6 Figures: Still Don't Send My Kids to Private School

[Shooby]

www.huffingtonpost.com/learnvest/i-make-6-figures-and-i-still-wouldnt-send-my-kids-to-private-school_b_5876990.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

[giramomma]

Yes, and if DH and I made 250K, we could afford to buy 350K-500K house and get into the best schools in our district.

As it turns out, I think banks have stopped handing out 250K-400K mortgages to folks that only gross 70ishK a year.

[Shooby]

I live in a small town. So, for me it's easy. There only is one school, lol. Oh, there are private schools but they are in a neighboring town and there would be transportation issues. And, I think my kids would lose that sense of community if they went to those schools.

[giramomma]

There are also other ways to expose your children to different socio-economic statuses other than by school.

And, I have to say, I'd be shocked if the guy would be so willing to send his kids to a school with an 80% poverty rate and a reading proficiency of 12% (one of our Middle schools), just so that his kids can get to know minorities.

I don't know any rich people who behave like that, actually.

[Deleted]

He essentially did the same thing as sending to private.  He shopped around for the best public school system and probably paid through the teeth in higher housing and property taxes.  Most people don't have the option to live wherever, so they have to make do with the schools available. 

[Deleted]

My Ex and I chose the area where we settled because of its highly-regarded school system. And yes, that came with mega- property taxes. Unfortunately, DS was falling through the cracks in middle school and I had multiple meetings with them (was divorced by then) and all they could do was wring their hands and hint at medicating him for ADD. So, I sent him to a military boarding school. (Apologies to those who have read this story before.) They had small classes and structure. Almost immediately he looked at the Rank Has Its Privileges system and decided to do what it took to get rank. He graduated as an officer of two companies.

Bonus 1: he shaped up physically and is still in excellent shape at age 29. Bonus 2: the author in the article mentioned that they wanted their kids to mix with a more representative sector of the population, not just the wealthy upper crust. DS's private school had a FAR more diverse group of kids than he would have known if he'd stayed in public school, where the minorities were nearly all Asian and not much else. Bonus 3: I know that paying the sticker price at DS's private school meant I was helping to pay for scholarships for kids whose parents cared enough to get them out of poorly-performing school districts but didn't have the bucks. I'm happy that I could help their kids get the education they deserved. Bonus 4: The bozos in the public school never got it through their heads that I had a different last name than DS. They ALWAYS addressed me as Mrs. (DS's last name). The private school got it immediately and used my own name.

So, while the intention to send your kids to public school is honorable and will save you tons of money, sometimes there are valid reasons to go elsewhere. And public schools need competition.

[swamp]

My poverty ridden public school has both music and drama. Not sure what he's babbling about.

[Deleted]

What's funny is even though he goes on about public being non-negotiable and how he'd never send to private, he actually WAS considering private for his son for awhile.

For the first time, Mary and I started to wonder: Is Eric a kid who truly needs a specialized academic setting in order to thrive? If the public school system couldn't meet his needs, we decided that moving him to a private school would be our Plan B.

So, it worked out for his son in public after all, but what if it hadn't? 

[The Captain]

As most here know we moved primarily to get DD into a better public school system.  Previously we had paid private tuition.

I am always very grateful we have options, which many in our old area don't.

The area we moved to has a population that decided some time ago they were going to commit to building a better school system.  As a consequence, the spending per pupil is 40% higher then in the area I just left (which was in and of itself about 10% higher then the state average).  Yes, our area spends close to 50% more per pupil then the state average and our property taxes (second or third highest in the nation) reflect it. 

What I found interesting was the parental participation rates.  At DD's old school if an evening event was scheduled for the parents to attend, there was almost a 95% participation rate, and I'm not kidding.  A majority of the kids would have both parents there and there may be one student per grade without any parent there.

DD's school had a session/forum on bullying last night.  A school of over 950 kids and there were 25 parents in attendance.  DH was stunned, and to be honest, so am I.  Especially given that this is middle school where this kind of stuff tends to really start up.

I know some districts have greater family involvement, but to be honest - this really disappointed me.

[Deleted]

If you want violin lessons, pay for some violin lessons. Out of your introspection account... 

[Deleted]

That's interesting Captain. Definitely unexpected...

[giramomma]

Oct 1, 2014 7:45:19 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

So, while the intention to send your kids to public school is honorable and will save you tons of money, sometimes there are valid reasons to go elsewhere. And public schools need competition.

[giramomma]

Oct 1, 2014 8:51:52 GMT -5 oped said:

That's interesting Captain. Definitely unexpected...

Actually, it doesn't surprise me. There's a huge cyber bullying problem, particularly with the girls in middle school at our faith-based school.

I think the facebook age is still 13. Some parents don't have a problem giving their kids smart phones, face book accounts, etc before kids are ready for it, or at least adhering to the age policies. (At our school, it is against school policy for a child under 13 to have facebook).  Many parents are too busy to monitor their kids' activities. Others don't want to snoop.

Too many parents think their kids can't behave poorly.

Even when I was talking to some moms at pick up the other day. The moms were aghast when I told them I'm upfront with my kids by telling DS I know he's going to pull a few boneheaded things in the next 6-8 years. Don't know what it will be, but it's going to happen.

The moms said "Oh, no, we just tell our kids that we expect them to behave a certain way. They would NEVER do anything boneheaded."

[Deleted]

I guess I could also see two things happening. 1) Parents figuring they pay enough for a good system that they don't need to be as hands on. Or 2) people working so much to afford being in a good system that they don't have as much time to be hands on.

[busymom]

When we needed a larger house, we also "shopped" the school districts. We picked 3 different districts that had things we wanted, like special classes for gifted students, a good music program, high percentage of students heading to college, etc. THEN we looked for a house/property. We stumbled on the property we live on now while we were driving around. The good news is, our school district is STILL strong enough, that when we're ready to downsize, we should have no problems selling our house.

[zibazinski]

I know. Head in sand, huh?

[TheHaitian]

No kids yes but when we were house hunting but good school district was a major must.

Not just because our kids might end up going to public school but more so for "resale value".

My wife and I will definitely be the parents that get on the teachers nerves (more so my wife). PTA, meet the teachers, call or email questions, present all all school functions , yep that will be us.

Another cultural thing: Haitians that have kids tend to make their world revolve around the kids and my wife already knows she will be that type of mom, and I will most likely be also ... No use denying it.

[giramomma]

Oct 1, 2014 10:57:34 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

The funny thing is that the parents are so out of touch they may never notice that their kids are doing boneheaded things. 

And, in our case as well, they think that sending their kids to a school that really teaches values is enough. I think too many parents forget that kids are kids, aren't  on top of their kids because the kids have "WWJD" discussions daily.

[HoneyBBQ]

I'll opine since we make over six figures....

I'm a huge fan of supporting public schools.

That is one reason why we bought the house in the neighborhood in Seattle that we did (for $$$). So many people here in the NW are crazy about private school, when we have some of the best PUBLIC schools in the nation right in our backyard. Somehow all the microsoft geeks think that you have to enroll your kid in private school to get 'the best'. Nah. All the standardized test scores from the elementary school around the corner are over 95th percentile in every category. That's good enough for my kid.

Although, we have a caveat, as we had been immune to the core curriculum but now we no longer are, so maybe public schools will start sucking.

In St Louis we were going to send DD to private school. We lived downtown which we believed was important for being exposed to diversity and experiences. However, the violence rates were too high for my liking and I didn't think she would be safe. But, we moved, so that is all moot.

[cktc]

I don’t understand parental fixation with home/public/private school. As far as I’m concerned any scenario can be the best option depending upon the circumstances. Why limit your options?

[swasat]

Oct 1, 2014 11:18:58 GMT -5 cktc said:

I don’t understand parental fixation with home/public/private school. As far as I’m concerned any scenario can be the best option depending upon the circumstances. Why limit your options?

Party Pooper!! How else would you get on an internet forum and tell everyone that you are right and everyone else and thier choices are wrong?

[swamp]

Oct 1, 2014 10:51:03 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

The moms said "Oh, no, we just tell our kids that we expect them to behave a certain way. They would NEVER do anything boneheaded."

My kids are good kids, but they're kids and do boneheaded things.  Hell, I'm 44 and still do boneheaded things.

[gooddecisions]

We bought a house in an affluent suburb with a top-ranked elementary school planted right in the middle of a neighborhood with sidewalks, play grounds, tennis courts, golf course, basketball courts, pools, a duck pond and all the amenities that come with a well-funded HOA. I envisioned my kids growing up with best friends in the neighborhood and walking to school together and playing outside together. Boy was I shocked when I discovered that 1/3 of the neighborhood sends their kids to private school, another 1/3 is bussed off to IB or magnate programs (every kid is a genius and gets into the highly competitive programs that start in middle school) and the remaining 1/3 is in the public school. Nobody plays together after school or weekends because they are all being shuttled to organized activities and probably don't really know each other since they aren't in school together.

I love my neighborhood and don't regret choosing to live here, I'm just a little surprised and disappointed in reality. I only see toddler-age kids on the playgrounds with their parents, the sidewalks have plenty of activity- but it's mostly moms and dad's running to keep in shape or walking dogs. Occasionally I see a family biking.

[gooddecisions]

Now having read the article, I also find it ridiculous that he's patting himself on the back for moving to a great neighborhood with a great school and sending his kids to public school.

There is a very successful grass-roots movement in my city where parents have been rallying together to start a new trend of choosing public school over private school. They are banding together to improve the public school, meeting with administrators and teachers, spreading awareness on the value of the public school and squashing out-dated perceptions that never died even after the problems were resolved. That, to me, is impressive. Those parents deserve the pat on the back as do the kids who have successfully made it through inter-city schools. These schools are now higher ranked and doing much better than in the past- because of the grass-roots movement started by proactive parents.

This is the only part of the article I agree with: In a nutshell, I've always felt that when the community has a vested interest in making public schools the best they can be, those schools will excel. After all, our society is only as good as its education system.

[The Captain]

Oct 1, 2014 8:58:03 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Unfortunately, DS was falling through the cracks in middle school

DH went to a private school with and needed the constant attention from the teachers.  He used to beg his mom to let him fall through the cracks at a public school.  

A school of over 950 kids and there were 25 parents in attendance.

Was it a communication issue or do most parents work?

The meeting started at 7pm. The public school is really good about scheduling stuff like this so a majority of parents (even those who work in the city like me ) have a good shot at making the meetings.  I could understand some second shifters not making it, but less than a 1% participation rate, really? AND they make it easier on the parents than the old private school.

As far as communication, the school has an online app/web site that gives access to EVERYTHING - grades, lunch money account balance and activity, monthly menu, sports team schedule, band schedule, club schedule, etc. There zero reason not to have an idea of what is going on (unless you lack both a smart phone and a computer with web access - which is unlikely for a majority in our area). This was covered in the new student orientation at the beginning of the year as well as with stuff sent home with the kids.

We checked the calendar at the beginning of the year and set up appointments on our personal calendars.  We then check the calendar every few weeks or so to make sure nothing is missed. 

I think they've made it as easy as possible, really.

[Deleted]

Isn't Principal Joe Clark still going around and making public schools better?

[HoneyBBQ]

Oct 1, 2014 11:18:58 GMT -5 cktc said:

I don’t understand parental fixation with home/public/private school. As far as I’m concerned any scenario can be the best option depending upon the circumstances. Why limit your options?

True, no need to limit. Every situation is different.


But in my ideal world, my kid goes to public school. I somehow see that as completing the circle- I pay taxes to support schools and teachers, and my child gets those benefits of attending that school.  I also believe at public school they will be exposed to more diversity than they would at a private school (maybe?). They'll have friends "in the neighborhood" as opposed to from anywhere; I see that potentially fostering bonds and friendships from an early age. At least in a city like St Louis, that is half black, a private school would be 99.9% white. In Seattle, maybe not so much. 

Also, I don't really know. My kid isn't even 3 yet so this is sort of ideal in my mind. Maybe in 3 more years I'll be bitching about the horrors of public school, curricula, and the uselessness of the PTA.

[lynnerself]

Oct 1, 2014 13:08:17 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Oct 1, 2014 11:18:58 GMT -5 cktc said:

I don’t understand parental fixation with home/public/private school. As far as I’m concerned any scenario can be the best option depending upon the circumstances. Why limit your options?

True, no need to limit. Every situation is different.


But in my ideal world, my kid goes to public school. I somehow see that as completing the circle- I pay taxes to support schools and teachers, and my child gets those benefits of attending that school.  I also believe at public school they will be exposed to more diversity than they would at a private school (maybe?). They'll have friends "in the neighborhood" as opposed to from anywhere; I see that potentially fostering bonds and friendships from an early age.

This was pretty much our attitude. As long as the kids were thriving we kept them in the public schools. And we were heavily involved, at least in the early years, to evaluate how things were going.

[DagnyT]

It's called School Wars! It always seemed simple to me. Do what is best for your child! Sometimes that is public school. Sometimes that is private school. Sometimes that is home school. It can even be a combination of all three. To me, it is kind of like arguing about which is a better sport: basketball, baseball, football, soccer, etc. They are all fine, but children will usually be better at one than the other.

Just do what is best for the child.

[Formerly SK]

Oct 1, 2014 12:02:46 GMT -5 gooddecisions said:

We bought a house in an affluent suburb with a top-ranked elementary school planted right in the middle of a neighborhood with sidewalks, play grounds, tennis courts, golf course, basketball courts, pools, a duck pond and all the amenities that come with a well-funded HOA. I envisioned my kids growing up with best friends in the neighborhood and walking to school together and playing outside together. Boy was I shocked when I discovered that 1/3 of the neighborhood sends their kids to private school, another 1/3 is bussed off to IB or magnate programs (every kid is a genius and gets into the highly competitive programs that start in middle school) and the remaining 1/3 is in the public school. Nobody plays together after school or weekends because they are all being shuttled to organized activities and probably don't really know each other since they aren't in school together.

I love my neighborhood and don't regret choosing to live here, I'm just a little surprised and disappointed in reality. I only see toddler-age kids on the playgrounds with their parents, the sidewalks have plenty of activity- but it's mostly moms and dad's running to keep in shape or walking dogs. Occasionally I see a family biking.

Our neighborhood is not as nice as what you are describing, but we have a similar situation.  It's a ghost town.  Kids go to different schools (local one isn't "good enough" so they go private or to a "better" public school), they spend their afternoons indoors or at formal activities, and weekends I have no idea where they are.  I had thought that there were simply no kids around (we do have a lot of retired people who raised their families but have not yet downsized) but a friend started going house by house and describing the families that lived there and there were tons of kids!  They are just simply never visible.