mamasita99
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Post by mamasita99 on Mar 4, 2015 5:28:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, may you find comfort and peace through all of this.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 4, 2015 9:27:26 GMT -5
I'm sorry you couldn't attend Mich. I'm confused how having it at a VFW hall excluded you though.
Condolences on your loss. I knew someone who had three memorial services for her Dad so everyone could attend. Perhaps your sister and you could have another memorial service to celebrate your Dad's life?
Only members and guests are allowed in a VFW hall. Apparently no one was thoughtful enough to invite the deceased DAUGHTERS to the ceremony. It's downright disgraceful. I am so sorry Mich . I am so sorry for your loss
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 4, 2015 10:23:14 GMT -5
I'm sorry you couldn't attend Mich. I'm confused how having it at a VFW hall excluded you though.
Condolences on your loss. I knew someone who had three memorial services for her Dad so everyone could attend. Perhaps your sister and you could have another memorial service to celebrate your Dad's life?
It was scheduled during my return flight (and they knew it). I could only wrangle 2 days off, I HAD to be out of there yesterday afternoon. My point was that it did not have to be at the VFW hall. I understand the reasoning behind it, but I would think having 2 of his daughters attend would trump those.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 4, 2015 10:25:35 GMT -5
I'm sorry you couldn't attend Mich. I'm confused how having it at a VFW hall excluded you though.
Condolences on your loss. I knew someone who had three memorial services for her Dad so everyone could attend. Perhaps your sister and you could have another memorial service to celebrate your Dad's life?
Only members and guests are allowed in a VFW hall. Apparently no one was thoughtful enough to invite the deceased DAUGHTERS to the ceremony. It's downright disgraceful. I am so sorry Mich . I am so sorry for your loss I could attend, Carolina. That was not the issue. The issue was that our return flights were scheduled but rather than doing it earlier, or at another location, it had to be there.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 4, 2015 10:34:28 GMT -5
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Mar 4, 2015 10:41:37 GMT -5
So sorry Mich.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 4, 2015 10:56:12 GMT -5
Mich, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the thoughtless exclusion of you and your sister from the celebration of life ceremony.
It's wonderful that his letters were kept all those years.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 4, 2015 11:07:35 GMT -5
Only members and guests are allowed in a VFW hall. Apparently no one was thoughtful enough to invite the deceased DAUGHTERS to the ceremony. It's downright disgraceful. I am so sorry Mich . I am so sorry for your loss I could attend, Carolina. That was not the issue. The issue was that our return flights were scheduled but rather than doing it earlier, or at another location, it had to be there. I still want to kick all of them for you. It was an awful thing to do.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 4, 2015 11:13:14 GMT -5
I could attend, Carolina. That was not the issue. The issue was that our return flights were scheduled but rather than doing it earlier, or at another location, it had to be there. I still want to kick all of them for you. It was an awful thing to do. I'll add a kick or two, at least. Thoughtless, insensitive, idiotic and downright outrageous, I'd say. Family trumps everything. They should have either scheduled it to your convenience or moved it or both.
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gacpa
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Post by gacpa on Mar 4, 2015 12:46:45 GMT -5
I wish you peace in the days ahead, Mich. So glad you were able to get your parent's letters.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 4, 2015 13:00:52 GMT -5
My point was that it did not have to be at the VFW hall. I understand the reasoning behind it, but I would think having 2 of his daughters attend would trump those.
Oh boy do I sympathize. My grandmother insisted that my grandfather's funeral had to be in Papillion. We live in Council Bluffs.
When I questioned her decision she said it had to be there b/c "important family lives there"
She said that while my dad was sitting next to her on the couch! Who knew that her son and grandchildren weren't "important" family and worth taking into consideration when planning the funeral.
I still haven't figured out who the hell was so damn important we had to have the funeral in Papillion. They should have worn name tags so the rest of us could know who these oh so special people who trumped us were.
I try to chalk it up to people who are grieving don't always make the best decisions, but her comment REALLY pissed me off. If she'd kept it up there may have been a second funeral.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 4, 2015 17:42:37 GMT -5
There is going to be another event (for lack of a better word, my dad did not want any kind of service at all) in Indiana this summer, where we'll put his ashes with my mom.
Their logic was that dad had a 'family' in NY that would want to honor his passing, and while he did spend time at the VFW, IMO it really shouldn't have mattered WHERE it was. I would have liked to attend, but at this point it is easier to let them do what they want. But both my sister and I are both hurt, and I suspect in their singlemindedness, had no idea how roughshod they ran over our feelings.
I bit my tongue a LOT the last 4 days, because it was easier than making waves.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Mar 4, 2015 17:46:26 GMT -5
The Walk of the Penguin Mich, there is no easy way through this kind of thing. It's always horrifically painful. However, I'm sad to hear so many detrimental additions are being cast into your path. I just hope you and your sister, and others close to your dad are able to find some peace. You're in my thoughts.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 4, 2015 17:48:18 GMT -5
These things happen at nearly all funerals in the family. Not everything is done just right.
I am sorry you are hurt so badly. That was totally bad form on their part. The only way they will know is for someone to tell them.
We are here to support you. Thanks for sharing.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 4, 2015 20:40:15 GMT -5
There is going to be another event (for lack of a better word, my dad did not want any kind of service at all) in Indiana this summer, where we'll put his ashes with my mom. Their logic was that dad had a 'family' in NY that would want to honor his passing, and while he did spend time at the VFW, IMO it really shouldn't have mattered WHERE it was. I would have liked to attend, but at this point it is easier to let them do what they want. But both my sister and I are both hurt, and I suspect in their singlemindedness, had no idea how roughshod they ran over our feelings. I bit my tongue a LOT the last 4 days, because it was easier than making waves. Oh Mich I'm terribly sorry. And I know the situation with step-siblings is going to be tough going forward.
I'm glad you got the letters. You'll treasure them forever.
Are you and your sister planning the memorial service in Indiana?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 4, 2015 22:39:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry you couldn't attend Mich. I'm confused how having it at a VFW hall excluded you though.
Condolences on your loss. I knew someone who had three memorial services for her Dad so everyone could attend. Perhaps your sister and you could have another memorial service to celebrate your Dad's life?
It was scheduled during my return flight (and they knew it). I could only wrangle 2 days off, I HAD to be out of there yesterday afternoon. My point was that it did not have to be at the VFW hall. I understand the reasoning behind it, but I would think having 2 of his daughters attend would trump those. Wow. I'm so sorry the service was scheduled at a time you couldn't possibly make it. I'm going to be safe and say nothing else.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Mar 4, 2015 23:11:52 GMT -5
I'd wonder what the big rush was to hold the service so quickly at the VFW. A memorial service doesn't have to be so "immediate". It could have been scheduled with proper planning - so that all surviving family could be synchronized to be able to attend. (Specifically Mich & her sib).
When my DH passed, it was almost two weeks before his final services.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 5, 2015 10:47:15 GMT -5
Their logic was that dad had a 'family' in NY that would want to honor his passing, and while he did spend time at the VFW, IMO it really shouldn't have mattered WHERE it was. I would have liked to attend, but at this point it is easier to let them do what they want. But both my sister and I are both hurt, and I suspect in their singlemindedness, had no idea how roughshod they ran over our feelings.
If I was closer to you I'd take you out for a drink. This is EXACTLY what my grandmother did. According to my parents they haven't been any living relatives where we had the funeral since before I was born in 1983.
Apparently these random people were far more important than her own son and grandchildren. My dad is an absolute saint for not putting her in her place. God knows I wanted to b/c it freaking hurt to have it implied that I am not "family".
So we had the freaking funeral in Papillion, then she insisted on burying him in North O and then the reception was in Millard.
DH said that was the first time in his entire life he's almost had to pull out of a funeral procession to get gas/have a bathroom break. I did that drive after having given birth four days ago with stitches in a sensitive area. Thanks for the consideration grandma.
Afterwards Dh asked me who "the family" was. I told him I had no idea. That's how important these people are.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 5, 2015 10:51:12 GMT -5
Their logic was that dad had a 'family' in NY that would want to honor his passing, and while he did spend time at the VFW, IMO it really shouldn't have mattered WHERE it was. I would have liked to attend, but at this point it is easier to let them do what they want. But both my sister and I are both hurt, and I suspect in their singlemindedness, had no idea how roughshod they ran over our feelings.
If I was closer to you I'd take you out for a drink. This is EXACTLY what my grandmother did. According to my parents they haven't been any living relatives where we had the funeral since before I was born in 1983.
Apparently these random people were far more important than her own son and grandchildren. My dad is an absolute saint for not putting her in her place. God knows I wanted to b/c it freaking hurt to have it implied that I am not "family".
So we had the freaking funeral in Papillion, then she insisted on burying him in North O and then the reception was in Millard.
DH said that was the first time in his entire life he's almost had to pull out of a funeral procession to get gas/have a bathroom break. I did that drive after having given birth four days ago with stitches in a sensitive area. Thanks for the consideration grandma.
Afterwards Dh asked me who "the family" was. I told him I had no idea. That's how important these people are. I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut. Seriously.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 5, 2015 10:58:39 GMT -5
I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut. Seriously.
It wasn't for her sake. I kept my mouth shut for my father I felt like he had enough on his plate without me starting WWIII.
But God it was tempting. My brother was extremely pissed at her as well, he actually stopped speaking to her all together for awhile. She still has no clue how completely inconsiderate and hurtful that all was to us.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 5, 2015 11:40:39 GMT -5
Lord knows, I understand how emotions run high during these times. And this is largely the reason why I stepped back and let them do what they wanted (and ironically enough, I'm having the VFW send both the bar bill and catering bill to me). His wife's kids were posting all of these sappy sayings on Facebook, and finally I had to turn it off for a bit as they weren't dad. I tried to tell them that, that dad wasn't sappy sayings, but more of a "here's a bottle, have a drink on me" sort of person and I was told that I didn't know him anymore. Ummmm.....not quite. I've known him for 50+ years, you've known him for 11. He did not do a 180°. Again, I kept my mouth shut.
We are planning another event this summer, when it's possible for everyone to attend. Where it's going to be is at my dad's 'happy place', so it does take some of the sting out of what happened in NY earlier this week.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 5, 2015 11:42:33 GMT -5
Are these the same steps that he was acting as bank for - they're unbanked or something? Or do I have you confused with someone else?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 5, 2015 11:44:04 GMT -5
Sending you virtual drinks. You and my dad should be nominated for sainthood.
tried to tell them that, that dad wasn't sappy sayings, but more of a "here's a bottle, have a drink on me" sort of person and I was told that I didn't know him anymore
Oh hell's no! That comment is worthy of a beat down. You can borrow my 2x4.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 5, 2015 11:48:54 GMT -5
I head on a TV show today that according to the Journal of Alcohol and Alcoholism, a person is better looking if they have a drink or two.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 5, 2015 12:17:05 GMT -5
Lord knows, I understand how emotions run high during these times. And this is largely the reason why I stepped back and let them do what they wanted (and ironically enough, I'm having the VFW send both the bar bill and catering bill to me). His wife's kids were posting all of these sappy sayings on Facebook, and finally I had to turn it off for a bit as they weren't dad. I tried to tell them that, that dad wasn't sappy sayings, but more of a "here's a bottle, have a drink on me" sort of person and I was told that I didn't know him anymore. Ummmm.....not quite. I've known him for 50+ years, you've known him for 11. He did not do a 180°. Again, I kept my mouth shut. We are planning another event this summer, when it's possible for everyone to attend. Where it's going to be is at my dad's 'happy place', so it does take some of the sting out of what happened in NY earlier this week. You are an AMAZING and classy person Mich. I hope the Indiana event is everything you plan it to be.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 5, 2015 12:19:05 GMT -5
Are these the same steps that he was acting as bank for - they're unbanked or something? Or do I have you confused with someone else? The very same.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 5, 2015 12:22:13 GMT -5
The very same.
And they had the nerve to tell you you didn't know your own dad?!
We're going to need more 2x4s.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 5, 2015 12:24:14 GMT -5
I think I'd rather have more booze than 2x4s but that might just be me being a lush. Or maybe works better...
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Mar 5, 2015 13:09:06 GMT -5
Lord knows, I understand how emotions run high during these times. And this is largely the reason why I stepped back and let them do what they wanted (and ironically enough, I'm having the VFW send both the bar bill and catering bill to me). His wife's kids were posting all of these sappy sayings on Facebook, and finally I had to turn it off for a bit as they weren't dad. I tried to tell them that, that dad wasn't sappy sayings, but more of a "here's a bottle, have a drink on me" sort of person and I was told that I didn't know him anymore. Ummmm.....not quite. I've known him for 50+ years, you've known him for 11. He did not do a 180°. Again, I kept my mouth shut. We are planning another event this summer, when it's possible for everyone to attend. Where it's going to be is at my dad's 'happy place', so it does take some of the sting out of what happened in NY earlier this week. I can tell them to go to hell for you. I have a very large vocabulary and it would be really creative
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 5, 2015 13:30:25 GMT -5
And if it's not... swing by Indy. I'll buy you a drink and CarolinaKat can give those jerks a standing-O-worthy verbal beatdown.
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