What to do with money from my mother?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My mother has sent me $1,000. 
I made no request for any money. 
She may or may not know about me being laid-off from my job. 
I feel mildly guilty about accepting the money. My mother and I do not have a good relationship. 

I could

a) just put the money in savings to help weather this next year as I no longer have the option of earning what I did last year (we live by the school year)

b) send DD#2 to a camp for gifted students. She went last year and intended to go this year. With the lay-off, we told this was a luxury we couldn't justify. 

c)


What do you think?

[cronewitch]

First prevent homelessness. If you have no danger of homeless or hungry you could pay for the camp. I would save it for car repairs or unexpected things until you land a job and to keep the rent paid.

[andi9899]

My head says do a. However, I have spoiled children so I would likely end up doing b to make her happy.

[HoneyBBQ]

IIRC, you guys are pretty 'ok' in the savings and long term picture, right?

If that is the case.... I'd say b.

[hoops902]

Did mom say what it was for? If not, call her, and ask. That will help drive your decision. If it's just because she knows you're on hard times, save it for an emergency. There's maybe a chance she knows DD wasn't going to go to camp and intended you to use it for that, which would mean go with option B. I'd assume to pick option A unless it was for something specific.

[giramomma]

I'd go with A and save it.

[The Captain]

Jul 20, 2015 15:21:13 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'd go with A and save it.

 me too.

[Deleted]

I'd ask mom what she intended me to use it for, but kind of weird that she sent it & didn't communicate. Did you give her a loan once & maybe this is repayment? 

[Deleted]

Mom probably feels guilty about something, take the money and buy what you need...it will make her feel better.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Here is our email exchange from this morning (She sent the money via a Chase payment.): 

Good morning!
I've received an email that says you've sent me some money. Did you hit the wrong button? Was there something you wanted us to use that for?
Happy Monday,
Chloe


Chloe,
No, I didn't hit a wrong button. Use it for what ever you'd like.
?

Love, Mom

We will not be homeless or hungry. My husband still grosses ~$125K. At the moment, we're looking at a 10% - 20% gross reduction in household income. If the MFH issue negatively escalates, that could drain our savings. 
We have ~$16,750 in cash,

$5K of which is official EF,

$8,600 of which is me hoarding cash originally for the selling of the MFH  and now for my income reduction, 
$1500 for rental home maintenance
$1100 for our home maintenance
$550 for car maintenance (both cars are fully under warranty)

Best case, starting with September's budget, we will be $1,000 short per month without making any cuts. 
Worst case, starting with September's budget and no other catastrophes, we will be $2,000 short per month without making any cuts.

[giramomma]

Yeah, I'd still save the money. No way I'd send my kid to camp.

But, I've also had several 1-3K murphies happen in the last 2 years or so. Relying on luck hasn't been my friend, as of late.

[HoneyBBQ]

Eh, ...... I'll still be the lone dissenter. You guys make good money. IF it is a really good camp for a REALLY GIFTED child... I'd still do it. How many opportunities like this will exist for the kiddo?

[ArchietheDragon]

Where is the poor kid going to get to second base if she doesn't go to camp?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 20, 2015 16:02:55 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Where is the poor kid going to get to second base if she doesn't go to camp?

[Peace Of Mind]

I choose B for Blow it!  And you didn't thank your mom for the money?  I didn't see "Thank you, mom!!!" in your response. 

You seem ungrateful so you should give the money to me and I will thank her.  Not buying it?  crap.

[TheHaitian]

Jul 20, 2015 15:59:38 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Eh, ...... I'll still be the lone dissenter. You guys make good money. IF it is a really good camp for a REALLY GIFTED child... I'd still do it. How many opportunities like this will exist for the kiddo?

I am with Honeybbq on this one, I would do B.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 20, 2015 15:59:38 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Eh, ...... I'll still be the lone dissenter. You guys make good money. IF it is a really good camp for a REALLY GIFTED child... I'd still do it. How many opportunities like this will exist for the kiddo?

And this is where I'm struggling. She is not engaged in her public school. TAG services are nil. And, she goes to school in DH's district!
She did get to go last year, so it's not like she's never had the opportunity. It put her a bit in her place, too, which I think was good. For two weeks, she was no longer the smartest kid in the room.


She does dance--pointe, contemporary, and jazz. So, it's not like she's completely deprived. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 20, 2015 16:17:35 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I choose B for Blow it!  And you didn't thank your mom for the money?  I didn't see "Thank you, mom!!!" in your response. 

You seem ungrateful so you should give the money to me and I will thank her.  Not buying it?  crap.

Because there was absolutely no personal communication from her, I really did want to make sure it was intentional. 
She sent me $20 via Chase last month to pay me back for tickets to DD's dance recital. 
She is not technologically illiterate, but she's not savvy either. 

When DH and I have decided what to do with the funds, I'll send her a handwritten thank you note that includes the plan. 
She trained me well to send handwritten thank you notes. 

[zibazinski]

I'd use it for DD and say thank you.

[Bonny]

I think the MFH situation is going to get really ugly. You need to prepare to either evict or cash for keys.

But that needs to come from your DH's side. His x-home, his family, his problem.

This is a gift from your mom and should be used accordingly.

[Peace Of Mind]

Jul 20, 2015 16:22:27 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 20, 2015 16:17:35 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I choose B for Blow it!  And you didn't thank your mom for the money?  I didn't see "Thank you, mom!!!" in your response. 

You seem ungrateful so you should give the money to me and I will thank her.  Not buying it?  crap.

Because there was absolutely no personal communication from her, I really did want to make sure it was intentional. 
She sent me $20 via Chase last month to pay me back for tickets to DD's dance recital. 
She is not technologically illiterate, but she's not savvy either. 

When DH and I have decided what to do with the funds, I'll send her a handwritten thank you note that includes the plan. 
She trained me well to send handwritten thank you notes. 

So are you or are you not sending me $1,000?    


I was just teasing you.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

And see, I thought we all learned from MJ2.0 that if we politely distract the stalker then they'd eventually give up. 

NO, POM, I am NOT sending you any money! 

[Peace Of Mind]

I wouldn't have stalked you had you not sent me those pictures. 

[The Captain]

Jul 20, 2015 16:46:13 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

And see, I thought we all learned from MJ2.0 that if we politely distract the stalker then they'd eventually give up. 

NO, POM, I am NOT sending you any money! 

(Ow...my eyes)

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Hmmm... you know what, I may not be getting an August paycheck. I need to figure that out before I send the kid to camp. 

[moneymom]

I'd spend it on the camp, hands down.  I feel like camps and summer activities actually defines fun summer memories and that is priceless.  I'd take a pic of your DD at the camp and send it to mom with a big "thank you" and explain that the money was used for the camp. 

May I ask why you and your mom don't get along?  (feel free to ignore!!!).  

[TheOtherMe]

As a bored child in public schools before gifted programs existed, if you think your finances can handle it, I'd send her to the camp.  I drove my teachers crazy misbehaving because I was bored in school.  I read so much I thought I knew as much or more than they did.  I didn't reach the level of having to work at school until a few college classes, mainly statistics.  Grad school was my eye opener.

[zibazinski]

Same here.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 20, 2015 19:04:58 GMT -5 moneymom said:

 the camp, hands down.  I feel like camps and summer activities actually defines fun summer memories and that is priceless.
May I ask why you and your mom don't get along?  (feel free to ignore!!!).  

My mother loves me; she just doesn't like me.
I'd say the four main reasons are: 
1)She believes I am smarter than she is; she believes that anyone who is smarter than she is cannot possibly like her. 
2) I knew what I wanted to do with my life from about age ten (teach). She never figured out what she wanted to do and thus suffers from "a life unfulfilled" syndrome. Because I figured out my life, she resents me for it.
3) She chose my ex-husband over me. She likes him. She believes they are cut from the same cloth. While we have been officially divorced for eight years, she, for example, had Christmas dinner with him last year. I cannot accept this. She doesn't understand why I cannot accept it. We are at impasse until she chooses me. 
4) I believe she is un-diagnosed bi-polar. The depressive states have caused her to scream ridiculous things at me; About six-ish years ago, I stopped tolerating it. She lives in filth and hoards. She cannot understand why I don't want to be around that. Because my house is clean, she accuses me of being a snob. 

[busymom]

I'd thank her for the gift, & put the money into my emergency fund.

Tell you mom the next time she's being generous, that you know this online group of people who LOVE gifts!