Does a woman have the right to hid a baby/pregnancy...

[The Captain]

From the father of this child?

This is an offshoot of the baby drama thread.  I don't recall specifically whom, but I was stunned that a few posters appeared very comfortable saying they would not disclose a pregnancy to the father and felt the woman had the sole right to determine if the father would be involved in his child's life.  

Discuss.
   

[vonna]

I was raped in college. If that had resulted in pregnancy, I would NOT have told the father.

[The Captain]

What if the relationship was consentual?

[NoNamePerson]

I was one that asked if she didn't want the baby daddy to have any rights why didn't she just keep her mouth shut. Mostly aimed at the NO RIGHTS part. What was the point in her telling him and really not even know it's his.

But to answer your question, me personally if I had gotten pg and didn't want baby daddy knowing I would keep my mouth shut.

Flame away  

[Abby Normal]

Well she certainly has the "right" to do it, but that doesn't make it right.

DH has a coworker who just found out he has a 9 year old child.  Now he has to pay back child support for all those years and was never even given the option of spending time with the kid.  Doesn't seem fair, but it's the way it is. 

[zibazinski]

I thought this was about women hiding pregnancy from potential employers!

[Bob Ross]

I think the woman has the right to hide it as long as the father has the right to tell her how fat she's gotten.

[zibazinski]

I agree but if she's hidden it for years then no support should be forthcoming. Or she can relinquish custody to the father since she's shown what her character truly is.

[Angel!]

If I got pregnant as the result of a extremely short-lived relationship, like somewhere between 1 night & 1 month, odds are pretty good I'm not telling the dad.  I don't need to be chained to some guy I basically don't know for the next 18 years on a fling.

But, I would NEVER come back years later seeking support.  That is an extremely f'ed up thing to do.  Basically I would never let the guy know he had a kid.  Is it fair to the guy?  Maybe, maybe not.  I guess it depends on the guy & how they would feel about it.  But, I am kind of feeling as though what they NEVER know can't hurt them.

[zibazinski]

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

[Angel!]

Oct 10, 2014 16:06:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

The problem is, the state probably made them do it.  I know a lot of states won't let you claim any welfare if you don't have a father on the BC & aren't collecting (or attempting to collect) support. 

Totally sucks for the guy & there should be some penalty.  Messed up that now he has to emotionally deal with the fact that he missed the first 9 years of the kid's life & has no relationship at all.

[NoNamePerson]

Oct 10, 2014 16:14:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:06:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

The problem is, the state probably made them do it.  I know a lot of states won't let you claim any welfare if you don't have a father on the BC & aren't collecting (or attempting to collect) support. 

Totally sucks for the guy & there should be some penalty.  Messed up that now he has to emotionally deal with the fact that he missed the first 9 years of the kid's life & has no relationship at all.

That's interesting. There some who have no clue who the daddy is - possibly like the girl in the other thread.

I also agree that a no one should be able to go back years and claim CS if they didn't inform the baby daddy of child. If you make the decision to keep it to yourself then you live with the consequences of that decision.

[The Captain]

Oct 10, 2014 16:14:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:06:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

The problem is, the state probably made them do it.  I know a lot of states won't let you claim any welfare if you don't have a father on the BC & aren't collecting (or attempting to collect) support. 

Totally sucks for the guy & there should be some penalty.  Messed up that now he has to emotionally deal with the fact that he missed the first 9 years of the kid's life & has no relationship at all.

So it's the fault of the "state"?  Do you have a list of these states that will not provide social services to a child unless the name of the father is blank on the birth certificate?

[Angel!]

Oct 10, 2014 16:27:24 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:14:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

The problem is, the state probably made them do it.  I know a lot of states won't let you claim any welfare if you don't have a father on the BC & aren't collecting (or attempting to collect) support. 

Totally sucks for the guy & there should be some penalty.  Messed up that now he has to emotionally deal with the fact that he missed the first 9 years of the kid's life & has no relationship at all.

So it's the fault of the "state"?  Do you have a list of these states that will not provide social services to a child unless the name of the father is blank on the birth certificate?

I think you misunderstood.  State will not provide social service IF the name of the father is blank. 

I just remember I think it was swamp talking about how there is some day of the week or month that all the paternity tests roll through court so all these women can eventually collect welfare.  Am I remembering wrong?

[zibazinski]

You can simply say you don't know. Women have done it for decades having baby after baby with the same or latest baby daddy to collect. If you name the father, the state will go after him and you don't want that.

[zibazinski]

You can say it was unreported rape. I don't believe you have to come up with a name to collect.

[Angel!]

Here is an example:

Federal and state law requires a mother applying for or receiving TANF to cooperate with the Division of Support Enforcement and Recovery (DSER) by naming a father.

...

The "good cause" exceptions for domestic abuse/violence, incest and rape are clear. Naming the father is not required if there is documented evidence that a mother and/or child could be harmed in any way.

www.maine.gov/dhhs/ofi/dser/paternity/faq.html

Now, I don't know how picky they are & how easy it is to get away with "I don't know" or whatever. 

[Shooby]

Unless you are in danger or u think the baby is in danger or you were raped. Otherwise no.

[zibazinski]

Key word there is " cooperate." I can name lots of guys I WISH I'd had children with. Doesn't mean they were the fathers of my children. You can't force someone to name the father and say they get no money unless they do.

[Tennesseer]

Oct 10, 2014 16:39:09 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

You can say it was unreported rape. I don't believe you have to come up with a name to collect.

Wouldn't that possibly open the door (down the road a bit) to 'filing' a false police report?

[zibazinski]

Oct 10, 2014 17:50:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:39:09 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

You can say it was unreported rape. I don't believe you have to come up with a name to collect.

Wouldn't that possibly open the door (down the road a bit) to 'filing' a false police report?

Didnt file anything. Nothing to falsely report.  You can say you were "roofied." You can say anything.

[Opti]

Oct 10, 2014 15:41:46 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I agree but if she's hidden it for years then no support should be forthcoming. Or she can relinquish custody to the father since she's shown what her character truly is.

The problem is, who really is entitled to support or not, the

child - gets no say in the matter because they are a minor.

This is the biggest reason the state rarely allows all rights

to be relinquished. I think the state and perhaps society would

be OK with the solutions that left at least 2 adults on the hook

(financially for any child under 18).

[Opti]

Oct 10, 2014 15:55:48 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

In cases where the mother ends up on public assistance, I don't think the father should get off without paying support.

Being forced to support a kid you never knew existed, and had no say in keeping/aborting/adopting is kind of screwed up.

Unless they stole your sperm somehow though, you

should have been more careful.

Isn't that always what is said to women?

[Deleted]

Does a woman have the right to hid a baby/pregnancy...

Does she have the legal right? Absolutely.

Does she have the moral and/or ethical right? Unless it was rape... no.

[Opti]

Oct 10, 2014 16:06:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

Lose it to who?

And if Dad doesn't want to raise the child

it is a good idea for the tax-payers to?

[Tennesseer]

Oct 10, 2014 18:30:11 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Oct 10, 2014 17:50:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Wouldn't that possibly open the door (down the road a bit) to 'filing' a false police report?

Didnt file anything. Nothing to falsely report.  You can say you were "roofied." You can say anything.

But if one is telling a state social services office (seeking social service benefits) and you claim you were raped (via roofie or any other drug, or just by a stranger, etc.), I would think the social services office may be required to report the rape. Or at least inquire if the person reported the rape to the police. No? I don't know so that is why I am wondering.

[zibazinski]

Oct 10, 2014 19:01:06 GMT -5 Opti said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:06:59 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Not kind of but totally screwed up. Someone who pulls a stunt like that should lose custody.

Lose it to who?

And if Dad doesn't want to raise the child

it is a good idea for the tax-payers to?

Dad or Dad's family. I'm sure her family was in on the whole thing. My issue is that years later someone you probably don't even remember says you're the father of her child and now wants money. She has stolen years of you knowing you even have a child and now gets off scot free? Not a good plan. You want money NOW after keeping a secret like this? Punishment should fit the crime.

[raeoflyte]

I'm one of the posters referenced in the OP, and that would have been my exact plan for most of my life.  At this point, the only thing that would stop me from never telling the dad would be for the child so that they could have a relationship at some point in the future if the child wanted it.  

Life isn't fair and this is one area that equality isn't possible.  So dudes, if you want a choice in what happens to your potential offspring keep it in your pants until you have a decent relationship with the potential future mother of those offspring.  I don't agree that anyone should get stuck with back child support for a child they didn't know existed.  That is beyond f'd up.  

[Chocolate Lover]

Oct 10, 2014 16:27:24 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Oct 10, 2014 16:14:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

The problem is, the state probably made them do it.  I know a lot of states won't let you claim any welfare if you don't have a father on the BC & aren't collecting (or attempting to collect) support. 

Totally sucks for the guy & there should be some penalty.  Messed up that now he has to emotionally deal with the fact that he missed the first 9 years of the kid's life & has no relationship at all.

So it's the fault of the "state"?  Do you have a list of these states that will not provide social services to a child unless the name of the father is blank on the birth certificate?

Florida wanted a name to chase for child support, BIL's ex wife said she got drunk at a party and didn't remember vs giving them the ex BF's name. (from before she met BIL) 

[hoops902]

::So dudes, if you want a choice in what happens to your potential offspring keep it in your pants until you have a decent relationship with the potential future mother of those offspring. ::

Trying to shift the blame for a scumbag action to the victim doesn't work when it's a woman, why should it work when it's a man?

Ladies, if you don't want me to post nude photos of you on the internet, then don't take your clothes off when I'm within viewing distance.  Ladies, if you don't want to get smacked in the mouth then don't talk to your man like that until you know he won't hit you. 
 
::Life isn't fair and this is one area that equality isn't possible. ::

Why isn't equality possible?  I mean it may not be "equal" in that a guy could have a kid he doesn't know about...but the thread is specifically about whether the woman intentionally withholds that information when she knows who the father is.

Let's put forth the closest scenario we can with a woman...she has twins.  She doesn't know she's having twins.  She has a C-section, doctor pulls out 2 babies, gives her one, and gives the other one over to an overseas adoption agency to put the child into a loving home.  She never knows there was a 2nd child.  Are people really "ok" with that under the assumption "well I guess she shouldn't have trusted that doctor if she didn't know him well enough to know he wouldn't give her baby away"? 

I'm going to GUESS that some of the people who were ok not telling the father they have a child would not be ok with someone not telling the mother she had a child.  If the doctor (since he isn't a parent) piece bothers you, feel free to make it that the Ex-bf father shows up, takes one baby, and everyone just decides not to tell the mother about it.