Internet safety and kids

[siralynn]

I'm going to go with total overreaction, but my kid is only 1.5 years old so far, so maybe my opinion will change later. But I do have tons of her pictures online, on my private Facebook account, because my immediate family all lives 3000+ miles away and Facebook is a great tool for keeping in touch with them.

As far as "we live in dangerous times" - the evidence doesn't support that. It's actually never been safer to be a kid or an adult in terms of crime rates.

[justme]

How about split the baby and use her middle name so it's not really traceable?

I'm childless, but agree that the numbers don't back up how much worse it is today. It's a lot of media hype. Well hype is probably not the right word. But it's the people she does know that you have more to fear from.

Fwiw my picture was in the paper several times and I always thought it was the coolest thing. I also did some game reviews in middle school that I believe were also posted online and a couple things on awards from high school and college I haven't found a single thing that's actually me on the first five pages of Google and I have a unique last name.

Btw - does she play any sports? If so how are you going to handle her playing sports in high school?

[bean29]

I am thinking of all my friends and family and all the kid pics shared back and forth. All my relatives who posted their grade school kid pics doing the ice bucket challenge this past year. I know an awful lot of really good parents including some who are teachers or have teaching degrees that have posted kid pics on the internet.

I am reasonably certain you can not tag someone in a Facebook post without them having a Facebook account.  DH's aunt passed away recently and he just posted a baby pic of the Aunt with DH and his brother's (DH and 2 of his brothers are older than his Aunt).  DH could not tag his aunt's pic b/c she did not have a FB account.

DH has Aunts and Uncles and Cousins in California.  This Aunt lived in California.  Her kids visited us 4 years ago, then we returned to visit them for a weekend.  DD has had the Daughter as a FB friend ever since.  I don't think DH had her as a FB friend...but DH has a FB account to chat occasionally with college friends and business contacts.  If he goes on a few times a year that is it.  DD also has her Cousins in GA, and some friends who moved away, and kids she met at High School FBLA and Business Competitions, and working volunteer groups who attend different HS's as FB friends. 

I understand your DD is only 12 but sooner or later she is going to need to use social media to connect with other kids for HS projects etc.

DD had the same group of kids in a lot of her classes and the teachers were somewhat shocked that the kids were using social media for homework groups etc.

DD is on Facebook and Twitter. Facebook is heavily used by incoming College Freshmen to vette potential roommates.

DD also is in strong with a local employer. They lost their long time office manager and the newbie manager's instructions said if they needed staff contact Bean's DD (Bean's DD sends a message on twitter to see if anyone needs a job).  The employer decided that my daughter was bringing them some of the best candidates they had ever had. 

I think your DD is just about at the age where she can start using social media responsibly. 

[weltschmerz]

Do I think you're making too big a deal out of it? Yes, big time.

If my child was excited about his picture in the paper, and the whole thing was scrapped because of one paranoid parent, I'd be furious!

[The Captain]

I've got no problem being considered paranoid if that keeps my kid just one smidge safer.  In fact, I think there may be a new hoodie in my future with Paranoid Parent emblazoned across the back!

Quite honestly, I don't really care what other parents think.  I have the right to refuse to publish (ya think there may be a reason for this form?).


What I'm trying to figure out is what is the right age to start relaxing a bit and trust her to use sound judgement.  IIRC at 12 I though I knew it all and was impervious to harm.  Damn was I dumb. 

[Sharon]

Jan 15, 2015 16:14:27 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I've got no problem being considered paranoid if that keeps my kid just one smidge safer.  In fact, I think there may be a new hoodie in my future with Paranoid Parent emblazoned across the back!

Quite honestly, I don't really care what other parents think.  I have the right to refuse to publish (ya think there may be a reason for this form?).


What I'm trying to figure out is what is the right age to start relaxing a bit and trust her to use sound judgement.  IIRC at 12 I though I knew it all and was impervious to harm.  Damn was I dumb. 

Then you need to tell your kids to stand aside when pictures are being taken for school that may be published.  You are imposing your values on the other parents and their children.

[Deleted]

Jan 15, 2015 16:18:29 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Jan 15, 2015 16:14:27 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I've got no problem being considered paranoid if that keeps my kid just one smidge safer.  In fact, I think there may be a new hoodie in my future with Paranoid Parent emblazoned across the back!

Quite honestly, I don't really care what other parents think.  I have the right to refuse to publish (ya think there may be a reason for this form?).


What I'm trying to figure out is what is the right age to start relaxing a bit and trust her to use sound judgement.  IIRC at 12 I though I knew it all and was impervious to harm.  Damn was I dumb. 

Then you need to tell your kids to stand aside when pictures are being taken for school that may be published.  You are imposing your values on the other parents and their children.

[The Captain]

Jan 15, 2015 16:18:29 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Jan 15, 2015 16:14:27 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I've got no problem being considered paranoid if that keeps my kid just one smidge safer.  In fact, I think there may be a new hoodie in my future with Paranoid Parent emblazoned across the back!

Quite honestly, I don't really care what other parents think.  I have the right to refuse to publish (ya think there may be a reason for this form?).


What I'm trying to figure out is what is the right age to start relaxing a bit and trust her to use sound judgement.  IIRC at 12 I though I knew it all and was impervious to harm.  Damn was I dumb. 

Then you need to tell your kids to stand aside when pictures are being taken for school that may be published.  You are imposing your values on the other parents and their children.

Bullshit. It was an unposed group shot at an open event. She didn't even know her picture was taken.

Conversely, you are expecting me to allow other parent's values to be imposed on me?

Can't have it both ways.

[Sharon]

In our household we used to talk about how different families believe in different things and that just because the other families did these things did not mean that we did.  These families weren't good, bad or otherwise it was just a different way of doing things.

DD knew that she wasn't to participate in those things that we did not believe in.  Other parents allowing their children to have their picture in the paper is not imposing their values on you.

DD's school also knew which kids had signed slips to be allowed in pictures and which one's didn't and they school was able to handle it without the kids really being aware of what was going on.

[swamp]

My kids were in the paper all the freakin' time for their small Catholic school. With names. And sometimes the parents names. I also post their pics on FB a lot. I dont' worry about it.

[weltschmerz]

Jan 15, 2015 16:14:27 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I've got no problem being considered paranoid if that keeps my kid just one smidge safer.  In fact, I think there may be a new hoodie in my future with Paranoid Parent emblazoned across the back!

Quite honestly, I don't really care what other parents think.  I have the right to refuse to publish (ya think there may be a reason for this form?).


What I'm trying to figure out is what is the right age to start relaxing a bit and trust her to use sound judgement.  IIRC at 12 I though I knew it all and was impervious to harm.  Damn was I dumb. 

In that case, you shouldn't let her out of the house at all. She'll be one smidge safer. A whole bunch of smidges!

[midjd]

In my experience (not as a parent, but as a 12-year-old kid who had paranoid parents) it may end up backfiring on you.

When you spend a lot of time focusing on the statistically unlikely dangers, and feel pretty confident about your ability to avoid them, you may end up lulled into a false sense of security and overlook a more pressing danger.

My parents were very worried about stranger danger. I believe the Adam Walsh incident happened when I was pretty young. I wasn't allowed to spend the night with anyone who wasn't a blood relative until I was in high school. (You can guess how the story ends).

I can name off at least a dozen friends and acquaintances who have had similar experiences -- and those are just the people who have shared that with me. But I can't think of a single person I have ever known who has been snatched off the street, abducted, or attacked by a stranger, or stalked by someone who saw a picture online.

I'm not going to criticize anyone for doing what they feel they should do to keep their children safe. But I will say I think it's best to focus on the actual dangers rather than perceived ones fueled by the media.

[Deleted]

You could tell the school not to include her name and to blurr face. I think the mystery person might get more attention than named faces so not best idea. But that would let the other kids get picture in.

Kids always very excited for their picture in the paper or on school district website and brochures. Then candid photos in yearbook too. They more excited about that than the posed picture.

You ask opinions so some same as you and some think different. I think local paper not a problem, but if you live in big city maybe it is bad.