NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 29, 2014 15:17:03 GMT -5
I had to go in to work today so I am feeling cantankerous: So today I read yet another one of those "what never to say to..." threads. In the last couple of months I have seen them about expected mothers, new parents, people who lost/gained weight, looked older/younger then before, recent/ soon to be retirees, college students, and today flight attendants (I am quite sure I missed a number in my list). And then there are the lists of words that we shouldn't use anymore (don't say "x" use "y" instead) Although I will admit that there were some doozies in all these never to say lists have we really become so thin skinned that there is always someone who will take offense or are we just waiting for a fight and any reason will do. I feel like I should just make a recording of some innoceous sentences and send out a robot to do my socializing for me Anyone else run into this??
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 29, 2014 15:18:41 GMT -5
I respect your opinion as a person and enjoy conversing pleasantries with you.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 29, 2014 15:23:47 GMT -5
Do you mean me or my robot Archie?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 29, 2014 15:24:56 GMT -5
I've taken to saying "different folks/parents/businesses/teachers/doctors/kids/whatvever do what works for them" in most situations even if I have a strong opinion. If it is a safety issue, I speak up, though.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 29, 2014 15:27:47 GMT -5
I am at the point now that I just tell everybody to fuck themselves and then wish them a Merry Christmas - even in June. And I agree with you so just say whatever you want to say without being overly insensitive and learn to say "Sorry!" a lot when people get butt hurt.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Dec 29, 2014 15:53:36 GMT -5
I felt the politically correct pressure. Bye, bye now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 16:07:37 GMT -5
I am at the point now that I just tell everybody to fuck themselves and then wish them a Merry Christmas - even in June. And I agree with you so just say whatever you want to say without being overly insensitive and learn to say "Sorry!" a lot when people get butt hurt. We usually say Happy Easter year round for me and DH. It confuses them and makes us laugh.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Dec 29, 2014 16:14:31 GMT -5
Some people need to think before speaking but we on the receiving end need to get past the hurt. I had things people said to me I couldn't believe they would say to anyone or ask them. I figured they were just not thinking so don't get upset by it. Parent's, teachers and others need to get over it if we say something thoughtless. I am sure they get really tired of some things they are told or asked like I do. Tall people get things like "how's the weather up there" it won't stop so they need to learn to deal with it, come up with a set answer like looks like hail storm is starting. When I was young I was always asked, are you married, how long, do you have kids, why not? So 4 sentences into meeting someone they hit my most private health issue to ask me about. I could tell them my medical history or not. I learned to tell them I was too young to have kids or I was going to wait until 65 so I could stay home and enjoy them. They didn't mean to pry into my medical history they didn't know how much it hurt for them to bring it up. After my divorce people would ask why I was divorced. One of the most painful things in a person's life and a stranger asks about it, I wouldn't even ask a sibling. What would you answer that you were caught having sex with your husband's sister or were caught molesting the children.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 29, 2014 16:14:57 GMT -5
I had to go in to work today so I am feeling cantankerous: So today I read yet another one of those "what never to say to..." threads. In the last couple of months I have seen them about expected mothers, new parents, people who lost/gained weight, looked older/younger then before, recent/ soon to be retirees, college students, and today flight attendants (I am quite sure I missed a number in my list). And then there are the lists of words that we shouldn't use anymore (don't say "x" use "y" instead) Although I will admit that there were some doozies in all these never to say lists have we really become so thin skinned that there is always someone who will take offense or are we just waiting for a fight and any reason will do. I feel like I should just make a recording of some innoceous sentences and send out a robot to do my socializing for me Anyone else run into this??<<ducks to avoid the shoe of political correctness aimed at my head>> All the time. I really want to grow up and be one of those self-righteous old people who thinks that it's my right as an old person to say anything, do anything, bust through lines, park my car over the lines, rant about how young people are ruining this country, doctors are killing us all and the English language ain't what it used to be, because you cannot use it to express yourself without some club-wielding member of the PC P.D. smacking you in the teeth in an effort to remind you that everyone's sense of humor has made like Elvis and left the building.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 16:24:44 GMT -5
I had to go in to work today so I am feeling cantankerous: So today I read yet another one of those "what never to say to..." threads. In the last couple of months I have seen them about expected mothers, new parents, people who lost/gained weight, looked older/younger then before, recent/ soon to be retirees, college students, and today flight attendants (I am quite sure I missed a number in my list). And then there are the lists of words that we shouldn't use anymore (don't say "x" use "y" instead) Although I will admit that there were some doozies in all these never to say lists have we really become so thin skinned that there is always someone who will take offense or are we just waiting for a fight and any reason will do. I feel like I should just make a recording of some innoceous sentences and send out a robot to do my socializing for me Anyone else run into this??<<ducks to avoid the shoe of political correctness aimed at my head>> All the time. I really want to grow up and be one of those self-righteous old people who thinks that it's my right as an old person to say anything, do anything, bust through lines, park my car over the lines, rant about how young people are ruining this country, doctors are killing us all and the English language ain't what it used to be, because you cannot use it to express yourself without some club-wielding member of the PC P.D. smacking you in the teeth in an effort to remind you that everyone's sense of humor has made like Elvis and left the building. Sounds like DH except he isn't waiting until he's old. He does it now. Maybe that's why we never go out in public together much anymore? Some days, I'm afraid someone is going to yank his cane from him and beat him with it. everyone's sense of humor has made like Elvis and left the building. - I will have to remember that. I like it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 16:27:16 GMT -5
Everyone is perpetually offended. So just don't bother. Or keep your conversation about The Bachelor or something.
Yes. Others don't need to run cpmmentary on someone else life. On the other hand a lot of slip of the tongues are just stupid faux pas with nothing meant whatsoever.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 29, 2014 16:34:55 GMT -5
Or keep your conversation about The Bachelor or something.
I'm offended over the fact that you think I watch The Bachelor.
Life's too short to constantly worry about whether or not I am offending someone. Life is also too short to be constantly offended.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 29, 2014 16:36:35 GMT -5
Some people need to think before speaking but we on the receiving end need to get past the hurt. I had things people said to me I couldn't believe they would say to anyone or ask them. I figured they were just not thinking so don't get upset by it. Parent's, teachers and others need to get over it if we say something thoughtless. I am sure they get really tired of some things they are told or asked like I do. Tall people get things like "how's the weather up there" it won't stop so they need to learn to deal with it, come up with a set answer like looks like hail storm is starting. When I was young I was always asked, are you married, how long, do you have kids, why not? So 4 sentences into meeting someone they hit my most private health issue to ask me about. I could tell them my medical history or not. I learned to tell them I was too young to have kids or I was going to wait until 65 so I could stay home and enjoy them. They didn't mean to pry into my medical history they didn't know how much it hurt for them to bring it up. After my divorce people would ask why I was divorced. One of the most painful things in a person's life and a stranger asks about it, I wouldn't even ask a sibling. What would you answer that you were caught having sex with your husband's sister or were caught molesting the children. While I agree that it does no one any good to walk around being butthurt by every stupid comment you receive, questions like "why don't you have kids?" or "why did you get divorced?" are not small talk (or at least shouldn't be.) I have no patience for people who freely run around asking intrusive or offensive questions and then brushing off any negative reactions as the recipient being "too sensitive" or "too politically-correct." (And yes, it goes the other way as well -- but in my experience, there are a lot more people who say stupid things and then bitch about "having to be PC" than there are people who run off to the restroom crying after someone asks how their day is going.) ETA -- this is not a direct response to the OP, and I agree that those lists are stupid. And is it ironic that I'm editing my post to try to avoid offending the person who posted about the easily offended?
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 29, 2014 17:16:48 GMT -5
I had to go in to work today so I am feeling cantankerous: So today I read yet another one of those "what never to say to..." threads. In the last couple of months I have seen them about expected mothers, new parents, people who lost/gained weight, looked older/younger then before, recent/ soon to be retirees, college students, and today flight attendants (I am quite sure I missed a number in my list). And then there are the lists of words that we shouldn't use anymore (don't say "x" use "y" instead) Although I will admit that there were some doozies in all these never to say lists have we really become so thin skinned that there is always someone who will take offense or are we just waiting for a fight and any reason will do. I feel like I should just make a recording of some innoceous sentences and send out a robot to do my socializing for me Anyone else run into this??<<ducks to avoid the shoe of political correctness aimed at my head>> All the time. I really want to grow up and be one of those self-righteous old people who thinks that it's my right as an old person to say anything, do anything, bust through lines, park my car over the lines, rant about how young people are ruining this country, doctors are killing us all and the English language ain't what it used to be, because you cannot use it to express yourself without some club-wielding member of the PC P.D. smacking you in the teeth in an effort to remind you that everyone's sense of humor has made like Elvis and left the building. You want to be my MIL?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 17:17:52 GMT -5
I read those lists and most of the time I'm amazed that people need to be told not to say those things. The latest one I read was about stuff not to say to people suffering clinical depression and one of the things not to say was "get over it". If you are stupid and/or mean enough to say something like that to someone with clinical depression the pc police should move in with you and you should have to vet every comment you ever want to make through them because you are obviously not fit to mingle in mixed company unsupervised.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 29, 2014 17:22:59 GMT -5
midjd said: At DH's cousin's house MIL asked his wife (age 48) if she was pregnant. I think she was trying to be funny. I'm not sure if that or stating that outfit makes you look fat is more offensive. She didn't let the cousin off the hook either. She wanted to know what he was paying in property taxes. There is no such thing as boundaries or self-censoring with her!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 18:14:20 GMT -5
There are 2 ends of the spectrum. The ones who find offense because a man opens a door as a nice gesture. And the "oh I am just being honest" crowd who run roughshod over everyone else.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 29, 2014 18:38:10 GMT -5
Shooby, I have been agreeing with you more and more lately... what is happening?!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 29, 2014 18:41:06 GMT -5
I read those lists and most of the time I'm amazed that people need to be told not to say those things. The latest one I read was about stuff not to say to people suffering clinical depression and one of the things not to say was "get over it". If you are stupid and/or mean enough to say something like that to someone with clinical depression the pc police should move in with you and you should have to vet every comment you ever want to make through them because you are obviously not fit to mingle in mixed company unsupervised. After being hospitalized for clinical depression, my boss told me all the time, to "Cheer the fuck up." Really? I hadn't thought of that! I wasn't butt hurt by it, but I never really understood it. I thought it was annoying.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 29, 2014 21:06:31 GMT -5
ETA -- this is not a direct response to the OP, and I agree that those lists are stupid. And is it ironic that I'm editing my post to try to avoid offending the person who posted about the easily offended? -rofl-I am not thin-skinned but I do think this is funny
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 21:40:32 GMT -5
I read those lists and most of the time I'm amazed that people need to be told not to say those things. The latest one I read was about stuff not to say to people suffering clinical depression and one of the things not to say was "get over it". If you are stupid and/or mean enough to say something like that to someone with clinical depression the pc police should move in with you and you should have to vet every comment you ever want to make through them because you are obviously not fit to mingle in mixed company unsupervised. After being hospitalized for clinical depression, my boss told me all the time, to "Cheer the fuck up." Really? I hadn't thought of that! I wasn't butt hurt by it, but I never really understood it. I thought it was annoying. That is annoying. Next time he says it, suggest that you put it on bumper stickers as the Company motto.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 21:58:56 GMT -5
Shooby, I have been agreeing with you more and more lately... what is happening?! I was abducted by aliens and returned back to earth after an uneventful autopsy!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 29, 2014 22:14:04 GMT -5
Shooby, I have been agreeing with you more and more lately... what is happening?! I was abducted by aliens and returned back to earth after an uneventful autopsy! Uneventful?!?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 22:14:48 GMT -5
I was abducted by aliens and returned back to earth after an uneventful autopsy! Uneventful?!? What happens in space, stays in space!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 29, 2014 22:22:48 GMT -5
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 30, 2014 9:51:34 GMT -5
<<ducks to avoid the shoe of political correctness aimed at my head>> All the time. I really want to grow up and be one of those self-righteous old people who thinks that it's my right as an old person to say anything, do anything, bust through lines, park my car over the lines, rant about how young people are ruining this country, doctors are killing us all and the English language ain't what it used to be, because you cannot use it to express yourself without some club-wielding member of the PC P.D. smacking you in the teeth in an effort to remind you that everyone's sense of humor has made like Elvis and left the building. You want to be my MIL? Well...maybe just for right now, while I'm still nice. When I do finally grow up and become that cantankerous old coot I described above, you have the right to tie a bungee rope around my left ear and drop me from the Bay Bridge.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 30, 2014 10:12:54 GMT -5
More and more I find myself "reading into" things and that makes me wonder whether or not every phrase becomes a secret code to someone. Some people have "hot" phrases, or phrases they consider the "sugarcoated" version of what they really want to say. When someone else uses the phrase without intending or knowing the secret meaning, a button can be pushed.
I recall some of those lists. I think one of the phrases was "when you have a moment, can you..." which can be code for "I'm trying to be polite, but I want what I want now". I kind of get how saying that to a harried waitress or stewardess who is obviously focused on something else, could add stress.
I suppose I also see how, like toomuchreality said, telling a depressed person to "try getting over it" is a complete dismissal of the depressed person's situation. Though that could be the intent. The boss might have really been saying "You won't get any coddling here, so you better keep doing your job."
Such is the difficulty of spoken language.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 30, 2014 10:17:31 GMT -5
More and more I find myself "reading into" things and that makes me wonder whether or not every phrase becomes a secret code to someone. Some people have "hot" phrases, or phrases they consider the "sugarcoated" version of what they really want to say. When someone else uses the phrase without intending or knowing the secret meaning, a button can be pushed. I recall some of those lists. I think one of the phrases was "when you have a moment, can you..." which can be code for "I'm trying to be polite, but I want what I want now". I kind of get how saying that to a harried waitress or stewardess who is obviously focused on something else, could add stress. I suppose I also see how, like toomuchreality said, telling a depressed person to "try getting over it" is a complete dismissal of the depressed person's situation. Though that could be the intent. The boss might have really been saying "You won't get any coddling here, so you better keep doing your job." Such is the difficulty of spoken language. Good point. The 'get over it" thing is not at all helpful to a depressed person. It really isn't helpful for anything. Just "get over" you flu already. Just "get over" you dog dying or whatever. It really is just a dismissive way to deal with someone else's pain. Not saying there aren't things we all need to "get over". Of course. But it is something that we work through in times ourselves not by the command of someone else. As for the code of "buck up or you might lose your job", I do agree. Better hear that. That may very well be a warning of Don't bring your personal problems to work type thing. Take heed.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 31, 2014 1:11:31 GMT -5
Because some people (me) are not so good at picking up on hints, I've become much more direct when I say things. I don't mean to be hurtful. I just want the message to be clear. I expect the same of my friends. If it's important, say it! That's what I think.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Jan 3, 2015 11:56:10 GMT -5
Shooby, I have been agreeing with you more and more lately... what is happening?! Are you pregnant?
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