The Captain
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Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Feb 23, 2015 12:45:52 GMT -5
www.huffingtonpost.com/yourtango/marriage-secret-no-one-admits_b_6715218.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592"When love is newly minted, it's easy to be insular and believe that you and your partner have everything figured out, that nothing can ever shake you, you will never fight, and nothing so stupid as socks on the floor could ever make you raise your voice at that adorable face. I don't mean to be condescending. It's a great time. Every couple has it and it is my sincere wish that it lasts as long as possible.
But it doesn't.
At some point in every marriage, you will find yourself sobbing into your pillow over toothpaste caps and if you don't, you're a Stepford Wife."
This article is soooo spot on, it should be required reading before every wedding ceremony. When I think about some of the stuff DH and I have gotten in epic arguments over...WOW, is all I can say. Just wow. I tend (no read am hyper type A) to be a bit more of a planner than DH. So it's c ommon not unusual for him to start a project and mis-calc costs or forget to get needed items (thus requiring a time wasting trip(s) back to the hardware store). One weekend he was working on a major project (I was doing all the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, grass cuting, bill paying etc - read ALL the household chores so he could work on his project) and he kept wasting so much time running back to the hardware store I snapped. It was pretty epic, and we both laugh about it now but at the moment, oh man...I was planning on making one of his favorites for dinner but changed my mind and made something I know he hated just to push his buttons. That is really not like me, but it was like I was just daring him to say something, go ahead...
We sat and ate the whole dinner pretty much in silence (this was before DD came alone). You could cut the air with a knife there was so much tension. After we were done eating, he looked up at me, smirked, and said "So how long until the makeup sex?" Gahhh! Couldn't help it, I started snickering. He started laughing, and before we knew it there was a big hug. Seriously, how can you stay mad at someone like that? Anyone else with fun stories to share?
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Feb 23, 2015 12:58:03 GMT -5
This relates to my In-laws some years ago. My wife and I had driven the 340 miles or so back to her parents farm for something (The event escapes me now) We walked into the kitchen to a scene from WWIII. My Mother in Law and My Father in Law were both in the kitchen creating the lettuce salad for dinner. Words were raging over how "large" or how small" the lettuce should be for dinner salad. Having been married only a year or two at that point my wife asked her folks if that was what awaited us once we had been married 40 years. Potential homicide over lettuce?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Feb 23, 2015 13:06:05 GMT -5
I remember one between my mom and my dad when I was in later teens. I was in my bedroom laughing so hard, I cried. Mom was really mad at Dad for something. I wasn't clear on what it was exactly and evidently he wasn't either. It went something like this:
Mom: Sometimes you can be so absolutely self-centered and you act like you have no clue of your surroundings! Dad: I'm sorry. Mom: Oh really? What exactly is it you are sorry about? Dad: I'm sorry for doing whatever made you mad. Mom: That's exactly my point! You don't even know what upset me. You just say "I'm sorry" to shut me up. Dad: I'm sorry about that, too.
At that point, Mom started laughing in spite of herself. I had started about 2 lines earlier. They cracked me up. They rarely fought and couldn't stay mad very long.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 23, 2015 13:09:36 GMT -5
I haven't read the article but my response to just the subject line:
The Marriage secret no one wants to admit...
...sometime you really do hate your spouse.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 23, 2015 13:13:10 GMT -5
The minister who married my parents gave them a bit of advice and she passed it onto me: There will be days when you hate your spouse. And that's okay.
When I was pregnant I sent DH to the store to buy Van De Camp's beans for dinner. He came home with Bush's baked beans. I threw a fit. DH instead of saying "Yes dear, I'm sorry" and heading back to the store, proceeded to argue with me about how Bush's baked beans were so much better and I should be happy he ignored my request and bought them.
I wanted them for my sloppy joes which are made with Van De Camp, that is how my mom made them. Any other bean is unacceptable. I got so mad I dumped the entire can of Bush's onto a bun and dolloped a tiny bit of meat on top. I served it to DH and he ate it out of spite, as he chewed he kept saying it was the most delicious thing he ever ate.
We both find the argument hysterical now, but I was ready to kill him over it. That's what pregnancy hormones do to you.
Now every time we go to the store DH asks if I made sure to check if we had Van De Camp's in the pantry.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 23, 2015 13:14:18 GMT -5
Seriously I love this. Great ideas for petty revenge...
A lot of my revenges have to do with interrupting his sleep, since that seems to be most often what we fight about...
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Feb 23, 2015 13:17:04 GMT -5
With the bone headed moves he made I'm surprised he lived through you being pregnant twice drama.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 23, 2015 13:18:35 GMT -5
With the bone headed moves he made I'm surprised he lived through you being pregnant twice drama.
He learned. His response to anything I said this time was "Yes dear/I'm sorry dear, did I forget to tell you how beautiful you are?"
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 23, 2015 13:38:57 GMT -5
With the bone headed moves he made I'm surprised he lived through you being pregnant twice drama.
He learned. His response to anything I said this time was "Yes dear/I'm sorry dear, did I forget to tell you how beautiful you are?"
DH and I actually talked about this before getting pregnant this time. The second time through has been much easier on both of us...
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Feb 23, 2015 19:04:19 GMT -5
There was an argument we had shortly after we were married. I have no idea what started it, but eventually, being the adult I thought I was at age 19 and married, I threw the roasted chicken across the room. It hit the all and fell into the bowl of mashed potatoes.
I had to clean it up.
That was not the last time however I threw something. We were on a TDY mission and were stationed in Arkansas. He came home for lunch and I had fixed him beanie weenies for lunch which he promptly rejected. Once again in my wisdom, I sailed the plate across the room like a Frisbee, it hit the wall and fell into the sink.
I had to clean it up.
50 years later I no longer throw food.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Feb 23, 2015 19:28:41 GMT -5
The secret to a happy marriage . . . remains a secret
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Feb 23, 2015 19:31:54 GMT -5
The secret to a happy marriage is simple: Do not share the same bathroom, bedroom or closet. Not sharing a bedroom is especially important if your SO snores. There is more than one person who deserves a good night sleep, and the guest room provides just that.
By not sharing the bathroom means no one fights over the way toothpaste is squeezed from the tube and no one can complain about all the beauty items left strewn around.
The closet That's a no brainer, your SO does not need to see new clothes hanging in the closet or make fun of how many clothes you actually have.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 23, 2015 19:49:57 GMT -5
I surely agree on the bathroom and although I wish DH was home and not in the hospital, I do NOT miss his snoring!! His cat started snoring the other night and it's a cross between a snore and a purr but whatever it is, it's loud. I sleep like the dead because it's exhausting dealing with DH, so I opened one eyeball and snarled at him to shut the F up! He abruptly stopped mid noise and peace reigned. If only I could train his father the same way.
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sesfw
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Today is the first day of the rest of my life
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Post by sesfw on Feb 23, 2015 19:53:48 GMT -5
The closet That's a no brainer, your SO does not need to see new clothes hanging in the closet or make fun of how many clothes you actually have.
We share a large walk-in closet and DH is the clothes horse. We have a rule now, anything new, something goes. I have a lot of space on my half and his clothes are jammed tight ......... and I won't let him hang anything on my side. He has dress clothes for winter and summer, and casual clothes for winter and summer. ...... and has at least a two week supply of everything. .......
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Feb 23, 2015 20:17:41 GMT -5
www.huffingtonpost.com/yourtango/marriage-secret-no-one-admits_b_6715218.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592"When love is newly minted, it's easy to be insular and believe that you and your partner have everything figured out, that nothing can ever shake you, you will never fight, and nothing so stupid as socks on the floor could ever make you raise your voice at that adorable face. I don't mean to be condescending. It's a great time. Every couple has it and it is my sincere wish that it lasts as long as possible.
But it doesn't.
At some point in every marriage, you will find yourself sobbing into your pillow over toothpaste caps and if you don't, you're a Stepford Wife."
This article is soooo spot on, it should be required reading before every wedding ceremony. When I think about some of the stuff DH and I have gotten in epic arguments over...WOW, is all I can say. Just wow. I tend (no read am hyper type A) to be a bit more of a planner than DH. So it's c ommon not unusual for him to start a project and mis-calc costs or forget to get needed items (thus requiring a time wasting trip(s) back to the hardware store). One weekend he was working on a major project (I was doing all the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, grass cuting, bill paying etc - read ALL the household chores so he could work on his project) and he kept wasting so much time running back to the hardware store I snapped. It was pretty epic, and we both laugh about it now but at the moment, oh man...I was planning on making one of his favorites for dinner but changed my mind and made something I know he hated just to push his buttons. That is really not like me, but it was like I was just daring him to say something, go ahead...
We sat and ate the whole dinner pretty much in silence (this was before DD came alone). You could cut the air with a knife there was so much tension. After we were done eating, he looked up at me, smirked, and said "So how long until the makeup sex?" Gahhh! Couldn't help it, I started snickering. He started laughing, and before we knew it there was a big hug. Seriously, how can you stay mad at someone like that? Anyone else with fun stories to share? I am assuming that when they refer to stepfford wives they are talking about people that are rational, even tempered, and can empathize with their spouse. I don't know, but it seems pretty cruel to pour salt on the wound and rip into your husband when he's probably already frustrated with the situation.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 23, 2015 22:11:53 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2015 22:18:56 GMT -5
Stepfford = doormat, robot, spineless and submissive.... Didn't you read that book? or watch the movie...
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Feb 24, 2015 0:41:01 GMT -5
Goose and I rarely fight now, but when we were first married at 21 and 23....wow, did we get into some stupid ones. I remember once he came home really late from work. I was frantic. I thought he was dead along side the road or something. When he pulled up, I met him in the yard with his plate of food and threw it at him. Then I burst into tears and told him since I thought he was dead, he doesn't get to eat MY FOOD! There were other ones that were just as stupid. Now, we are old and boring. No food throwing, rarely any fights at all. My daughter says that we are the most boring couple ever because of it. I just learned to let the small stuff go. He just learned to keep his mouth shut and not piss me off.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 24, 2015 8:20:41 GMT -5
A friend asked me the secret to not getting divorced (notice, she didn't ask me how to have a happy marriage - just how to stay married.)
I told her "Don't leave"
Don't leave when you are mad. Don't leave when you are bored. Don't leave when you are frustrated. Don't leave when you are fed up. Don't leave when the person at work flirts with you. Don't leave when someone else makes you feel needed, but your spouse doesn't. Don't leave when you can't find common ground. Don't leave when your spouse gets old / fat / ugly. Don't leave when you and your spouses energy is totally sapped, and you can't find a way to make each other a priority. Don't leave when the sex gets routine, or sporadic.
Just don't leave. Now - how to be happy in staying - totally different question, but you can't tackle it if you give up.
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
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Post by The Captain on Feb 24, 2015 9:08:57 GMT -5
...We sat and ate the whole dinner pretty much in silence (this was before DD came alone). You could cut the air with a knife there was so much tension. After we were done eating, he looked up at me, smirked, and said "So how long until the makeup sex?" Gahhh! Couldn't help it, I started snickering. He started laughing, and before we knew it there was a big hug. Seriously, how can you stay mad at someone like that? Anyone else with fun stories to share? I am assuming that when they refer to stepfford wives they are talking about people that are rational, even tempered, and can empathize with their spouse. I don't know, but it seems pretty cruel to pour salt on the wound and rip into your husband when he's probably already frustrated with the situation. Someone else already answered the first part, but stepfford wives are pretty much emotionless robots programmed to do what emulate what some men think they want. In reality it's learning to love the good with the bad that makes (IMHO) a solid relationship. As far as the second part: 1. I never said I was nice 2. DH doesn't really get frustrated, he's so ultra B to my hyper A it really is something of a miracle we are compatible. 3. Five, count em, FIVE trips to the hardware store in one weekend, really? (This was something of a repeat performance from prior weekends btw). 4. Did I mention the makeup sex?
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Feb 24, 2015 10:54:33 GMT -5
I am assuming that when they refer to stepfford wives they are talking about people that are rational, even tempered, and can empathize with their spouse. I don't know, but it seems pretty cruel to pour salt on the wound and rip into your husband when he's probably already frustrated with the situation. Someone else already answered the first part, but stepfford wives are pretty much emotionless robots programmed to do what emulate what some men think they want. In reality it's learning to love the good with the bad that makes (IMHO) a solid relationship. As far as the second part: 1. I never said I was nice 2. DH doesn't really get frustrated, he's so ultra B to my hyper A it really is something of a miracle we are compatible. 3. Five, count em, FIVE trips to the hardware store in one weekend, really? (This was something of a repeat performance from prior weekends btw). 4. Did I mention the makeup sex? Yeah, sounds like sour grapes to me. Calling people stepford wives who actually have a little bit of patience. Kinda like when people see a really in-shape and pretty wife and they call her a trophy wife...they are just jealous and need to make themselves feel better.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2015 11:00:55 GMT -5
Do people really cry over toothpaste caps
No, but DH has wanted to strangle me for not putting the cap back on.
remember once he came home really late from work. I was frantic. I thought he was dead along side the road or something
We had a fight like that too, again when I was pregnant (hmmm there seems to be a theme). We were going to Hobby Lobby. I went in by myself while DH stayed in the truck because DH would rather stab his eyeballs out than go into Hobby Lobby.
Unbeknownst to me, while I was shopping he had left the truck and made a beeline for the Hobby Lobby bathroom. We somehow managed to not cross paths.
I come out of the store and he's gone. I go back into the store, can't find him. I go back to the truck and start worrying that he's dead or something.
DH finally comes out and I start yelling at him about leaving the truck. Then I burst into tears.
Poor guy was so confused. We sat in the car for 20 minutes while he tried to calm me down.
If I had been in my right mind I would have remembered he ate Burger King for breakfast which meant if I couldn't find him odds are good he was in a bathroom somewhere.
He said later he was kinda flattered that I would react that strongly to the mere idea of him disappearing. He said it was nice to know he was loved that much.
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jeep108
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Post by jeep108 on Feb 24, 2015 11:09:30 GMT -5
I'm thinking of revenge as we speak.
My husband needs a paper signed from my doctor for our health insurance, bugs me all week. I stress about it but get it done, give him the paper. Last night whiling eating dinner and he tells me he doesn't know what he did with the paper.... Grrr.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 24, 2015 11:34:57 GMT -5
Yup, DH accused me of losing the form I signed to get added to his health insurance. Um, it was on his comptrollers desk where he asked me to put it after I signed it. Humble pie anyone? Tastes yummy.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Feb 24, 2015 11:41:11 GMT -5
Early on in our marriage- we had a lot of issues that drove us both nuts. It's all about learning to live together. DH used to come home everyday at lunch. When I would get home from work there would be soda cans on the counter. Drove me batty that he couldn't bother to put them in the recycle bin. I tried everything- asking, yelling, throwing them. Nothing worked. Until finally I told him that if I found another can on the counter, I was going to mess up his dress pants (something that drove me crazy for something that drove him crazy). He was very particular about how they hang so he didn't have to iron them for work. So next day, soda can on the counter. I went in and changed everyone of his dress pants, so they would wrinkle. That was 18 years ago, and there's never been an issue since.
Another story- once I did something stupid that did some damage while we were working on our house. He was telling the story to his family and made me feel really stupid in doing so. It felt like a stupid woman thing. I ended up crying he made me feel so crappy. Fast forward to the following year, when we are working on the project. He does the same thing I did- but far, far, far worse. I laughed my ass off. Seriously- could not stop laughing. I said " I know I should be pissed or mad, but I just can't". He told his family again, and told them about my reaction. His mother says " that's why your marriage will work. " DH and I still joke about it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2015 11:44:20 GMT -5
DH never bothered to put his car registration in the truck. He got in a wreck (other driver's fault) and the insurance declared it totaled he needed it. He couldn't find it and wanted to know where I put it. I told him it was in the sunroom by the phone.
He accused me of taking it out of his truck. I told him he never put it in the truck and he should thank me for keeping track of it all this time.
We had this "discussion" out on the lawn in front of the insurance guy and my dad.
Worked out good we got $8k for the truck and we used that to purchase the Pontiac. He keeps track of his own paperwork now.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Feb 24, 2015 11:45:57 GMT -5
I am not a good paperwork guy either. Drives my wife crazy. She kept reminding me to get my car registration filed but finally dropped it. It really pissed her off when I called her on my way to work one morning and asked her if she could pick me up and drive to me work because the cop that stopped me was towing my car.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Feb 24, 2015 11:46:05 GMT -5
DW and I have an understanding.
I'm annoying.
I can't help it.
Apparently I've been this way all my life.
I'm male, and I can't seem to figure out what the rules are.
I'm sorry, dear.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2015 11:47:16 GMT -5
It really pissed her off when I called her on my way to work one morning and asked her if she could pick me up and drive to me work because the cop that stopped me was towing my car
Did she make you hitchhike?
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Feb 24, 2015 11:48:48 GMT -5
I am not a good paperwork guy either. Drives my wife crazy. She kept reminding me to get my car registration filed but finally dropped it. It really pissed her off when I called her on my way to work one morning and asked her if she could pick me up and drive to me work because the cop that stopped me was towing my car. So, did she tell you that she had other plans and that you were going to have to find your own way to work?
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