he needed to buy a phone he could plug into the wall, and an answering machine.  So, $400 overall. 

When he got it all set, he called me to tell me his new phone number.  A few weeks later, he called me with the first excuse.  Then a few weeks later, he called with the second excuse.  When I got the third excuse I told him to consider the $400 a gift, and he kept saying, oh, no, he was really going to pay me back. By the end of the call, he had decided to accept the gift.  I didn't want it to come between us and I considered it a lesson learned.

A few months later, I called just to say hi and the phone was disconnected.  My mother told me he didn't like people calling him all the time.  

Fast forward a year.  He tried to borrow $1,500 from my mother for vet bills and she told him to call me.  (Thanks, Mom.)  Needless to say, I turned him down.  Then when my mother asked him if I'd lend him the money, he said bitterly, "Not one red cent!"  Damn right. 

Some years after all that my mother was terminally ill, and he had no phone (cell or landline).  She really wanted to be able to talk to her kids and there wasn't much time left.  I wrote him a letter suggesting he get a prepaid cell phone, give her and no one else the number, and stressed that we were running out of time because she'd be gone soon.  He got the letter, went to her house (there was that much, at least) and told her how pissed off he was that I was telling him what to do and how to run his life. 

When Mom passed, someone had to drive to his house to tell him.  

On the other hand, I made a $5K short-term loan to DSis a few years ago, and it was repaid exactly on time. 

[Deleted]

I know someone that thinks that if they tell you they need some money to keep their lights on, and you loan or give them the money they say they need, it's none of your business if they turn around and buy some shoes or something with the money. I was a child the first time I heard this person express these thoughts and even then, I knew something was wrong with it. If it's no big deal, there's no need to lie, just say you want the money to go shopping when you ask for it.

Back when my money was really funny, someone loaned me $1500. She offered and she barely knew me. I was in dire straits, so I accepted. She told me to pay her back whenever I got my stuff straightened out. I'd check in with her and tell her I hadn't forgotten. She'd say if my finances were still a mess, don't worry about it. When I finally started turning things around, I asked if I could give her $200/payday or would she rather wait until I could give it all to her at one time. She said whatever works for me. I made 4 payments, then gave her the last $700 at one time. She kept asking "are you sure you can do this? You don't have to". I was sure, and I was glad I could, because what I didn't know was that there had been some changes with her job, and her money was kind of tight.

It was very important to me to give her her money back, even though it took a while. It was always on my mind that I owed her. I didn't feel like I could splurge on anything while I still owed her, I don't understand how people think that's ok. I'll never forget how generous and kind she was, when she really had no way of knowing what kind of person I really was. We haven't talked in a while now, but if I find out tomorrow that she needs something I can help her with, money or whatever, i'll be happy to do whatever I can, no questions asked.

[busymom]

Jul 20, 2015 19:13:58 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Jul 20, 2015 18:56:19 GMT -5 busymom said:

My Dad loaned me money when I was young, but told me he was serious about me paying it back. He even wrote it up "bank"-style, & made me sign it in front of a notary. You'd better believe I paid it back.

I made DB sign one of those. Much good that did me . . . .

Have you tried using that piece of paper, & taking him to court? (Just curious....)

[kittensaver]

Jul 20, 2015 20:49:22 GMT -5 busymom said:

Jul 20, 2015 19:13:58 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

I made DB sign one of those. Much good that did me . . . .

Have you tried using that piece of paper, & taking him to court? (Just curious....)

No, because 1) he doesn't have it, and 2) I don't want to damage that relationship. He's fallen on hard times and is living on the daybed in my mother's guest room. He's working again (not FT, however) but is also acting as my mother's defacto live-in help (she's 92). He gets his kids (teenage boys) every other week, and I don't want to get cut out of their lives (or hers). So I'm sitting on it - probably permanently .

The other DB relationship is too far gone to repair. I haven't seen him or talked with him since his oldest daughter's wedding 5 years ago (the one I finished raising for him; we paid for her wedding and DH walked her down the aisle). I "drove the last nail into the coffin" on that one when I sent him a 1099 for what he owed me instead of continuing to ask for it to be paid back. I'm pretty sure it further messed him up financially (he lives on SSI now and doesn't have the $$ to pay taxes on that much income) but at least he "got the message" and has never asked me for any more money .

[marvholly]

I lent both my DDs money when they were buyig houses.  They both paid me back within the time we had agreed.

I also loaned DD2 money for a car after late DH totaled hers.  Again, I was paid back in the time specified and at the rate we agreed to.

[Opti]

Jul 20, 2015 16:13:46 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Then did WHAT? :eek::eek::eek:


-> my relationship with my dad ex wife was never the same after I lent her $2,500 so she was not behind on her mortgage than 3 weeks later found out she dropped 1.3k on a new dog that she gifted to a nephew 2 years later.
-----> I never got the money paid back, we barely speak now and are just polite to each other. That was one of the many ways she spent money while still owing me:

-> my MIL lent $2,000 to her sister at the beginning of this month to pay her mortgage (on top of the $16,000 she already gave her between last Year and now - sister has been unemployed since last year) yet her daughter went out and got a new FIAT!

Share your stories... How people ask to borrow money or still owes you while. Dropping major cash on other stuff!

Damn. I think I have to meet you so I can join the family somehow. $16K would have covered a year's worth of rent and possibly all my utilities.

I do have stories, concerning just one XBF, but I am not sure if I want to post them. I think people who come from countries like Haiti might have a different mindset than those that grew up in the US and never worried seriously about dying or being displaced by political unrest. I have become more moderate and understanding in these things. That said, I know I am not comfortable with the scenarios you mentioned. Which means I would not gift the amounts you mentioned to those folks because I would be insulted by their use of the $$.

It ia on me for giving a gift with invisible or even visible strings in the case of XBF. What I learned from my experience is if I can't give a gift of $$ without attachment to how it used, I should not give it at all. YMMV.

[Opti]

Jul 20, 2015 20:59:41 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Jul 20, 2015 20:49:22 GMT -5 busymom said:

Have you tried using that piece of paper, & taking him to court? (Just curious....)

No, because 1) he doesn't have it, and 2) I don't want to damage that relationship. He's fallen on hard times and is living on the daybed in my mother's guest room. He's working again (not FT, however) but is also acting as my mother's defacto live-in help (she's 92). He gets his kids (teenage boys) every other week, and I don't want to get cut out of their lives (or hers). So I'm sitting on it - probably permanently .

The other DB relationship is too far gone to repair. I haven't seen him or talked with him since his oldest daughter's wedding 5 years ago (the one I finished raising for him; we paid for her wedding and DH walked her down the aisle). I "drove the last nail into the coffin" on that one when I sent him a 1099 for what he owed me instead of continuing to ask for it to be paid back. I'm pretty sure it further messed him up financially (he lives on SSI now and doesn't have the $$ to pay taxes on that much income) but at least he "got the message" and has never asked me for any more money .

You have to write up the paperwork AND be prepared to enforce it. I lost thousands because when I was with XBF, he encouraged me to not fully enforce my divorce decree, therefore my XH did not pay me more $$ when he remarried, to fully settle the house/mortgage in the early 2000s. (He couldn't afford to pay me at the time of the divorce and I didn't enforce the paperwork when I could/should have.

He went on to remodel/add to the home to apparently the tune of $150K, I think. (Good news is, I believe most of that was borrowed from new inlaws. )